Hi! I’m Steph and this is my first fanfic. Its set after TOW Chandler’s Work Laugh but before TOW Everyone Finds Out, but Ross HAS moved in to Ugly Naked Guy’s apartment. Please email me with feedback at smiley_steph_228@hotmail.com, or email me if you want a copy of who the songs are by, cos loads of them are from albums. I’ve underlined all the titles to help.

-x-S-x-

PS: Big thank-u-s to Angel and Nosy P for their help!

Teaser

Scene-Central Perk. Ra, M, J, Ro+C there.. P walks in.

P: Hey guys! I've just got back from seeing my witchdoctor.

C: Why? What did he say?

J(grinning): Oo ee oo ah ah, ti...

P(mad): Don't be a fool again!

M: So why did you go?

P: Um okay, well I have a dream where I'm walking on water and then I feel like I'm gonna change the world.

Ro(slowly): Okay.

J: ...Ng tang walla walla bing bang!

(they all look at him like he's and idiot)

Credits

Scene-M+R's. Ra, M, J, P+C there. Ro walks in, talking to E(mily) on his mobile. Everyone shuts up to listen.

Ro: Emily, you can't carry on in a relationship after the love has gone. You've got to be movin' on.

E: But Ross, I can't carry on! My life is a tragedy! I can't live with or without you!

Ro: Well, lately Emily you've been the last thing on my mind since you took your love away. I know it’s hard, but I want it that way. When I said goodbye it was too hard. I can't go through that again, I could never go back to you. This time I'll make it easy on me. Goodbye.(Hangs up)

M: Wow, I thought you'd get back together with her. You seemed like two in a million.

Ra: Yeah, it was a match made in heaven. But you gotta try and cheer up. Do you wannabe depressed about that British girl forever?

Ro: Yeah, I know. Anyone coming to the coffee house?

J/P/C: Yeah, okay.

M: Can't. We're decorating Rachel's room. What do you think would be better? Sky blue and black , the natural duck-egg colour of blue or this deeper shade of blue?

P: Don't know. I like pink, so then your room would look like a rose. Bye. (J/P/Ro/C leave.)

Scene-Ra's room. M+Ra there.

Ra: So, Mon. How are things going in your secret relationship with Chandler that none of us except Joey know about?

M(not concentrating): Oh, they're going great. He is so sweet and so... I’m meant to be denying this.

Ra: No no! Carry on! I wanna know this stuff! I'm your best friend. You're meant to tell me this stuff.

M: Hang on a minute, Rach. I'm gonna go tell Chandler that you know about us.

Scene-C+J's apt. C there. M enters.

C: Hey.

M: Y'know how when Joey's around we don't have to do laundry? Well, with Rachel we don't have to do laundry either. So there are only gonna be sometimes when we have to do laundry, and that's when Ross and Phoebe are around.

C: Huh?

M: Rachel knows.

C: Okay, that I can follow. Let’s go talk to Rachel.

Scene-Ro's apt. B(en) there. Ro off screen.

B: Daddy, I can't reach my crayons. Can you lift me up?

Ro: Hang on, Ben. I'll be there in a minute.

B: Daddy!(points out of window)Uncle Chandler's kissing Auntie Monica!

Ro: That's good Ben, but falsely staging one of my worst fears won't get me there any faster. I'll get your crayons down in a minute!(To self) My best friend and my sister! What a stupid, crazy, unbearably, horribly possible idea.

Scene-M+R's apt. Ra, C+M there.

Ra: So, how serious are you guys?

C: Not too serious. I said that I love her when she had a turkey on her head.

M(looks at watch): Oh my god, I'm late for work. See ya guys. (leaves)

C(quickly): Actually, we are pretty serious. I'm thinking about asking her to marry me, but I want to be able to do this without being schmusched by Ross.

Ra(excited): Oh my god! You two are gonna be so happy! I never thought this would happen. After this, I'll never say never again.

C: Look at the ring! (Shows her)

Ra: Wow! That it one big rock!

C: Okay, you can't tell anyone, not even Joey, cos even though he knows, lets face it, he's not the brightest star in the sky and I don't want Monica to know.

Ra: Okay, I promise, I swear on every pair of boots I own that I will not tell anyone. Cross my heart.

Scene- Central Perk. J+P there. Ra walks in.

Ra: Oh my, God, you guys! Chandler's gonna propose to Mon!

J: Mama mia!

P: We're talking about the same Chandler, right? Sarcastic, big fear of commitment, not dating Monica...

J: Oh yeah Pheebs, btw they've been together since London.

Ra(as C walks in): I just can't believe it. And(sees C)... Oops, I did it again.

C: What?

P: You're gonna ask Monica to marry you?!?!? (C glowers at Ra)

Ra: It's not my fault! Go and blame it on the weatherman. (C still glowering at her) Oh, okay. I surrender. It is my fault!

