[Opening Scene]

[Scene: Monica's. She, Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is in the kitchen and
the girls are on the couch]
RACH: [low] Oh god Mon. oh god. Next week is the hearing and what if I go to
jail?
MNCA: [low] You're NOT gonna go to jail.
RACH: [low, slightly panicked] Oh, and then I'm gonna be raped and tortured
and forced to eat yellow snow!
MNCA: [low] Rachel, would you just calm down? Your dad will probably come
through for you, don't worry.
RACH: Well what if he doesn't?
MNCA: Then don't take him as your only visit.
ROSS: [comes back to the couch] Hey, what are you guys talking about, you're
in such low voices.
RACH: We're uh. we're uh.
MNCA: Talking girlie secrets. None of your business.
ROSS: Okay. you sure?
MNCA: Yeah.
RACH: [pause] Hey Ross, if I ever go to jail, will you visit me then?

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: The same, later. Joey enters]
JOEY: Hey.
MNCA: Hey Joey.
JOEY: Listen, Mon, what are you doing right about now?
MNCA: [confused] What does it look like? [sarcasm] I'm on a road trip to New
Orleans.
JOEY: Great, so you're not doing anything special today?
MNCA: No, why?
JOEY: Terrific! Then you can come with me!
RACH: Where are you going?
JOEY: Oh, see I've got this GREAT audition today!
MNCA: And?
JOEY: And I. might get a part.
MNCA: No, I meant, and what does that have to do with me?
JOEY: Well, see I was kinda' hoping you'd come with.
MNCA: I'd come WITH?
JOEY: Yeah. I'm really nervous.
MNCA: Joey, you've been to, like, five thousand auditions, how can you all
of a sudden be nervous?
JOEY: It's a really, REALLY great part. It's a new TV-series, something
between "The X-files" and "N.Y.P.D. Blue".
MNCA: Then you don't need ME, you need GARY.
JOEY: Please? Monica please?
RACH: Hey Joey, I'LL go with ya'!
JOEY: Come on Monica, please! [flirting] Your beauty might make all the
other actors nervous and help me win the role.
RACH: [to Ross] Okay, I offered to come with him out loud, didn't I?
MNCA: Joey, why are you using lame flirting to get me to come?
JOEY: Did it work?
MNCA: Nope.
JOEY: [whiney] But come on now Monica! I need moral support!
RACH: Joey?
JOEY: Yeah?
RACH: I already told you _I_ could come.
JOEY: Yeah, so? [to Monica] Please? Please, please, please, please, please,
please, please?
MNCA: Forget it! The last time I came with you to a work-thing, there was a
guy there who set the wallpaper on fire because he thought it was cold! I'm
not getting anywhere near a place where you might work!
JOEY: Oh come on, that wasn't even an acting thing, that was the pet-shop.
And besides, I won't be working where the auditions are being held. Come on
Monica. I'll owe you one.
MNCA: You already do.
JOEY: Okay, so I'll owe you ANOTHER one.
MNCA: Joey, no means no!
JOEY: Are you sure?
ROSS/MNCA/RACH: YES!
JOEY: But--
ROSS/MNCA/RACH: YES!

[Cut to: Central Perk]
[Chandler and Phoebe are having coffee]
PHOE: So what did you think of my new songs, huh?
CHAN: I think the Python gang could make a fortune out of STIM-money.
PHOE: Oh, I just remembered I don't like you anymore. 'Cause you cheated on
my best friend. [pause]  Oh, and by the way, I have a new project and I'll
be needing your help!
CHAN: Is it like the last one? 'Cause honestly Phoebs, trying to have all
the diseases at the same time wasn't such a brilliant idea.
PHOE: No, Mr. Cynical. It's not THAT. I'm gonna try and beat all the records
in Guinness on the same day!
CHAN: Seriously?
PHOE: Uh-hu! And I'm gonna start with coffee drinking. Now, I don't know for
sure how many cups you have to drink, but I'm gonna try, I'm gonna go with
200.
CHAN: 200 cups of coffee? [rises]
PHOE: Where are you going?
CHAN: To call the paramedics, you'll need them.
PHOE: No, sit! [he obediently sits] You're gonna be my special
Guinness-control guy.
CHAN: Oh. okay. Let me just ask you something.
PHOE: What?
CHAN: Those records, like, the world's smallest horse, how are you gonna
beat THAT?
PHOE: Piece of cake, I'll just draw a teeny, tiny little horse.
CHAN: I see.

