This is a true story. It happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
“You what?” Monica screamed into the phone. In the background, she heard a baby cry. Monica sighed. Life had been so hectic with all the planning for the christening and everything. First Joey hadn’t been able to book a flight home, so he had to leave for the airport at 3:30 the day of the christening. Then the butcher hadn’t been able to get the veal Monica wanted, which meant she had to rethink her menu all over again. And now Rachel was ringing to say she was at the hospital. “what happened?…OK I’ll be over ASAP.”
When she hung up, Monica rushed into her and Chandler’s bedroom and got changed, then she went to Rebecca’s room.
“Shhh Becky honey, shhh. It’s OK, it’s OK.” Monica picked up her daughter and rocked her gently until she stopped crying. “Ugh you need a new diaper.” Quickly changing Rebecca, Monica gathered everything she thought she would need, then headed out the door.
“Hi sweetie! I’m calling from the hos…Yeah Rebecca’s fine, everything’s fine. I’m here coz of Rachel…yeah she’s fine, she just broke her arm…Chandler, I just wanted to call and tell you that I’ll be home late, coz the doctor doesn’t want Rachel to be home alone, so why don’t you come over to Ross’ and have dinner over there?… OK, love you. Bye honey.” Hanging up her cell phone, Monica went back into Rachel’s hospital room where Rebecca was screaming.
“I think she needs a feed.” Rachel said, holding the baby out to her.
“What’s the time?” Monica checked her watch. “Yep, right on time. OK home here honey.” She took the baby from Rachel and started breast-feeding her.
Rachel watched with interest. “Doesn’t that hurt?”
“What? Oh this, no, not at all. She had no teeth remember, just gums. It hurt a bit at first, but you get used to it.”
“Ugh I don’t think I’m ever going to have any children. I couldn’t stand it. You have to go through so much, y’know, the strange cravings, gaining weight, throwing up, the worst pain ever, smelly diapers, whiny kids and no sleep. Then they hang around for 20 years and then just…leave.”
“Rach. Children are precious. There are thousands of women all over the world who spend thousands of dollars everyday trying to get pregnant. It’s like our biological right as women. It’s something men can never experience. And when that child looks into your eyes, it’s like…sheer happiness. It’s unexplainable. Look on the bright side, not the dark side.”
“Well, the day when I have my first child, you can remind me of all those things during the labour. Coz I sure as hell won’t remember!”
Monica put Rebecca on the other side, and changed the subject. “So how are you going to hold Rebecca with that cast?”
“Well I can just hold her in my left arm like this, see, and put my right hand under her butt.”
“OK, but don’t you dare drop her!”
“Don’t worry Mon, I won’t.”
Six days later, Ross’ wife Ashlee was rushing around the house, tidying frantically to get ready for the ‘party’. Ross had gone with Ben, Chandler and Rob, to the markets to buy some fruit and vegetables for the next day. The beep of the horn indicated that they were home.
Going to the garage, Ashlee saw a mountain of food. There were boxes of mangos, avocados, peaches, corn and tomatoes along with pineapples, rockmelons, watermelons…
“My gosh, what did you do, buy out the whole markets?”
“Oh hi honey,” Ross went over to Ashlee and kissed her.
“Where are Rob & Chandler?”
“They stopped off to buy something, not sure what.”
“So let’s get this stuff in the fridge.”
Halfway through their work, Ben, Ashlee and Ross heard Chandler & Rob drive up.
“Hey guys.” Chandler said as he got out of the car.
“Hi Chandler, hi Rob.”
“So what are we doing with this stuff?” Ashlee asked.
“Well, we were thinking about having a fruit salad.” Rob answered.
“I’ll do my famous potato and bacon casserole, and we can have a tomato salad.” Ashlee offered.
“Yeah, and I’ll get Mon to make a green salad.” Chandler added. “So we’ll be here at nine tomorrow morning to help with the fruit salad. I have to drop off Joey’s motorbike at the airport at eight-thirty, so we’ll come after that.”
“OK. Bye guys.” Chandler & Rob got into Chandler’s car and drove off.
