AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fanfic is the third and final chapter of my trilogy about what happened after Ross said Rachel in the season finale in season 4. So, since you've come this far, I guess you've already read the first two chapters. Otherwise you probably won't have a clue what's going on.
I'd love to receive feedback so please drop me a line at ariel_b@chickmail.com ! Thanks!

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me. I'm just writing this for fun!

[Scene: The hospital. Rachel and Joey come running in.]

RACHEL (starts asking one of the nurses): Phoebe.. Phoebe Buffay? Where is she?

NURSE: Who?

JOEY: She's big, and she's got her brother's kids in her stomach!

NURSE: Oh, right. I remember her! She's in room number 12. (points down the hall.)

RACHEL: Is she OK?

NURSE (smiles): Absolutely! Her babies are great too.

RACHEL: What?!

NURSE: Yeah, she was in a hurry, and so were they!

JOEY (shocked): You mean..

NURSE: Yeah, they were born in the ambulance on the way over.

(Rachel and Joey run down the corridor to room number 12.)
 

OPENING CREDITS
 

[Scene: Phoebe's room at the hospital. She's holding two of the babies in her arms. The third baby is lying in her lap. Joey and Rachel enter.]

PHOEBE (smiling): See? I told you we should have had one of those relaxi-taxis! I thought I was going to die inside that stupid.. vehicle..

RACHEL: Are you okay, Pheebs?

PHOEBE: Oh sure! But the birth was a little weird..

JOEY: I can imagine! I mean, three babies coming out of a human being is pretty weird, especially if it happened to me!

RACHEL (glares at him): I guess so, Joey, but (turns to Phoebe again) the nurses helped you, right?

PHOEBE (sighs): Yeah, one of them did.

RACHEL: Only one of them?

(Cut to flashback from the ambulance. Phoebe's lying in the back of the ambulance.)

PHOEBE: Okay, you guys, er, nurses.. I think something's happening back here!

NURSE #1 (driving the car, looks excited): You don't say? Look, Mark (the other nurse), see that guy over there? That's Jay Leno, man!

NURSE #2 (looking out the window): Oh, my god! You're right! What is he doing here in New York??

PHOEBE (shouting): OK, I'm having babies here! I'll kick your sorry little asses from here to Hawaii if you don't come here and help me right now!!

NURSE #2 (looks at Phoebe): Oh, damn. (faints)

NURSE #1: Mark? Hello? (Stops the ambulance and starts shaking the other nurse's shoulders. He doesn't wake up.)

NURSE #1 (mumbles): Damn it, I should have known he can't handle births. After all, this happened the last time as well..

PHOEBE: Never mind about him! Help ME and my three kids (BEAT) who aren't actually mine..

NURSE #1: OK.. wait a second. (climbs out of the car and rushes to the back of the ambulance to help Phoebe)

(Cut to Phoebe's room at the hospital.)

JOEY: Then what?

PHOEBE: Well, the guy realised that he needed help, so he asked some people who were hanging out on the pavement.

RACHEL (shocked): Who were they?

PHOEBE: Well, let me see.. There were one transvestite, one guy who'd just got out of prison and a hooker. Oh yeah, and my mother's old aunt..

RACHEL: What did your mother's aunt do?

PHOEBE: Oh, nothing, she was just inside my head to calm my nerves.

(Rachel and Joey look confused.)

JOEY: So, have you called Frank and Alice?

PHOEBE: Yeah, they're on their way. (BEAT) So, what do you think of these three kids? (points proudly at the babies.)

RACHEL (smiles): They're gorgeous, Pheebs.

PHOEBE: I know! The transvestite said he'd like a trio of his own one day, so I told him he could baby-sit whenever he wanted.

RACHEL (shocked): You did what??

PHOEBE: Well, he was so sweet, and I had to give them something, right? I couldn't exactly give them one baby each for helping me, could I?

(Stares at them, but they're too shocked to say anything.)

PHOEBE: You did? What kind of sick people are you guys? (BEAT) That's it! No babysitting for you!!
 

[Scene: A couple of days later. The Paris skyline in the sunset. The sky is just beautiful and as romantic as it can get. The camera zooms in on the top of the Eiffel Tower.]
 

[Scene: The top of the Eiffel Tower. Chandler and Monica are standing by the railing holding hands.]

MONICA (sighs): I can't believe that Phoebe has given birth to her babies.. (BEAT) And I can't believe that this is our last night in Paris. You know, they're calling Paris one of the most romantic cities in the world.

CHANDLER (sarcastically): Well, the romances I've had in New York have been pretty awful, so I can imagine that..

