[Opening Scene]

[Scene: Monica’s. Everyone’s there. Monica and Ross are in coats]
MNCA: Come on Ross, let’s get the show on the road.
ROSS: Okay, but you know, it’s only 16:30.
MNCA: Look, the sooner we get to mom and dad’s, the sooner we can go home, okay? [to the rest] Bye!
ALL: Bye!
RACH: Have fun!
MNCA: It’s a dinner with my parents and Richard, where does the fun fit in, to you?
CHAN: You couldn’t have left out the Richard-part?
MNCA: What, you don’t like hearing about faithful people?
CHAN: Okay.
ROSS: Let’s just go before this gets ugly.
[He ushers Monica out the door]
JOEY: So what do you all wanna do this afternoon? You want to go to an amusement park or something?
RACH: No, I don’t think we’d wanna do that. Chandler would probably just skip the seatbelt in the loop.
PHOE: Yeah, this is getting kinda’ ridiculous, Chandler.
CHAN: No, no, no. Ridiculous would be to bug your own phone. I’m not the least bit ridiculous.
RACH: [sarcasm] Right.
CHAN: Could we just not focus on me? Joey, do you have anything exiting to bring to this discussion?
JOEY: No, not really.
CHAN: [to Phoebe and Rachel] See? And there’s my point, there is nothing exiting to talk about when it comes to me and my… my… my ex.
JOEY: Me and my ex… [thinks] that sounds like a great title for a movie. [dreamingly] The Oscar goes to Joseph Tribbiani, for an outstanding performance in “Me and my Ex”.

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: Jack and Judy Geller’s. Monica and Ross are there]
JACK: Monica, your mother told me what happened.
MNCA: She did, did she?
JACK: Yeah, you broke up with Chandler.
MNCA: Dad, I really don’t want to talk about it, okay?
ROSS: Come on Monica, think of where we are, you’re not gonna hear anything but that tonight.
JUDY: [bored] Well, Monica, your father and I think you made a great choice when you broke up with him. Don’t we Jack? And Richard is gonna think the same thing.
MNCA: [grumpy] So he’s really coming, huh?
JUDY: Yes, and he was very exited about it.
MNCA: [grumpy] I can imagine.
JUDY: Not as exited as he was when he first saw you flashing your legs and chest on national television.
MNCA: [trying to be touched] Aww mom, you watch the show!
JUDY: I have to, I need to find out what I’m signing all those protest lists about.
MNCA: Excuse me, I’ll be out on the balcony. [leaves]
JACK: What’s with her?
ROSS: Oh, she’s just really in a hard period of her life right now. She’s trying to move on, but Chandler won’t leave her alone.
JACK: He lives across the hall, how can they avoid running into each other?
ROSS: Well, she didn’t mind at first, but now he’s just trying to get her back and he won’t leave her alone about it. It was my idea.
JUDY: Well that’s great Ross.
ROSS: [proud] I know.

[Cut to: a bar]
[Joey, Phoebe and Rachel are there]
PHOE: [to the bartender] Just a water for me, thanks.
JOEY: And a beer for me.
RACH: It’s such a shame Chandler didn’t come with us. He needs to get drunk.
JOEY: I think he can get drunk in our apartment as well. Or at least he has, last week we had seven bottles of brandy, now we only have four. And I don’t drink brandy.
RACH: Yeah, sorry, I took two of them.
JOEY: Oh.
PHOE: So what are you guys planning on doing tonight?
JOEY: Uhm… hang out at a bar?
PHOE: No, I didn’t mean it like that.
RACH: Well, on my part, let’s just say there’s some guy that’s gonna get really lucky tonight.
JOEY: Just remember to use protection this time, okay?
RACH: Joey, you are such a pain in the ass, leave me alone.
PHOE: And Joey, what are you gonna do? Get lucky too?
JOEY: Of course! What else is a guy to do in a bar?
