[Opening Scene]

[Scene: Monica's. Everybody's there (Monica in her room). Joey's got a coat
on and he's holding Monica's]
JOEY: [calling out] Monica! Come on, let's go!
MNCA: [exits her room] I LOATHE myself.
JOEY: Great, now let's get moving.
MNCA: I can't BELIEVE I actually have to act!
JOEY: [happy] I know!
CHAN: Hey Joe, maybe you should try and get it out of your system now, so
she won't kill you later on.
JOEY: Yeah, you're right.
[He opens the door for Monica. She takes her coat and exits]
JOEY: [happily, "singing", while leaving] I'm on television, in my own
series, it can last for years!
[Monica grabs him by the hair and pulls him out, closing the door behind
them]
CHAN: I'm confused, wasn't this MONICA'S series?
RACH: Hopefully not.
PHOE: Yeah, check this out. She gets paid around $10 000 for each episode.
Kinda' little if you, like, compare it with Gillian Anderson, but still more
than _I_ make a month. Now she can afford a third vacuum cleaner!
RACH: Okay, so could we PLEASE just DROP this!
CHAN: Uhm, okay.
[He pretends to drop something on the floor. Ross makes a noise as if the
thing Chandler dropped made a large thump]
CHAN: There, feel better now Rach?

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: The set of the TV-show. Monica enters a dark room]
MNCA: [low] Well, what do YOU know, you made military service just 'cause
you like it when it rains.
[The man she's talking to enters as well. He's her co-star. His character's
named Fred Loomes]
LMES: [low] Shh! This isn't the "_X_-files", you know. The bad guys can
actually hear you.
MNCA: So, where are--
LMES: [angry] Shhh!
MNCA: [low] Sorry. Where are them damn aliens?
LMES: I'm not sure. But Carter says he saw them.
MNCA: [low] Now YOU'RE talking loud.
LMES: [points, low] There! You see 'em, Jones?
MNCA: [low] No.
LMES: [low, slightly annoyed] Well you just MISSED them!
MNCA: Who?
LMES: [shouting] The ALIENS!
MNCA: [low] Good luck they didn't hear THAT! [childish] No fare, you saw the
aliens? How come _I_ never get to see the aliens?
LMES: [low] It's our thing. You know, like how Mulder and Scully never kiss.
MNCA: [low, annoyed] Yeah, well then couldn't our think be that NEITHER of
us could see the aliens?
LMES: [low] Then we would be sued by Chris Carter.
DIRECT: And cut!
MNCA: Thank GOD.
[She walks of the set, angrily mumbling to herself. Joey walks up to her]
JOEY: Hey Mon!
MNCA: Shoot me, just kill me now!
JOEY: What?
MNCA: I HATE this! This SUCKS!
JOEY: Hey, take it easy Mon! Besides, Phoebe's throwing us a
"you're-in-a-TV-show" party tonight! That's pretty awesome, right? And hey,
great chance for you to get back together with Chandler.
MNCA: And that's exactly why I'm not going.
JOEY: Well, see you kinda' don't have a choice. It's in your apartment.
MNCA: Not anymore. I've chosen not to open my door to anyone else besides
the pizza delivery guy tonight. And if he has company, NEITHER of them can
come in.
JOEY: What's with all this negativity?
MNCA: Well what do you THINK? I'm stuck working overtime 'cause I have an
extra job which I can't STAND, I've got my mother breathing down my neck on
how I had only myself to blame for Chandler kissing another woman, and to
top it all of. I had to pay the court $700 so that Rachel wouldn't have to
go to jail!
JOEY: Cool, you bribed a courtroom?
MNCA: No, that was her conviction. Pay $700 or go to the slammer for 70
days.
JOEY: Okay. By the way, you don't REALLY hate working here, do you?
MNCA: Joey, how can I put this? Oh, I know! [does the double fist knock]
JOEY: What are you getting mad at ME for? I mean, you have a nice job, nice
opportunity, nice CO-STARS!
MNCA: Nice co-stars?
JOEY: Yeah! I mean, come on, Greg is a great guy!
MNCA: [to-the-point, disgusted] Joey, Greg uses "Playboy" for educational
purposes!
JOEY: I know!
MNCA: DO you? I mean the guy is so dumb, he'd probably use his hands instead
of a brush when he repaints his house.
JOEY: Actually he lives in a condo.
MNCA: Joey, do you know what zero times zero is?
JOEY: [thinks] Eighteen? No, that's not right. [thinks] I'm gonna go out on
a limb and say zero.
MNCA: Right. THAT'S how much I care where that slime ball lives.

