[Scene: Just outside the hotel, where the last left off. Chandler is still standing there stunned, holding his nose, which is bleeding from Rachel’s punch. Kathy is standing there wondering what just happened!]

CHAN: Owwwww!!!!!

KATH: Chandler!!! Are you okay?

CHAN: I was okay till you left me and slept with Nick, and I was okay til you just kissed me!

KATH: Like you didn’t enjoy it too!!

CHAN: Actually Kathy, I didn’t! I’m with or was with Monica!! She’s the best thing that ever happened to me! The best! Better than the best! Better than Janice, or you or Joanna!

KATH: You were with MONICA!! YOUR FRIEND MONICA!!

CHAN: RIGHT!!! GOT IT!! I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! LIKE YOU HAVEN’T RUINED MY LIFE ENOUGH AS IT IS!!!

[Everyone starts to stare at him and Kathy. Kathy looks embarrassed]

KATH: FINE IF THAT’S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I’LL JUST GO!!!

OPENING CREDITS

[SCENE: Inside a plane! Down one window side are groups of two seats. In the first seat is Monica, with an empty seat next to her! (Chandler’s seat) behind her is Ross and Rachel. And behind them are Joey and Phobe. It focuses on Monica. She looks like she’s about to cry!]

[Scene: Chandler and Joey’s apartment. (from TOW Everyone Finds Out)]

PHOE: Here it comes. Our first kiss. (They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)

CHAN: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!

PHOE: And why not?!

CHAN: Because I'm in love with Monica!!

PHOE: You're-you're what?! (Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)

CHAN: Love her! That's right, I…LOVE…HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.

MNCA: I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)

PHOE: I just—I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!

JOEY: Dude!

[Scene: Airplane. Camera is now focused on Rachel and Ross!]

RACH: So, to get back to what we were talking about before, [motions towards Monica] y’know happened!

ROSS: Right!

RACH: So, what do I get if you don’t get it right?

ROSS: I thought respect was good!

RACH: If you get to kiss me if you’re right, then I want something good as well.

[Monica snaps out of her dream world. She puts her head around the seat to look at the two]

MNCA: ROSS!!! YOU’RE GONNA DO WHAT?????

ROSS & RACH: Leave us alone!! Why don’t you just think about Chandler!!!

[Monica’s head disappears slowly, and crying can be heard. Ross and Rachel look at each other like "whoops."]

RACH: Okay, anyway! What do I get?

ROSS: What about $100 Bloomingdale’s credit! [Joey sticks his head through the seats]

JOEY: Why don’t you two just shut up and give us some piece and quiet so we can finish our argument back here!

[Cut to him and Phoebe]

PHOE: How dare you tear me away from that . . . money???

JOEY: Money? How did you know that you would even win anything, Pheebes?

PHOE: Don’t you . . . "Pheebes" me, Joey!

JOEY: But, Pheebes! [Phoebe holds up her pointer finger at him.]

PHOE: Nup! [Joey hangs his head.]

JOEY: Sorry, Phoebe, I didn’t mean to tear you away from your . . . money.

PHOE: Maybe you’re right. Maybe it wasn’t worth it for the money. But I’ve never been to Las Vegas. I think it was the excitement of never knowing what would happen next! It reminded me of when I lived on the street. And maybe I liked that excitement!

JOEY: Sorry I robbed you of your excitement, then.

PHOE: Sorry doesn’t cut it, you, you . . . darn it, I wish I had paid more attention to those sixth grade vocabulary classes.

[Scene: in a small hotel room. Chandler is lying on the bed with a sad expression on his face. Shows flashback from TOW the Beach]

[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with the cab.]

MNCA: (watching a happy couple walk by, arm in arm) Would you look at them. Am I ever gonna find a boyfriend again? I gonna die an old maid.

CHAN: You’re not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.

MNCA: (sarcastic) Thanks!

CHAN: Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, I’ll be your boyfriend. (At that suggestion Monica starts laughing.)

MNCA: Yeah right.

CHAN: Why is that so funny?

MNCA: You made a joke right? So I laughed.

CHAN: Ha-ha-ha. A little too hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?

MNCA: Well, no. You’re Chandler. Y'know, Chandler! (hits him on the arm)

CHAN: Okay, so we’ve established my name, and hit me. But theoretically y'know, I mean say we weren’t friends, say it’s a blind date. I show up at your door, and I’m like (in a fake voice) "Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey."

MNCA: Well I’d probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.

[Scene: back on the plane. The camera passes by Joey and Phoebe, who are quarreling, and Ross and Rachel who are insulting each other to no end. It stops at Monica, who has her eyes closed. Shows a flashback from TOW the Flashbacks.]

