First, please sit down in a comfortable chair cos’ this fanfic is (a bit) long.

Second, following are my thoughts about R & R love story:

nobody really knows if Ross and Emily’s wedding goes on, but I think (or rather I hope) that something will happen between them so that they’ll break up (don’t mind whether before or after that the ring will be slipped onto the finger), I just would like they friendly parted. Ross will come back to New York with the friends and he will be left in the dark about Rachel’s feelings for him.

And Rachel, finally grown, will keep her love for Ross in her heart. That might not be the right moment, Ross will be lost, he can’t marry or start a relationship with someone else right away. If he was going to marry Emily it was because a part of him loved her and it’s impossible that he flings himself in Rachel’s arms so fast. Not even knowing what she feels for him.

Third and now my fanfic which starts some weeks after the return home of the gang.

. Monica and Chandler are always very busy with their sexual affairs.

. Phoebe gave birth to her babies and now she’s spending her time between suckling schedules and breast milk pump.

. Joey, after feeling "homesick", is loving in obsessive way, all that is american.

. Ross and Rachel haven’t had yet the opportunity to have a private chat about their love affairs since both of them tried to avoid the speech till now.

The Museum of Natural History. Ross is arranging for a prehistorical stand. His boss approaches him from behind.

BOSS – Ehm … Ross?

ROSS (giving a start) – Yes !!??

BOSS - Have you any commitment for Saturday night?

ROSS - Well, there is "Jurassic Park" (again!!?? Yes) on TV, but if you …

BOSS – Perfect! These (showing Ross two envelopes) are two invitations for the annual paleontologists party. Unfortunately this year I can’t go there, well my wife doesn’t want to go there again, so you’ll represent our museum. I can assure you it’s not a bad party, with the exception of the initial speech of our president which is pretty boring. (Ross is listening without speaking and his boss follows). Please do me this favour, I wouldn’t bear my wife who, snorting, says all night like a clogged record "Ufff, always the same faces".

ROSS – Well, I …

BOSS – Thanx a lot Ross. I knew I could count upon your help. Oh, the other invitation is for your wif..girlfrie..sister, yes your sister, or your mother, or your … well the important is that she’s a female! Enjoy Ross.

ROSS – Thanx.(looking at the 2 envelopes in his hand) Well Ross you need a woman!

Girls’ apartment. Monica + Phoebe + Rachel are there, having supper. Ross bursts in.

ROSS – Hi girls.

MONICA – Hey, is someone chasing you?

ROSS – No. I … I … I have just done the stairs in a hurry, cos’ … cos’ …

RACHEL – First off, breathe!

ROSS (breathing) Ok, cos’ … (breathing again) I need a woman!

PHOEBE – Wow.

ROSS (looking at Rachel-Phoebe-Monica in sequence) So … who of you?

MONICA – Don’t look at me. I’m your sister,Y’remember? You could be desperate but I’m always your sister!

PHOEBE – Neither at me. I’m suckling and I can’t do … stuff. My milk’d spoil.

RACHEL (shocked) What??? Phoebe be sober!

PHOEBE – It’s the truth. If I make up and down my milk becomes a sort of butter, or something else.

Ross, Monica and Rachel look at each other trying not to laugh.

RACHEL – Phoebe, please we are next to the 2000, you can’t believe in these things!

PHEOBE (not persuaded) – Maybe you are right, but I can’t risk!

ROSS – Girls, stop with these sillinesses. I’m not talking about sex, even though I’m forcedly in chastity, I have to replace my boss at a work supper and I can’t go there alone. There will be only couple, i.e. a man with a woman, I hope! However, it’s a very important evening party in one of the most popular place of New York. Champagne, caviar, there will be even the band. Things out of the Arabian Night! … That’s what my boss said.

PHOEBE – No thanx, I don’t like Arabians. They have got too many wives.

MONICA – I bet it’ll be on Saturday night. I’m always very busy on Saturday night.

ROSS – Yeah, Rach?

RACHEL – Uhm … all paleontologists?

ROSS – Yes, but I promise you that you will not repent.

RACHEL – Well, I … so …

ROSS – Please, please … be my sheet-anchor.

RACHEL (getting miffed) – No.

ROSS – Come on Rachel. It will be amusing!

RACHEL – Uhmmm … Ok.

ROSS – Fine, (joking) thanx thanx thanx my sheet-anchor.

ROSS – Well, I have to go now, Susan and Carol leave me Ben tonight. Bye bye girls. (Approaching Rachel) Come on, smile me. (Rachel doesn’t smile) Ok, I’ll pick you up Saturday night at 8. Bye.

GIRLS – Bye Ross.

MONICA AND PHEOBE (together) Y’see, you have a date with Ross.

RACHEL (sulky) Y’listened, I’m just his sheet-anchor.

MONICA – Come on Rachel, y’know he wasn’t’ going to say that!

PHOEBE – How will you dress? Here (showing the invitation to Rachel) there is written " the evening dress is requested".

MONICA – You could put on that black dress you bought last spring. It’s a fable!

RACHEL – The Armani dress?

PHOEBE – Oh yes, that dress puts your breast in show.

RACHEL – Not at all. Ok, it’s a pretty low-necked dress but my breast isn’t shown.

PHOEBE – You mean "not completely". Well, I think that if we’ve got that (she looks at her breast) is because we have to show it.

RACHEL – Alright, I’ll wear something else!

MONICA – Honey, we are joking, you’re so beautiful with that dress. You look like a pearl. His pearl.

RACHEL – Oh please, I won’t be his pearl. (Monica and Phoebe look inquiringly at her) All right I will but as Ross once told me "this ship has sailed".