[Cut to: Monica's]
[Monica is showing Rachel how to fold laundry]
MNCA: And then, you fold it like this. [holds up a shirt] and you have a
folded shirt!
RACH: Oh cool, so, will this work on pants as well?
[The phone rings]
MNCA: [answering] Hello?
[She listens, then hangs up]
RACH: Chandler?
MNCA: Almost. Joey. He doesn't want to give up.
RACH: Well, he's got a few hours to convince you, right? So I say you unplug
the phone.
MNCA: And hook the security chain.
RACH: Oh, you know what, I've realized why I always have to walk ten blocks
to work from where I get of the bus.
MNCA: Oh yeah? And why is that?
RACH: I've been taking the wrong bus.
MNCA: And after over a year you haven't noticed that yet?
RACH: Monica, what BUS I'm on isn't exactly what I'm thinking about on my
way to work. There's this ADORABLE guy who works in the opposite building,
if you know what I'm talking about.
MNCA: Yeah. And now that I know what you're using 'em for, can I please have
my binoculars back?
[Rachel goes to get it. Joey enters]
MNCA: Joey, I've already told you, I won't come.
JOEY: [whiney] Come on Monica! [persuading] I love you. [off Monica's look]
What?
MNCA: Joseph, do you EVER take no for an answer?
JOEY: Usually not.
MNCA: [sarcasm] I haven't noticed.
JOEY: Please? I'll. I'll. Oh, I know! If you come with me, I'll give YOU a
present on MY birthday!
MNCA: No, NO bribes!
JOEY: Man! I wish you were as easy to persuade as Rachel.
MNCA: Joey. never repeat that sentence.
JOEY: [trying another method] You know what? Tying to talk you into
something is like having a transcription on a magazine that doesn't exist!
MNCA: [raises hand] Confused person.
JOEY: [explaining] See, you put allot of effort into it and get, like
NOTHING back.
MNCA: That didn't make it much clearer.
JOEY: [trying yet another method] You know something?
MNCA: Do YOU know how to shut UP?
JOEY: All these years I thought you were my friend. and then. then you big,
fat do something like this to me.
MNCA: [sighs] Joey, you're a professional actor, you've been to more
auditions than Jennifer Tilly! You shouldn't NEED me there. What kind of
impression do you think you'll make, coming to the audition with one of your
friends?
JOEY: [flirting] Since you're so pretty I'll make one hell of a great first
impression.
MNCA: And what have I told you about your cheesy flirting tricks?
JOEY: [sighs] That I should quit with 'em.
MNCA: Exactly.
JOEY: [back on one of his methods] Anyway, back to what I was saying before.
you could at least TRY and sound exited about the idea. If you did, then you
could almost pass as a friend.
MNCA: And you could almost kiss my butt.
JOEY: [and again, trying a new method] Come on Monica. sugar. [off her look]
Sorry. But please, you KNOW I'd do it for you!
MNCA: Joey, listen to me. I am not saying no to this just to piss you off.
Honest. But look, I don't want to come and you won't make a good impression
if you need to bring a moral support to the audition.
JOEY: But we can always find out, right?