PHOE: Okay. So I guess I’ll be stuck here with my water all alone.
RACH: Maybe you should have ordered something stronger than just water.
PHOE: No, water is fine for me. As long as it’s not on the rocks.
JOEY: Mostly is when you get it at restaurants.
PHOE: We’re not at a restaurant.
JOEY: Yeah, I know. I just couldn’t say “when you’re at a bar”, you know, ‘cause nobody ever orders water at a bar.
PHOE: Well, I think my new years resolution will be to boldly go where no one has gone before.
RACH: But Phoebs, new years was seven months ago.
PHOE: Better late than never.
JOEY: Great, does that mean I can get my hairbrush back? ‘Cause I kinda’ need it.

[Cut to: Jack and Judy’s]
[Monica’s out on the balcony. Ross comes out]
ROSS: Dinner’s almost ready. And Richard just came, he’s asking for you.
MNCA: Yeah, so?
ROSS: Monica, don’t you think it’s time you gave it up?
MNCA: Fine, I’ll go talk to Richard!
ROSS: No, not about that. I mean Chandler.
MNCA: [sighs] Ross, come on. When are you going to respect my decision?
ROSS: When you make the right one.
MNCA: Well maybe that’s not up to you to decide.
ROSS: Mon, you two are a perfect couple, you know that.
MNCA: Excuse me, did I just hear you say the word “perfect”?
ROSS: Yes. And--
MNCA: [annoyed] Let me tell you something, Ross. “Perfect” is not the word you’ll use to describe a relationship where only one knows what it means to be faithful.
ROSS: So what are you saying, Chandler should go get someone who cheats as well?
MNCA: I’m not saying he has to be unhappy. But maybe he’ll be happier with someone who is aware and in on the decision that they’re gonna have an open relationship!
ROSS: But it was just a kiss!
MNCA: Damn it, if you don’t shut up soon Ross then I’m going home and I’m not talking to you for a very long time. I didn’t even give you this hard a time when you’d cheated on my best friend!
ROSS: We were on a break.
MNCA: Chandler and I weren’t. Drop the subject, Ross.
ROSS: Okay. Okay, fine. So what should I do instead, howl at the moon?
MNCA: I’d prefer that.
ROSS: Okay. [howls] Happy now?
MNCA: What, you think you embarrassed me?
ROSS: No, I’m quite sure I did.
MNCA: Oh yeah? [howls]
ROSS: Okay, so maybe I didn’t. [howls again]
JUDY: [comes out with a phone] Monica, stop making so much noise. There’s a phone call for you.
MNCA: Who is it, is it Rachel?
JUDY: Chandler.
MNCA: Oh. Okay.
ROSS: You’re gonna take it?
MNCA: Sure.
[She takes the phone from Judy. Then she throws it off the balcony. We hear how it lands in a pool]
JUDY: Great, how am I gonna get it back?
NEIGHBOUR: [voice-over, calling out] Hey Geller!
JUDY: [calling back] Yes, Mr. Parker?
PARKER: [voice-over, calling back] Does my pool look like a dumpster to you?
JUDY: [calling back] Sorry Mr. Parker! [to Monica] Say sorry to Mr. Parker.
MNCA: [grumpy] Sorry, Mr. Parker.
ROSS: And he is supposed to hear that?
PARKER: [calling back, voice-over] It’s bad enough that I have to put out with all the howling and yelling that goes on over there, now I have to listen to some guy named Chandler telling me he loves me.
MNCA: [calling out] He’s insane, you can just ignore him!
ROSS: Yeah, great, now you make sure he hears.

[Cut to: the bar]
PHOE: This water tastes really good!
RACH: Okay, check this out. See that guy right over there?
JOEY: Which one of the two hundred men over there?
RACH: The cute one with the green sweater.
JOEY: [looks] Yeah, that’s a woman.
RACH: What? No way!
JOEY: Believe me, I’ve slept with her.
