[Opening Scene]

[Scene: Joey's place. He's watching TV. Monica's there]

MNCA: Okay, see you later Joey.

JOEY: Later.

MNCA: Okay, bye.

[Gives him a kiss... a French kiss...  you'll understand later... Then she leaves]

JOEY: Wow... cool...

[He flips through the channels, but notices that the remote doesn't work]

JOEY: [whiney] Oh man!

[Rises and leaves]

[Cut to: Monica's]

[Everybody's there. Joey enters]

JOEY: Hey. Can I watch TV here?

CHAN: Would it matter if we said "no"?

[Joey sits down and starts flipping through the channels]

PHOE: Wow, this thunderstorm is really getting closer.

CHAN: [to Monica] Would you like me to hold your hand?

MNCA: No thanks. I'm 28 years old, I'm not afraid of the thunder.

CHAN: Okay, so would you hold mine?

RACH: [whiney] I can't paint my toenails in this bad light!

[Another lightning strikes]

RACH: That's better.

[The lights go away for a few seconds]

ROSS: You were saying?

JOEY: Shut up, I'm trying to watch TV here!

ROSS: You're not watching, you're just channel surfing.

PHOE: Don't change the channel, "Two Stupid Dogs" is on!

JOEY: Okay, I'm DEFIANTLY changing!

[Another light strikes. This time the whole place goes dark]

JOEY: [whiney] Oh man! Now I can't see the remote!

[The lights return. Joey, who's now alone, looks around]

JOEY: Where is everybody?

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: The same. Joey starts channel surfing again]

JOEY: So typical them to play pranks like this on me. [calling out] I got you! I know what you're up to! Come out, come out wherever you are! [looks at TV] Hey that girl looks like Monica.

[Cut to: "Inside" the TV]

[Phoebe, Monica, Chandler, Ross and Rachel are there. Right in the middle of a TV show. They're in a dark, unfriendly room]
ROSS: [looking around] Where are we?

RACH: I don't know... oh, this lighting is even WORSE!

MNCA: Would you look at all this DUST!

CHAN: [to Phoebe] Maybe NOW she'll hold my hand.

PHOE: I don't know about you guys, but I think this place is creepy. You never know where aliens might be lurking.

ROSS: What does ALIENS have to do with this?

PHOE: I don't know, I just have this feeling...

ROSS: Okay, you DO know ET doesn't really exist, do you?

CHAN: Let's just get the hell out of here.

[They walk towards a door. Ross opens it. It opens outwards and knocks a woman standing on the other side. She falls into the arms of the man whom she's with, their lips meeting. The woman and the man are Scully and Mulder from "The X-files"]

ROSS: Now look what we did...

CHAN: Well look at it from bright side, every shipper in the world is gonna LOVE us!

SCULLY: Who the hell are you?

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: "The X-files" suck! And Mulder and Scully KISSING? Nobody wants to see THAT! [changes channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Now we see a documentary on turtles. Ross has somehow replaced the documentary host. Rachel is next to him. A turtle is slowly coming closer to her and she looks more and more freaked]

ROSS: And as you all know, turtles can live for a couple of hundred years. [lamely joking] Unless they're on "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles". [laughs at his joke]

RACH: [screaming] Aaaa! The turtle touched me! Oh, my toenails! Get it off, get it off, get it off!

ROSS: Excuse me, do I look like a turtle-expert to you?

[The camera cuts to Joey, watching]

JOEY: Actually you do.

[The camera goes back to Ross and Rachel. Rachel is shrieking and trying to get away from the turtle. Ross has armed himself with a hammer]

RACH: Kill it, kill it, kill it!

[Phoebe comes running in and throws herself on the turtle as a shield]

PHOE: If you kill him you're gonna kill me first!

ROSS: [shrugs shoulders] Okay, so I won't kill him.

[He  throws the hammer over his shoulder at the same time as Joey changes the channel. Now Ross, Phoebe and Rachel are on "South Park". The hammer Ross threw lands on... guess whom... Kenny]

STAN: Oh no! He killed Kenny!