[Cut to: Central Perk]
[Phoebe has got 200 empty cups in front of her. Chandler's looking through a
"Guinness Book of World Records"]
PHOE: [nauseous] My mouth feels like I just swallowed sheep.
CHAN: [looking through the book] Told 'ya it was a bad idea. [looks at her]
You know, you could at least have gotten the most RECENT book. This one is
from 1978.
PHOE: [nauseous] I see pink elephants flying.
CHAN: You wanna hear some bad news?
PHOE: We have to pay Central Perk around $100?
CHAN: That's no problem, maybe they can sponsor you. But here's the ACTUAL
problem. I can't find number of coffee cups that someone drank anywhere.
[beat] Maybe you should just start from the beginning and work your way
through the book?
PHOE: That could be an idea. [rises] Okay, I need to puke.
CHAN: [looking through book] Projectile vomiting. No, doesn't say anything
about that either.
GUNTHER: [comes over] So how are you gonna pay for THIS, credit card?
CHAN: You don't think Central Perk would be interested in sponsoring an
attempt to set a new world record, would you?
GUNTHER: Hardly. But I really wish I worked on commission.
CHAN: Okay, well here's. [checks his wallet] $50. Phoebe'll give ya' the
rest when she comes back.
[Gunther leaves]
CHAN: [reading through book, to himself] World's longest kiss. [sees how
long it lasted]
CHAN: Whoa! And this was just in _1978_? Gosh. Suddenly my personal record
of twenty minutes seems so tiny.
[Phoebe comes back]
GUNTHER: Phoebe? You owe me 50 bucks.
PHOE: Bill me. [sits with Chandler]
CHAN: [points] Phoebe, listen to this. [reading] The world's longest kiss
lasted--
PHOE: [snatches book] Let me see that.
CHAN: How are you gonna find someone who wants to kiss for that long, give
or take a couple of hours?
PHOE: [not listening, reading] Wow. Hey Chandler, your personal record sure
looks tiny in comparison.
CHAN: I know. [suddenly offended] Hey, I don't see YOU making out with
anyone for that long!
PHOE: [realizes something] Hey, who do you think I should make out with for
all that time, huh?
CHAN: I asked you that question less than a minute ago.
PHOE: I know.
CHAN: Maybe you should wait with that one then.
PHOE: Okay, so what record will I set now?
CHAN: Uhm, let's see. There's one about talking backwards.
PHOE: Okay. Say a word and I'll say it backwards.
CHAN: Okay. Hamster.
PHOE: [long pause] Retsmah. [proud] There! World record!
CHAN: Did you seriously expect it to be that easy?
PHOE: [sighs] No. [lights up] Ysae! I just said easy backwards, NOW did I
break it?
CHAN: [sarcasm, feigned joy] No, but you sure TANGED it!

[Cut to: An audition]
[Joey and a really grumpy Monica are there]
JOEY: [grateful] Thank you Monica, I love you, you're the best!
MNCA: And you're NOT.
JOEY: Well you'll feel differently the day I receive an Oscar and thank you
above all the rest in my speech.
MNCA: Joey? This is a TV-show. The best thing you can win for this is an
EMMY.
JOEY: And when I do, I'll give it to you.
MNCA: I'll believe THAT when I see it.
JOEY: Anyway, I hope this doesn't take too long. [slightly worried] I left
the duck and the chick alone, and the last time I did that, they nearly
killed each other.
MNCA: If you REALLY want to make me happy then you should get rid of the
birds.
JOEY: Can't I just write you an IOU?
MNCA: No.
[The director, DIRECT, comes up]
DIRECT: Excuse me, are you supposed to be here?
JOEY: Uh, yes, my name is Joey Tribbiani. I'm auditioning for the part as
the main character's brother.
DIRECT: Oh. That's you. Sorry, that role has already been cast.
MNCA: And you couldn't have called and let him know?
DIRECT: Showbiz doesn't work that way, miss. [eyes her up and down] What
have I seen YOU in?
MNCA: Your NIGHTMARES.
DIRECT: Who directed that?
MNCA: [dry] Very funny.
DIRECT: A woman like you have I hardly seen in a bad dream.
MNCA: Well you WILL, unless you find another part that my friend here can
audition for!
JOEY: Exactly!
MNCA: Put a sock in it, Joey.
JOEY: Hey!
MNCA: Sorry. got carried away.
DIRECT: Okay, all right, I suppose I could do him that favour. But in
return, you have to do something for me.
MNCA: Okay, what?
JOEY: [to Monica] Uh, let me talk to you for a second.
[He drags her aside and whispers something in her ear]
MNCA: [low] Oh get real Joey, he is NOT gonna ask me to SLEEP with him!
JOEY: [low] Not with HIM, but maybe he's a porn director as well.
MNCA: [low] Well if he is, then he's gonna get a well-aimed boot where it
hurts the most.
JOEY: Cool.
[They go back to the director, who smiles suggestively to Monica. Joey gives
her an "I told you so" look]
DIRECT: So. what do you say, miss?
MNCA: What favour is it you want to ask of me?
DIRECT: I give your friend another part to audition for. and YOU give me a
new lead actress.
MNCA: [slightly annoyed] Does it LOOK like I have Neve Campbell's number?
DIRECT: No, miss. I mean that YOU play the leading role.
 