RACH: Okay, okay.
PHOE: You know, if you’re gonna go cruising then you might as well go walk a bit.
RACH: No, no. I prefer to stay put and watch the men go by. And then when I see one I like…
JOEY: [finishing sentence] … it’s a woman.
RACH: [annoyed] No! Not what I was gonna say! When I see one I like, I go for it.
PHOE: Yes, but Rachel, you’ve never made the first move with a guy your entire life!
RACH: I know… but I roll up my skirt a bit and hope he’ll look my way. Then I just wheel him in like tuna.
PHOE: Okay, so that’s how you got guys in high school?
RACH: No, see in high school, when there was a guy I liked, I would bring the perfume I was currently using to school and spray it on his locker, his desk in home room, his favourite seat in the cafeteria, his car… and then all I needed to do was to wait for his animal instincts to take over and his sense of smelling lead him right to me.
PHOE: Romantic. If you’re a moose.
RACH: Yeah, you can say whatever you want, but it worked real well. Except for the guys who were allergic. But I don’t date guys with allergies, they never get you perfume.
JOEY: I’m not allergic and I still don’t bring chicks perfume. Do you have any idea how much perfume costs?
RACH: Uh-hu. And you can always tell from the perfume he buys weather he’s rich, middle-class or, you know… like you, Joey.

[Cut to: Jack and Judy’s]
[Jack, Judy, Monica, Ross and Richard are seated around the dinner table]
RICH: So Monica, your mom tells me you’re no longer dating Chandler. Wow, that must be a relief.
[Monica rolls eyes]
JACK: You know, I agree that it’s great, but I’m not so sure I understand this. What was it that happened?
MNCA: Well, see dad, Chandler--
ROSS: You don’t need to tell them Monica. [to the rest] It’s no big deal, they’ll be back together soon.
MNCA: No, we won’t be.
ROSS: Listen Mon, you know I’m right here, you guys were so happy together.
MNCA: Yes we were, but then he decided that the day we had been going out for two years was the perfect time to see what it was like to stick your tongue down another woman’s throat.
JACK: That’s it? You dumped him over a kiss?
JUDY: [not convinced] Jack, remember, she did the right thing.
JACK: Yes, but over just a kiss?
MNCA: Dad! How can I trust him?
RICH: I, I think she made the right decision.
MNCA: Oh, and who are you to talk?
RICH: What? I’ve never cheated.
MNCA: [annoyed, realizes] Yeah, you haven’t, have you?
JACK: Monica, this is absurd! No wonder no one told me about this! A kiss, for crying out loud.
MNCA: [upset] Dad!
ROSS: Dad, maybe you should easen up a bit.
MNCA: Oh, and that comes from you, the person who hasn’t been given me a rest about this! Well guess what people, this is my life and my choice!
JUDY: We’re just--
MNCA: [raising voice] Contrary to what you all may believe, there are parts of my life that belong to me! And no one else!
JUDY: Monica dear, a lady does not raise her voice.
MNCA: Mother, this lady does. And besides, you’re the one who keeps telling me I’m not a lady!
JUDY: Well how do you expect to be one, when you can’t act like an adult.
MNCA: Oh, and I suppose acting like an adult means letting your boyfriend do whatever the hell he wants while you just sit there quietly smiling?
JUDY: Come on now, that’s not what I said.
MNCA: Well, you meant it! How can you all defend him like that? The only one on my side is the horny ex-boyfriend!
RICH: [offended] Hey!
MNCA: [angry] Yeah, whatever!
JUDY: Monica, now I think we’ve discussed this enough. Your tone is not appropriate around the dinner table.
MNCA: Has it ever been? I remember when I was five and you wouldn’t let me talk at the dinner table! I had to sit there quietly while the rest of you talked about all kinds of stuff and planned the vacation!
ROSS: I remember that. But didn’t that happen when you were fourteen as well?
