INFO: not related to any of my other fanfics. C+M are living together, so are R+R, but R+R are not married, they got divorced. Phoebe has not moved in
with Joey, they are just friends. This is mid-season 6, but no Janine. This may appear to be a long fanfic..... REMEMBER...as usual.. these aren't my characters..blah blah..blah...

SCENE: Joey's flat. He's there, Ross enters

Ross: Hey man !!

Joey: hey (slightly depressed)

Ross: What's up ?

Joey: life..  it sucks. I'm so fed up man, no girl for two days, no more Mr Funny roomate and a job that pays me peanuts !

Ross: well, don't worry.. can't be worse than mine.

Joey: sure it can ! and anyway.. you have Rachel.

Ross: yes..  but if it doesn;t work out with her.. the "three divorces" will sound proof me against any other women !!

Joey: I wish I had a proper relationship and a proper job.

Ross: how will you do that ?

Joey: I need to get rich and quickly, chicks love rich guys, and ducks too ! I want a job that puts money in my pocket, like Chandler, his pockets are
always full.

Ross: yeah, but his job is different..  you're an actor..  he's a.......

Joey: what is his job anyway ??

Ross: don't ask me.. no idea !!

Joey: well, I'm gonna talk to my parents, I  needs to change career paths, to fill my pockets.....cos all I got in them right now..  is old..chewingum,
a broken button and ...err.....a condom. Cool !

TITLES

SCENE: C+M's flat, Pheebs is sitting on the couch, looking rather spaced out when Rachel enters
 

Rach: hey Pheebs, what's up ?

Phoe:  dunno Rach, what's down ??

Rach: er.... not a lot....have you seen Monica ??

Phoe: she's out, but Chandler's around.

Rach:(calls out gentily) CHANDLER !!

(Chandler comes in from guest room in white painting overalls)

Chan: why if it isn't dear Miss Green !!

Rach: nice outfit, Mr DIY.

Chan: Monica's got me sorting out the paint and furniture

Rach: what furniture ??

Chan: er... the er....large table...it..well...broke

Rach: woops..  how did that happen..??

Chan: well..  Monica and ...err...I...we.....err

Rach: enough !! enough !!

Phoe: sssssh..  you're disturbing the atmosphere !

Rach: er...yeah..whatever Pheebs !! But  I loved that old table,  are you gonna replace it then ??

Chan: yeah.. Joey said he would build us a new one

Rach: do you not remember the infamous entertainement unit ??

Chan: vaguely...  my suits certainly do ! I'll have a look for a new one then...  better get back to painting

Rach: when will Monica be back ??

Chan: gone to get some lunch !! workers need feeding !!

(he goes back into the spare room)

Phoe: you know..  I predict she will walk in right n....

(Monica enters)

Phoe: God I'm good at that !!

Rach: or you just have good hearing. Hi Mon !

Mon: hey Rach ! nice to see you !

Rach: ditto. I see you got Chandler house trained.

Mon; yep..  I cook and clean, he tries some DIY !

Rach: I just popped in to ask you if you have seen my black shoes ?

Mon: they were yours ?

Rach: yep...

Mon: the ones with the strappy back, high heels and rose embroidery on them?

Rach: those are the ones..  you got them ??

Mon: nope...

Rach: oh.....well..I'll ask Joey then...

Phoe: he's gone to visit his parents.

Rach: ok..  well, I'll see you guys later, and don't forget to replace that table !!

Mon: we'll probably break the next one.. with what I've got planned.....(yells out) oh Chander !!

Rach: ok..  I'm out of here...

Phoe (gets up) me too !!  (they move towards the door but stop)

(Chandler enters)

Chan: hey honey..

Mon: you seem buisy

Chan: not really..

Rach: you said you were doing lots of painting...

Chan: god .. no.. I haven't even chosen the colour yet !!

Phoe: I can help....I give god advice.. how about luminous green..?

FADE OUT TO: CP everyone except Joey and Phoebe are there. Joey enters smiling broadly

Ross: someone is a lot happier today !!

Joey: I have found the perfect job for me

ALL: What/ what is it ??

Joey: my parents gave me some cracking advice !

Rach: well, tell us then !!

Joey: they said I should become a monk.

(SILENCE...then everyone but Joey bursts out lauging !)

Chan: are you serious brother Joseph ??

Joey: yep..

Ross: you'd have to pray all day

Mon: and wear plain clothes..

Rach: and go gardening a lot !!

Joey: so?? it's the perfect job, this acting lark wasn't working. It serves all my finance and housing problems too

Chan: when have you ever prayed though Joe ?

Joey; I did ...remember when I prayed for the Knicks to win the match

Mon: but Monks are so religious..

Rach: and what about the celebacy ??

Joey: that'll be fun..  right ??

Ross: no..not celebrating...celebacy as in never having relationships with women.

Joey: I never do anyway...

Chan: no.. celebacy means no sex

JOEY: WHAT ??  YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING !!!!

Chan: it's just monks don;t mix with women at all/

Joey: what kinda life is that ??

Rach: the holy kind
 

FADE OUT TO: Joey's flat, he;s there surrounded by newspapers, R+R enter)

Rach: hi

Ross: you look buisy !!

Joey: nope..nothing going.....  celebacy is certainly not for me. I am not gonna be a monk..  well, maybe perhaps a nun !!

Rach: they are women..  and they are celebate too...

Joey: not with me around the nunnery.!!!  It'll be like..  "Sisters.. look at what you are missing !!"

(Ross and Rachel look at each other, than pick up newspapers)

Ross: oh look.. become a plumber !!

Joey: nah..  my dad's deal..  and I can;t unblock toilets.. I can only clog them up

Rach: what about working in a shop or something ?? a restaurant

Joey: I did work in a diner once..  but I got fired for stealing the fries..