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: Minutes later. Monica is furious, Joey is trying to talk her into
taking the offer. The director is gone]
JOEY: Come on Monica! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity! For me. You
CAN'T say no to this.
MNCA: You just watch me go.
JOEY: Come on, please? How many times am I going to have to beg you today?
MNCA: Enough to set a world record. Joey, I will NOT agree to this!
JOEY: Why not?
MNCA: Because I'm not an actress! Okay? The guy kept staring at my legs like
they were two beef steaks during a famine!
JOEY: So?
MNCA: So? What do you mean "so"? So, I don't want to take this damn offer
just because some idiot thought my legs were nice.
JOEY: He was more staring at your rack.
MNCA: [gives Joey an "if looks could kill" look] You know me Joe and you
know I'm a lousy actress! Hell, I can't even play MYSELF!
JOEY: You don't NEED to play yourself, you're playing this other chick.
MNCA: It is morally wrong! Think about all the girls that came all the way
down here to audition, and who can actually ACT!
JOEY: [not getting it] What about them?
MNCA: What do you mean, "what about them"? They DESERVE this part, I DON'T!
JOEY: Well, good things come to good people.
MNCA: And bad things come to those who are bad. This is NOT a great offer,
Tribbiani. Taking this offer would be like. recycling beer cans you haven't
even OPENED!
JOEY: That's just plain STUPID. But come on Monica. You know I'd do it for
you.
MNCA: That again? You're repeating yourself, darling.
JOEY: We could be so great together Mon, as an acting duo! I provide the
talent, you provide the looks!
MNCA: [upset] That sounds like a lame actor-version of, of E-Type!
JOEY: What?
MNCA: [shakes her head] Look, this is not even up for discussion. I'm not
acting and that's final.
JOEY: But can't we discuss it anyway? I mean, how cool wouldn't it be to
become a famous actress, huh?
MNCA: I'd rather stuff my mouth full of yellow paper clips.
JOEY: Look, this has been my dream for as long as I've been alive. You have
the chance to get my dream!
MNCA: Joey, honey, listen to me. Okay? Me taking the role, it wouldn't be
fare. To ANYBODY. It wouldn't be fare to ME 'cause I don't WANT this! It
wouldn't be fare to all these women who have come here, hoping to get the
part. And it wouldn't be fare to YOU, because I would be getting your dream,
like you said yourself. And where is that gonna leave you?
JOEY: In a supporting role, that's where it'll leave me!
MNCA: Joey! Is that really what you WANT? To get a part in a TV-show just
because I play the lead, especially when I'm not the right person to do it?
JOEY: Monica, look. I know what I'm asking of you here. And I know what it
is that I want. I want to get a part in this show. And this might be my
ticket to fame. People will WATCH it! People will SEE me!
MNCA: I know they will, Joey. But if you couldn't get it without my help
then would you want it at ALL?
JOEY: If I didn't want your help then I wouldn't have forced you to come
with me today. Not that I knew THIS was going to happen, but you turned out
pretty helpful anyway.
MNCA: Joey. Joey, listen to me, okay? This is NOT the right way to go about
this, we should sue that guy for sexual HARASSMENT!
JOEY: I'm not so sure it qualifies as sexual harassment.
MNCA: We'll just tell 'em I was wearing a short skirt, and it WILL be.
JOEY: I don't see what the PROBLEM is! It's not like I'm asking you to tell
people you're close friends with Santa Claus!
MNCA: What?
JOEY: I don't know, I was just trying to think of an argument.
MNCA: I'm SORRY. But this is not what I'm trained to do.
JOEY: Neither am _I_!
MNCA: I haven't worked hard for it. I didn't earn this opportunity!
JOEY: Well, maybe it's god's way of rewarding you for coming with me this
afternoon.
MNCA: Joey.
JOEY: Please, Monica. For ME.
MNCA: You know I'd do it for you in a heartbeat if I'd been an actress, or,
or I'd auditioned for the part. But giving the part to me is no more right
than denying you a part if I don't take this job.
JOEY: I know. you're right. I shouldn't be asking this of you.
MNCA: No, sweetie. THEY shouldn't be asking this of me. [annoyed, to
herself] Geez, I KNEW I shouldn't have come here.
JOEY: [sighs] I'll go get out coats.
MNCA: And I'll go talk to the director. maybe give him a kick in the groin.
JOEY: That will DEFIANTLY not give me the part.
MNCA: I'll catch up with you in a few minutes, okay Joey?
JOEY: All right.
MNCA: Okay.
[They go off at different directions]