JACK: Ross, Monica, I think we’re loosing track of the subject here. Look, I know I’m not that fond of Chandler, but how can you say you love him if you let him go after just a kiss?
RICH: Just think about how she let me go, Monica isn’t the type that needs a serious reason to break up.
MNCA: What? Not wanting the same things out of life isn’t serious to you?
JUDY: Monica, don’t talk disrespectful to Dr. Burke.
[Monica makes a face]
JACK: You look at me when I’m talking to you, young lady.
MNCA: You didn’t say anything.
ROSS: Well maybe he--
MNCA: Be quiet Ross!
JUDY: Oh I can’t believe I’ve raised a daughter that has no sense of respect to anyone.
MNCA: You have to show respect to get respect. Did that ever occur to you, mother?
JUDY: And there you go again!
ROSS: Look, the main thing here is that we don’t even need to discuss this. Monica will get over herself and take him back, you just wait and see.
MNCA: Don’t be so sure.
JACK: Well if you’re taking him back anyway why are you acting like such a baby?
MNCA: What?
JACK: Look, all I’m saying is don’t drag this out.
MNCA: Hey, I am not dragging things out, I am trying to get on with my life! [frustrated] And that’s the truth!
JACK: Don’t make Chandler feel any worse about this than he probably already does.
MNCA: [rises, near tears, sarcasm] Thank you for your support. [leaves]
RICH: [beat] I always knew Chandler was the cheating type.
ROSS: Watch it.

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The bar. Joey and Phoebe are there]
JOEY: Where did Rachel go?
PHOE: Oh, I think she found the guy who’s gonna get lucky.
JOEY: Oh.
PHOE: So how about you, have you found anyone to bed down with yet?
JOEY: Nah…
PHOE: Found her and she wasn’t interested?
JOEY: Yes.
CHAN: [comes up] Hey.
JOEY: Chandler? How did you know where to find us?
CHAN: The note on the fridge?
PHOE: So how come you changed your mind?
CHAN: Well, what better is there to do? I was gonna drink some brandy, but [to Joey] two of our bottles have disappeared.
JOEY: So you came here to drink brandy?
CHAN: No, I… I don’t know.
PHOE: You need to get some sleep, Chandler.
CHAN: Yeah, I know… And I need to get my girlfriend back.
PHOE: What girlfriend?
CHAN: Monica?
PHOE: Yeah, she’s not your girlfriend anymore.
CHAN: I’ve tried everything, you know? And now, she won’t even talk to me. What do I do?
PHOE: You face the fact that she doesn’t want you anymore and you get on with your life.
CHAN: But how?
PHOE: I don’t know, go out, find a woman, get laid, whatever you have to do to get it out of your system. Scho, go!
[Chandler reluctantly leaves]
JOEY: Man… To think we could have wounded up the same way as him and Monica.
PHOE: Yeah, tell me about it… [pause] I need something more strong that water!

[Cut to: Jack and Judy’s]
[Monica’s watching TV in the living room. Judy enters]
JUDY: Well, well, well, look who decided to stay around.
MNCA: Well no train leaves for another fifty minutes and I can’t go to my old room ‘cause you decided your exercise was more important than my childhood.
JUDY: Oh boy, here we go again. You know exercise is important at our age!
MNCA: Fine, whatever.
JUDY: So…
MNCA: Look mom, you can just go, I’m sorry to disappoint you but I’m not breaking apart, okay?
JUDY: Monica… I know you’re not fine.
MNCA: Oh is that so? Well then tell me mom, I managed to date a guy for over a year without you even knowing, so how can you tell that I’m not fine?
JUDY: You are watching “Sweet Valley High Goes to Hawaii”.
MNCA: Eww, oh, oh god, no, go away, [flips it off] get off, get off, ew!
JUDY: Monica, I know we don’t exactly talk much…
MNCA: Except when you want to tell me what a disaster my life is.
