[Scene: Central Perk. Enter Monica. She flops down on a couch with a sigh.]

MNCA: I'm tired. Bone tired. Completely kick-the-bucket exhausted.

CHAN: You've been to cliche stadium, haven't you? Cos, y'know, I went there once, and believe me, it wasn't pretty.

MNCA: I swear I could crawl into bed and die.

RACH: But you won't, right, cos the rotting body would have a real AWFUL stench.

GJOEY: You know, Monica, you should try something I did with my mother on vacation in California once. It's called color therapy. You soak in a bath of
colored water for a few hours. It's SO relaxing. Different colors represent different things like relaxation or serenity or excitement for a jump-start.
Any of those should help. And believe me, they REALLY help.

ROSS: The way you run your mouth about it, maybe it really DOES work.

PHOE: Yeah, I heard of that. There are two places right here in new York.
One's a normal spa called the Away Spa; the other is a hotel called Time with colored rooms instead of the baths. Even the baths are really expensive, though. I hear it runs into the hundreds for only a few sessions.

RACH: Oh, I SO wanna do that! The four of us girls should do that together one day soon.

GJOEY: Nah, sorry. i'm too busy practicing lately. Thanks anyway, though.

PHOE: I WISH! There's no way I can afford something like that. I REALLY
need a job.

JOEY: So get one!

PHOE: You of all people, Joey, should know that it's not that easy. I'm not qualified for anything. Oh, hey! Maybe I should open up one of those therapy
places. You girls could come in for free. Oh! and Chandler the Candle-Maker could help me by making some aromatherapy candles!

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: a small building which is Phoebe's new therapy place. It's very tiny, I cannot stress that enough, because I know that you people will be thinking, how
did Phoebe get the money for this? Assume she got a loan from the bank. Anyway, there are aromatherapy candles all around (not lit), and two doors near the back of the room. In the middle of the room is a table with six chairs all around it. At the back is a massage table much like the one Phoebe had before she was fired. There is a stereo right near the front door. Enter Phoebe, followed by all her friends.]

PHOE: This is it! How do you like it? [There are murmurs from everyone about how great it is.] Oh! And listen to this! [She presses a few butons on the
stereo to turn it on. THe sound of a creek bubbling and birds chirping floats from the stereo.]

ROSS: What's that for?

PHOE: The sound of the creek is supposed to calm your nerves. [She sits down in a nearby chair and seems to fall asleep.]

RACH: Phoebe...

JOEY: Hey, Pheebes! Wake up!

MNCA: Phoebe?

[Phoebe opens one eye then quickly closes it again. She yawns and stretches, pretending to wake up from a long nap.]

PHOE: Oh! Sorry. I must have dozed off. See, I told you it works!

CHAN: So what exactly do you DO, anyway?

PHOE: Well, the candles are for sale. I give massages and clean auras. And I also have those color therapy baths. They're in here. [She points to one of the
doors.]

MNCA: What is this table for?

PHOE: Oh, that's the session table. I hold aura cleanings for groups at a time at group rates.

CHAN: And...what's your group rate?

PHOE: Twenty-Five dollars per person.

RACH: Hm! I guess that's a pretty good price for stuff like this. [She picks up a candle and looks it over.] How much is this?

PHOE: Oh that's group rate too. Twenty-Five dollars.

RACH: Ohhh...[She quickly replaces the candle.]

[Scene: Joey and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are watching a hockey game on tv.]

JOEY: Yes! Go Rangers!

CHAN: Hey, Joey, why didn't you stay at Phoebe's therapy place. I thought you said you enjoyed those bath things.

GJOEY: Come on, you really thought I meant it? Sure I went to one. I refused to get into the water. And y'know, people WATCH you. It's not private. It was
disgusting! Plus, how could I be sure the water wouldn't stain my skin? I knew that mentioning that would keep them busy awhile.

JOEY: Whew! For a minute there I thought you had really crossed over to that girly dimension!

GJOEY: Me? Ha ha. Oh, I love the thought of that. It makes me laugh.

ROSS: I wonder how things are going?