[Cut to: Chandler and Joey's]
[Chandler's in his sweatpants, in a recliner. Ross enters]
ROSS: Hey.
CHAN: [cheerful] Hey!
ROSS: What's with the sweats?
CHAN: Mon's working all day, the perfect opportunity for me to yearn a bit
without her ever knowing.
ROSS: As my sister's brother, I have to say, if you start taking notes on
her like that guy from "Addicted to Love", then you might see a big, fat
lawsuit coming your way.
CHAN: Besides, there's never anything better to do than to just sit around,
moping. I ever tried to spice up my morning today, by replacing the
toothpaste with glue and watch Joey's reaction. And he left without brushing
his teeth.
ROSS: [sarcasm] Cruel, huh? Listen man, I'm not going through all of this
with you again, as soon as Joey gets back, you, me and him are gonna visit
some strip-clubs.
CHAN: Nah, you two go. I don't wanna.
ROSS: You ARE pathetic.
CHAN: No, come on, one day she'll talk to me again. I mean, like she did the
past two years, not before that 'cause that's pretty much how she talks to
me now. I need to shut up.
ROSS: You think? [sits]
CHAN: Maybe I should try and do something illegal. That way, one half of the
group will be in the police records.
ROSS: One half? Have I missed something here?
CHAN: [realizes Ross can't know about Rachel's conviction] No. Nothing.
Absolutely not.
ROSS: [eyes him] I think YOU'RE missing an appointment with the men in the
white coats.
CHAN: I think YOU should shut up. Come on, when you broke with Carol you
moped for a YEAR! I can't even mope for a MONTH?
ROSS: It's not THAT, it's just. By the way, I was MARRIED to Carol. Not the
same thing as just living together.
CHAN: Watch it. I don't think you need to put a ring on somebody's finger
just to prove your love.
ROSS: Works allot better than kissing someone else.
CHAN: I can't believe I just got THAT from the guy who went all the WAY with
another woman.
ROSS: Well, you were more committed to my sister than I ever was with
Rachel.
CHAN: Yes, yes, and what about that whole [mocking] marriage is more serious
than living together [normal voice] stuff?
ROSS: You're confusing me. [rises] Come on, we can go out and have some fun,
instead of you sitting here moping all day.
CHAN: [rises, sarcasm] Okay, but only if you promise that we'll make a video
with exiting wheelchair chases.
ROSS: Dude, you are so sick.
CHAN: [as they exit] Oh come on, first of all it was a joke. Second of all,
it's not like I suggested we'd go sit in wheelchairs in a LOG ride!
[They exit. After a few seconds Chandler re-enters]
CHAN: Gotta change first!