JUDY: Well, we’re going to talk now. Consider this. [grabs remote] I now have the remote and “Sweet Valley High” is still on.
MNCA: [mocking] A lady doesn’t force her children to talk to her, mom.
JUDY: What’s with your behaviour at dinner?
MNCA: I don’t know. I’m just so tired of everybody hurting me. But I guess that when the one person you trust the most betrays you, you suddenly realize everyone else will. You know, of all my friends and relatives, Phoebe is the only one who stands by me. Joey doesn’t tell me I’m doing the right thing, he wants us back together. Rachel has got no opinion what so ever and Ross… my own brother, whom I didn’t give a hard time when he cheated on my best friend, he keeps telling me how wrong I am, not getting back together with Chandler. And then you and dad. I mean, I don’t get it, I’ve never asked anyone to take my side… And still not even the people who are supposed to love me the most care about me enough to think I did the right thing. I mean you take the side of the person who hurt your daughter more than anyone has ever done before, a person that you don’t even like! [beat] I shouldn’t have said that.
JUDY: I was more hoping for an “I didn’t mean that”.
MNCA: No, I meant it… but you didn’t need to hear it.
JUDY: Monica, your father and I do care!
MNCA: Mom, you’ve been telling me that it was my fault! And now you want to talk? Okay mom. Just tell me something then…
JUDY: [sits] What?
MNCA: Chandler said it didn’t… he said what he did was just physical, just a joke, right? At best. It didn’t mean anything? How could it not mean anything? How could he throw away our relationship, all I wanted to give him, all of my trust… for something that didn’t mean anything?
JUDY: I know it sounds crazy.
MNCA: It is crazy! I should just lock myself in my room and become a bitter man-hater, like Cybill Shepard.
JUDY: I don’t think that’s the answer…
MNCA: And you know what the worst part is? Okay, the worst part is his damn betrayal, but other than that…
JUDY: You’re actually gonna tell me?
MNCA: Yeah… it’s obviously you don’t understand one bit of what I’m going through, so I need to tell you.
[The camera cuts to the kitchen]
RICH: So what do you think Ross, do I have a chance again with Monica?
ROSS: No, I don’t think you wanna make a move at her now.
RICH: Right… I’ll just go make sure she’s okay.
[He goes up to the entrance to the living room, but stops when he hears Monica talking to Judy]
MNCA: I hate it that I still care about him! It was different when we got back from Europe… I had allot of things to do and I didn’t think of him once during the days… it was just when I went to bed in that awfully empty apartment… And before we’d gone back, I’d told him we could still be friends. And that that was it. But he broke the rules, mom! He came over to tell me he loved me and was sorry, and we sometimes talked like friends, and then… then he made me laugh. He even wrote me poetry, sending it to my e-mail address, from the one we had shared when we were dating… And he made me start to miss him… to realize how much I missed him… And gosh, damn it, I’m just so mad at myself!
JUDY: Seems to me like you’re mad at the wrong person.
MNCA: [confused] You’re taking my side…? Weird…
JUDY: [to herself] You know you’ve failed as a mother when your daughter finds it weird that you support her.
MNCA: Anyway… I’m not just mad at me… I’m mad at him more than I’ve ever been mad at anyone in my life, but… Mom, I let myself remember how great it was… how wonderful it felt to be Chandler’s girl. And now I can’t stop thinking about him. Gosh, what, what is wrong with me, do I have, like, Elizabeth Hurley disease?
JUDY: I know I’ve never cared much for him… too smart-assy for my taste. But do you want him back?
MNCA: Of course not. I’d be an idiot to give him a second chance. Just… setting myself up to be hurt all over again. [pause] Don’t you think I’d be an idiot?
JUDY: [shocked] You care what I think?
MNCA: I guess no--
JUDY: Too late, you said it, can’t take that back!
[Richard silently goes back to the kitchen]
RICH: Somehow I feel this isn’t the right moment.