MONICA – Hey, where is my Rachel? I mean the girl who fights for what she wants.

RACHEL – Oh, I don’t know, I don’t know where she is. What I have to do, what? Ok, calm down Rachel, he isn’t the only guy in this world. There are many other guys out of this door I could love.

That instant Ross bursts in again finding Rachel right in front of him. She turns pale.

ROSS – Rach, what happens. I’m Ross, have I scared you?

(Rachel almost imperceptibly dissents with her head)

ROSS – I’ve forgot to tell you that we have to wear the evening dress.

PHOEBE – She knows, it’s written here!

ROSS – Ok. I go.

He moves towards the door, opens the door, goes out shutting the door, moves towards the stairs but suddenly stops himself and comes back, opens the door again and finds Rachel still standing in front of the door.

ROSS – Rachel, are you sure you are well? (She nods) Fine, I really can go now. (He goes)

RACHEL (whispering) – I want you, Ross. Only you.

MONICA (sweetly) – And he wants you. (Rachel tearfully looks at her) It’s so, "this ship" which said your name while was getting married with someone else, has not sailed at all, believe me. Don’t you see? He is worrying about you. He just needs time.

RACHEL (crying) I know, I have been so stubborn. Emily, Bonnie and the other stuffs wouldn’t have happened if I had had the courage to admit that it was my fault, too. I mean about our break up, about Mark and Chloe.

MONICA – Don’t look back. Think of your future. Saturday night you are going out together. Come on, sweet, don’t cry!

PHOEBE – Yes, don’t cry, otherwise I’m getting upset and my milk spoils.

MONICA AND RACHEL – Phoebe!!!!!

Saturday night. Girls’s. Monica and Chandler are kissing, hiding themselves behind the refrigerator door, Joey is eating jam, of course american production, and is watching TV. Rachel comes out of the bathroom. She’s put up her hair and is wearing her low-necked dress that moreover has got a breath-taking slash on one side. Joey swallows the pieces of biscuit with jam without chewing it and almost chokes, then he starts moving his glance from the slash (Rachel’s legs) to the plunging neckline (Rachel’s breast) and viceversa.

RACHEL – Joey, my face is pretty up.

JOEY – Yes, I know. It’s just … Bless me! What a beautiful dress!

RACHEL (moving towards her bedroom) - You’ve got a maniacal glance!

Joey can’t answer, he is still choking. Behind the refrigerator door no sounds, till the Ross’arrival.

ROSS – Hi people.

CHANDLER (with dishevelled hair) – Wow, wow, you are really good-looking, I’m really falling in love with you!

ROSS – Chandler, I wouldn’t break your heart but I’m not.

CHANDLER (putting his hand on his chest) Ahhhh.

Meanwhile Rachel is coming out of her bedroom.

ROSS - Rachel are you (he sees her) rea…dy (Ross’ heart starts beating like an engine of a racecar at maximum of it power).

RACHEL (noticing his emotion) – Hi Ross, Yes I’m ready.

ROSS (trying to hide his emotion) – Ok, we go.

He takes Rachel’s hand and makes for the door. Rachel turns towards the friends and smiles very satisfied. Joey raises his thumb for approval.

JOEY – I bet 50 $ they will "closely" get together within 15 days, and for "closely" I mean … do stuff!

CHANDLER (stretching out his hand to Joey) I bet 80 $ that really nothing will happen between them in the next 15 days, maybe in a month … a year … a century!

JOEY (snaking Chandler’s hand) – Get ready your money!  

Paleontologists’party. Who was believing that the party would be enlived after 3 fourths of hour of a very boring speech, he was really wrong. The only thing which hit the mark was the buffet which had been swept in a flash.

Rachel had been captured from a woman who, after knowing about her job in a fashion company, had hammered her of thousand questions and now she is telling Rachel about her imaginary health problems. Rachel, of course, is in low spirits.

Ross, realising what’s happening, is trying to reach her but he finds plenty of obstacles on his way. People to greet, tables and chairs to shun and when finally is next to Rachel the American national anthem starts playing. Everybody stands at attention and quiet for about 5 minutes.

Rachel sees Ross, Ross sees Rachel, they look at each other for a while, she entreats help with her eyes, he answers her, always with his eyes, that is coming and finally the anthem ends.

WOMAN (just striking up a conversation with him) – Oh Dr. Geller, do you know Miss Green?

ROSS – Yes, Rachel is here with me.

WOMAN (being disappointed not to know that stuff) Oh …

ROSS (taking advantage of the confusion of the woman) Sorry, Mrs. Martin but Rachel promised me a dance (and without waiting for an answer moves towards the dance-floor together with Rachel).

RACHEL – Do you know her?

ROSS – I was at University with her son.

RACHEL – Oh, she is quite tiresome!

ROSS – You are boring, aren’t you?

RACHEL (smiling) Well … I

ROSS – I’m very sorry, I’m really very very sorry, I promised you wouldn’t get bored.

RACHEL – Don’t worry, I could show her all my knowledge about the autumn fashion.

Ross smiles at her and she leads Ross’head against hers.

They go on dancing so close till somebody approaches them.

MAN – Ehm … Excuse me, may I dance with your beautiful girlfriend?

Ross flashes the intruder with a "curt NO".

MAN – Hi Rachel, how are you?

RACHEL – Dr. French, I’m fine thanx and you too I see. Ross, this is the best friend of my father. Dr. French this is Ross my … a friend of mine. (A moment of silence) Well, I didn’t remember you were a paleontologist.

