The One With The Paper Guy
By Meg @
Chandler & Mon argue, Ross and Joey compete so see who can get a date first. Pheobe meets someone through a personal ad.

(Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are on the couch)

Joey: Hey look at that girl over there. (points to a girl)

Ross: Wow, she is hot, should I go talk to her?

Joey: (as if it is obvious) No, she's mine, I noticed her first. Okay, let me practice. (as if he is talking to the girl) How you doin?

Ross: (gets up and runs over to the girl)

Joey: (tries to stop him but misses)

Ross: (messing up) How you "done"? (girl gets up and runs out of Central Perk)

Joey: Oh man, (Ross looks at him) You suck.

Ross: I bet I can pick any up a girl before you. 50 bucks says it!

Joey: Pffft. Your on! (shakes on it) But we have to have some rules.

Rachel enters.

Rachel: Hey guys.

Ross: (starts to say something to her, as if to try to pick her up, then looks at Joey) Can it be an ex-wife?

Joey: No that wouldn't be fair, cause then that would rule out every girl in New York for you.

Ross: (glares)

Joey: (Steps back)


(Scene: Mon and Chandlers: Chandler is on talking to a girl at the kitchen table, there are work papers everywhere)

Chandler: Yes, so I'll call you tomorrow? (she starts to get up, he gets up)

Girl (Kim): Sure, thanks Chandler.

Monica enters

Monica: (kinda surpised) Hello Chandler, and girl I do not know. I'm Monica (holds out hand)

Kim: (shakes hand) I'm Kim, (looks at watch) Oh man, I'm late. Bye Chandler, nice to meet you, Monica. (leaves)

Chandler: (as if to answer what Monica wants to know) She's just some girl from work, I needed to help her with some files.

Monica: (takes off jacket and walks into the living room) Which you can't do at work? And does she know about me?

Chandler: I didn't think to mention you, (follows) and we could do it at work, except it's Saturday, and the doors are locked. They took away my key since that time Joey took that girl there and they -

Monica: (interupts) Okay, I don't care. But you could of told me?

Chandler: What's wrong Monica? Are you jealous?

Monica: (laughs, a little too hard) No. (pause)

Chandler: Then whats wrong, you seem so weird these past few days. A little edgy, and more edgy than usual.

Pheobe enters, says nothing, walks into living room, sits on the couch and picks up a paper.

Pheobe: (to Monica and Chandler) Yes, he's still there!

Monica: (confused) What?

Pheobe: The paper guy is still there!

Chandler: Well of course, with paper arms and legs you can move anywhere. (laughs)

Pheobe and Monica aren't amused.

Pheobe: I saw this guy in the paper the other day, in the personals and he has this really good souding personality. And man, I want to meet him!

Chandler: Then reply.

Pheobe: I don't believe in that kinda thing.

Rachel, Ross, and Joey enter

(exchange hello's)

Monica: Chandler, can we finish our little talk in the bedroom?

Chandler: sure . . (they both go in their bedroom)

Rachel: Hey Pheebs, is the paper guy still there?

Pheobe: Yup!

Ross: Hey Pheobe, (tries hard to pick her up) How you doin'? (she says nothing, just stares at him)

Joey: (pushes Ross aside) Pheebs, how you doin?

Pheobe: (giggles)

From the bedroom we hear heated conversation betwen Chandler and Monica, everyone looks in that direction.

Chandler: (comes into living room, closes door behind him) Ross, can I stay with you tonight?

Ross: Uh, sure? (everyone exchanges worried looks)

Chandler: Good. (walks out of apartment)

(Scene: hall, outside apartments)

Ross is coming out of Monica's, Kim walks by.

Ross: Hey, how you doin?

Kim: Fine, why?

Ross: (very sexually) Would you like some help, are you looking for someone?

Kim: (dirty look) Um, is Chandler home?

Ross: (un sexually) No, he is staying with me across the street.