MONICA (holds up her hand to stop him): No! Don't mention Janice now..

CHANDLER: And I don't want to hear anything about Richard.. (BEAT) Wait a second, how am I compared to that moustache guy, anyway?

MONICA (giggles): Well, actually.. you're better..

CHANDLER: And that's not because of that delicious French wine last night, right?

(Monica laughs and kisses him.)

MONICA (dreamily, looks at the city): I think I'm falling in love..

(Chandler does a double-take.)

MONICA: ..with Paris.

CHANDLER (calm again): I know..

MONICA: So, where are we going tonight?

CHANDLER: Well, we could go to the Moulin Rouge.

MONICA (laughs): Haven't you seen enough naked women by now?

CHANDLER (smirks): Well, I guess I've become influenced by Joey..

MONICA (seriously): No.. Chandler.. I think these past few days have been great. I mean, we've been sitting at these small pavement cafis drinking coffee, we've been to the Versailles, we have seen so much of Paris.. Well, I guess I've just been enjoying myself here.. with you..

CHANDLER (kisses her, slyly): What about the nights?

MONICA (laughs): Oh, well.. (kisses him) Yeah, they have been okay..

CHANDLER (smiles): I've had a great time as well. It's been wonderful, actually. But we'd better get back to the hotel now. We're leaving early tomorrow.

MONICA: Wow, you sound just like me! But (sigh) you're right.

CHANDLER (slyly): But don't you worry. I know that one of the lavatories on that plane bound for New York will be occupied for several hours, don't you think so? I mean, we can do stuff there, too. You know, the plane is European..

(Monica laughs and kisses him again. Chandler puts his arm around her, and they walk together towards the elevators in the Eiffel Tower.)
 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Joey enter. They're exhausted.]

RACHEL (falls down on the couch): That's it! I'm never going to carry one of Phoebe's bags again!

JOEY: Yeah, who'd have known that she had to bring so much to the hospital?

RACHEL: Yeah, but at least she's back in her own apartment now.. without the babies. I wonder how she's going to cope with that.

JOEY: What do you mean? She looked so happy when she gave the kids to Frank and Alice at the hospital.

RACHEL: But I know it was hard for her. (sees the mess in the apartment) Oh my god, look at this mess!

PHOEBE (enters): Hi guys! I'm back! I knew that my two slaves hadn't started cleaning up yet, so I thought I'd give you guys a helping hand.

JOEY: Great! We're going to need it!

PHOEBE: Okay, Joey, you're going to clean the left side, and Rachel, you can take the right side.

RACHEL: What about you?

PHOEBE (angrily): Hey, I just gave birth to three babies! It's exhausting enough to tell you guys what to do! Trust me on that one! (Sits down on one of the chairs.) Get moving! (Does some gestures with her hands to tell them to hurry up.) Don't you know that Monica is coming home tomorrow?

(Rachel and Joey obey and start cleaning up the mess.)
 

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom in Paris. They're sleeping.]

MONICA (waking up): Chandler.. What time is it?

CHANDLER (groans): Hang on for a second.. oh my god! It's 9 o'clock! The plane leaves in 2 hours!

MONICA (jumps out of the bed): Oh, no! And we haven't packed one single thing!

CHANDLER (grins): Well, we got busy..

MONICA (laughs, but freaks out again): Chandler Bing, will you please behave!! If you don't, I'll.. do something.. (BEAT) Uh, mean, I don't know..

CHANDLER: Whatever you say, "sir", as long as I get to decide what the "punishment" is going to be. (Walks over to Monica and kisses her passionately.)
 

[Scene: The next day. Central Perk. Rachel, Joey and Phoebe are drinking coffee. Ross enters.]

ROSS (depressed): Hi guys.

PHOEBE (wonderingly): Why are YOU so sad? You didn't have to be my slave!

ROSS (confused): What?

RACHEL/JOEY: Don't ask!!!

JOEY: So, did you get in touch with Emily?

ROSS: Yes, and it's over between us. Unless I..(glances at Rachel). (BEAT) Well, let's just say she gave me six months to find out what I really want to do.

JOEY: Wow.

ROSS: And I think I'm going to need it (glances at Rachel), because I'm really confused right now.  I've got to go home.. (leaves)

RACHEL (happily): I can't believe it! Did you see that? He still loves me! Yay! Oh, I've got to tell him that I love him too.. (gets up and grabs her coat)

PHOEBE (scolding): Oh, no, you won't, young lady! You're still my slave, and I've decided to go shopping today. I need meat!

RACHEL (hesitatingly): Are we going to Bloomingdales as well?