[Scene: Phoebe's therapy place. There is a group of people including Phoebe sitting around the table in the middle of the rom. Phoebe is dressed in long
flowing colorful robes. The creek gurgles in the background. All the people (PERS1, PERS2, PERS3, PERS4, PERS5) have their eyes closed and Phoebe is
talking sonorously.]

PHOE: The force surrounds us. I can feel you all. I know you all. Someone here is blind.

PERS1: That's right, I am. How did you know?

PHOE: Do not doubt me.

[Someone (PERS3) sneezes.]

PERS3: 'scuse me.

PHOE: (frowning) I feel a disturbance of the force.

PERS4: What IS this, Star Wars? I'm outta here. [She stands, then leaves. 3 more people around her (PERS 2, 3, 5) follow.]

PHOE: The chain is broken. [The one person (PERS1) that is left speaks up.]

PERS: I'm here for my massage too. Can you possibly do that earlier since this has broken up?

PHOE: Of course I can. I'll be right back. Feel free to look around.

[Phoebe goes into the color therapy room. There are two old-fashioned bathtubs with "claws" for feet, filled with different colored waters. Monica and Rachel are each in a bath. Monica's is green, Rachel's is orange.]

PHOE: Hi guys! You're done!

MNCA: Already? Really? This has been so relaxing!

[Monica and Rachel get out of the bath wrapping towels around themselves. Phoebe's eyes widen as she stares at them.]

RACH: What? What's wrong?

PHOE: Um, nothing. You just have a little thing...[she points to the side of her own mouth, Rachel does the same. As she does so, she notices her skin.]

RACH: Ew! My skin is orange! Oh, no!!!

MNCA: Oh my God. I'm green! I'm completely green! I look like a frog. Phoebe, what did you put in the water to color it???

PHOE: Well, um...food coloring, but...

MNCA: Food coloring. Food coloring. Oh my God. Phoebe!!!

PHOE: Now calm down. I've got a customer out there...

MNCA: There's customers in HERE, too!

PHOE: Where?

MNCA/RACH: Here!!!

PHOE: Oh, right.

RACH: Well, is there any way to get this stuff off???

PHOE: I think so.

RACH: Well I have a date with Ross in an hour. You need to help me! I
can't go out in public like this!

PHOE: Okay, I'll try. But what about my massage out there?

MNCA: I'll do it for you.

PHOE: Would you? Thanks so much. Oh, this is perfect. Because he's blind,
and hel'l never know it's not me. You know, cos...it's me!

RACH: But I think you're forgetting-

[Monica is slipping out the door.]

PHOE: Okay, let's see what I can do.

[Scene: Joey and Chandler's apartment. The game is still on.]

GJOEY: Yes! Go Coyotes!

ROSS: How can you go for a team that is named after a DOG?

GJOEY: Well it seems to me that the Rangers are a bunch of dogs, so...
Score! Oh, yeah! Na, na, the Coyotes won! Ha ha ha!

CHAN: Shut up, sister dear.

JOEY: If you wanted the coyotes to win, then I'm glad they did.

[Joey and Joey lean in for a kiss, but Chandler jumps between them.]

CHAN: Beer! [pause.] Um...How about a beer? Beer's good!

ROSS: We've been drinking the wholr-[Chandler kicks him]-Ow! I mean, beer
would be great!

JOEY: Well if you two are going out for a beer, then we'll have the
apartment to ourselves. You two are so generous! [He shoves them out the
door.]

[Scene: back at the main room of Phoebe's therapy place. Monica has just
come through the door. The person is already on the massage table.]

MNCA: (V.O.) Great! This is my chance to prove I can give good massages.
I'll make them all eat their words! [She goes to the table and starts.]
Whew! Well at least he's not complaining yet. [Monica starts massaging his
neck. He makes a sudden jerky movement with his head, then lays still.]
Uh oh! What the heck happened? [She pokes him. He jumps.]

PERS: Oh! Oh! Oh God! What happened?

MNCA: (V.O., cringing) Well at least he doesn't know what happened,  either!

PERS: Sheesh, I asked for amassage, not a nap on a bed of nails! I'm outta here! [He grabs his clothes and storms out. Phoebe and Rachel enter. Now Rachel is purple.]

MNCA: Rachel, darling, how DO you achieve that FLATTERING complexion?

RACH: Shut up, Miss Green.