DR. FRENCH – Yeah, I’m not, I’m a gatecrasher … ssshhh.

And taking Rachel in his arms starts dancing with her. Ross is dumbfounded.

MRS. MARTIN – Ross, are you alone? (without waiting for his reply) Well, dance with me!

After dancing with Mrs. Martin, who has gone on telling him about her imaginary health problems, Ross’s reached from Rachel who looks sad.

RACHEL – May we come back home?

ROSS – Will you come back home?

RACHEL – Yes, please.

ROSS (realising that something is going awry) – Ok but, Rachel, what’s happened?

RACHEL – Nothing. I just want to go home.

ROSS – Allright, as you wish.

In a cab. Rachel keeps silent and Ross, not knowing what’s happened to get Rachel bad mood, doesn’t know what to say. While he is thinking if his behavior has been wrong he notes that the driver is looking at Rachel’s breast through the rear mirror.

ROSS – The way is in your front!

DRIVER – What?

ROSS – How can you drive if you are looking behind?

DRIVER – Sorry.

Rachel smiles.

ROSS - Are you smiling? Yes, you are.

RACHEL – Oh Ross, forgive me, I’m … I’m a little tired.

ROSS – This hasn’t been, how can I say, a successful evening. Isn’t? Now, I know why my boss’wife won’t go there anymore!

DRIVER - Are 30 $.

ROSS - 30 $.????

DRIVER – Yes.

Ross pays the 30 $ without flinching then he follows Rachel who is entering home. They are going upstairs when Rachel, who is ahead of him, stops and turns towards Ross.

RACHEL – Listen, I don’t want you to believe I don’t feel good tonight. It’s just … just …

ROSS (taking her hand) Rach, tell me what’s happened.

ROSS (without insisting) - Have I already said that you are beautiful?

RACHEL – No.

ROSS (sweetly) – Well, you really are.

RACHEL – Really?

ROSS – Yes.

They stare at each other for a moment.

But suddenly they are run over by Phoebe who is late for her breast-feeding.

PHOEBE – Oh sorry. Oh, are you.

ROSS – Yes, we are.

PHOEBE – I would ask for you how the party has gone but I can’t. I’m really late. Bye.

The spell has broken. Ross and Rachel go upstairs where they find Monica, Chandler and Joey.

CHANDLER – How’s the party gone?

ROSS – Well.

JOEY – Nothing new?

RACHEL - No. I go to bed. Goodnight.

JOEY (to Ross) What’s up?

ROSS – Nothing. Goodnight.

ALL – Goodnight.

CHANDLER (to Joey gets going towards his bedroom) – Nothing new! Less 12. Get ready your money!

MONICA – Aren’t you afraid you could lose?

CHANDLER – Come on, don’t you see what’s happening? They are so scared of the idea they are still in love with that can’t even look at each other. If I was Rachel, I mean, Oh God I was there, you were there, she was there, everybody was there and everyone heard what he said in his vows, and I repeat if I was Rachel …

MONICA – You wear the skirt and you’d be unmanageable some days every month!

CHANDLER – Sweetie, seriously, if I was Rachel, besides wearing the skirt and being unmanageable some days every month, I’d face him making him admit that he is longing to get together with her again! Believe me that money is already in my pockets.

Few days later. Joey and Chandler’s apartment. All there less Ross and Rachel.Joey is reading a catalogue called "Everything made in America"

JOEY – Phoebe look at here. This is a natural mixture which step up the milk production.

PHOEBE – Really??? Show me!

MONICA – Phoebe please, aren’t you going to eat that stuff?

(Ross comes in).

ROSS – Hi everyone.

ALL – Hi.

ROSS – I know, I’m getting bored but I need your help again.

MONICA – Woman?

ROSS – No, bed.

MONICA – Bed???

ROSS – Yeah, I can’t stay home for some days. My landlord called the house-painters.

MONICA – Why?

ROSS – Well, some weeks ago I told him that maybe I’d have gone away. Yes, when Emily and I, y’know. So he decided to do up the walls and ceiling and now they are coming next Monday.

MONICA – Ok, no problems. The couch is there.

ROSS – Thank you. Is Rachel there?

MONICA – No, she hasn’t back yet.

ROSS – Oh, well, I have to go back to the Museum. I’ll come Monday evening with some of my things. (He goes).

Joey – Any news about them?

MONICA – No, they didn’t see anymore after last night.

CHANDLER – Less 9!

MONICA – How can you be so venal, betting some money on their love affairs? Chandler, I’m ashamed for you!

CHANDLER – Joey started that!

MONICA - Yes but you didn’t draw back!

CHANDLER – Yeah, guess what?

MONICA – What?

CHANDLER – With the money I’m winning, I’m going to buy you a present.

MONICA – I won’t a present bought betting on Ross and Rachel’s happiness.

Central Perk. Rachel is there having a chat with someone else. Ross sees her through the window and enters.

ROSS – Hi.

RACHEL – Hey, hi.

The person who is speaking with her turns himself and what a surprise!

PAOLO – Ross my old friend, how do you do? (he hugs him)

ROSS - I’m fine. Thanx.

(Silence)

RACHEL – Ehm, we’ve fortuitously met and Paolo’s offered me a coffee.

ROSS – Oh.

PAOLO – Do you like a coffee too?

ROSS – No, thanks. I wanted to talk with Rachel but I can wait.

PAOLO – No. No. I was going away. (To Rachel) I was very glad to meet you. Well, see you soon, honey. Bye Ross.

RACHEL – Yeah, bye Paolo.

ROSS – Good-bye.(To Rachel) So you … I mean … you two ..

