TOW the thinking, part 2

This is the continuation of TOW the thinking. It is longer, but a bit boring. Please read it, and review. Thanks. The characters still do not belong to me.

After some time Rachel moved in with Ross. So I had to live alone, it wasn´t bad expect for the nights. Sometimes I was so scared that I couldn´t sleep or I had to leave the lights on. Of course I didn´t tell Ross and Rachel. They were so happy and I didn´t want to bother them with my problems. In this time my neighbor, Mr. Christain, died. I never talked with him or anything but I was still a bit sad. He had a grandson who took the apartement. I always watched him, but I couldn´t figure this man out. He was kinda cute and sweet but I was afraid to talk with him. " You can´t hide in here for the rest of your life." Rachel said to me when I told her about him. " I know but I am not ready yet." Rachel just sighed. But when I met him later tha day, I decided to talk with him. " Hi, I´m your neighbor." I said smiling. " Oh hi, I already thought no one would live there." He said smiling also. " Oh sorry, my name is Monica." " I´m Sean." We shook hnds. For the first time I could look at him directly. He was even cuter. His hair was blond and very short, some strands hung into his face, right next to his grey-green eyes. He wasn´t very tall, but still had a great body. " So, I would really like to talk with you more but my roomate is coming soon and the apartment looks like a mess. Bye, Monica." He left quickly. I kept standing there for a moment, I was proud of myself. That sure was stupid, but it was long time ago that I talked with a guy, at least when I was alone.

I went upstaires and waited for Sean´s roommate to arrive. But when he didn´t come I gave up an watched TV. I almost fell asleep but then somone knocked at the door. Slowly I went up to open it. I was very surprised when I saw Sean standing there. " Hi." I said tired. " Oh, did I wake you? I am so sorry." " No, it´s ok. So what brings you here?" " We wondered if you have something to eat for us. You know we just moved in and well without food." " Sure." I went over to the refrigirator and took out some food and gave it Sean. " Thanks. I am not that hungry but my roommate, Joey, is practically eating the whole day." I smiled at him. He was the first man I found attractive since my rape. " If you want we could meet some time then with Joey, so you can get to know your new neighbors." " I´d love to." " Ok, then Bye." He left. I couldn´t stop smiling. This man was so wonderful and I didn´t even really know him. Still smiling I went to bed and fell asleep at once.

The next day Rachel and I went shopping. She was very happy when I told her about Sean, she always wanted me to go out again. " It doesn´t mean that we go out." I said. " Believe me, you will."

" I don´t know, I like him and I´m kinda not even scared but there is something..." she cut me off.

" Mon, there is nothing. Just go out with him." I just sighed. She was probably right but something told me to be careful...

Since I spent one day with Sean and Joey, we were good friends. Ross and Rachel liked them too and so we became a group. Every day we met in a coffeehouse called Central Perk. Sometimes when we were together, I forgot my rape and felt like wonderful. I guess it was Sean who helped me, to forget it more and more. And I liked him, but still...sometimes when I was with him, I got this weird feeling. But I always shook it off as a build of my imagination. One day Joey brought a new member to our group, Phoebe. I liked her at once, she was a bit weird though. She was the first woman, Joey didn´t flirt with, that was very surprising. Anyway, since Phoebe had no place to stay she moved in with me. I was very happy to have a roommate again, it was ok for me to be alone at the days but the nights killed me.

Then the day came where Sean and I went out for the first time. I was so nervous. Expect for my prom night I´ve never been out with someone. Luckily, I had Rachel and Phoebe who calmed me down. We went to very expensive restaurant, everything was great. We talked and laughed, he even made me dance with him. But as we were dancing there on the dancefloor, I suddenly saw a pair of wonderful, blue shining eyes. I looked closer, I knew these eyes. I stopped, Sean looked at me, confused. " I wanna go." I said never taking my eyes from this man. " What, why?" " Please, just take me home." " Ok." We left. I knew that Sean wanted an explaination but I wasn´t able to talk. These eyes...How could I ever forget them? This was the man, the man who raped me back then. I almost cried when I thought about it, and the fact that he was there, but I didn´t want Sean to see me that weak. I didn´t even say goodbye to him, when we arrived, I just ran upstaires.

" How was it?" Rachel asked excited when I entered. " Great, yes great." I went to my room. As soon as I had losed my door, I began to cry. Just as I thought I could live like everybody else, this happened and I was back at one.