(Phoebe nods.)

RACHEL (happy again): Great!
 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is cleaning up, and Phoebe is reading a magazine. Joey enters carrying a huge megaphone.]

JOEY: Hi Rach! Hi Pheebs! Look what I've got!

RACHEL: What the heck is that?

JOEY: It's a megaphone to help you speak louder.

RACHEL: I know, but what are you going to use it for?

JOEY: Well, it seems like I've lost "it", right? So, I figured that I should go to Central Park and scream "How ya doin'?" and see how many chicks who'd show up.. I've just got to know, 'cause I feel like I'm not the complete Joey Tribbiani anymore.. I guess it's like Monica was going to lose her broom and cleaning gear. Oh, wait, that's not the same..

RACHEL: Well, it seems that way. You know, she needs clean.. stuff, and you need women..

JOEY: Yeah, but you know, Monica merely gets clean floors. I get all the lovin'!

RACHEL (trying not to laugh): Well, Joey, that wasn't very nice... (Cracks up) But you're right..

PHOEBE (nods): Yes, it's something wrong with her love-life aura. It's blue all the time!

RACHEL (confused): Anyway, when are you going to shout this.. er.. phrase?

JOEY (excited): Right now! Bye! (Exits)

RACHEL: You know, we could have joined him, Pheebs. I could use a date or two..

PHOEBE: Oh, no, we can't. First of all, your aura is not in the mood for getting dates with guys right now, and we have to clean this place up before Monica gets home.

RACHEL (under her breath): Whatever you say, mother..

PHOEBE: What?

RACHEL: I just said.. ahem.. "what about her brother?"

PHOEBE: Well, I'm not going to clean up his place, 'cause there's grease everywhere..
 

[Scene: Central Park. Joey's standing on a park bench, and he's shouting into the huge megaphone.]

JOEY (shouting): How ya doin'? How ya doin'?

(Time lapse. About 15 minutes later. A huge crowd has gathered in front of Joey. He's still shouting.)

JOEY: How ya doin'? So, any of you girls want a date?

SEVERAL WOMEN: Sure!!

JOEY: Get in line, and I'll go out with each and every one of you! (Turns off the megaphone.) (Grins.) I knew New Yorkers had impeccable taste. (BEAT) But why on earth didn't I think of this sooner?
 

[Scene: The hallway between the apartments. Chandler and Monica arrive carrying their bags.]

MONICA (sadly): So, home sweet home.. Bye, bye Europe..

CHANDLER: Yeah..

MONICA: Chandler, I.. I don't know how to say this, but I wish a piece of Europe had been here in New York.

CHANDLER: Well, we've got Little Italy..

(Monica hits him playfully on the chest.)

MONICA: Seriously.

CHANDLER (seriously): I know, Mon.

MONICA: Damn it, Chandler. Why don't we give it a try? Why don't we just continue doing this?

CHANDLER: Well, I..

MONICA (interjecting, nervously): Or am I wrong?  Because I think that this "thing" may be worth trying, you know?

CHANDLER (takes her in his arms): You have no idea how much I wanted you to say that, Mon! Because I feel exactly the same way! I must admit, it was weird at first, but now it's great! But let's not tell the others about it, OK?

MONICA (grins): I agree! Good! See you later then! Come over to my bedroom at 3 a.m., OK?

CHANDLER: Great! (kisses her passionately) Bye! (Enters his own apartment.)

(Monica turns around and enters her apartment. She sees the mess.)

MONICA (yells): Hey! I've been robbed!

RACHEL (turns up from behind the couch): Hey, Mon.

(Phoebe and Rachel are crawling around picking up socks, magazines, food etc. from the floor.)

MONICA (angrily): Okay, you guys are grounded until this mess is cleaned up. I mean, you've totally trashed the place!

(She throws down her bags and a suitcase in disgust. The suitcase opens, and several pieces of clothing fall out, including Chandler's boxers. (Phoebe and Rachel don't know don't know that the boxers belong to him, of course.) Rachel and Phoebe notice the boxers and gasp.)

RACHEL/PHOEBE: Hey, what's that?

MONICA (confused): What?

(Monica takes off her jacket and reveals a huge hickey on her neck. Phoebe and Rachel gasp and point at the hickey and the boxers.)

PHOEBE (shocked): Oh my god! Monica!

MONICA (still confused): What's the matter?

RACHEL (laughs, points at the boxers): Well, isn't that obvious?

(Monica's eyes go wide as she spots the boxers.)

PHOEBE (giggles): Are you saying that you don't know when or how you got it?

RACHEL: And what about the hickey?