[Cut to: Central Perk]
[Phoebe and Rachel are there. Monica and Joey enter. Joey's happy, Monica's
not]
PHOE: Hey! So, so, so, how was the first day as movie stars?
RACH: They're not movie stars.
PHOE: Shut up.
MNCA: Well, I can tell you all that acting SUCKS.
JOEY: What, you knew all your lines.
[They sit]
PHOE: [calling out] Gunther! Get some coffee over here to our new TV-stars,
pronto!
RACH: They're not TV-stars either.
MNCA: I've should have listened to myself and to Rachel and told that
director guy to shove this job. What did I do instead? I accepted. I HATE
myself.
JOEY: Well, does it make you feel any better if I tell you that I'll always
love you for what you did to me?
MNCA: No.
JOEY: Oh.
MNCA: Okay, so maybe a little.
[Joey makes a triumph gesture]
MNCA: But Joey I have NO talent for this, I mean. I'm practically a
"BAYWATCH" actress!
JOEY: And you would make a great one too. Tell you what, take of your shirt
and I'll see if you have the potentials.
MNCA: If _I_ have the potentials, or if my BREASTS have the potentials?
JOEY: Does it matter? And after I've checked yours I'll check Phoebe and
Rachel's too.
PHOE: You know what, my chest will do just fine without "Baywatch"
potentials.
JOEY: Anyhow, Monica you signed up for the first season, didn't you?
MNCA: Joey, they haven't had ANYONE sign up yet. they're waiting for the
network to allow them to sign everybody up for two seasons, remember?
JOEY: No. 'Cause nobody told me.
MNCA: So Rach. Phoebs. what have you been up to?
PHOE: Oh! Oh! Check this out! I've gone out and bought all the Python
movies, so know I'll know which of my songs they'd already sung!
MNCA: You didn't know "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" belonged to
Eric Idle already?
RACH: No, no she didn't. oddly enough, she did know "Eric the Half-a-Bee"
was a Python.
JOEY: So does this mean you'll not be singing their songs anymore?
RACH: I never sang them.
JOEY: Was talking to Phoebe.
RACH: Oh. Oh, all right.
PHOE: Well, I'm not sure. I kinda' like that song about the sweet idiot, he
always get me thinking of--
MNCA: David Arquette? That's what Ross always says.
PHOE: No, for some reasons it's Brad Pitt.
JOEY: Cool, but what are you gonna sing instead?
[Gunther comes over with coffee.]
PHOE: Oh, you should check it out, I've got this whole new song!
MNCA: Great.
PHOE: Hold on, I'll sing it to you. Oh, I don't have my guitar, but still.
[harks, then sings] Anthony Ant, what a puissant. The ant was addicted to
liquor.
JOEY: Nice.
PHOE: Yeah, I wasn't done yet. [singing] And then one day, Anthony said yay,
my throat feels so much thicker.
MNCA: Phoebe? Please rewrite that one.
PHOE: No, I was just kidding you all. I didn't have that all written, I just
made it up!
RACH: [sarcasm] Wow, you don't say?
PHOE: Oh, and also, I made up a song on my way over here.
MNCA: About an ant?
PHOE: No, about a sidewalk that leads to a drugstore. And the song is about
what the sidewalk feels and experiences.
MNCA: [to Rachel and Joey] So tell me, how can Phoebe not have been given he
own show my a music channel?

[Cut to: Joey and Chandler's]
[Chandler and Ross enter, both somewhat upset]
CHAN: I've told you about a thousand times, this shit isn't gonna work! The
only thing that's gonna work is if we went to a strip club and it turned out
Monica worked there! [thinks] Which wouldn't work either, 'cause then I'd be
all jealous and weepy.
ROSS: [annoyed] Well maybe your problem is that you're so hung up on the
thought that you can't have fun without my sister, that you force yourself
to have a bad time.
CHAN: [annoyed] Or maybe there's something wrong with your lame psychology
imitation!
ROSS: Hey, don't forget whom you're talking to here, I got out of two
MARRIAGES, I know EVERYTHING about missing a person!
CHAN: No, 'cause you got out of THREE marriages!
ROSS: I don't count the one with Rachel!
CHAN: Ross, just calm down and listen to me for a change! I just. I need to
get her back, don't you see that? I can't face another night alone, I can't
wake up another morning knowing she's not in bed next to me, or, or up
making me breakfast.
ROSS: You guys must really have lived like in the fifties, huh?
CHAN: If you date a chef then it's a natural part of the relationship that
your partner does the cooking. [pause] You know what? I'm not being fare
here. not to Monica.
ROSS: Okay, so YOU cooked breakfast?
CHAN: What? No. I mean. [sighs] I should go over there and get all of my
stuff back. I mean, she said to me that she didn't want us to be back
together, you know? And I should respect that.
ROSS: Chandler that's very big of you. and I'm glad. So you want me to help
you?
CHAN: Nah, I've changed my mind, I'm not giving up that easily. [goes into
his room]