RACHEL – We had a coffee together.

ROSS (upset) Yeah!

RACHEL – Are you looking for me?

ROSS (trying to collect himself) Yes, I have some problems at my home and I’ve asked for Monica to stay with you for some days. She said "yes" and so if it isn’t a problem for you I … I will be there from Monday evening.

RACHEL – Any problem. You’ll be our guest!

ROSS – Ok, many thanks. I have to go now.

RACHEL – Ok.

He makes for the door, but stops and looks at her.

ROSS – Rachel?

RACHEL – Yes?

ROSS – Nothing. Bye. (He goes).

Boys’ apartment. Chandler and Joey are in. Ross enters.

CHANDLER – Didn’t you have to go back to the Museum?

ROSS (Throwing himself into one of the big leather recliners) – What is she doing? What? I mean with him.

JOEY – Is it a riddle?

ROSS – Why?

CHANDLER – Listen Ross, if you go on speaking in monosyllables we can’t understand and meanwhile the night is falling!

ROSS – She was at Central Perk having coffee with him.

CHANDLER – Well, she I think it was Rachel. Him … Who was him?

ROSS (whispering) Paolo!

JOEY – What?

ROSS – Yeah (his beeper rings) The Museum. I’d be already there. I have to go. (He stands up and looking sad goes away).

JOEY – Y’see, he is totally in love with Rachel. Get ready your money!

Monday evening. Ross is guest of the girls. Monica + Chandler + Ross + Rachel are there. Monica and Chandler are kissing hiding themselves behind a newspaper.

RACHEL – Monica, Chandler please will you stop hiding? All the word know about your … your … Well, are you in love or yours is just … just sex?

MONICA (lowering the newspaper)? – Whatever it’s, it’s great!

CHANDLER – Yes, don’t mind whether it goes on till tomorrow or forever, it’s fantastic!

(The phone ring)

ROSS – Hallo, oh Dr. Green … Rachel, yes , hold on. (He hands her the phone).

RACHEL (answering) Hi dad, are you well? Yes, he was Ross. No, he is our guest. No … no… dad … Yes, I’ve understood … Thursday evening? Yes, ok. See you soon.

ROSS – News?

RACHEL – I’m having supper with my dad on Thursday. He will introduce me somebody else. Goodnight. (She makes for her bedroom).

ROSS (baffled) Goodnight.

He looks for comfort in Monica and Chandler but they are hidden behind the newspaper again, so he starts getting ready his bed.

Tuesday evening. Gilrs’s. Monica is ironing. Rachel, turning her back upon them, is doing dishes and Ross is sitting at the table and writes. He looks around the room thinking of something about the script and let his eyes dwell upon Rachel, his glance slides on her and he nostalgically smiles.

ROSS’THOUGHT – God Rach, I can’t get away from you, I’m missing you so much. I would press you to me like a stamp and don’t let you go anymore.

He notes that Monica is looking at him and tries to hide his thoughts.

ROSS – Hey, what’s up?

MONICA (smiling) – Nothing. I was just looking around.

RACHEL – Monica don’t let your mind wonder, the iron burns.

MONICA – Not only the iron … (Ross’ glare)

RACHEL (to Ross) – Y’know what she means?

Ross dissents with his head, gets up and goes out.

RACHEL – Hey, will you tell me what was happening?

MONICA – Well … (pause)

RACHEL – So???!!!

MONICA – He was devouring you with his eyes. WOW!!!

RACHEL – Oh Mon, please …. Really?

MONICA – Yes.

RACHEL – Really, really?

MONICA – Yes, yes.

RACHEL – Y’know what? I’d shut myself with him in a room and would throw away the key (she puts her hands into the water) Owww. It burns!

Joey’s bedroom. He and Chandler are there. Joey is lying down his bed and Chandler is sitting next to him, trying to get out Joey of his paranoia.

CHANDLER – Repeat slowly, I’m a citizen of the world, America belongs to the world and I’m living in this world.

Ross comes in no caring about what they are doing.

ROSS – So beautiful, so lovely, so sexy, so … so!

CHANDLER – Monosyllables again and forever! Guys you are driving me mad!

ROSS – Any experience about something you wanted and you couldn’t get?

JOEY – Yeah, when I was fifteen, I was dying to get my neighbour, an explosive woman (making a meaningful movement of curves with his hands) WOW, and as I couldn’t get her I found a substitute. I spied my sisters upon the bathroom lock. Well what couldn’t you get?

Chandler’s look "Joey!! What a stupid question are you putting?"

ROSS – I don’t need a substitute. I want her, just her. I already got a substitute once, Chloe Y’rembember, and what happened everyone knows. Oh men, I cant’ stop thinking of her, I mean her neck, her eyelids, her arms, her hands, her nails, her lips and everything else about her. What can I do? What?

JOEY (lighting up) – Rachel, sure you’re talking about Rachel.

CHANDLER – I believe you are homesick, you are totally lost in space! Please come back home!

JOEY – It’s what I have been trying to do longer than 1 month (putting his hands on Ross’shoulders and looks at him straight in his eyes) Listen guy, now you go there and tell her what you’ve just said to us.

ROSS – Now, (gasping) You mean right now, and if she doesn’t want me?

Joey and Chandler have a "come on Ross she’s looking forward to" look on their faces.

JOEY – Be a man!

Ross at all persuades is going to go.

CHANDLER – No. No. Wait, wait (Ross is bewildered and gasps for a while) There’s no hurry, there is Monica there and for these things, Y’know, you need the right atmosphere, Y’know, for kisses and all the other stuffs.