[Cut to: Central Perk]
[Phoebe is trying to blow out rings with smoke, holding a pack of Luckies in
her hand]
CHAN: How come there are six of us, and I'M the only one who knows how to
smoke?
PHOE: How many rings was that?
CHAN: Well, if I judge it REALLY nice. then none.
PHOE: Oh, damn it!
CHAN: Phoebs, why don't you just FORGET about this, I mean allot of these
records took DAYS, WEEKS, YEARS to set! And you're trying to beat them all
in one day, that's IMPOSSIBLE!
PHOE: You don't know unless you try.
[Chandler sighs and picks up the book. He flips through the pages and finds
a record (duh!)]
CHAN: Here, how 'bout you try this. [reads] See, all you need to do is. lift
a truck with one hand. Never mind.
PHOE: Aren't there any easier ones that I can START with?
CHAN: Uhm, yeah, there's having 30 clothes-pegs in your face at the same
time.
PHOE: [calling out] Gunther, I need clothes-pegs!
GUNTHER: [comes over with a pack] Okay, but don't break them, okay? These
are my private ones.
CHAN: [holds one up] You use pink clothes-pegs?
GUNTHER: Do you have a problem with that?
CHAN: No. only we won't be able to SEE them, 'cause Phoebe's face'll get the
same lovely colour.
PHOE: Give me those!
[Se starts putting the pegs on her face]
CHAN: Gunther, while she's busy learning how to become a fakir, could you
get me another cup of coffee?
[Gunther leaves. Phoebe continues with the pegs and Chandler reads from the
book]
CHAN: Oh, it says here Phoebs that you can't put them on your eyebrows, your
lips or your neck.
PHOE: Damn it! [starts taking them off]
CHAN: Regretting you don't shave off your eyebrows?
PHOE: Yeah.
CHAN: Well this is one of the easier, I'll tell you THAT. One guy in this
book sat in a bath for three days.
PHOE: That's not very hard.
CHAN: The tub was filled with SNOW.
PHOE: Oh, that IS hard.
CHAN: Wouldn't the snow melt?
PHOE: Wouldn't the person get frost-bitten?
CHAN: So how are you doing with the pegs?
PHOE: [thinks] Okay, I couldn't put them on the neck, the eyebrows or the
lips, right?
CHAN: Right.
PHOE: [calling out] Hey Gunther, do you by any chance have any smaller
clothes-pegs?

[Cut to: Later]
[Phoebe's got pegs all over her face (ouch!). Chandler is eying her, keeping
count]
CHAN: Okay, ten more. You can do it Phoebs.
[She nods her head and puts two more up. Then she can't find room for a
third, so she puts that on Chandler]
CHAN: OUCH! You know, I don't think that COUNTS.
[He takes it off and places it on her nose]
CHAN: Fill your nose up, come on.
PHOE: [barely able to talk] Chandler?
CHAN: Yeah? Only five more to go now!
PHOE: [trying not to move lips] I'm feeling sick, how to I go about it when
I need to throw up?
CHAN: You keep it IN. You should have waited with the coffee until LAST!
PHOE: [not moving lips] Too late.
CHAN: Well quickly, five more and then you just need to take 'em off. After
that, you're free to hurl as much as you want.
PHOE: [not moving lips] Nobody WANTS to hurl.
CHAN: Hurry, hurry!
PHOE: [testy, not moving lips] Okay!
[Rachel enters]
CHAN: Okay, now you've only got three more.
RACH: [sees Phoebe, panics] Aah! It's a MONSTER! Save yourselves!
PHOE: [not moving lips, confused] What?
CHAN: Rach.
PHOE: [understanding] Oh.
RACH: [freaking out, backing away] Chandler. save yourself Chandler, I'm out
of here!.
CHAN: Rachel.
RACH: [freaking] Oh my gosh, Joey and Monica will SO kill me if I ditch him
here. but who cares! [to Chandler] Final warning, this is NOT solving
anything.
CHAN: What's your problem?
RACH: Forget it, I'm not wasting my time on you!
[She turns and runs out, screaming. Phoebe tries to scratch herself, but
can't, 'cause she can't see where the clothes-pegs are]
CHAN: That was odd.
PHOE: [trying not to move lips] Chandler? I have this scratch on my nose, do
you think you can scratch it for me, please?
[Chandler makes a martyr face and reluctantly scratches her on the nose.
Phoebe makes a face]
PHOE: [not moving lips] HARDER!
[Chandler scratches harder, looking scared. Gunther comes over with a cup of
coffee]
GUNTHER: I was gonna offer you a cup of coffee on the house since you've
consumed so much, but after this display I think I've changed my mind.
CHAN: Just put it down. Thanks, Gunther.
[Chandler stops scratching Phoebe's nose and takes a sip of coffee. Gunther
returns to the counter]
PHOE: [not moving lips] So, how many have I left?
CHAN: Just three. And after this, I won't be anywhere NEAR you for at least
that many days.
PHOE: [trying not to move lips] Okay. two more to go. [pins another one] You
know, this HURTS! One more. [pins it]
CHAN: Wow, Phoebs! Congratulations, a world record!
PHOE: Yay! Now get these off of me!
[When she talks, five pegs fall loose and fly across the table. Chandler
ducks, not wanting to get hit]
PHOE: Cool!
[Another three clothes-pegs fly loose]
 