“Mon how come you’re so late?” Ross asked as Monica and Joey walked up the driveway, pushing Rebecca in her pram. “And where’s Chandler?”
“Joey locked the keys in the boot, so Chandler’s waiting with the car ‘til the NRMA come (I don’t know what you call it in the US).” She responded. “Is there anywhere I can feed Beck? She’s hungry and I didn’t get to feed her in the car.”
“Yeah sure, go into the guest room. Joe! Long time no see!” As Monica slipped past her brother, Joey enveloped him in a big hug.
“I know man. It’s been too long.”
“So do you want a shower? I know you’ll be all sticky from the ride.”
“Yeah that would be good. But I don’t have my clothes! They’re locked in the boot of Chandler’s car.”
“Well, I’m not sure if I can find something to fit you, but I’ll try.”
“Thanks man, you’re the best.”
Twenty minutes later, Rebecca was fed and changed, Joey was showered and dressed in one of Ross’ shirts (nothing else fitted him) and Monica was changing into one of Rachel’s outfits.
“Oh my god! I just remembered!” Monica slapped her hand to her forehead.
“What? What?” Rachel asked outside the door.
“Rebecca’s christening dress! It’s in the car!”
“Oh my gosh, I’ll…I’ll get Ashlee!” Rachel ran off and was soon back with Ashlee.
“Ash, what can Becky wear? Her dress is in the car!”
“Don’t panic, I’ll get Kellie’s christening dress. Rebecca can wear that.”
“Oh thank god. Thank you soo much Ashlee.”
In the living room, Joey was trying to ring Chandler on his cell phone.
“God damn it! Answer the damn phone Chandler! Answer the damn phone!” Joey yelled as he hung up yet again.
“Hey Joe, where is Chandler’s phone?” Ross asked.
“In the phone holder thingy, why?”
Ross just looked at Joey and waited for him to get it. He didn’t.
“Joey the phone holder is in the car right?”
“Riiight.”
“Chandler can’t get into the car. It’s locked and the keys are in the boot.”
“ohhhh”
Ross rolled his eyes when it finally clicked.
At quarter to twelve, Monica, Joey and Rebecca were dressed and ready to go. They started walking to the church with Rachel, leaving Ross still trying to contact Chandler.
“Pheebs! Long time no see!” Monica exclaimed when she saw her friend.
“I know. I don’t think I’ve seen you guys since this little one was born.” Phoebe replied, referring to Rebecca.
“Gosh has it been that long? Beck’s almost three months old now.” Monica lovingly stroked her daughter’s cheek. “How’s your little one? He’s what, four months old?”
“Blake? Yeah he’s good, just getting over a little cold. Rob’s inside with him & Josh.”
“OK, Rach, can you take Rebecca inside for me. Joey you go with her. I’m gonna go tell the priest our problem.”
At twelve o’clock, the ceremony started. There were two other couples who were also getting their children christened, so altogether there were three babies. Rachel, Monica and Joey did their parts, while anxiously waiting for Chandler to arrive.
At twenty past, he finally came, and sat next to Ross.
“Hey man.” Chandler whispered.
“Chandler!” Ross replied, also whispering. “Go up to the front with Mon. You’re supposed to sit with her.”
“Oh, OK.” With that, Chandler silently got out of his seat, and snuck up to where Monica, Rachel and Joey were sitting. Taking Rebecca from Joey’s arms, he kissed her forehead. “Hi guys.”
“Chandler thank god you’re here.” Rachel said, before Monica indicated for them to be quiet.
Twenty minutes later, Chandler carried a sleeping Rebecca out of the church. Monica, who had her arm wrapped around his waist, came with him and the others followed them out into the bright sunshine.
“Well, she’s now a member of the church family.” Ross said.
“Yep.” Chandler replied, placing her in her pram.
“We’ll walk home with the babies.” Phoebe said, indicating to herself and Rachel.
“I’ll come with you.” said Monica and Ashlee.
“OK, well we’ll go in the car and get some drinks. Then we’ll meet you back home.”
And for a long time after that, the gang laughed every time they remembered that day.
THE END
What did you think? It actually happened at my cousin’s christening. Please R&R! Email me with comments.