WHEN LOVE TAKES OVER

BY CREASSYA
 
 
 

This takes place after A Wake Up Call. Chandler and Monica have been having problems in their relationship. Chandler still doesn't know why Monica is angry with him. We last left off when Chandler had been rushed to the hospital.
 

"Chandler's fine." Dr. Morgan said.

"What happened?" Monica asked.

"Well, it wasn't a heart attack. It was a panic attack."

"A panic attack?" She asked.

"Yeah. Panic attacks can happen at any time. You can be baking, working, shopping...anything. All of a sudden it happens."

"Well, why did it happen?" Ross asked.

"He's been undergoing a lot of stress these days. He's been really depressed. Now, being depressed doesn't mean just being sad. We all experience sadness from time to time, but people who suffer from depression it's more difficult for them to bounce back. He told me that he and his girlfriend are seeing a psychiatrist. I'm really glad that he is, because if he doesn't get help with all this, this won't be the last time he'll have a panic attack."

"Can I see him?" She asked.

"He can go home today, but I'll take you to him."

When Monica entered the small room, she saw Chandler sitting there with his head hung low. She stood there for a couple seconds looking at him. When he rose his head to look at her, she walked towards him with tears in her eyes and held him tightly.

"I love you Chandler." She whispered.

"I love you too."

A couple days later, Monica is in her room. She's leaning back against the bedpost reading some information about Depression that Dr. Morgan gave her. He gave her information on depression to explain where panic attacks originate from. She wanted to know more about what caused Chandler's panic attack. She found out that the symptoms of Depression are, irritability, mood swings, loss or increase in appetite, loss or gain of weight, lack of or too much sleep, inability to concentrate, pervasive sadness, and loss of memory. It broke her heart that he was going through this. She blamed herself for him having a panic attack. She had an urge to go over to his and Joey's apartment to comfort him, but she was still angry with him and she didn't want to be around him feeling that way. He had enough to worry about.

The next day Chandler was at their psychiatrist waiting for Monica to show up. She told him to meet her there.

"This is different." Dr. Lana Richardson said.

"What's different?"

"Well, you and Monica usually show up here together. What's going on?"

"She's angry with me, but I don't know why?"

Seconds later, Monica enters the office and takes a seat at the other end of the couch.

"Hi Monica."

"Hi Lana."

"What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Monica asked.

"Well, for starters, you and Chandler arrived here separately, and you're sitting on the opposite side of him. Is anything wrong?"

"I"m fine, why?"

"Monica, are you angry with Chandler?"

Monica looked at Chandler, who looked at back at her. She didn't really want to discuss what was bothering her because she didn't want to upset him.

"Yeah, Mon. Why are you mad at me?" He asked softly.

"It's nothing."

"Well, if it's nothing, then why are you upset with him?"

"It really hurt..."

"Tell him how you feel." Lana interrupted.

She turned and looked at him. She was a little nervous around him now. She was afraid that she would say something to get him angry and he would have another panic attack.

"I overheard you talking about me at the coffeehouse."

"What did I say?" He asked.

"You were complaining about how frustrated you were because I clung to you too much. It really hurt that you were complaining and Phoebe and Rachel were taking my side. I expected it to be the other way around."

"Monica, don't take this the wrong way, but you expect too much. I"m so sorry I hurt your feelings, but what about mine?"

"I care about your feelings."

"You act like I can't get angry." He said.

"What?"

"Yeah, you act like I can't express myself. I have a lot of anger in me Mon, and I have to get it off my chest."

"So, that's what you were doing when you were talking about me?"

"Yeah. Just because I was talking about how frustrating it was having you cling to me and having to call you every fifteen minutes, doesn't mean I love you any less."

"I know, but it still hurt."

"I know honey, and it that wasn't my intention, but I don't know what else to do. You don't think that my feelings were hurt when you hung up on me because I was a half hour late calling you?"

"You're right. I'm sorry about that." She said putting her head down.

"I wouldn't have been able to come to you and tell you that I was frustrated with this whole situation."

"Why not?"

"Because Monica...you expect me to be so strong for you. I can cry or show that I'm angry."

"Am I that bad?" She asked with tears in her eyes.

"Yeah, and then you make me feel guilty for expressing my anger."

"Well, I'm sorry you feel guilty. It's not my intention."

"I know." He said.

"You must have forgotten what it's like." She said.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about your behavior after the explosion. You didn't let me do anything for myself. Whenever I blinked my eyes, you were right by me side. You didn't even want to go to work because it killed you to leave me for even a second."

"That was different." He said.

"How was that different huh?"

"I was afraid that you would run into something and hurt yourself. I didn't want anything to happen to you."

"Well, isn't that why I clung to you? I was terrified that something was going to happen to you. I didn't want to leave your side for a second, just like you didn't want to leave my side." Monica pointed out.

Chandler sat there realizing that she was right. He wanted her next to him at all times no matter where he was. When he first suggested to Doug that he wanted take a leave of absence, it was because he couldn't bare to be away from her.

"Is she right?" Lana asked.

"Yeah, she's right. I guess I forgot about that. I couldn't stand being away from her for two seconds." He said looking at her.

"So, you finally see how I feel." She said softly.

"Yeah, and since we're on that subject, have you forgotten how that made you feel?"

"What?"

"When I was clinging to you, didn't that frustrate you?"

"Yeah. I guess I did forget about that."

"Yeah, well I guess you did." He said angrily.

"Well, what do you want from me Chandler?" She said in tears.

"I want you to understand that I can't always be your rock, y'know, I need you to be my rock sometimes too." He said getting up and pacing across the room.

"I'm there for you!" She shouted.

"Yeah, and then the next minute you're not speaking to me, yelling at me, or hanging up on me!" He said getting more upset.