MONICA (quickly): Oh my.. er.. No! (BEAT) I met someone.

RACHEL (excited): Oh, is he French?

MONICA (hesitatingly): Er.. yes. I met him in Paris.

PHOEBE: What's his name?

MONICA (quickly): Pierre.

PHOEBE (giggles): Oh, you really like this guy!

MONICA (blushes): How.. How do you know?

PHOEBE: Well, your aura is bright pink!

RACHEL: Anyway, how is he? Where did you meet him? I want to know everything!

MONICA: Whoa!! (Does the time-out sign) Wait a minute here! I'm not telling you anything until this apartment is spotlessly clean! But Phoebe, now it's your turn! I want to know everything about the babies!!

PHOEBE: Okay. Rachel can still be like my own slave for the next couple of hours.. (giggles and follows Monica into her bedroom and closes the door.)

RACHEL: Damn it!
 

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is sitting in one of the recliners. Joey comes running in.]

JOEY (surprised to see Chandler): Chandler! You're back!

CHANDLER (sarcastically): No, this is just a hallucination of Chandler..

JOEY (uncertain): Yeah, right. (Walks over to Chandler and pinches him.)

CHANDLER: Ouch!

JOEY (grins): Just wanted to make sure! So, how was Paris?

CHANDLER (grins): Great!

JOEY: Did you meet a lot of cute chicks?

CHANDLER: You bet! I really enjoyed it!

JOEY: Well, to tell you the truth, I'd recommend American girls. The European girls didn't fancy my pick-up lines, so I think there's something wrong with them..

CHANDLER (interjecting): Wait a minute! You didn't get any chicks? At all? Not even on the plane?

JOEY: No! I mean, I started to believe I'd turned into you or something.

CHANDLER (hurt): Well, you already said that in London, remember? (smirks and does his happy dance) But then I must have turned into you, 'cause I got a lot of hot lovin', baby!!!

JOEY (shocked): Really? Who? What? Where?

CHANDLER: Well, Paris is kind of special, and I met a beautiful girl there.. Her name was.. (BEAT) Angelique..

JOEY (jealous): Is this true?

CHANDLER: Yes!

JOEY: I want proof!

(Chandler opens his suitcase and points at a black bra.)

CHANDLER (smirks): Is that good enough for you?

JOEY (stares at it): Yeah. (BEAT) But look at this!

(Joey pulls up a long list. There are about sixty telephone-numbers on it.)

JOEY: I got these telephone-numbers in Central Park today.. And American girls are the best anyway!

CHANDLER (shrugs): Whatever you say.

JOEY (curiously): So, how was she?

CHANDLER (grins): She was absolutely fabulous, but I won't say anything else.

JOEY: But if you're turning into me, then you'll have to brag about her!!
 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. It's night, and the apartment is pitch-dark. Rachel is lying on the couch staring at the ceiling. Chandler enters the apartment wearing a robe. He doesn't notice Rachel and starts walking towards Monica's bedroom.]

RACHEL (sees him and stands up): Hi Chandler, what are you doing here? It's 3 a.m.!

CHANDLER (shocked to see her): Oh, hi Rach! Well, I.. (quickly, points at the refrigerator) was going to get some orange juice!

RACHEL: OK. So, how was France?

CHANDLER. Nice. Couldn't have been better. (pours himself a glass of juice and starts to drink)

RACHEL: So, did you meet Monica's French little stud?

(Chandler starts coughing and spitting juice on the floor.)

CHANDLER: Who??

RACHEL: Monica's French lover.. You know.. And by the way, you're going to clean up this mess right now.

CHANDLER: OK. (starts cleaning up) Oh, yeah, the French (coughs) "Don Juan".. er.. Gerard..

RACHEL (surprised): What? Did she fool around with several boys? She was talking about a guy named Pierre!

CHANDLER (tries to figure out what to say): Well, his name was Pierre, but I just called him Gerard, 'cause.. (BEAT) he looked like a Gerard-guy..

RACHEL (confused): O-o-o-okay.. Anyway, I'll be going to bed now.  Lock the door on your way out. (Exits)

CHANDLER (breathes deeply): That's a close one.

(He quietly walks over to Monica's bedroom.)
 

[Scene: Monica's bedroom. She's asleep on the bed. Chandler enters. He leans down and kisses her.]

CHANDLER (whispering with a terrible French accent): Good evening, honey.. Pierre is here..

MONICA (wakes up and smiles): Oh, hi! (kisses him) (realises something) Oh my god! Rachel is here!