P: So what's been going on between you two? C'mon, fill me in. But y'know, this explains why it s so boring to read your auras now. Ross's is always blue cos he's depressed. Yours and Mon's are always pinky-gold cos you're in luu-uv (For this bit, think TOW Russ. Sorry, but I don't know anything about reading auras, so I had to make this up)(P pauses) Oh, ew! Ew, ew ew!

C: What?

P: It was you that Monica was saying was the best sex she'd ever had!

J/Ra: Ew!

Commercials.

Scene-M+R's apt. Ra, M, J, P+C there. Ro walks in with big box.

Ro: Hey guys. Mon, mom gave me a box of your stuff from the attic. Now that your room's a gym , they decided to make the attic a spare room.(M looks through stuff)

M: Hey, Ross. Here's out brother-sister dance trophy from junior high! Do you remember the routine?

Ra: Oh, God. PLEASE not the routine!

Ro: Wanna see, guys?

J/C/P/Ra: Yeah/Sure/Why not/ NOOO!

M/Ro: A, 5,6,7,8 ! (as they start to dance, we fade out)

Scene- Central Perk. J, P, Ra, C there.

P: Did you guys see the magpies out there?(points outside) Y'know, 1 for sorrow, 2 for joy!

Ra(excited): Oh my God, Monica's gonna say yes!!!!!!

J: Y'know, I never thought Chandler would do this.

C: You don't have to talk about me as if I'm not here! And why is it so hard to believe?

P: You've been in two serious relationships. Once with a woman with a laugh that can kill people, and then with another woman who cheated on you and Joey.

C: Yeah, okay.

Scene-J+C's. J+C there. J on phone.

J: Hey Dina! Is Ma there? OK. Hi Ma! I just got an acting job in a commercial! Mama, who da man? Okay, gotta go, bye! (hangs up)(to C) I'm in a commercial, I'm in a commercial! I'm gonna bring the house down, I'm so brilliant! I've just gotta phone my Uncle John from Jamaica.

C(mocking): I'm gonna propose to my girlfriend, I'm gonna propose to my girlfriend!

J: Okay, you win.

C: The one thing that's really buggin' me about this whole proposal thing, is that it has to be perfect. Remember when Monica explained to Ross about how perfect a girl’s wedding had to be? Well I want all of it to be perfect for her, including the proposal. What should I do?

J: I think...

C: Wow! You've thought at last!

J: Do you want help on this or not? I think that you should ask her after telling her how important she is to you. Let the words come from the heart and say stuff like she makes you feel like you're flying without wings, and you love her more than words can say.

C(pauses): Who are you and what have you done with Joey?

Scene-Ro's apt. No one visible. C walks in.

C: Anyone here? Ross?

R(calling out): Ready or not, Ben, here I come! (walks in to view) Hey Chandler, sorry but I can't talk until I find Ben. we're playing hide and seek.

C: S'okay. I'll keep waiting.

R(finds B): There you are!(to C)What do you want?

C: I'm just here to let you know that I'm still mad at you for dating Janice, okay?

B: Did you kiss Auntie Monica?

C(panicked): Oh, erm, okay. I'm gonna go walking in the rain.(hurries out)

Scene- Central Perk. Everyone there. P playing guitar.

P: And crabs don't stay together,

But lobsters are in love forever!!!!!

Thanks everybody! (Chandler rolls his eyes)

M: Sorry everyone, but I've really got to go.

C: Monica, there's something really important I need to talk to you about.

M(C and M stand up in front of couch): What?

C: Okay Mon. There's something I have to tell you. I think its love. Well, I know its love. I've told you its love before. What I'm trying to tell you is I knew I loved you before I met you. Love's got a hold on my heart and it won't let go. Every time I look at you my heartbeat stops. We are one and I need you. Open your heart and listen to what I'm saying. If I let you go, I'd be the stupidest man alive cos we've got spiritual love. I'll be there for you cos you're everything that matters to me so say you'll be mine. Monica,(gets down on one knee) will you marry me?(Everyone in the coffee house is now quiet and listening.)

P/J/R/R: OH MY GOD! (Janice style)

M: Um, YES! (they kiss+whole coffee house goes 'aah')

J: Y'know, I never thought he'd actually go through with this.

Ro: I can't believe it! My sister's my best friend's girl! (To C) So, why did you propose? Was it the whole crazy snake man thing again? I mean, you two haven't even been dating. (C+M look guilty. Ro mad) How long have you been together?

M: Since London.

Ro(really mad):LONDON!!!! I'm gonna kill you Chandler!(chases C)

C: Okay, bye bye bye! (kisses M+runs out)

End

End Teaser

(J+P are at the zoo)

P: Wow Joey! Look at those three lions!

J: Do you have any candy?

P: You can't feed lions candy!

J: No, the candy's for me.

P: Oh, okay. How come you knew about Chandler and Monica?

J(Proud): Oh, I worked it out!

P: Why didn't they tell anyone?(C runs past being chased by Ro)

J(matter-of-fact): That's why.

P: Oh, Ross, wait, STOP! Oh well, things will never be the same again.