[Cut to: Monica's, the next week]
[Monica, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe enter and sit down on the couch]
JOEY: Oh, hey! I know something that might make you feel better, Mon!
MNCA: What?
JOEY: You getting me this job means I don't have to audition for that
lottery commercial tomorrow!
MNCA: What's so bad about a lottery commercial?
JOEY: Nothing. It's just better to be in a TV-show. And besides, it's a
really weird commercial. It tell people to buy lottery tickets if they ever
win on the lottery.
RACH: [sarcasm] Ah, how lovely it is to see the money go back to the lottery
people in a great, big economical circle.
JOEY: So, did it make you fell any better, Mon?
MNCA: Hardly. I mean, come on! I have the stupidest lines ever! Today I had
to say "At least I'm prepared, I brought some brownies in case we'd run in
to any aliens" SEVEN times!
PHOE: What would you do in case the aliens didn't have mouths?
JOEY: Look Mon, I know it's a stupid show at times, but it's gonna be a hit!
Like a mix between "The X-files" and--
MNCA: "Dick Clark".
JOEY: Not exactly the show I was going for.
MNCA: Look, can we drop this? I'm getting more and more angry here, let's
just cut it out, okay?
JOEY: Fine.
MNCA: Great. I just want to forget about this whole thing!
[She turns the TV on]
VOICE: [from TV] So don't forget to watch tonight!
MNCA: [from TV] I brought some brownies in case we'd run in to any aliens.
[Monica makes an annoyed noise and turns the TV off]