"Well, what about you huh? You kept pushing me away when you thought I like my boss. You stayed at hotel and didn't tell anybody where you were. You wouldn't tell me what was bothering you so that we could work it out. You kept telling me that it was none of my concern. We're in a relationship, but something that's bothering you isn't any of my business." She said sarcastically.

"I admit, that was stupid of me, but I wasn't totally being a jerk. Do you remember what else I did to show you how much I love you?" He said.

"Of course I do. You sent me this bracelet that I'm wearing, and a poem."

Chandler stopped pacing across the floor and sat back down on the couch. He was starting to feel a little better. He was getting his feelings out. Monica lowered her head and was silent for a couple seconds.

"How are you feeling Chandler?" Lana asked.

"A little better."

"But?"

"But I feel guilty."

"Why is that?"

"Because I look at her and I hate to see her upset, or seeing her cry because of me."

"Monica, what are you feeling?" Lana asked looking from Chandler to her.

"I feel so lost. I don't know who I am anymore. It's like I've lost my identity when I lost my sight."

"I see."

"I'm feeling all these emotions at the same time. I'm angry, sad, and confused. Oh and I also feel like a bitch."

"Why do you feel that way?"

"Well, because, whenever Chandler has done something, he's always made up for it, but I haven't. I hate being selfish."

"Why do you feel that you're being selfish?" Lana asked.

"Because my friends are all going through a hard time, and I haven't been there to notice. My brother and his girlfriend are having problems because he has nightmares about me being killed when we were held hostage. Rachel has nightmares, but doesn't talk to me about them, and Phoebe's a mess because she keeps having flashbacks and she blames herself for letting Jake get close to us. I'm no help to anybody." She said crying.

Lana went over to the couch and kneeled down beside her.

"Monica, you're usually there for all of your friends right?"

"Yeah, but lately...."

"Don't worry about lately. There's no way that you can be of help to your friends until you can help yourself. You wouldn't jump in a pool to save a drowning victim if you couldn't swim right?"

"Yeah." She answered wiping her tears.

"You may feel that you're being selfish, and others my view you as being selfish, but that's okay. You have to take care of you first. You'll never be good to anybody until you're good to yourself. Do you ever listen to the instructions that flight attendants give you about safety?"

"Sometimes."

"Well, when they tell you how to place the oxygen masks on, what do they tell you to do first?"

"They tell you to place the mask over your face first and then help another passenger to place the mask on their face."

"Right. I could give you more examples if you want." Lana said smiling.

"No, that's enough. I get it now." She said laughing.

"Good. It's important that you not be so hard on yourself."

"I know. I just really bothers me when the people that I love need me I can't be there for them."

"That's okay. Just concentrate on yourself."

"Lana, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"It's about Chandler. Is it okay Chandler?" She asked looking at him.

"It's okay." He said frowning up his face.

"Well, a couple days ago, he had a panic attack. Now, I read a little bit about depression and how panic attacks are related, but it also goes deeper than that right? Am I to blame for him having a panic attack?"

"No of course not." Chandler answered.

"He's right. What were you doing when you started having a panic attack?" Lana asked.

"I was in my room. I had just gotten off work."

"Do you have anyone in your family who suffers from depression?"

"No, not that I know of."

"Well, the reason I'm asking is because depression is an illness and is often inherited like Diabetes, Cancer, or Heart Disease. Some of your family members have probably battled Depression at one time or another in their lives."

"I didn't know that." He said.

"Chandler, how was your childhood?"

"Pretty horrible."

"Can you specify horrible?"

"My parents constantly argued and when we found out that he was gay he abandoned me. When I was growing up I felt like I didn't have a father. He was never really there for me. I learned how to tie my shoes, ride my bike, and play sports all on my own."

"What about your Mom?"

"She was too busy dating to pay attention to me. Her life wasn't complete until she had a man by her side." He said sadly.

"How did that make you feel?"

"Like I wasn't wanted. I've never really felt loved."

"How did that effect your relationships?"

"I've never been able to really trust the women that I've been involved with. Except Monica." He said looking at her.

"You tend to run when things get too stressful don't you?"

"Yeah, but I never knew why I did that until now."

Monica sat and listened to Chandler talk about his childhood with tears in her eyes. She realized that he probably feels like he's not being loved by her as well. One of her biggest fears when they got together was that she didn't want to disappoint him like the other woman in his life did. She vowed to herself that she would always have his best interest at heart and she would love him unconditionally. She felt like she was letting him down. When the session was over, they left. They stood outside their apartments for a few seconds. They looked at each other then Chandler went into his and Joey's apartment, and she went into her and Rachel's apartment.

Monica sat on her bed thinking about how close her and Chandler always were. They were acting like strangers to each other more and more these days and she hated it. She missed him. He was everything to her and it was about time she showed it. She got up off the bed, walked out of her room, and left her apartment. She stood outside Chandler and Joey's apartment, then seconds later, she opened the door. Chandler was sitting on the stool at the counter when she entered. He stood up and they looked at each other. Monica then went over to him, and they hugged each other tightly. They held each other for a minute, then Monica pulled back and held his face in her hands.

"Chandler, do you feel like I don't love you enough?"

"Of course not. If I felt like that, I wouldn't still be here."

"I just feel like I've let you down."

"No you haven't. I've never had anybody love me that way you do."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. We're having a hard time, but we can get through it." Chandler said.

"I know. I love you so much Chandler."

"I love you too Monica."

Monica leaned in and kissed him passionately. She wanted to really be there for Chandler and she made a promise to herself that she would always make time for him and also give him the space he needed. She knew that they had a lot of things to work through and she decided that she wouldn't continue to treat him so bad.
 
 

IS THIS THE END OF CHANDLER AND MONICA'S PROBLEMS?

STAY TUNED......................