Kim: Oh, okay, can you take me there?

Ross: Sure, (they walk towards stairs) So you wanna go -

Kim: Don't even try it, I ran into some guy named Joey downstairs who already hit on me today.

(Scene: Monica's, Pheobe is ready the paper, Rachel is getting a drink, Monica comes out of bedroom, she doesn't look happy)

Monica: (very Ross-ish) Hi.

Rachel : You okay?

Monica: (looks out window) I'm okay. (cuts to Ross's apartment, Chandler is opening door, Kim enters into Ross's apartment, Ross enters then goes into kitchen, back to Monica's) But ask me again in about 40 seconds.

Rachel walks over to window, Pheobe follows.

(Cut to Ross's apartment)

Chandler: Hey Kim, need some more help?

Kim: Actually, this time I have a personal question.

Chandler: Ok shoot. (a bit confused)

Kim: Will you go to the movies with me tonight?

Chandler: Um, Kim, I have to tell you something -

Kim: Do you feel the same way about me?

Chandler: (before he can answer, she thinks he means yes and she kisses him)

(Cut to Monica's)

Rachel: Oh my god.

Pheobe: The paper guy would never do that.

Monica: (speechless, runs into her room, Rahcel and Pheobe follow her)

(Cut back to Ross's)

Chandler: (pushes her away) No Kim. I don't feel that way.

Kim: But Chandler -

Chandler: I think you should leave.

Kim: (starts to protest, but then leaves)

(Scene: a library, Pheobe is flipping through books, a guy walks up to her)

Guy (Chris): Excuse me? Do you work here?

Pheobe: No, but I could probably help you? (not looking up)

Chris: Oh well them, do you know where I could find a pretty lady? Nevermind I just found one. I'm Chris.

Pheobe: (glances up) Um sorry, I (glances again, yells) Paper guy! (tons of hushes, since they are in a library)

Chris: What?

Pheobe: Did you put a newspaper ad in the paper yesterday?

Chris: Yes, how did you know?

Pheobe: I read it, you are so amazing. We were meant to be, do you want to get a cup of coffee?

Chris: Sure.

Pheobe: Stay here, I'm just going to go get these books out. (walks away)

Chris: (goes over to a guy with a paper) Can I buy that paper from you? (to himself) I need to find out what kind of a person this ad guy is. (he isn't the paper guy obviously, poor Pheobe)

(Scene: Monica's, Monica, Ross, Joey, Pheobe, and Rachel are there)

Chandler: (comes in) Hi guys.

Rachel and Pheobe give Chandler a dirty look.

Chandler: (not noticing) Mon can we talk?

Monica: (very upset) No, why would you want to be talking to me when you can be off kissing that Kim girl!

Chandler: (realizes that she must of seen him kiss Kim) Mon, I pushed her away, I didn't want to kiss her!

Ross: You kissed her?

Joey: Damn, I wanted her!

Monica: (gets up, head to her bedroom) Not now Chandler.

Chandler: No, Monica, you haven't been yourself these past few days! What's up?

Rachel: I can't believe he kissed her.

Ross: Maybe they were on a break.

Joey: Oh god, here we go.

Pheobe: Break? That's the lamest thing in the world. You know who isn't lame, Chrsi, the paper guy.

(Now everyone except Chandler and Monica are loudly fighting)

Chandler: (yelling) Monica, tell me what's wrong!

Monica: (everyoen is still fighting, yelling) Fine, you want to know? (pause) I think I'm pregnant.

The whole room goes quiet.

Chandler: What?

Rachel: What?

Pheobe: What?

Ross: What?

Joey: (shaking his head) She said she thinks she's pregnant, are you guys deaf? Gee.



Ross is walking down street

Joey is on the other side talking to a pretty girl, he has won.

Ross, without saying anything walks past them, as he walks by Joey sticks out his hand and Ross gives him a 50 dollars bill, without stopping and keeps going.