JOEY – But …

CHANDLER – Listen, you have to wait. Yes, you have to wait for the right moment, that could be (he mentally and quickly calculates when the 15 days end) could be, yes to be sure the next Monday.

ROSS (more bewildered) – Next Monday?

CHANDLER – Yes.

Joey (with a "you dishonest" glare) – A stitch in time saves nine!

CHANDLER – Sleep on it … and sleep and sleep!

Ross shakes his head and feeling sad comes back in the girls’apartment.

JOEY –The idea I could win is scaring you, right?

CHANDLER – At all, I’ve just advised him for the best!

Girls’. Ross enters, the lights are off, Monica has already gone to bed and Rachel is moving from the bathroom to her bedroom.

ROSS – Rach, are you going to bed?

RACHEL – Yes.

ROSS – Oh.

RACHEL – Do you need something?

ROSS – Well, (YES, YOU) … no.

RACHEL – Ok, goodnight.

ROSS – G’night.

Wednesday evening. Central Perk. J + C are sitting on the couch talking about their bet. 

JOEY - … Sooner or later she’ll tell him.

Ross enters.

CHANDLER – Phew! She came as far as London to tell him she was still in love with and she couldn’t.

Joey sees Ross.

JOEY (panic) – Good this cake!

CHANDLER – I’m sorry for you but your money is …

JOEY (kicks him) – Hi Ross.

ROSS (pale, no, white) – She … she came to London to … Chandler what are you talking about?

CHANDLER (white too) – Well … Uh … We are talking of this and that … some cake?

Ross going to faint, leans against the couch and looks for an answer in Joey.

JOEY (shrugging his shoulders and handing him a piece of cake) – Take it, it’s really good!

Ross gasps trying to speak but uselessly and staggering moves towards the door.

JOEY (hitting Chandler’s head) – When … When you learn how to hold your tongue!

CHANDLER – I … I didn’t know he was here!

Girls’. Rachel is sticking some coupons on a card.

RACHEL – 10 only 10 (Ross comes in) Hey, hi. I’m sticking coupons, I know it’s a pretty stupid thing, but at this point I’ve started collecting them and tomorrow I have to send the card, it’s the last day.

Ross stands near the door, intensely looking at her without speaking.

RACHEL – What’s up?

ROSS (in a whisper) – Why didn’t you tell me?

RACHEL (innocently)– About coupons? Well, you don’t make use of those things, I mean it’s a woman stuff.

ROSS (shutting the door and approaching her) – You came as far as there, why didn’t you tell me? I mean we always said each other everything, why didn’t you tell me such an important thing?

RACHEL (realising what Ross is talking about) Oh .. (breath) Oh … (look at her hands) Oh, you … you know (look at him) Well, (breath) how could I tell you … you seemed so happy, very happy, how could I ruin your wedding?

ROSS – But not even when I said your name?

RACHEL (tearfully) – If I had listened to my heart I’d do that but I couldn’t … no I couldn’t … for Emily .. for her .. I

ROSS – Something it’s changed now? You are still feeling for me … What?

Rachel trying to push back her tears looks at the window.

ROSS (placing himself in front of her) – Rach, something it’s changed?

She is going to reply him but (of course) someone comes in.

PHOEBE (throwing a lot of boxes on the table) – Et voila my coupons. Well, ok, we have to cut out them!

ROSS – I give up! There is no privacy here!

Thursday evening. Girls’apartment. Ross is alone. He’s lying down his bed reading a book. It’s about 11.00. Rachel comes back home.

ROSS – Amusing evening?

Rachel doesn’t answer. She moves for the kitchen, seizes 1 glass, not 2 …

ROSS – No thanx, I’ m not thirst.

The glasses now are 3, 4, 5 , 6. She puts them in indian file filling them of whisky then starts drinking all in one go.

ROSS – Hey, hey, hey, will you get sick?

Rachel doesn’t answer again and goes on drinking. Ross, stops her taking away the full glasses. Then he takes her face with his hands forcing her to look at him and realises that Rachel has cried.

ROSS (very very sweetly) – Rach, what’s gone awry?

RACHEL (trying to keep tears) – The person he had to introduce me was … was his girlfriend!

ROSS – You father have got a woman?

She nods and dissents.

ROSS – Yes or no?

RACHEL - She isn’t a woman.

ROSS (inquiringly looks at her) – What do you mean with "She isn’t a woman"?

RACHEL (sniffing) – She’s a teen-ager. No, no, a baby girl.

ROSS (giving her his handkerchief) – Oh, is she pretty young?

RACHEL – Very very young! She could be my daughter. Y’see that barbie cover girls with big breast, big lips, nice ass (he nods) well, she’s a hundred times worse! Dr. French told me something last night at the party but I wouldn’t believe.

ROSS (quietly smiles) – Well, your parents are separate. It’s possible your father is going to start a new life.

RACHEL (starting crying again) – I know, I know, I’m pathetic, I’m a baby.

ROSS (approaching her and closing her in his arms) – No, you aren’t. I believe you were hoping that your parents would get back together one day and now with this news your dreams are crumbling. Isn’t it?

Rachel nods again always crying.

ROSS – Listen, today everything looks dark but tomorrow, you’ll see, it will be different.

RACHEL – Y’believe?

Ross nods closing her to him and kisses her hair, then her temples and her cheek. Rachel, perceiving these kisses, moves her mouth to find Ross’one and she lightly kisses one of his lips and he returns her kiss.

ROSS (always with his lips on Rachel’s) – It’s time … well, I have a speech to finish.

