by: Eileen
 

TOW the Amnesia. Takes place after the weddings of Chandler and Monica and Ross and Rachel.

(Scene: Ross' hotel room. Chandler and Monica are helping a very drunken Ross and Rachel into the room.
They flop them both down on the bed. Monica grabs the trash bin from the bathroom and puts it on Ross'
side of the bed.)

CHANDLER: What are going to do with them? This is our wedding night. We're not spending it here. We
spent Ross' wedding night with him in London and I'm not rubbing his ass again.

MONICA: We'll let them sleep it off, I guess. I'll pin a note to Rachel's shirt telling her to call me first
thing. After she's done freaking out over what they've done, that is.

(She pulls out a piece of paper from the nightstand and writes a note. Then she rummages through her
purse. Realizing she doesn't have a pin, she stuffs the note down Rachel's shirt front. Monica and
Chandler head for the door.)

CHANDLER: Joey would have loved that.

(Scene: Outside the door to Chandler and Monica's hotel room. Monica slips her card key in and reaches
for the door handle.)

CHANDLER: Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute. (He sweeps her up in his arms. She opens the door, and he
carries her over the threshold.) Can't neglect my husbandly duties.

(They kiss. The kiss deepens. Monica pulls away suddenly.)

MONICA: I'm going into the bathroom and put on a little thing I picked up for our romantic trip.

CHANDLER: (Sarcastic) A map?

MONICA: You don't need a map for this. You should know the route by heart by now.

(Monica grabs her suitcase and pulls it into the bathroom. Chandler excitedly strips down to his boxer
shorts. About 10 minutes pass.)

CHANDLER: (Impatient) Monica? (No answer.) Hey, Mon, you've gotta see this high-speed car chase they
have on TV!

(Monica comes barrelling out of the bathroom.)

MONICA: No! We're not doing that again!

CHANDLER: No. We're going to do it again, and again and again. (He kisses her passionately and they fall
to the floor.)

MONICA: Wait, Chandler. I forgot my diaph— .... Oh, my.

(Scene: Ross' hotel room. Rachel wakes up in Ross' arms.)

RACHEL: Oh, my God!

(The yelling wakes up Ross, who is startled to see Rachel in his bed.)

ROSS: (like Janice says it) Oh, ... my ... God!

RACHEL: What did we do? What did we do? Did we do?

ROSS: If we did, I don't remember it.

RACHEL: (Insulted) Well, that's a great thing to say.

ROSS: (Retreating) No. No. Believe me. I remember every time we had sex. ... Every time.

RACHEL: Really?

ROSS: Yeh, all 297 times. (He hugs her.)

RACHEL: You are such a loser!

ROSS: Yes, but you still love me.

(He kisses her and the kiss intensifies. They fall back on the bed. The camera moves off them, then we
hear ...)

ROSS: Why is my sister stuffing notes into your bra?

RACHEL: I don't know! ... It gives "reach out and touch someone" a whole new meaning. (Remember the
telephone jingle?)

(Scene: Chandler and Monica's hotel room. Monica is asleep in Chandler's arms under the bedcovers. The
phone rings. Monica wakes up and sluggishly rolls over to answer it.)

MONICA: H-Hello?

RACHEL: Mon, it's me. Why did you leave a note in my bra?

MONICA: (puts her hand over the mouthpiece.) (To Chandler) It's Rachel. (She scoots over beside
Chandler so he can listen.) (To Rachel) How are you? Anything new with you? Any life altering things you
want to share?

RACHEL: Ross and I got really drunk last night. But we woke up this morning and ... now we're back
together.

MONICA: Together how?

RACHEL: (Annoyed) Like dating. ... What's wrong with you?

CHANDLER: Oh, my God! They don't remember it!

RACHEL: Remember what?

MONICA: (Nervously) Uhmmm. How drunk and silly you were last night. I mean, you had a pen mustache
and beard.

RACHEL: That was just Ross goofing around. Want to go get some breakfast before we catch our plane?
Bring your aspirin.

MONICA: OK. We'll meet you downstairs in a half hour. (She hangs up the phone).

CHANDLER: (doing his famous dance, but on the bed) They don't remember! They don't remember
anything! Well, we don't have to worry about those two keeping our secret.

MONICA: When we're 80 and our kids have put us in a nursing home, are you still going to do that dance?

CHANDLER: (Startled) Our kids?

(Monica gives him a look of disgust.)

Scene: Las Vegas' McCarran International Airport. The whole gang is walking toward their gate. Hung
over, Ross and Rachel are lagging behind.)

MONICA: (Exasperated) Come on, you guys! Hurry up! What if we miss our plane?

JOEY: The gate is right over there and the plane doesn't leave for 45 minutes. (Sarcastic) Stop freaking
out, Mon, or they won't let you on the plane. (He gives Rachel and Ross a "what's with her" look) Yeesh. ...
Hey, Rach, you OK? You look a little green.

(Rachel stops dead in her tracks, but everyone else keeps moving along.)

RACHEL: Green? GREEN!!!! (Everyone turns around and stares at her.) ... Oh, my God, Ross!!!!! (Monica
realizes that Rachel is remembering what happened the night before and she bolts toward her.) Oh, my
God. We're ma— (Monica covers Rachel's mouth and pushes her into the ladies room.)

JOEY: They're definitely not going to let her on the plane now.

(Scene: The ladies room. Rachel is wild-eyed. After a few seconds, Monica takes her hand off Rachel's
mouth.)

MONICA: It's OK. It's OK.

RACHEL: (Alarmed) It's OK! How can you say that? I'm married. I ran out on my first wedding, and I
was so drunk that I can't remember my second!

MONICA: You're not really married, honey, all right?

RACHEL: (More relax tone) I'm not??

MONICA: Sure you guys went down the aisle and said your vows, but you didn't sign the paperwork. (She
pulls the forms out of her purse.) See? (Rachel grabs the papers and looks them over.)

RACHEL: This is his handwriting. ... Rachel Marcel Green? He gave me that stupid monkey's name? ...
(Suspicious) How do you know all this anway?!

MONICA: (Nervously) Uhmmm .... Uhmmm ...

RACHEL: (Realizing) Oh, OH! You were there. ... You married Chandler! You married Chandler? You made
it down the aisle and he didn't freak out?

MONICA: No. He was really sweet.

RACHEL: This is so huge ... Mrs. Bing.

MONICA: But, we're not ready to tell everyone yet.

RACHEL: (Exasperated) We're not going to do that whole sneaking around thing again, are we?

MONICA: No. We're going to tell everyone we're engaged so we can have a big, fancy wedding and I can
finally get my mother off my back.

RACHEL: You know she'll just move on to some other aspect of your miserable life.

MONICA: Thanks. ... I know.

(Rachel puts her arm around her and hugs her. They leave the bathroom. Chandler comes rushing over.)

CHANDLER: (Worried) Everything go all right in there?

JOEY: Eww, man! That's gross.

MONICA: (She gives Chandler a comforting look.) Everything's fine. Crystal clear.

JOEY: They don't use those blue TidyBowl tablets in there, do they? (Everyone stares at him then they
head for the gate.)

MORE TO FOLLOW ...