CARTMAN: The bastard!

ROSS: Uh-oh...

PHOE: I'd run if I were you.

[Ross turns and runs]

RACH: Right in your face, for not killing the vicious turtle! Now be quiet. I have nails to paint.

[Cartman, Stan and Kyle start chasing Ross. Ross screams and continues to run. Joey changes the channel and now Ross is running up to a track]

ANNOUNCER: [voice-over, from speaker] And they're off! The runners in the Olympic finals are now off!

[Ross (and company) reach the track and start to run among the competitors. They manage to run past them. The "South Park" gang reaches Ross just as he's about to cross the finish line. They tackle him and they all fall over the line together]

ANNOUNCER: [disappointed, voice-over from speaker] Awww! Now we won't know who won!

CARTMAN: It was me!

KYLE: No! You fat bastard!

[The cartoons start to fight and Ross sees his chance to escape]

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: [whiney] Damn! I bet allot of money on Carl Lewis and ROSS wins the Olympics. I don't wanna watch that no more. [flips channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[A cosy living room with an open fire. A man and a woman are laying down on the couch, kissing. The camera cuts to Joey]

JOEY: Oh, YES! Excellent!

[The camera goes back to the kissing couple. This time the camera is closer and you see that it's Monica and Chandler. They continue to make out for a few seconds]

MNCA: Sweetie?

CHAN: [kissing her neck] What?

MNCA: Don't you have a weird feeling?

CHAN: Since when is this feeling weird? [beat] Although, I kinda' feel like I'm being watched. Okay, that's it, don't look at me.

MNCA: Well I was just thinking. Chandler listen, this is important.

[He shrugs his shoulders and goes back to kissing her neck]

MNCA: [annoyed and sarcastic] Or you can just go back to kissing my neck, that's fine too.

CHAN: Honey? You're ruining the mood.

MNCA: Well, it's just... don't you feel like... Well, we were just on "The X-files" right?

CHAN: Yes, but no one will believe it when we tell them.

MNCA: Well what if this is another TV thing?

CHAN: [pause] Okay, so where is the camera?

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: [whiney] Oh man! Guess it's no chance they'll do it now. Don't we have another porn channel? Maybe I'll get more lucky and catch Phoebe and Rachel.
[flips channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Phoebe and Rachel are somewhere "backstage". Phoebe's angry]

PHOE: Why, why would you kill an innocent turtle?

RACH: I wasn't gonna. ROSS was. Do you think I'd wanna get blood all over my newly painted toenails?

PHOE: Okay, shut up about toenails, from now on you don't get to talk about toenails!

RACH: Okay, then what about fingernails?

PHOE: Yeah, whatever, I'm still mad at you! [exits through a door]

RACH: Phoebe, wait! Wait... Which door did she go through?

[She opens one of the doors and goes inside. The camera cuts to a Home Shopping Network. Rachel looks around, pleased]

GUY: [to Rachel] Oh great, so you're the replacement host?

RACH: No, I--

GUY: It's no problem, you just sell people the jewellery. Come on now, we're late!

RACH: Jewellery? Wait, there's, there's jewellery?

[The guy drags her out in front of a camera]

GUY: And we're on in five, four, three, two, one... [pause, to Rachel] This is where you talk.

RACH: [nervous] Okay... uh... hi! Hi there! Uh... okay... let's sell some jewellery then... Okay, well first we have this ring... [holds one up] With, with a stone... that's some sort of rock... could be a diamond. But on the other hand, very few diamonds are green. Okay, we'll just call it a safire. And the rest of it is made in a gold-ish kind of colour... Oh, and it only costs 20 bucks.

GUY: That's *200*bucks.

RACH: 200 bucks. And next we have, uh. a nice, pearl necklace. Very nice, very classy... [holds it up] And the price for this baby is $500. [pause] $500? What a robbery! [examines necklace] I have a pearl necklace at home that only cost me $7 and it's almost as nice as this!