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: Monica's, later on. She's alone. Chandler enters]
MNCA: Oh no.
CHAN: What? [closes door] I think you and I need to have a little talk.
MNCA: Not AGAIN! Come on now, everybody's coming over soon! As soon as the
show's about to start everybody's coming over here to watch.
CHAN: Everybody? Why wasn't _I_ invited?
MNCA: Yell at Joey for that, not me. He's on the stupid show too, you know.
CHAN: Uhm, yeah, I know.
MNCA: So did you come by to pick up your stuff? The things you kept in the
bedroom are in boxes by the window. [points] I haven't had the time to take
care of the rest of your stuff yet.
CHAN: [down] No, I. didn't come by to pick my stuff up. I came by to ask if
maybe I could keep them here. and move back in here.
MNCA: What? Chandler, I already promised my spare room to Rachel.
CHAN: Are you trying to sound like a fool? You know I didn't mean it like
that.
MNCA: Then what DID you mean? You know, moving on with your life doesn't
mean coming over here all the time, talking to me!
CHAN: I can't be your friend anymore, is that it?
MNCA: No. But you can't be my boyfriend anymore.
CHAN: Monica. Let me tell you something. [walks closer] I know very well
that what I did was wrong. I think about it every single minute. But don't
you think it's time to get PASSED that? I always thought there was nothing
that could break us up.
MNCA: Well, you were wrong. And there's a word for it. Adultery.
CHAN: I thought you had to have sex for it to be called adultery.
MNCA: Chandler! Look. I have been hurt before, but never like that. Do you
really think I'd want to be with someone who hurts my feelings like that?
CHAN: No. But don't you think _I_ want to be with YOU? Let me make it up to
you.
MNCA: You can.
CHAN: [happy] I can?
MNCA: By leaving me alone and stop reminding me! Look, I want us to stay
friends, but--
[She gets interrupted by the others, entering]
JOEY: Hey guys. So is it time to start watching the show yet?
MNCA: [checks watch] Yeah, actually you came over just at the minute it
starts.
[She goes over to the couch with the rest. Ross gives Chandler a look, and
he reluctantly follows. Monica flips on the TV]
MNCA: [voice-over, from TV, low] Well, what do YOU know, you made military
service just 'cause you like it when it rains.
[We see the TV, but all we see of Monica is her legs]
MNCA: Wait, what is this? All they're showing is my legs!
JOEY: What, they look terrific!
MNCA: But still!
[The camera goes back on the TV. This time they're filming Monica's
cleavage]
MNCA: [from TV] So, where are--
LMES: [angry, from TV] Shhh!
MNCA: WHAT? Now they're just showing my. my.
JOEY: Cleavage. Wow!
CHAN: [rises] I think I'm gonna go watch this alone. [exits]
[The camera goes back on the TV, where Monica's legs are shown again]
MNCA: [low, from TV] No.
LMES: [low, slightly annoyed, from TV] Well you just MISSED them!
MNCA: [from TV] Who?
MNCA: [sarcasm] Oh goody. They're back on my legs again. Was there something
wrong with my breasts?
RACH: They just weren't bringing the story forward.
MNCA: My god, this is. it's.
JOEY: Awesome!
MNCA: No! It's TERRIBLE! I'm being exploited as a SEX object!
RACH: I know, it sucks, doesn't it?
ROSS: Okay, they're back on your breasts, I don't think I want to watch
this. [rises]
MNCA: Me neither. [moves to turn the TV off]
JOEY: No, no wait you CAN'T turn the TV off, I haven't been on yet!
MNCA: You're not IN this episode. [turns the TV off, leans back] Man. You
know, I really wish I'd never gone to Cornwall. Everything has sucked since
we went there.
RACH: Not for me, I got to move back in.
ROSS: And what about the car thing?
RACH: What car thing?
ROSS: The one you got caught for.
RACH: How did you know that?
ROSS: Chandler told me.
RACH: What?
ROSS:  In exchange for an insider tip on my sister.
MNCA: What?
ROSS: Oh you never listen to me, don't start now.
MNCA: Fine, but if you have to take sides you could at least do it more
discreetly. I don't need to know about it.
PHOE: Oh! I know! I totally know!
MNCA: What?
PHOE: How to get you back together with Chandler!
JOEY: But Phoebs, I don't have any money for an airplane ticket.
PHOE: Who said YOU were going?
MNCA: Guys, you don't need to bother. Haven't we told you that we are
finished?
JOEY: Yeah, but we chose not to listen.
RACH: Yeah, come on now Phoebs, give them a rest. Come on, you never did
anything like this when Ross and I broke up.
PHOE: I like Monica more.
RACH: Gee, thanks.
MNCA: Guys, I appreciate the concern, but it's our lives.
ROSS: [scoffs] Yeah, right. [off her look] I mean, [serious] yeah, right.

[Cut to: Central Perk]
[Chandler and Ross are there]
CHAN: So did she say anything about me?
ROSS: Man, you are pathetic.
CHAN: I know, I tell myself that every minute and as soon as I forget you or
Joey remind me, now did she say anything about me?
ROSS: Yeah, she said that you were over and done with and that Phoebe and
Joey should give it a rest.
CHAN: Phoebe? I thought Phoebe hated me.
ROSS: She spent the entire day with you two weeks ago, trying to set a world
record, didn't that tell you something?
CHAN: Yeah, it told me all of you had better things to do.
ROSS: Look, I've gone through this.
CHAN: [bored] As often as you've gone through this speech?
ROSS: Fine, if you don't want my advice then that's fine by me.
CHAN: No, sorry Ross, I DO want advice. But not as long as you keep telling
me the exact same thing all the time, okay? The honest, open way isn't doing
much for me right now, she still won't take me back.
ROSS: Then why are you here talking to me, you should be talking to HER, all
the TIME!
CHAN: You don't think she'll get sick and tired of hearing me babble all the
time?
ROSS: Yeah, and then she'll take you back to get you quiet.
CHAN: You obviously don't know much about your sister. [pause] And by the
way, don't you think I would have tried that if I thought there was a chance
it might work?
ROSS: I guess.
CHAN: So what did she say about me?
ROSS: I already told you.
CHAN: Yes, but you have to have left out the great stuff she said about me.
ROSS: No, I don't think so.
CHAN: Oh come on, come on, come on, come on!
ROSS: I'm obviously NOTHING like my sister, since there's very little I
wouldn't do to make you stop that.
CHAN: Okay, then I'll stop it if you tell me. She must have said something
else about me!
ROSS: Yeah, all right. [thinks] I think she called you a heartless pervert
once. but that could have been her co-star she was referring to.
CHAN: Could you BE less helpful?