She nods, but …

JOEY (shouting) – Help, help, help! The duck is drowning!

ROSS – Drowning?

JOEY – Yes, don’t waste time. If he dies Chandler will kill me!

They go in the guys’ bathroom and what they find is really grotesque. The duck is in the bath and his only part out of the water are his legs which are madly moving. The rest of the body is completely submerged. Joey’s petrified. Ross is still thinking of what was happening in the kitchen with Rachel and he is pretty lost. Rachel, though excited, seizes the duck’s legs and takes him from the water. At this point they can see that at the duck’s neck is hanging a fabric ball wholly soaked.

RACHEL – What’s that?

JOEY – It’s a knick-knack!

Rachel trying gets it away but the poor duck though he’s at death’s door, defends himself pecking Rachel’s finger.

RACHEL – Ahi. Hey, it’s that your thanks. I’ve just saved your life.

Ross takes a towel and covers the duck’s head so finally he can take the ball from the duck’s neck, realising that it’s very heavy.

ROSS (giving Joey the ball) – Now I understand why he’s sunk. Where have you found this thing? (to Rachel) Are you hurt?

RACHEL – A bit.

JOEY – I bought it by that catalogue "Everything …

ROSS AND RACHEL – made in America".

JOEY – Yeah, there was written that it’s very effective against the parasite.

Meanwhile the duck gives no sign of life.

JOEY (totally upset) – No, no, please don’t die, don’t die.

Ross, who was disinfecting Rachel’s finger, has the good idea to press the duck’s belly with his finger and immediately from the beak comes out some water. He tries again and again and finally, after flooding the bathfloor, the duck recovers, right in time for Chandler’s arrival, who seeing all those people in his bathroom gets nosy. The duck fortunately stands.

CHANDLER – What are you doing here?

JOEY (hiding the ball behind his back) – We are just medicating Rachel’s finger.

CHANDLER (looking at it) – Oh, it’s a burn or a bite?

JOEY – A bite. Yes, a bite, has been Ross.

CHANDLER (maliciously smiling) – I didn’t know this … this game? It’s new?

Ross sulkily looks at Joey and he’s answering something when Chandler sees that the duck is spitting water.

CHANDLER – Oh my God, he’s sick.

JOEY (turning pale) – Maybe he was very thirst and …

CHANDLER – What?

RACHEL – Trust you! The duck is well (slow) now. (leaning against the bathdoor) Well, I really have to go to bed cos’ I’ve really drunk too much tonight. See you.

Ross and Rachel go out.

CHANDLER – Damn, have I lost? I mean he’s bitten her finger .. I mean …

JOEY – You quite mean nothing and nothing’s happened. As Rachel just said "trust you" the bet is going on.

Fryday evening. Ross is coming back girls’home and meets Paolo who is coming out from there.

PAOLO – Oh, amico mio, I’m just meeting Rachel at home.

ROSS – Oh, (why he goes on calling me "amico mio", I’m not his friend, at all).

He enters.

MONICA (who is making for the restaurant together with Chandler who absolutely will keep her company) – Hi.

ROSS – Uhmmmm …

CHANDLER – Hi.

ROSS – Uhmmmm …

JOEY – Hi.

ROSS – Uhmmmm …

CHANDLER (to Monica and Joey) Y’think it’s a sort of new greeting? Less 2, Joey.

MONICA – We go. See you later.

JOEY – Wait people, I’m coming with you, I have a date!

They go. Ross takes off his jacket and nervously loosens his neck-tie. Rachel, who was on the balcony, comes in.

RACHEL – Hey.

ROSS (nodding a greet) – News?

RACHEL – No.

ROSS – Sure?

RACHEL – Yes. Listen, I’m going to order one pizza, shall I order two?

ROSS – If I good remember the last time I ate pizza alone with you, we was fighting.

That point Rachel realises that Ross must have met Paolo.

RACHEL – Well, now I understand, but I don’t see any reason for which we’d fight.

ROSS (moving towards the bathroom) – Don’t you see?

RACHEL (gets angry) – No. Ross, listen, he’s my friend, you are my friend, we are friends. Ok?

ROSS (angry too enters the shower still dressed and flinging out his clothes from above) – No Rachel, we, to be clear, you and I, aren’t just friend.

RACHEL – No???!!!

ROSS (burning with the water) – Damn. No. Why Y’believe I said your name in my vows?

RACHEL (opening the curtain and looking at him with imploringly eyes) – Tell me, why?

ROSS (staring at her for a while) – Cos’ … I … I have to … wash me.

RACHEL (very very angry) – Fine, y’know what? Take your shower, take your bath, take whatever you want, I’m going to eat at Monica’s. Goodnight!

She slams the door and goes.

JOEY – Made in Taiwan, made in China, made in Italy. Neither one. Neither one made in America. Y’see, the conception of the mother country had disappeared. They only look at the profit.

The others look at each other smiling in their sleeve.

RACHEL – Honey, don’t you believe it’s time to recover from your "homesick"?

JOEY – You don’t see the problem?

MONICA – What problem?

JOEY (resignedly) – It’s no good talking with you.

PHOEBE – Joey, will you come with me to see the babies, they are totally made in America.

CHANDLER (making a "V" with his fore and middle fingers meaning victory) – Less 1, being exact less 3 hours and 12 minutes.

JOEY (not very interested) – Yeah, see you folks.

He and Phoebe go.

RACHEL – What’s that, a secret code?

CHANDLER - Maybe … Well, what are we doing tonight?

RACHEL – Might we play "risiko"? I’m a little tired to go out again.

CHANDLER – Y’tired?