GUY: [to cameraman] I knew we shouldn't have chosen a chick.

RACH: Well, never mind that. Let's take a look at this other ring. Now this ring is a silver ring and the rock is DEFIANTLY a ruby... or, or an emerald. Wow, this is really nice. [waves it and looks around] Does anyone mind if I keep this?

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: Can't she go back to showing the necklace? I think those pearls would look great on me! [switches channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Phoebe has ended up as a weather girl. She's standing in front of a map]

PHOE: Okay, hello New York!

MAN: [voice-over] This is a nation-wide forecast.

PHOE: Oops. Well okay then, hi. Memphis! I know the weather is kinda' sucky right now.

[She looks on the map and sees that everywhere but in New York, the sun is shining]

PHOE: Well... at least if you live in New York. Anyway, the uh. temperature is gonna continue to rise and... there will rain at some places. Oh, and in New York the thunderstorm will go away, which means the rain will stop!

[Cut to: Joey]

[The rain stops pouring outside. Joey looks out, then at the TV]

JOEY: Wow. She's good. [switches channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Monica and Chandler are walking down an alley]

CHAN: Mon? Where are we?

MNCA: I have NO idea.

[They turn to a sudden noise. When they've turned, they see Forrest Gump (aka Tom Hanks) coming running towards them. He's being chased by a car]

MNCA: [à la Jenny] Run Chandler, run!

[Chandler and Monica race off]

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: [grumpy] Right, but when *I* use Tom Hanks's lines you all call it plaugism. [flips channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Chandler and Monica are still running. They're in some sort of cartoon. They run off a cliff]

CHAN: Uh-oh...

[The camera cuts to Joey]

JOEY: What are they worrying about, the toons always make it!

[He flips the channel and now Chandler and Monica (who've started to fall) land on Aladdin's flying carpet]

CHAN: Wow. lucky for us Aladdin and Jasmine have vacated it.

MNCA: How dusty is this carpet?

CHAN: Be quiet and just... enjoy the moment. By the way, I don't have to sing, do I?

MNCA: I don't know. Honestly I'm more worried weather or not your driver's license includes magic carpets.

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: I've seen enough of those two. Where did Phoebe go?

[We see the TV as he flips through a few channels]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Ross has replaced Robert Shaw as Quint in "Jaws" and Joey managed to time in the scene where Quint becomes shark food. Ross is about to slide down into the shark's jaws]

ROSS: [screaming in terror] Change the channel man, change the channel, change the channel!

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: Yeah, yeah, I've got it, hold your horses. I wanna see when the cop kills the shark! But maybe that's not a good idea.

[He starts flipping through the channels again. We see Ross or Rachel in a few clips, but Joey changes the channels so fast we can't determine where they are]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Chandler and Monica are sitting in a desert]

CHAN: [grumpy] Oh great. He just ruined our special carpet-moment. [Then they rise and run out of the way, to avoid being run over by a bunch of cars and trailers. One of the cars stops]

CAPTAIN HILL (Will Smith...): Hey. You guys need a ride? You can climb up here if you want, but I've gotta warn you, there's an unconscious alien here.

[Cut to: Joey]

[Joey's gotten himself a beer]

JOEY: Wow, that desert sure looks warm. Okay, now I've gotta find Phoebe. [starts flipping again] There she is! Why is she dead?

[Cut to: Inside TV]
[Ross and Phoebe have wound up in the middle of "Bram Stoker's Dracula". Phoebe is Lucy, lying "dead" in a coffin. Ross and a few others are there]

GUY: What happened to her, Dr. Van Helsing?

ROSS: Uh...

JOEY: [voice-over] That's YOU, moron!

ROSS: Well, uh... Well, obviously she...
PHOE: [hushed] Nosferatu.

ROSS: Nogabagu.

GUY: What?

PHOE: [hushed] Not nogabagu, Nosferatu!

ROSS: Oh. Nosferatu.

GUY2: What... is that?