CHANDLER: I know. I just talked to her about that Pierre-guy.. (slyly) I didn't know you had time for a French lover-boy..

MONICA (smiles): I didn't. I only spent time with an American one. (kisses him) But we can't stay here. Is Joey at home?

CHANDLER: No, he's out on a date and won't be back until tomorrow.

MONICA (gets up): Cool! Let's go!

(She puts on a robe, and they exit the apartment.)
 

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica and Chandler enter.]

CHANDLER: Well, I've never been called a French lover before, but (grins) I really enjoy it!

MONICA (smiles slyly): Don't flatter yourself too much. You see, you have to prove that you're worthy of the title.. Are you ready to try?

CHANDLER: Sure! (kisses her passionately)

MONICA (out of breath): Okay, I'd say you're a strong candidate, and you might very well win this election.. But I need a little more persuasion.. (Runs to his bedroom) Are you coming?

CHANDLER (grins): Absolutely! (Runs after her and closes the door.)
 

[Scene: A couple of days later. Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone's there having dinner.]

RACHEL: Well, Mon, I've heard a lot about Pierre (gives Chandler a look) slash Gerard the past few weeks, but I have to say, you don't really seem that upset about the fact that you're never going to see this guy again!

ROSS: Who is Pierre?

RACHEL: Oh, just a French love machine she met in Paris.

ROSS: I haven't heard anything about that!

MONICA (uneasily): Well, I'm not going to tell my brother everything about my love-life..

ROSS: But I've always told you everything about mine!

RACHEL (furiously): What?!?

ROSS (sighs): Nothing..

MONICA: Anyway, I really liked him, but it's not that bad, because (glances lovingly at Chandler) I like Americans better..

JOEY (enthusiastically): I agree! I've been dating different girls every night during the past few weeks, and, Chandler, I don't even think that your precious Angelique could measure up to one of those beauties!

RACHEL/ROSS/PHOEBE: Who is Angelique?!?

(Chandler glares at Joey, but says nothing.)

JOEY: Oh, a French girl he met in Paris. Monica, tell me, did you two hang out together at all in Paris? It seems like you guys were pretty busy!

MONICA (quickly): Yeah, we were really busy, and we only hung out at the airport.

RACHEL: Well, Mon, are you going to see him again?

MONICA: Well, you know, he was absolutely great..

(Cut to under the table. Monica is caressing Chandler's hand.)

(Cut back to the gang having dinner.)

MONICA : ..but he's not coming to America any time soon.

RACHEL (shrugs): Well, you never know, Mon. Because a guy who seduces a poor American girl in Paris might show up at your doorstep any day now.. And, Chandler, you really should have been looking after Monica in Paris!

(Cut to under the table. Chandler gently squeezes Monica's hand.)

(Cut back to the gang having dinner.)

CHANDLER: Well, I..

JOEY (giggles): Angelique kept him busy.

(Chandler and Monica smile at each other.)

PHOEBE: Okay, that's it! As soon as I get the money I'm going to Paris to get some lovin'! Wanna come, Rach?

RACHEL: Well, I would, but I can't afford it. A certain trip to London cost too much money.. (glares at Ross)

PHOEBE: What about you, Joey?

JOEY: No way! I've got dozens of dates the next two months, so (slaps Chandler on the shoulder) I'm busy!

PHOEBE (throws her hands up in disgust and turns to Ross): Ross? Please?!?

ROSS: No, thanks, Pheebs. I've got enough trouble as it is! (gets up and exits the apartment)

PHOEBE: You guys are soooo boring! You're much more dull than the babies! 'Cause they're just lying there kicking. Man, one of them sure knows how to kick.

CHANDLER (proudly): I bet that's little Chandler!

PHOEBE: Nope, little Chandler just watches the two other babies kick each other's asses. He is a true wallflower.
 

CLOSING CREDITS
 

[Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross is sitting in a chair by the window. He's holding a picture of Emily and one of Rachel.]

ROSS: Okay, who am I going to choose? I can think of only one way to do this. (picks up a coin) Rachel, you're heads, Emily, you're tails.

(He breathes deeply and flips the coin.)

ROSS: OK, here we go.

(The coin goes up in the air, but flies out of the open window)

ROSS: Oh, man!!

(He looks down on the street.)

ROSS: Hey, you.. er.. homeless guy! Do you see that coin over there?.. Yeah, right there..  NO!! No, don't take it! It's not for you! It's a matter of life or death! Yeah, I know it's only a dime, but (BEAT) it's got sentimental value!! I need it!!! (BEAT)

(He sighs and  walks away from the window.)

ROSS (sarcastically): Wow, that really helped..

END