[Cut to: The audition]
[(note: this scene takes place just seconds after we last left Monica and
Joey) Monica is trying to find the director]
MNCA: Excuse me miss, have you seen the director?
WOMAN: No, sorry. Hey, how do I look?
MNCA: [not knowing what to say] Uhm. fine.
WOMAN: Good. I'm auditioning for the lead part.
MNCA: Well, good luck. I know for a fact that that part is still open.
[She walks on by and spots the director and walks closer. But she stops when
she hears what he's saying]
DIRECT: You would be SO proud of me, Jim. I found or leading lady!
JIM: Really?
DIRECT: Yeah. Came in with one of the actors. Told her he could have a
chance as the boyfriend if she took the job.
JIM: Wow. And she signed up?
DIRECT: Well you know how women are. They need to be urged a bit. But as
soon as I've asked her again she'll be totally on board.
MNCA: [low] Not in YOUR lifetime, sucker.
JIM: Who was it she came with again?
DIRECT: Oh, that guy from "Days of our Lives"
JIM: Oh. [sarcasm] THAT guy.
DIRECT: The one that looked Italian, Joe. something.
JIM: Tribbiani? Yeah, I've seen him.
MNCA: [low] Oh you have, have you, punk?
JIM: That guy really has talent.
DIRECT: You think? I've never seen him act, myself.
JIM: Yeah, you should sign him up, he's good.
DIRECT: I guess this could be his big shot then, huh? Well not in THIS
lifetime, now without the chick.
JIM: But why not, I mean. Why not?
DIRECT: Hey. I'M the director, _I_ call the shots. And _I_ say, that I want
her on the show. And if she doesn't accept then he can take his talent and
shove it. [laughs]
MNCA: [low] Oh yeah? Shove THIS! [does the double fist-knock]

[Cut to: The exit]
[Joey's patiently waiting for Monica, holding her coat. She comes up to him]
MNCA: Joey, guess what?
JOEY: Uh, okay, fun! The director's going to change his gender so that he'll
be a man!
MNCA: Joey. the director already IS a man.
JOEY: I know. just that taking cheap shots makes me feel better.
MNCA: Listen, I went over there to tell him to shove his offer somewhere
were neither sun or moon shines, but I overheard him talking to this other
guy. Jim.
JOEY: Yeah?
MNCA: He says you have talent.
JOEY: ME? COOL! Wait, the director or that Jim-fellow?
MNCA: Jim.
JOEY: Well, go on, what else?
MNCA: Well. I'm sorry honey, they won't sign you up anyway.
JOEY: [composing tears] No big deal. there'll be other things.
MNCA: So. I told them I'd do it.
JOEY: [near tears] Do what?
MNCA: Play their leading role. And you're in.
JOEY: [all of a sudden happy] I'm IN!
MNCA: Yeah. [depressed over her situation] You're gonna be known to the
country as Greta Jones's boyfriend.
JOEY: Are you SERIOUS?
MNCA: [chuckling at his reaction] Yes!
JOEY: That's HUGE! [he hugs her] Monica, that you SO MUCH for this!
MNCA: Hey. what are friends for?
JOEY: [breaks from the hug] Oh, I mean. if you weren't Chandler's ex-girl,
then I'd kiss you right here and now!
MNCA: Why don't you kiss me anyway?
[They kiss (no, I'm NOT putting them together. I just thought it'd be cute).
The screen fades to.]

[Closing Credits]

[Scene: Central Perk. It's later that day. Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are
there]
RACH: [near tears] And I'm telling you, I think this monster ate Chandler!
CHAN: [enters] Hello, people!
ROSS: Guess again, Rach.
CHAN: Phoebs? I'm afraid I have some bad news.
PHOE: Uh-hu, what?
CHAN: I just got of the phone with some Guinness-guy.
PHOE: And?
CHAN: They say you broke five records today! [interrupting her cheers] But
they didn't count 'cause you didn't have an official Guinness-control guy
here.
PHOE: I KNEW it, you can't do ANYTHING! Okay, I'm all not-liking you again!
The end!