[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Monica is depressed and is only wearing a towel.]

MNCA: I don’t understand, I mean am I so hard to live with, is this why I don’t have a boyfriend?

CHAN: Noo!! You don’t have a boyfriend because....I don’t, I don’t know why you don’t have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend.

MNCA: Well, I think so.

CHAN: Oh-ho, come ‘ere. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known in real life.

[cut to later.]

CHAN: Umm, this is nice.

MNCA: I know, it is isn’t it?

CHAN: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?

MNCA: Yeah! And I got it on sale, too.

CHAN: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device.

MNCA: Well, if you wanna get a drink later we can.

CHAN: Oh yeah, that sounds great. (starts to leave) Oh, and listen, it’s, it’s gonna be....

MNCA: I know. Thanks. (Chandler leaves)

[Scene: airplane. Back to Phoebe and Joey.]

PHOE: Hey, Tribbiani. About that insult I was trying to think up. You, you . . . repugnant thief!

JOEY: What does repugnant mean?

PHOE: Looks like you should’ve paid more attention in class, too, little guy.

JOEY: Ohhhh.

[Scene: Back to Ross and Rachel.]

ROSS: Well . . . do you *know* the time, date, and place we broke up?

RACH: Of . . . course I do.

MNCA: Okay, how about this. If neither of you is right, how about you agree to stop fighting.

ROSS: Do *you* know the answer, Mon?

MNCA: I remember it like yesterday! I think . . .

ROSS: Well, no matter. Because *I* know when it happened.

RACH: Oh yeah? Well go ahead, Mr. Hotshot.

ROSS: You first. It’s not fair for me if I go first because you’ll just copy my answer.

RACH: I’ve never heard anything more immature! But all right, then, smarty- pants. We broke up on Valentine’s Day 1997. It was really late, like three in the morning.

ROSS: Now that’s where you’re wrong, darling. It wasn’t Valentine’s Day.

RACH: Valentine’s Night, then.

ROSS: No. Three a.m. is in the *morning,* thus making it the fifteenth that we broke up, not the fourteenth.

RACH: Well - well - oh. So, so, kiss me then. Hurry up. I have to go to the washroom.

[Ross straightens himself out, leans forward, and stops right before her.]

RACH: Whatsa matter, Ross? Cat got yer *tongue*?

ROSS: No! I just, I just don’t want to - to hurt you.

RACH: Well you sure weren’t worried about hurting me on Valentine’s Day two years ago!

ROSS: It wasn’t Valentine’s Day when we broke up, Rachel. Here, let me walk you through it slowly. It was morning, so-

RACH: I *know* that, you, you . . .

PHOE: . . . repugnant guy?

RACH: Thank you, Phoebe. Ruhpugnint guy. It was Valentine’s Day that you slept with that Xerox girl!

ROSS: Joey, help me out here.

JOEY: Um, okay. Um . . . boy is she hot! I’d like to Xerox her!

ROSS: Thanks for the support, Joe.

JOEY: Anytime, repugnant brother.

[Ross gives him a cold smile and turns back to Rachel.]

ROSS: (slowly and deliberately) We were on a -

RACH: break. We were on a break. Which brings back a little thought. "You’re right, you’re right. Let’s go get a frozen yogurt or something." I guess from your version of "a break," eating frozen yogurt involves sleeping with a woman you barely know - and when you’re dating someone else!

ROSS: And who would that be? I thought when you’re on a break from someone, you don’t date them.

RACH: Yeah, instead you sleep with the girl from the copy place.

JOEY: Hey, y’know, Rachel’s right. Besides, Chandler, Chloe and I were . . . kind of planning something for that night. You had to butt in and ruin it all.

[Scene: Chandler is watching a Craps game in a casino with a depressed face. Show flashback from TOW the Racecar Bed.]

[Scene: Monica’s bedroom, Chandler is playing with the bed.]

CHAN: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin’! (honks the bed’s little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, I’ll leave. My bed’s so boring.

[Show flashback from TOW the Birth.]

[Scene: The waiting room. Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]

MNCA: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. No, he's gone. No no, you don't have to fly back, really. What do you mean this might be your only chance? Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet.

[Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. He takes her in his arms.]

[Show flashback from TOW the Football.] [Scene: the football field. Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are in a huddle.]

MNCA: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, I’ll take care of the rest.

JOEY: Okay.

MNCA: Break!