[Cut to: The studio, the next day]
[Monica comes walking up to the director, angry]
DIRECT: Well, hi Monica. What's up, cupcake?
MNCA: Timmy, butt face, I've come over to talk about the contract.
DIRECT: Don't call me Timmy, it sounds like such a child's name. Call me.
Tim.
MNCA: Okay. Timmy.
DIRECT: Anyway, you just follow me, we got the contracts this afternoon and
all you need to do is sign. And afterwards. what do you say you and I go out
and get a drink, to celebrate?
MNCA: This afternoon? It's twelve o'clock.
DIRECT: Okay fine, so yesterday. All you need to do is follow me to my
office and sign. And what about that date, huh?
MNCA: I don't think so.
DIRECT: Say that again?
MNCA: What the hell is this? [holds up a piece of paper]
DIRECT: [nervous] Oh, the, the viewer's poll?
MNCA: Uh-hu.
DIRECT: I wasn't aware that you knew of it.
MNCA: The people who were in charge of the poll were kind enough to send me
a copy. They thought I should know why the show has been so successful even
though we've only showed two episodes.
DIRECT: Okay. Okay so you saw it.
MNCA: And this is why I won't sign.
DIRECT: Well get this, sugar face.
MNCA: Don't call me sugar face, bugar face.
DIRECT: I only hired your buddy 'cause you said you'd do the main part.
MNCA: Okay. okay, let me see if I get this. Okay, so you need me to sign.
because of the viewers-poll? And if I don't sign the contract. my friend
won't get the part you promised him?
DIRECT: I think you've got the picture.
MNCA: You BET we got the picture.
[She snaps her fingers and Joey comes walking around the corner, holding a
video camera. He looks and acts very nervously]
MNCA: [to Timmy, the director. duh] You're busted big-time, poetry-pervert!
DIRECT: Poetry?
MNCA: Oh, sorry, I meant director. You know what, though? We got your whole
sleesy come-on on video, right Joey?
JOEY: [nervous, uncomfortable, not knowing what to say] Yuh-hu! We got it
all on video, all if it, every second, nothing missing here!
DIRECT: Tribbiani, you were taping me? That's unethical!
MNCA: [angry] Wha--? You have the nerve to talk to Joey about ethics after
harassing me? Well, at least I know we're the last people you're gonna do
this to. Show him the tape, Joey. [snatches the camera]
JOEY: Uh, I don't think we need to sink to his level, Monica. [snatches the
camera back]
MNCA: Yes we DO! I'm gonna show him what a creep he really is! Could I have
the camera,  Joey?
JOEY: Uhm, [thinks fast] maybe later, I've got an appointment with the rest
of my life, [heads for the door, dragging Monica along] goodbye, then!
DIRECT: Wait a minute, come back here Tribbiani!
[Joey and Monica stop, then slowly walk back]
DIRECT: You're in such a hurry Tribbiani, 'cause there's nothing ON that
tape, is there?
MNCA: Of COURSE there is! We've got every sleesy little detail! [to Joey]
Don't we?
JOEY: Uhm. Well, not, not EVERY word, I mean.
MNCA: Which means?
JOEY: That we don't have exactly everything.
MNCA: What DO we have?
JOEY: Uhm. Well, I know "cupcake" is there. [excusingly] The battery died
before you got anything out of him.
[Monica just stares at him]
DIRECT: [joyous] This is great! You. You thought you HAD me! You two - the
ditsy actor and the no-good actress, actually got me to admit I was planning
on firing Joey if Monica wouldn't star in the show and go out with me.  Well
get this, you're fired anyhow Tribbiani. And then you got nothing on tape
because your BATTERY was dead? [into the camera] How lame ARE you?
JOEY: [calm] Not as lame. as YOU.
MNCA: No?
JOEY: See, what I accidentally "forgot" to mention was that I changed the
battery while I was hiding, Monica always keeps extra batteries in cases of
emergency! So us two - [mocking] the ditsy actor and the no-good actress,
[normal] didn't get your FIRST confession, but we DID get your second one -
every word - [giddy] in CLOSE-UP!
[Monica's mouth drops, and then she starts smiling big]
JOEY: Hey, you wanna see it? [holds the camera up] You can take a look
before we show it to the network - Tim! [sarcastic] As long as we get the
final editing.
DIRECT: Okay. Fine. So you got me. But there's something I wanna say before
I go and my entire career is ruined. [to Monica, into the camera] Your
acting stinks! [heads for the door]
MNCA: [following] Yeah, well guess what, creep! I made up a little
poetry-line for you. "As the director you should be trusted. But then for
women you lusted. And that makes everyone disgusted. So because you're a
sleezeball. you just got BUSTED!"
[Director-Tim leaves, and Monica proudly walks up to Joey]
MNCA: [proudly] I just made that up!
JOEY: [smiles] You know what Monica? You may not be an actress, but you sure
have a talent in writing! [holds the camera up and films them smiling]