[The camera goes back on Monica and Judy]
JUDY: Listen to me. Okay? No matter what you do in life, somebody’s gonna think you’re an idiot for doing it.
MNCA: I know, and you’re always the one to think so, so that’s why I’m asking you.
JUDY: I’ll pretend I never heard that… The point is, you might as well do what would make you happy.
MNCA: I know, but… It’s not as easy as all that. I don’t think I can ever forget about what he did to me… I dream nightmares about it, I… He showed me just how badly it hurts to find out someone you love so much doesn’t love you back.
JUDY: I understand that he hurt you… and now I guess I see your point. I wouldn’t want you to… to get hurt again.
MNCA: That’s it, what if he hurts me again? It happened once, it could happen again, right? And there’s this… this look…
JUDY: Like a seventies look?
MNCA: No, this, this look he has on his face sometimes… See, when we were going out, about five or six times he looked at me in a special way… the night we first said we loved each other, the day we decided to move in together, things like that… And when I entered that motel restaurant and saw him kissing that other woman, that was the look on his face. I can never forget something like that. I know you never could either, right? I mean… if you were capable of such emotion, you would be just as mad at him as I am, right?
JUDY: You care what I feel about Chandler? Wow, that’s twice in one night! Well, I guess you’ll have to look at this--
MNCA:  Mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother… Could we please keep this in twenty-five words or less?
JUDY: [pause] If you forgive Chandler… I’ll forgive Chandler.
MNCA: Okay. I mean… that must be one of the nicest things I’ve heard you say to me these past three years… And, I mean… I’m not saying I will, but thank you.
JUDY: Will what?
MNCA: Forgive Chandler. [hugs her mom] Thank you mom…
JUDY: [pause] I’ve got eighteen words left, let’s talk about your career. First of all, I think…
[Her voice fades out and we…]

[Cut to: Chandler and Joey’s]
[The place is empty and dark. Joey and Phoebe enter, locked in a deep kiss]
PHOE: You sure Chandler’s not here?
JOEY: I have no idea!
[They continue to kiss. They close the door behind them and they move towards the bedroom. The duck and the chicken exits Joey’s room, quacking and… well, whatever noise roosters make]
PHOE: Okay, Joey? Just so I know, will they be watching? ‘Cause I don’t know how comfortable I am with that.
JOEY: Oh no problem. We’ll just do it in Chandler’s room. They don’t go in there, Monica told them not to… and for some reason, they always do as she says.
PHOE: Okay.
[They continue to kiss for a while]
PHOE: Okay, so which room is it?
JOEY: Uh, Chandler’s.
PHOE: Well what if he gets back?
JOEY: Hey, he’s had sex in his lifetime, he’ll understand.
PHOE: Joey, he might walk in on us again.
JOEY: [thinks] We have a security chain, right?
PHOE: Yeah… but you’re not hooking it!
JOEY: Why not?
PHOE: Because, we can’t just lock him out!
JOEY: Since when are you defending him again, I thought he was your number one enemy.
PHOE: I know, but he’s suffering enough… no, okay, but he’s going through a hard time.
JOEY: I know, and he’ll go through the exact same thing weather he gets in here or not.
PHOE: Joey! Come on! He can’t go anywhere to sleep! Ross is gone, Rachel is under strict order not to let Chandler be in the apartment after seven and he can’t go to my place!
JOEY: Well, why can’t he sleep on the couch at Central Perk?
PHOE: Joey.
JOEY: All right… so I won’t lock him out… But you know what you’re asking of me, right?
PHOE: No, what am I asking?
JOEY: Forget that, let’s just… let’s just get into bed, right?
PHOE: Wow, you were much more romantic in Cornwall.
JOEY: I have more liquor in me now…
PHOE: So do I, but I still… never mind.
JOEY: Okay, now come here.