MNCA: Have you forgotten? YOU'RE Miss Green. I'M miss GELLER. (seriously)
How'd you get that color, anyway?

RACH: Well APPARENTLY, the alcohol we used to try to get the dye out reacted with the food coloring. The high point is that now I know why Grandma's rum Christmas cookies never turned out.

PHOE: Where'd he go?

MNCA: Er, where'd who go?

PHOE: My massage-my one and only client so far.

MNCA: Oh! Yes, I remember now. We were playing hide and seek...

RACH: Oh, God, Mon. I knew this would happen. Think about it Pheebs,  letting MONICA massage someone? You must have had a memory lapse! Monica is the Best Worst Massage Giver!

PHOE: Ohh...this is a disaster!

MNCA: I'm so sorry Phoebe.

PHOE: And I'm sorry for...turning you green.

RACH: And I'm sorry-to interrupt this apology fest, but Ross is here and I have to hide.

PHOE: Ohh...[She breaks down in tears. Rachel gives her a sympathetic look
and makes no attempt to hide.]

ROSS: Why-

RACH: Why, why look at the time! We must be of! (to Ross as they walk out
the door) Don't say a thing, just look and act normal.

ROSS: (an imitation of his depressed voice) Bye.

PHOE: I'm so sorry, Monica. I never should have opened this place.

MNCA: yes you should have, Pheebs. You'll get back on your feet, promise.

PHOE: No. [She shakes her head.] I lost so much money investing in this.
I'll never get enough customers to gain back. I'll have to sell. There's no other choice.

MNCA: Well, Phoebe, if you're sure that's what you have to do. But at  least let me offer you a job at Monica's Place. I've been needing another  waitress. And...I'll pay you double!

PHOE: You-you would?

MNCA: It's the LEAST I can do for you.

PHOE: Ooh, okay! Least means there's room for more, right?

MNCA: Right...

PHOE: So...could you do one more thing for me?

MNCA: Sure, I guess so.

PHOE: Okay, will you let me give aura-readings to customers for tips? I've
always wanted to do that!

[Monica gives her an amazed look.]

PHOE: When you were working at the Moondance Diner, I put that idea in the
suggestion box!

MNCA: That was YOU? It was also your suggestion to do the rolling skating
thing...just how many suggestions did you PUT in there?

PHOE: Oh, I don't know...I just peeked in the box one day, and it was  empty. I felt bad for the poor box. He was hungry for suggestions, so...

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chander is watching tv. Enter Monica in a towel from the bathroom.]

MNCA: What are you doing here?

CHAN: Joey locked me out...Hey, you're not green!

MNCA: it took a few scrub downs, but finally I'm a lighter shade.

CHAN: I don't see anything at all! [He gets up and mvoes closer to  Monica, until he's right in front of her.]

MNCA: (slowly and quietly) You-have to be really close to see.

CHAN: I still don't see it.

MNCA: (uncomfortably) Yeah, well, um, you have to be really, really close.

[It seems like they're about to kiss, when the door opens and Rachel
enters. She looks at them.]

RACH: Oh, am I interrupting something?

[They shake their heads vigorously.]

RACH: Oh, Monica! It came off. Well, my turn to use the shower.

[Chandler points at the door uncomfortably.]

CHAN: Um, I'm...gonna-leave-now. [He leaves. Monica stares after him.
Rachel watches her intently.]

MNCA: So, um, Rach, how'd the date go? I mean, being purple and all.

RACH: Well, we went to Muppets in Space. The lady sitting behind us asked
me if I was so obsessed that I was dressed up like one of the aliens.

[Monica giggles.]

RACH: And I said yes. Well...! What else could I say?

MNCA: I was thinking more along the lines of a deformed grape.

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica's Place. Monica dumps out a box that is colorfully decorated and says "Suggestion Box" on the side. She picks up a piece of paper and reads it
aloud.]

MNCA: "Aura readings for customers." [Her eyes glower and she throws it in the garbage. She picks up another piece of paper.] "Waiters on roller skates." [Monica grits her teeth and throw it away. She picks up another.] "I think your restaurant would be even better if you had a girl playing guitar and singing, especially like that girl from Central Perk." Phoebe!!!