[Cut to: Monica's]
[Chandler is picking up a few of the boxes Monica had by the window. too
bad. Monica and Joey enter]
CHAN: Uhm, hi. I was just.
MNCA: [shrugs shoulders] Okay. [to Joey] How cool was THAT?
JOEY: Awesome! And what the heck was on the viewers poll?
MNCA: I don't know, actually. I never read it. It worked out fine anyway.
You get to keep your job, I get to loose mine. Perfect.
JOEY: Well here, here, let me see it! [grabs it and reads it, reading] "What
about the show best held your interest?" And the answer is. [looks at her]
your legs.
MNCA: My what?
JOEY: With your rack in a close second. Your arms came in fourth, by the
way. [looks] And not a word about me. [looks up] Do you realize what this
means? All this trouble for nothing! That's why the director wanted you so
badly even after the first episodes, he KNEW.
MNCA: [sits] There is now show if my legs walk. Weird.
JOEY: Aren't you happy?
MNCA: [sarcasm] Thrilled. [to her legs] Did you hear that girls? We're a
STAR! [lifts them up, then she laughs and rises] Don't you worry Joey,
they'll find somebody to replace me. Maybe they'll get Yasmine Bleeth.
JOEY: Let's hope so.
CHAN: [slightly hurt] Well it seems like you two want to be alone. [leaves]
MNCA: Do you think he's upset?
JOEY: I don't care, [cheering] We got him baby!
MNCA: [cheering] Yeah!
[They high five in triumph and sit on the couch. Monica puts her legs up in
Joey's lap]
JOEY: [joking] Well, what do you know, I'm in bed with a couple of
movie-stars!
MNCA: [puts her legs down, feigned hurt] Hands off! [beat] They're with ME!

[Closing Credits]

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's singing. Chandler, Ross and Rachel are on the
couch]
PHOE: There is an up, up, up, there is a down, down, down. If you go up, up,
up, you must fall down, down, down.
CHAN: [sarcasm] Remind me to thank Phoebe for bringing some joy into my
completely messed up life.
ROSS: [takes out earplugs] Huh?
CHAN: You got an extra set of those?
ROSS: Yeah.
CHAN: Can I have them?
ROSS: No.
CHAN: Why not?
RACH: [takes the other set of] Just so I know, has Phoebe stopped singing
yet?
 
 

The end!