[He kisses her passionately again. Chandler enters]
CHAN: Well, if it isn’t the “we’re-not-committed-it-was-just-a-one-time-sexual-thing” couple?
JOEY: [to Phoebe] I knew I never should have caved.
PHOE: Chandler, why are you back so soon, couldn’t you find a sexual partner?
CHAN: I found five, actually… but it’s just to soon.
JOEY: To soon at one in the morning? That would rather be to late.
CHAN: No Joey, too soon after Monica.
JOEY: But she left for her parents’ ages ago!
CHAN: Could you get any dumber? [pause] We only broke up two months ago, it’s… I don’t know, it feels right now like I need two years to get into bed with another woman… I mean… what if she’s not as good as Monica?
JOEY: Man, you have weird priorities.
PHOE: Well I’ll tell you something Chandler. You’ve just won back part of my respect, congratulations. [pause] Maybe you… No, never mind.
JOEY: [pause] Okay, so… wanna get into bed, Phoebs?
CHAN: [goes to his room] I’ll leave you two alone, just know that you’re making a big mistake and don’t forget the condom.
PHOE: [waits till Chandler’s door is closed] Joey, you know what?
JOEY: That doesn’t sound so good.
PHOE: No, uhm, listen… [sits in a recliner] I think Chandler’s right.
JOEY: Oh don’t worry, I always use a condom.
PHOE: I meant about the mistake thing. We’re just doing this ‘cause we’re both horny and we did it in Cornwall.
JOEY: Those reasons sound fine to me.
PHOE: Not to me Joey. I just don’t want to ruin our friendship.
JOEY: Yeah, I know… me neither… It’s just that since Cornwall, I mean… we never got to finish… Monica walked in on us before… well, you know.
PHOE: [with feeling] Sure do.
JOEY: And I’ve just been thinking of how I would like to finish that act with you.
PHOE: Really?
JOEY: Really.
PHOE: Wow… But we’re not gonna.
JOEY: I was afraid you might say that.
PHOE: Look at our friends, Joey. Ross and Rachel have ruined all the chemistry they had, they aren’t as good friends any longer… and Chandler and Monica, they miss each other like crazy but they will never make it work again. And their friendship is allot less than what it used to be. And now my friendship with Chandler is ruined. Except for Ross, you are the only male friend I’ve got. You know? I need to keep it that way, you being my friend.
JOEY: Yeah, I see what you mean… I mean I wouldn’t want to loose you. Rachel and I have gotten along, but we’ve never really connected. And Monica was my best female friend and now I can’t get to her. You are the one I have left and I wouldn’t want to lose you. [beat] Even for sex.
PHOE: That is so sweet.
JOEY: Isn’t it funny, though? That what ruined Monica and Chandler’s friendship was, was love?
PHOE: Yeah.
JOEY: So we won’t let love ruin ours. Oh, and Phoebs.
PHOE: Yeah?
JOEY: Thank you for being so honest with me. I wouldn’t have wanted to sleep with you if you felt this way.
PHOE: No problem.
JOEY: Okay. I’m gonna go brush my teeth.
[He goes to the bathroom. After a few seconds, Chandler exits his room]
CHAN: Wow, congratulations… I think you’re the first woman who’s been able to turn down Joey while he’s horny.
PHOE: [down] Yay me.
CHAN: So… [walks up to her] you okay?
PHOE: Yeah I am.
CHAN: [pause] Friends again, Phoebe?
PHOE: No. [beat] But at least we’re no longer mad at each other.
[They hug. Fade to…]

[Closing Credits]

[Scene: Jack and Judy’s. A guy rings the doorbell. Jack answers. The guy hands him the phone Monica threw of the balcony]
JACK: Thanks. And once again: we’re really sorry.
GUY: It’s all right. But just remember that you can’t keep throwing all of your stuff into our pool. We don’t appreciate having your pillows in our pool either. [leaves]
JACK: I thought we threw the pillow in the other neighbour’s pool.