No one knew why I was that distant, I haven´t even told Rachel. And Sean was angry, I could tell at the way he looked at me. This look scared me, but why? When I thought about all those things, I found out something about myself. I had to face my fears, so I had to face this man. Nothing scared me more as to see this man again, but that was the only way to get over it. I decided to visit this restaurant again, maybe he was there more often or someone knew him there. Everybody was kinda shocked when I told him that I would go out. Of course I didn´t tell them where I wanted to go, they would have either stopped me or come with me, both things I didn´t want. But when I was outside waiting for a cab, I wished I wasn´t alone. It was dark, and I was scared. " So where do you want to go?" the cab driver asked me, smiling. His smile scared me even more but I just told him where to drive, and then I concentrated on other things. The driver talked with me, but I didn´t listen. " We are there, I have to say you were very quite on the drive." " Yeah, here´s your money." I gave him the money, it was way too much but I didn´t care. I jumped out and ran into the restaurant. I felt a bit better when I was inside. Still standing near the door, I searched the man but I didn´t find him. Kinda disappointed I sat down at the bar. " A coke, please." I said not looking at the woman behind the table. " A coke?" she asked in disbelief. I looked up to her. " Yes, please." she left. Again I looked at the people in the room, but the man wasn´t there. The woman came back.

" Are you searching somebody?" she asked as she put the coke on the table. " Yes, a man." " That was what I thought." " No, I saw him here some time ago." " Do you know his name or anything, I know everybody who is here more often." the woman said proudly. " I could describe him." I said. The woman took a chair and sat down. " So, first of all what I your name?" she asked smiling. " I`m Monica." " So, then talk. Oh and by the way, my name is Nora." " This man is about 6´0, has light brown hair and amazing blue eyes." I looked at her hopefully, she smiled. " You are lucky, I know him." " You do?" " Yes, he is my son, Chandler." I looked at her shocked and surprised. She seemed to be so nice, so how could she have a son like this? " But he isn´t here today, he is on a trip." " Really? Where?" I felt weird asking her about this, but I wanted to know. " Somewhere in Africa, he is a doctor, you know. He never what to do with his money and so he decided to make trpis there and help kids." She smiled proudly. He is helping kids? A doctor? I couldn´t believe that this should be the man who raped me. " When is he coming back?" I asked. " Actually, he should be already here by now. He said he would come here, he practically lives here." " Oh." For a moment I didn´t know what to say and just as I wanted to talk again, a man walked to us. " Hey!"

" Chandler!" Nora rose and hugged her son. " I wasn´t gone for that long." He said laughing. I looked at him, he was definitivly the one I was searching. But there was something else... something I couldn´t figure out. " Who is this lady?" he asked pointing to me. " Oh, that is Monica, she was actually searching you." " Oh hi, then." He said and we shook hands. " I´m gonna leave you alone." Nora said and left. I got nervous, I sat across from the man who destroyed my whole life. " So, how can I help you?" he asked but I didn´t answer, and just stared at him. " Hey." He said softly. " I forgot what I wanted." I said with a tremble in my voice. Unfortunately he noticed this.

" Oh sorry, I didn´t want to make you nervous. But i mean we don´t know each other, and so I was wondering what you wanted." Again he smiled. His smile was so...I didn´t find the right words for it. When I sat there, across from him, I suddenly realized how stupid my idea was. I had to get to know him better. But should I really so this? Would he rape me again? He looked at me, closely. Did he remember me? I got nervous again. " I wanted to talk with you ´cause." I stopped to get more casual. " I wanted to meet you." I finally chocked out. He looked at me kind of shocked. " You wanted to meet me? Wow." Was all he could say. " Well, I saw you here some time ago and I thought...yeah well, thatI´d like to meet you." I lied. " So, you are actually here to ask me out?" he asked carefully. " I guess." I replied looking at the ground. Strange to say, I wasn´t scared anymore to be with him but now I was embarrased. " Hey, it´s ok. I haven´t been on a date since a very long time." I looked up to him. This smile, and the eyes... I kinda lost myself in them. " So, when are you free?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts. " Tomorrow?" " Great, since I only know this place, you choose one." I just nodded. The thought of being alone with him, made me scared again. " So, when shall I pick you up? And your adresse?" " No, we´ll meet here at 7." I said fast. " Ok, then 7 here, I´m looking forward to it, Monica." he shook my hand and then went to his mother. I felt awful. And I wondered why he agreed at once to go out with me, did he wanted to do it again? Before I left I turned around, looking at him. He stood at a table, talking with two little kids. I smiled and left. When I came home, everybody was there. " I´m so happy you are back!" Ross said and hugged me. " Like I wouldn`t come back." I said and broke the hug. " Where have you been?" Sean asked me. I stared at him. " It´s not your business." I said. The others looked at me shocked but I didn´t care and went to my room. From there I could here them talking. But soon they all left. Even Phoebe did. For the moment I didn´t care. I was thinking about Chandler. Did he really rape me? I rembered him, sure but in which kind of way? One thing I knew, if I had met him in a different way then I sure would have liked him a lot. Something in my couldn´t wait til the next day, I wanted to see him again. I thought about Sean. He had been worried about me, but I kinda didn´t care for him. Sometimes I wished we weren´t friends. He and Chandler were practiacally the most important men in my life, I just didn´t know...

So that was part 2. Tell me what you think, and don`t be shy. When you didn`t like it tell me what it was and maybe how to make it better and if you liked it tell me what you liked. Ok, just review!

Written by Anika