ROSS: It, uh it's...

PHOE: [hushed] A sort of vampire-thing.

ROSS: A sort of vampire-thing. [lamely joking] You know, not like Brad Pitt maybe, but still.

GUY3: Who?

PHOE: [hushed] Ross! These are 1800-people! They don't know who Brad Pitt is anymore than you know who Ted Fenders is!

ROSS: Who?

PHOE: [hushed] You see my point?

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: Nah. Phoebe's way to alive to be dead. Let's see what the others are up to. [changes channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Rachel is an extra in a Burger King commercial]

GUY: ... now at Burger King!

[Rachel reaches to eat from the hamburger in her hand when she suddenly stops herself]

RACH: Wait a minute, I'm supposed to EAT this? Do you have any idea how many calories there are in one of these?

[Cut to: Joey]

[Joey shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite from a hamburger he's ordered in. Then he changes the channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Monica is laying on a bed, as Sleeping Beauty. Chandler, as the prince, comes up the stairs. He accidentally hits his foot]

CHAN: Ouch, as HELL!

[He looks up, whining and holding his aching foot, and he sees Monica]

CHAN: Monica? [goes up to her, shakes her awake] Hey Monica, time to wake up, rise and shine.

MNCA: Chandler?

CHAN: Mon, where the hell are we?

MNCA: Are you blind? This is Sleeping Beauty, you moron! Can't you see that I'm Sleeping Beauty here?

CHAN: Well... now that you mention it...

[Monica tries to go back to sleep]

CHAN: No, no, no, don't go back to sleep! We need to get out of here so we can find the others!

[The camera cuts to Joey]

JOEY: Just kiss her, you geek!

[The camera goes back to Monica and Chandler]

MNCA: [sighs] Chandler, did this fairytale skip a generation in your family? I can't be waken up unless I get a kiss from my true love.

CHAN: But you're awake now.

MNCA: Only 'cause you keep waking me up. Now go away, I need to fall asleep. Then come back in here and kiss me.

CHAN: [checks watch, whiney]  Well how long do you have to sleep?

MNCA: Well, it says for a hundred years, but just wait... a hundred seconds or something.

CHAN: Okay... Okay, so you go back to sleep. and I'll go down the stairs and then I'll come back up.

MNCA: Okay.

[Chandler leaves. The camera follows him down the stairs. Then he stands and spins around on the spot. He then opens his eyes]

CHAN: Okay, time to go kiss the girl...

[He walks up the stairs - the wrong stairs. These stairs come to a quick end by a low window. Chandler notices this too late, trips and falls out the window. We hear him scream and then we hear him hit water]

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: Water. Chandler's fallen into water, and he's kinda' drowning. Mitch Bucannon comes swimming up to him, complete with one of those floating cans they have on "Baywatch"]

MITCH: No need to fear, macho-Mitch is here!

CHAN: YOU? Go away!  I don't want YOU to save me! Can't you get Gena Lee Nolin to save me?

MITCH: Who?

CHAN: [annoyed] Just get out of here and find a female lifeguard! And QUICK! I'm DROWNING here!

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY:  What happened to Monica? I'd better change the channel and find out.
[flips channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Monica is laying on the bed, annoyed. She checks the time]

MNCA: Now I've checked my watch a hundred times... how long is a second in Chandler-world?

[She rises and goes out on the balcony and realizes she's no longer in "Sleeping Beauty"]

MNCA: Oh Chandler, oh Chandler, why must thee be Chandler? Why can't you learn to get here in time? And why the hell am I talking like this? Hmm, the beam is a bit loose here...

[She leans closer to it, to check how much weight it can take, and it bursts. She falls down, screaming]

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: Cool! This is getting interesting!

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Monica (who is magically out of her dress and into her regular clothes) is in the water. A lifeguard comes swimming up]

LIFEGUARD: Hold on miss!

MNCA: What the hell does it look like I'm doing?

[The lifeguard, Cody, reaches Monica]

CODY: Here, here, grab the can.