RACHEL – Yes.

CHANDLER – Good.

RACHEL – Good what?

MONICA (glaring Chandler) – Come on Rachel, we’ll have all winter to play risiko.

CHANDLER – We might go to play miniature golf.

RACHEL – Uhmmm, I don’t know …

CHANDLER (to Ross who is coming out from the bathroom) – We are going to (he stops himself seeing Ross wearing a T-shirt and pajamas pants) go to bed. (to Monica) I hope not to become like them for at least 40 years. (Meanwhile he realises that his apartment is wholly available) (to Monica) Come with me.

They go in the hallway.

MONICA – Where are we going?

CHANDLER – As I said before, we are exactly going to bed.

In the girls’ apartment the atmosphere is pretty overburdened. Ross and Rachel have nibbled something and now they are watching an old film on TV. Rachel is sitting in the chair while Ross is lying down his bed. The film ends, and a musical program of video-clips starts.

RACHEL – Ross can you give me the remote?

No answer.

RACHEL (turning towards him) – Ross the rem …

She sees that he’s leaned against the back of the couch and sleeps. Rachel stands up and moves on the bed trying to take the remote from Ross’ hand without waking him up, but uselessly. Ross wakes up with a start and Rachel starts too.

RACHEL – Sorry, I didn’t want you to wake up. (whispering) I just need the remote.

They deeply looks at each other and Rachel is moving back but Ross stops her seizing her waist and violently pulls her against him starting kissing very passionately her mouth and her neck, while with one of his hand is unbuttoning her dress baring her shoulders. Rachel, taken unawares, almost can’t move, only her throbbed heart and her hot cheeks reveal that she is in a flap.

ROSS (breathless, being aware of what is doing and without stopping kissing her everywhere) – God Rach, (kiss) stop me (kiss) stop me COs’ I’m quite unable to do it!

RACHEL (all dishevelled, dissenting with her head)– I don’t want you to stop, Ross … I don’t want.

He looks at her with fond eyes taking away a look of her hair from her face and starts caressing her profile with his finger, when his hand reaches Rachel’s mouth she closes her eyes and sweetly kisses it.

ROSS (let her kissing his hand for a while) – Oh Rachel, you are so beautiful!

RACHEL (opening her tearfully eyes leans her forehead against Ross’ one) I love you Ross, I love you so much that I don’t know how to make you understand that.

ROSS (drawing back a bit, caresses her mouth brushing away a tears from there) You needn’t make anything, I’m perceiving that and I love you too. I never stopped loving you. A part of my hearth’s always belonged to you.

Well, maybe doesn’t need to write that, but we could hear their heartbeats. Go on.

Rachel closes him to her breast, Ross sweetly grazing it with his lips and deeply breathes to find again her scent then he looks for Rachel’s mouth and they kiss again and again. Ross slips his hands under the Rachel’s dress fondling her back, she’s a thrill. That instant on TV starts airing the video of "With or without you" and this time nothing wrong is going to happen.

RACHEL – I want you Ross, I want you so much ..

ROSS (moving to tears and closing her to him even more) – God, I want you too Rachel and … maybe you’ve understood how much I want you.

Rachel nods and kisses Ross’ neck, he takes off her dress and what is going to happen everybody knows but I can’t write it.

It’s the dead of night. There are clothes thrown all over the floor. Ross is woken up by a deafening music that comes out the TV still lights up. He seizes the remote and switches off it. Then seeing Rachel next to him feels an agreeable sensation and kisses her naked back.

ROSS (whispering) -You are my life, Rach.

RACHEL (turning towards him, very touched) Really?

ROSS (smiling) Yes, even if you pretend to sleep to hear what I’m saying.

RACHEL (putting her hands in Ross’ hair) – Oh Ross, it has been so lovely. It has been so … so …

ROSS – Special.

RACHEL – Yes.

ROSS – You are special Rach, (kiss) and thanx for not saying and doing anything at my wedding, when I … Y’know.

Ross has tearfully eyes and Rachel’s touched.

RACHEL – Ross, if I think that I could lost you forever, I … I…

ROSS (closing her mouth with a kiss) - Ssssshhh ….

RACHEL – I …

ROSS – Sssssshhhhh….

Rachel clings herself to Ross’chest and starts sobbing so intensely that Ross almost gets scared, but he understands that Rachel need to give vent to her feelings.

RACHEL (sobbing) – Oh Ross …. I felt awful … I can’t live without (sob) without knowing that you’re living with me (sob) … we were on a break …

ROSS (at this point in tears too, presses up her very close to him fondling her hair) – Yes,on a break.

RACHEL (sobbing even more) – On a break …

ROSS (lifting up her face) – Hey, will you make me cry?

RACHEL – You are already crying.

ROSS – Yeah, (deeply breathing to push his tears back) I won’t wake up evermore (breathing again) without finding you next to me …

RACHEL (hanging her head on Ross’shoulder) – I’ll be there, Ross. I want to be there.

Other kisses and other stuffs again.

The morning after, Sunday, about 9. Monica opens the door and sees all those stuffs scattered all over the floor and shuts the door standing in the hallway.

CHANDLER – Why don’t you go in?

MONICA – Oh my God, there had been the thieves.

CHANDLER – What?

MONICA – There are things scattered everywhere!

CHANDLER – Make me see!

MONICA – No. What are you doing? They might be still there!

CHANDLER – Come on, there are Ross and Rachel inside.

He enters while Monica stays out. He comes straight back with Rachel’s bra and Ross’ boxer in his hand.

CHANDLER – Are these the stuffs scattered everywhere?