JOEY: Here you go! (Joey throws the ball to Chandler)

ROSS: Chandler! Chandler! (Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)

CHAN: (to Margha) Hi. (just as he gets in front of Margha, Monica comes up and tackles him)

MNCA: Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don’t see that everyday, do ya?

ROSS: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What’s with the tackling?

MNCA: What?! I just touched him and he went over!

[Show flashback from TOW the Jellyfish.]

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are playing cards at the dinner table.]

MNCA: (sets down some cards) Gin.

CHAN: We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple, we could play this game naked.

MNCA: Will you stop!

CHAN: Okay. All right.

MNCA: Okay, all right, I think you’re great, I think you’re sweet, and you’re smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.

[Show flashback from TOW the Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]

[Scene: Thanksgiving dinner 87’ (the one with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks) has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]

MNCA: Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese?

CHAN: Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef.

MNCA: Okay!

[Show flashback from TOW the Birth.]

[Scene: In the waiting room of the hospital. (From TOW the Birth)

MNCA: I want a baby.

CHAN: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.

[Scene: In the waiting room of the hospital. (From TOW the Birth)]

PHOE: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.

MNCA: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?

CHAN: You'll get one.

MNCA: Oh yeah? When?

CHAN: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?

MNCA: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?

CHAN: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.

MNCA: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?

CHAN: No, no, no.

MNCA: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?

CHAN: [trapped] Uh, uh.

MNCA: Well?

CHAN: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! [throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in]

[Show flashback from TOW the Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]

[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]

CHAN: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" I’m happy all the time! (There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)

CHAN: Nice try.

MNCA: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)

CHAN: Look, Monica…

MNCA: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)

CHAN: This is not going to work.

MNCA: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)

CHAN: You are so great! I love you! (Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)

MNCA: What?

CHAN: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!

MNCA: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!

CHAN: No I didn't!

MNCA: Yes, you did!

CHAN: No I didn't!

MNCA: You love me!

CHAN: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)

[Scene: show a splitscreen with Monica on the airplane, Chandler at the craps table. They both have a slight smile on their face at the thought of Joey screaming. Goes to full screen of just Monica with a dreamy look on her face. All of a sudden she hears loud arguing voices. An angry look crosses over her face and she jumps up with a shout, barely missing the luggage containers over her head.]

MNCA: Would you just cut it out! It’s bad enough that the one guy I actually thought I’d make it down the aisle with, kissed his ex-girlfriend in front of me! It’s bad enough that I’ll probably never be able to find another guy like him. [starts breaking down into tears] Can’t you guys just stop fighting for a minute? You call your problems, "problems" when they’re not much more then a stupid two-year-old fight!

J & P & R & R: Sorry!

RACH: [softly, but loud enough that Ross hears] Well at least he didn’t "sleep" with her!!

ROSS: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!

[Shows the rest of the plane. They’re all looking at the group of friends. Most of the females have tears in their eyes. So does Joey. Moves in on a couple at the back!]

Girl: See, even she thinks that it’s not very forgivable if a boyfriend should kiss their ex-girlfriends, espessially with the new girlfriend around.

[Just then the guy from Ross and Rachel’s plane ride out walks by and stops at Rachel]

GUY: Hey, I’m going to the bathroom now!

RACH: [disgusted] Good for you!!

END CREDITS

[Scene: Flashback from TOW the Jam. Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]

JOEY: Hey.

MNCA: Hey.

JOEY: Where you going?

MNCA: To the bank.

JOEY: Sperm or regular?

MNCA: Sperm.

JOEY: So you're really doing this, huh?

MNCA: Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135.

JOEY: Sounds nice.

MNCA: 'Fraid so. Brown hair, green eyes...

JOEY: No kiddin', hmm.

MNCA: What?

JOEY: No, I-I figured you would've picked a blond guy.

MNCA: Really? Why?

JOEY: I don't know, I just always pictured you ending up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, name like.... Hoyt.

MNCA: Hoyt?
JOEY: It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool.

MNCA: Really, is he a swimmer?

JOEY: He's got the body for it.

MNCA: I like that. (Joey starts laughing) What?

JOEY: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.

MNCA: We do not have one of those signs.

JOEY: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids.

MNCA: Two girls and a boy?

JOEY: Yeah!

MNCA: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them.

JOEY: Sure! (Monica gets very depressed) But hey, you know this way sounds good too.

MNCA: Yeah.

JOEY: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again).

V.O. CHAN: Hey, what’s with the dream about Joey?!?!?! I thought we were thinking about each other! If that’s the way you want it, then I’m going to think about Kathy!

[Starts to any clip with him and Kathy, but gets cut off as the shows over]