[He starts towing her in. After about thirty seconds, Monica gets fed up with the slow pace he's keeping. She breaks free, swims around him and starts towing him in instead]

MNCA: Do I have to do EVERYTHING myself?

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: Wait a minute, there's a new lifeguard and she looks like Monica! And she's saving one of the other lifeguards! [whiney] Oh man! David Chocachi has all the luck!

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Monica and Cody are safe up on the beach]

CODY: Wow... you're good at that... Any chance you'd wanna give my CPR?

MNCA: While your CONSCIOUS and STANDING?

CODY: Yeah, it was worth a shot.

MITCH: [comes over] Cody! What's happening here?

CODY: Well... I was going to save this woman here, but--

MITCH: [annoyed] All right, here we go again! Nobody wants to be saved by a strong, handsome guy anymore! It's always [whiney voice] "I want a female lifeguard".

CODY: Well, actually, what I was gonna say was that she started to tug ME in.

MITCH: Cody. How many times do I have to tell you. Not ALL women need to be saved once they go into the water!

CODY: She was really good. I think we could use her at Baywatch.

MITCH: [not listening] This day has been so weird, too! I mean, not a single attempt to a world record, no terrorist, nobody we know has died, the beach hasn't been bomb-threatened! What has happened to the world? [beat] Sorry, you were saying?

CODY: I think this woman, uh, your name was... ?

MNCA: Why would I tell you my name?

CODY: 'Cause it makes it more easy for me when I try and introduce you to people.

MNCA: It's Monica.

CODY: Monica. [to Mitch] I think Monica could be a good lifeguard.

MITCH: Yeah... she might be...

MNCA: Oh come on, I could never work here.

CODY/MITCH: Why not?

MNCA: Well... for starters my breasts are real.

CODY: [pause] Are you sure?

MITCH: Well what about your lips?

MNCA: All mine.

CODY: [whiney] Oh no!

[Cut to: Joey]
[Joey shrugs his shoulders and gets another beer]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Chandler's sitting in a tower, wrapped in a sheet. Caroline Holden (okay, we know she's not on the show anymore, but give us some artistic freedom) walks up to him. Chandler looks veeeeeeery pleased]

CAROLINE: Are you okay?

CHAN: Could I BE more okay?

CAROLINE: Oh shoot...

CHAN: What?

CAROLINE: I've gotta go rescue that man!

[She runs off. Chandler takes her binoculars and watches her run. He happily laughs]

[Cut to: Joey]

[He returns and sits down. Then he looks up and notices where Chandler is]

JOEY: What the...

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Caroline has returned. it was a time-cut, all right? Anyway, she's closing her tower]

CAROLINE: I've gotta go now. I need to run a few miles, to stay in shape. You wouldn't like to join, would you?

CHAN: Could I BE more into running?

[They get down from the tower and start to run along the surf]

CHAN: [thoughts] If only Joey could see me now. Although I sure hope Monica doesn't.

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: Yeah, you go ahead and gloat. We'll see who gets the last laugh.

[changes the channel]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]
[Chandler is now in the middle of "Jurassic Park"]

CHAN: JOEY! It HAS to be you who's behind this! Argh! You just wait 'till I get my hands on you, I'll--

[Cut to: Joey]
[He yawns and changes the channel]

[Cut to: Inside a TV]
[Rachel is sitting on a small bed, painting her... you guessed it... toenails. She looks up at Joey]

RACH: Who is that? Okay, whomever this is, leave me alone! I just want some privacy when I'm painting my nails, okay?

[Suddenly we hear a sound as if a gate opens. Tom Hanks and Barry Pepper  ("The Green Mile", in case you didn't get that)  enter]

TOMHANKS: Okay Miss. Green. Time to go to the electric chair.

RACH: Okay, forget what I said, change the channel, HURRY!