MONICA (realising what’s happened) Ohhhh.

CHANDLER – Come and see.

MONICA – No, no, he’s my brother.

CHANDLER – They are covered by sheet and then there are no newness, he looks like me and Rachel is like you, well .. I hope!

Monica hits his head and hesitating enters approaching at the couch seeing Ross and Rachel that, hugging, are still sleeping.

MONICA – Oh, they are so nice. They are so sweet. They are (crying) together.

CHANDLER (always with Ross’boxer in his hand) – Yeah, together …Oh my God, what day is it? (aloud) What day is today?

ROSS (suddenly waking up) - It’s Sunday!

CHANDLER – Oh my God! No. No. It’s not possible. What have you done? What?

Rachel wakes up too.

RACHEL (to Ross) – Hi my love.

ROSS – Hi Rachel, I love you, y’know? (they kiss) I’d rather have a loner awakening. Chandler, may I have my boxer?

RACHEL (wrapping herself up in the sheet and leaning with her elbows on the back of the couch) Hi everyone.

CHANDLER (giving Ross his boxer) – Don’t lose in sillinesses! I was asking for you "What have you done?".

ROSS – In your opinion, what do you think we’ve done?

CHANDLER – I don’t know. (Ross gives him a glare) Y’made love? Have you made love? Had you sex?

ROSS – Whatever you call that the answer is "YES".

He hugs Rachel from behind kissing her shoulders. Meanwhile Joey comes in.

CHANDLER (very upset) – Couldn’t you wait for a day? I mean, you waited for a year, couldn’t you wait for another day?

RACHEL – Chandler, where is the problem?

JOEY (really satisfied) - I’m his problem. Well, Chandler, pay me, you’ve lost!

CHANDLER (to Ross and Rachel) Good friends you are. What’s a day?

He is paying his debt but suddenly stops.

CHANDLER – Wait, wait, wait! When have you done that?

ROSS – Sorry?

CHANDLER – When have you made love?

ROSS – Tonight, I believed it was clear!

CHANDLER (losing his patience)(aloud) – Please will you answer to my question. What’s the time. It was before or after midnight?

RACHEL – The first time was quite around midnight.

JOEY (getting interested) – Before or after?

ROSS – Do you keep an eye on the watch when you are making love?

JOEY – It depends if it’s important or not, that’s important!

RACHEL – Why? Why are you so interested in that?

JOEY (realising that they can’t say the truth) – Cos’ … Cos’

RACHEL – Maybe have you bet on us?

JOEY (calling help in Chandler) – Well, we … we …

CHANDLER – May I talk to you in private.

JOEY – Sure!

They move towards the balcony, Ross goes in the bathroom and Monica + Rachel stay in the kitchen making coffee.

MONICA - Hey, tell me, how many times did you … had you … yes, stuff?

RACHEL (maliciously smiling) Well, twice but everytime had been so intense, so strong, and everything was really … really … (sighing) special. Oh, Monica, your brother is so, yes he is so sweet, so passionate, he knows how make me feel …

MONICA (blushing) – Ok, ok, ok. I was just asking for you how many times, but just for curiosity.

RACHEL (smiling) – Monica you are blushing!

MONICA – Well, he is my brother, you are my best friend, it’s so sweet you are together but thinking of you naked and sweated, wow that gives me the thrills.

RACHEL – Me too.

On the balcony.

CHANDLER – Ok. Listen, what about a draw?

JOEY (thoughtful) – A draw? Uhmmm … Ok.

ROSS (joining him) – Hey guys there is a strong aroma of coffee inside, wow!

JOEY – Do you need energy, Ross?

ROSS (day-dreaming) – Rachel is my energy.

CHANDLER (to Ross) – Wow, y’feel romantic. So???

ROSS – What?

CHANDLER – Tell us.

ROSS – No, I say nothing more to you. Those are very close stuffs between Rachel and me.

JOEY (entreatly) – Come on Ross, just a clue.

ROSS – No.

CHANDLER (making sheep’s eyes at Ross) – Please …

ROSS – Well, it was … it was (moving to tears) God, I love her so much.

CHANDLER (touched) – Hey man, Y’know what? I’m really happy for you.

JOEY – Me too, look at here, I’ve got the goose-flesh!

ROSS (smiling) – Joey, forget the bird!

JOEY – Yeah!

They hug.

RACHEL (presenting at the window) – The coffee is ready!

CHANDLER – Y’know you haven’t said that for quite a while!

Ross approaches her and they kiss, kiss and kiss.

CHANDLER – Ehm, we’d pass (no answers) Ehm, we’d enter (silence only kisses) Ok, you are right, there is the fire escape, come on Joey.

They pretend to move towards there, Ross and Rachel looks at them and they stop moving back.

ROSS (winking at Rachel) – No, no, you really have to go down from there!

CHANDLER – What?

ROSS – What about your stupid bet?

JOEY – Please Chandler, you first.

They move towards the railing again but stop looking at Ross.

ROSS – Down!

They go.

Meanwhile Phoebe’s come together with her brood and Monica has acquainted her with the news. Ross and Rachel come in the kitchen.

PHOEBE (to her babies) – Well boys ehm and girl, look at them, these are two lobsters – L O B S T E R S –

RACHEL – Phoebe, don’t you think it’s pretty soon?

Everyone laughs and starts having breakfast. After few minutes Chandler breathless enters followed by Joey breathless too.

CHANDLER – I knew it (breath) I knew (other breath) I could win!

JOEY – If you knew it (breath) why wouldn’t you bet?

OTHER – Hey!!!

THE END.