Ross: listen.. why don;t you try the monk thing......

Rach: yeah..  as a trial..  a self test.. how long can you last ??

Joey: I dunno...

Rach: go on..  just try it once...

Joey: oh...well......I guess I'll give it my best shot !!

Ross: good for you

(Rachel walks into Joey's room)

RACH (V.O) Whay are my shoes here Joey ??

Joey: er.....

Ross: ha.. Joey are you a cross dresser ??

Joey: noooo.... it's just  Monica and Chandler borrowed that room while they were waiting for their paint to try

Rach: Joey..  they haven;t even chosen the paint colour yet !!

Joey: it must have been Phoebe then...

Rach: whatever !!

FADE TO: Chandler and Monica's. C+M are there, with Joey sitting on the couch looking very depressed and bored.

Mon: Just cos you're doing this celebacy thing tonight, doesn't mean we have to !

Joey: Yeah you do !

Chan: nooo.... we don't wanna become monks !!

Joey: be good friends, be supportive.... stand by me... ................and anyway..  I am saving you guys a kitchen table !!

Mon: listen... Joey....I'll make you fresh cookies tommorrow if you go back home now.

Joey: cool...cookies..and er.....Jam ?

Mon: yeah...sure...whatever.......now go.....

(Joey walks slowly to the door, then leaves)

Mon: Finally !!!
 

FADE OUT TP: Joey's place,it's a complete tip, he's sitting down when there's a knock on his door.

JOEY: enter at your own risk..

Phoe: Hiya !

Joey: hey Pheebs:

Phoe: god..  this place is a mess

Joey: yeah this is a little protest against Monica for chucking me out.. even though she's gonna make me some cookies and jam.

Phoe: Joey, she won't care..it's not her place

Joey: you don't our Mon very well then !!

Phoe: so..  where's the girl ??

Joey: what girl ? there's no girl. It's celbacy tonight..  Ross and Rachel said I could do it..  and I am gonna show them they are right !! This monk
stuff sucks big time though, what does my dad know anyway.. he's got two women !!

Phoe: don;t worry.. I've come to cheer you up !

Joey: really ??

Phoe: well, no..  actually.. I was gonna go through colour schemes with Monica, but her light is off and...

Joey: ok...enough ! celebacy sucks !!

Phoe: you wanna hear a song ?

Joey: sure....

Phoe:    "I have a friend called Joey, who often tries to act..  his chick is called Yasmine..  and his duck likes to quack...
he has a friend called Chandler, who lives accross the hall, who knows someone called Phoebe, who is very cool !!

Joey: brilliant Pheebs...again !!

Phoe: nah...I gotta find something interesting to say about Ross.

"Ross is......."   (LOUD CRASH !!!)

Phoe: What the hell was that ??

Joey: oh.. nothing..  just another kitchen table !!

FADE OUT TO: Ross and Rachel's who are there, Rachel is admiring her shoes. Ross is reading a newspaper

Ross: so.. how many pairs of shoes do you have now.

Rach: well, including the five I bought last week..

Ross (shocked) FIVE ??

Rach: I'd say 142 and a half.....  that's three times more than Monica

Ross: er.....lucky you then honey !!

Rach: I can 't believe Joey wears women's shoes....

Ross: maybe one of his dates borrowed them !!

Rach: maybe. Have you heard Phoebe's new song about the tortoise stuck down the chimney ??

Ross: nope....

Rach: or..I wonder is Monica's new kitchen table is broken or not...... or.. if Joey's celebacy is working ??

Ross: I doubt either are working anymore!!

Rach: aren't our friends wierd

Ross: aren;t we wierd..  hallo..miss-142 pairs of shoes

Rach: 142 and a half !! and anyway.... at least I don;t go around quoting dinosaurs all day

Ross: what ??  how can I quote dinosaurs..  they have been extinct for a lot time..

Rach: nevermind !!

PHONE CALL. Ross Picks up.( It's Joey)

Ross: hallo ??

Joey(in desperation)(over the phone): Ross ? you gotta help me man..  I'm soo bored..  I've survived 6 episodes of baywatch, 4 of Phoebe's new songs,
eaten all the expired products and trashed the appartemnent.. but I can;t stop thinking about Lucy

Ross: Who's Lucy ?

Joey(over the phone): the girl I was going out with tonight.....this celebacy stuff made me cancel it ...

Ross: don;t give in man..  you can do it !!

Rach: yeah..  go Joey !!

Joey: I'm glad you guys have faith in me..  Monica and Chandler wern't very supportive.

(Rachel takes the phone from Ross)

Rach: also Joey, if you wanna borrow anymore of my shows..  you are very welcome !!

FADE TO: CREDITS: CP. Everyone is there, the two couples next to each other on the sofa, Joey is his usual hard chair, and Phoebe on the stage singing.

Phoe: "tortoise, you'd better get out of that chimney, Or else it's gonna blow...!
you'd better make room for santa... so leave when you see snow !"

A few claps, Phoebe goes and sits on the armchair
PHOE: What do you think ??

CHAN: er...varied lyrics

Rach: original subject, Pheebs !!

Phoe: good... cos I have a sequal.. Tortoise down the toilet !

Chan: no.. that's the chick and the duck . Joey doesn;t have a tortoise.

Joey: well, the only thing down your toilet Chandler, is Monica's endless cleaning fluid !!

Ross: so..  er..  anyway.. Joey.. how did the celebacy go ??

Joey: forget it...... Lucy visited me anyway....last night

Mon: shame.. Joey..  what are you gonna do. You can't be a monk...how long did the celebacy last ??

Joey: longer than your new kitchen table !!!

THE END

critics ??  be pleasant..but give me your opinion
Helena
chelsea@royal.net