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: All right, all right, take it easy! [you know what he does now]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Chandler's tied to a chair. His mouth's covered so he can't speak]

CHAN: [thoughts] Oh great. This just keeps getting worse and worse. What's next, "Jaws"?
[The camera cuts to Joey]

JOEY: [laughing] Nope, Ross already went there!

[The camera goes back to Chandler]

CHAN: [thoughts, to Joey] Oh shut up.

MNCA: [enters with a flashlight] Chandler? Chandler? Oh, great acoustics.[She starts to sing, holding the flashlight up as a microphone, as she walks up to Chandler]

MNCA: [singing] In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lions sleeps tonight.

[She holds the flashlight up to Chandler, who hums the "a whim a whept" part through his muzzle. Monica holds it back to her own mouth]

MNCA: [correctively] A whim a whept, a whim a whept.

CHAN: [through muzzle] Just get me out of here!

[Monica pulls the muzzle off]

CHAN: Stirring pain, nerve damage!

MNCA: [angry] What the hell are you doing here? That's just nice, you go off and get tied up while I'm waiting around for you to come and wake me up. Do you KNOW how long a second is?

CHAN: [thoughts] Better not tell her what else I've been doing.

MNCA: What else have you been doing?

CHAN: Since when can people hear each other's thoughts in movies?

MNCA: Since we landed in a psychic film!

CHAN: Well, that MIGHT explain the aliens.

MNCA: Aliens? What aliens?

CHAN: The ones who tied me up. Who else did you think tied me, Bambi?

MNCA: You saw aliens? [childish] No fare, how come *I* never get to see aliens?

CHAN: Well, they were kinda' funny looking. They only had one arm. It took two of them to tie me up. Now hurry, get me loose!

MNCA: Okay, here.
[She puts the flashlight down... where it hurts the most]

CHAN: [squeaky voice] Ouch!

MNCA: Quit whining! There, you're free!

CHAN: Great! Thanks! Now come here and give me a kiss! The whole time I was tied up... I was thinking of you!

MNCA: Oh-ho-ho! Maybe we should save the rope!

[Cut to: Joey]

[Joey, who's interested by the suggestive conversation, sits up in his chair. He accidentally pushes a button. We see the TV-screen, that has gone to an empty channel (this is called war of the Ants where we live...)]

JOEY: What? Where did they go?

[He starts pushing different buttons on the remote. We see the TV-screen again and we see a few of the shows the friends have already been on, but neither Monica, Ross, Chandler, Phoebe or Rachel can be seen]

JOEY: Oh no! I took my friends off the air! Where did they go? I'll check the VCR!
[He goes up to the VCR and slides in the first videotape he reaches. Then he goes back and starts watching]

JOEY: Okay... THERE they all are. But wait a minute, how come I'm there too? I don't remember being cloned! What the... [pause, slowly realizes] This is one of our home videos... That DOES explain how Ugly Naked Guy can be in it.[He goes up to the VCR, ejects the tape, and chooses another one]

JOEY: Okay, this isn't a home video, is it? [reads from cassette] No, "Saving Private Ryan".

[He slides the tape in the VCR and goes back to the chair. He hits the "play" button]

JOEY: [relieved] THERE they all are!

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[The others find themselves in the middle of the invasion of Omaha Beach]

CHAN: [angry] JOEY! You have to get us out of here!

RACH: NOW Joey! My dress is getting wet!

[She continues to yell in the background]

PHOE: [low, to Ross] At least she didn't mention her toenails.

RACH: ... and my toenails are getting all sandy!

PHOE: Once again, I was wrong.

[The camera cuts to Joey]

JOEY: What for? At least I've got all of you gathered! [lecturing] And from now on, you guys stick together!
[The camera goes back to the others, on the beach]

PHOE: Hey, did anyone notice that Medical? He looked allot like my brother, Frank.

MNCA: Yeah. Don't tell Chandler, but there's also a guy who looks like Eddie.

CHAN: Joey, you HAVE to get us out of here, we're in the middle of the Normandy invasion! D-Day!

[Cut to: Joey]

JOEY: [fed-up] All right! But you guys stick together now, okay?

ALL: [voice-over, from TV] We promise!

RACH: [voice-over, from TV] It's cold here!

[Joey ejects the video. Then he looks up to make sure they're still together]

JOEY: Cool! [goes back to sit]

[Cut to: Inside the TV]

[Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are seated in chairs by a counter, in a commercial. Monica's hair is dyed blue, Rachel's hair is green and Phoebe's hair is pink]

PHOE: I don't know why, but for some reason I feel like an Easter Egg.

[We hear laughing, coming from Chandler and Ross. They walk closer]

MNCA: [warningly, to Chandler] One word from you and we break up.

CHAN: Okay, okay... sorry... [tries not to laugh]

PHOE: Actually, Ross and Chandler should feel like Easter eggs.

[We see now that Ross has really red hair and Chandler's hair is really purple]

CHAN: What, why should I feel like an Easter egg?

PHOE: Turn around and check the mirror. [does so herself] Wow, look at me!

RACH: What, how do *I* look?

MNCA: Well... you sure are Rachel GREEN.

[Rachel turns to look in the mirror. The others wait for her to freak out]

RACH: Oh look! This matches my toenails!

[Cut to: Joey]

[Suddenly Joey darts awake in his chair. He's in his own apartment, alone]

JOEY: Wow... weird dream.

[Cut to: Chandler and Monica's bedroom]

[Chandler awakens with a start, realizing this past "episode" has just been a dream of his, not Joey's]

CHAN: I should really stop watching television.

[He looks around and notices Monica. He nudges her to wake her up, but she continues to sleep]

CHAN: Okay, how was it again?

[He leans in and kisses her. She slowly wakes up]

CHAN: Could you BE any slower at waking up?

MNCA: [out of it] Whaaaaat?

CHAN: [annoyed] Okay, so how do you justify kissing Joey in my dream?

[She wakes up and looks at him, confused]

[Cut to: Monica and Chandler's apartment]

[It's the next day. Monica's at the kitchen table. Chandler's writing a list]

CHAN: There! All finished with the list!

MNCA: What list?

CHAN: The one I was writing. The one about what you should and shouldn't do.

MNCA: Right...

CHAN: Okay, here we go... 1) Do not dye your hair blue.

MNCA: Why would I dye my hair blue?

CHAN: Exactly. That's what I'm telling you. Don't dye your hair blue. 2) Keep Joey away from the remote. 3) Watch "Sleeping Beauty" with me, or don't get mad when I don't know the plot. 4) Never send Ross shark fishing. 5) You'd make a terrific lifeguard.

MNCA: Is that a compliment or a bad thing?

CHAN: Shut up. This is my list, okay? Now, 6) If Phoebe ever scarifies herself for an animal, ESPECIALLY a turtle, don't be surprised. 7) If we're making out, try and keep the conversation at things that actually turns me on.

MNCA: [slightly annoyed] Anything else?

CHAN: Yeah. If Rachel ever talks about toenails, kill her!

RACH: [enters] Hey, hey, check out my new nail polish! Painted my toenails real nice!

[She holds up her right foot, showing them her toenails that are painted green]

[Closing Credits]

[Scene: Chandler and Monica are up on the front of Titanic. It's the famous kiss-in-the-sunset scene from "Titanic", but with C&M instead of Rose and Jack. Everything is quite the same, right down to the music. They're at the "flying" bit. Then their hands twirl together (bla bla bla. you all know this part). They move to kiss]

MNCA: [just as their lips are about to touch] Chandler... is this a dream?

CHAN: I don't know. All I know is that I want to kiss you. [moves to kiss her]

MNCA: [just as their lips are about to touch] 'Cause if this is a dream, make sure you wake up before the ship hits the iceberg. I don't want to see you die.

CHAN: [thinks] How can we be sure this isn't YOUR dream?

MNCA: 'Cause if it was my dream you would have kissed me by now.

[And so he does...They continue to kiss just like in "Titanic". The screen fades to black]

The end!