Monica stood in the door opening
of the hospital room. She had been up and
about for over a month by
now, but it wasn't until now she was going to
leave the hospital. It had
been nine months since the accident, it was in
the middle of March, the year
2001.
Dr. Barkley had wanted to
send her home almost immediately after the casts
had been removed from her
legs, but she had claimed it would be easier for
her to stay because of all
the physical therapy and medical treatment. And
then each time the doctor
wanted to send her home she had faked pain or
something else to get to stay.
She didn't want to leave the hospital, it was
the only place she felt safe.
But she finally realized it was best to go
home, otherwise the doctor
might realize that something was wrong, and she
didn't want him to be bothering
her about yet another one of her problems.
Chandler stood next to her,
holding his coat over his arm. He was waiting
for her to pick up her small
bag and come with him. He was the only one
who'd come to bring her home,
the rest were waiting for her at home. Home.
Right now she felt like the
hospital was home. It was the only place she
could ever remember being.
She slowly buttoned her coat
as she took one last look at the room. The
golden necklace with the heart
hung round her neck.
"Are you coming?" Chandler
said. The past six months he had been acting less
loving around her, more careful.
Monica wondered why.
"Yeah, just. taking one last
look." she said, using that as an excuse to
drag things out. She could
tell he was getting stressed, wanting to leave,
but she still looked around
very carefully. The note board was now free from
pictures, Phoebe had taken
them down the night before and brought them to
the apartment. The bed was
without sheets, there was no patient in need of
the room at the moment so
they didn't have to make the bed again
immediately.
With a sigh she picked up
her small duffle bag and fallowed Chandler out.
She squinted at the bright
daylight outside, not having seen it for about
nine months. It wasn't the
same to see it through the small window in her
hospital room.
Chandler stopped a cab, and
they got in. She felt slightly scared, it was
like experiencing a whole
new country for the first time, only this was her
home town.
Chandler eyed her discreetly
as he paid the cab driver thirty minutes later.
The traffic had been jammed,
so it had taken a while longer to get back
home, and he thanked his lucky
star it was a set rate and not a time-set
amount.
Monica had already gotten
out of the car, looking around her carefully and
holding the small duffle bag
with her toothbrush and things like that in.
Chandler grabbed her by the
arm and led her to their door. She didn't make
the slightest move to have
remembered Central Perk as they passed by it.
Chandler wondered if she'd
ever remember as much as she once had. After all,
it had been nine months and
she didn't remember much more than her name.
"They should be here by now"
Joey said, glancing at his watch again. He and
the rest were waiting for
Chandler and Monica in the couple's
apartment.Phoebe shrugged
her shoulders and fluffed a pillow.
"You know how hard the traffic
can be sometimes."
Joey looked from her to Ross
and then to Rachel. He wondered what they were
thinking. He would desperately
like to discuss Monica's changed personality
with them, but it was as if
the subject was taboo. The only one who admitted
that she was different now
was Chandler. And he didn't like to talk about
it. The realisation that she
didn't love him back the way she once had had
been a hard strike for him,
and he usually avoided the subject. But Joey
didn't want to ignore the
problem or forget about it. He wanted to talk
about it, and he wanted them
all to try and figure out what they should do.
But it wasn't just the change
in Monica that scared Joey. Chandler was
different too. His old witty
self was gone, these days he was just
depressed. The only thing
that brought a smile to his face was Monica, but
her new attitude towards him
and everything else kept Chandler at a
distance. Joey wondered if
she even liked Chandler anymore. It was obvious
that Chandler still was crazy
about her, he did whatever she asked him to do
and he stood up for her no
matter what.
Joey had thought that once
Monica woke up from her coma, Chandler would get
happy again, and become less
serious. It hadn't turned out that way. While
Monica had become more wild
and forward, Chandler had taken over her role as
the seriousness. It was as
if he was trying to play both parts of their
relationship, to keep it from
falling apart.
Monica and Chandler entered
the apartment, and Phoebe leaped up from the
couch to go over and give
Monica a hug.
"So great to have you back,
Mon!" she said, took her hand and proceeded to
give Monica the tour. The
rest of them felt weird seeing somebody show
Monica where all the rooms
were, as if guiding a stranger.
"And this is the bedroom."
Phoebe said, dragging Monica inside. The others
couldn't hear the rest of
the monologue.
"Wow, it sure feels great
to have her back" Chandler said, taking of his
coat. "Even though she can't
remember." He looked over at Monica's coat,
which she had thrown on a
chair. He picked it up. "And even though she's not
exactly the same Monica as
before."
"Come on, I'll show you the
view from the balcony!" Phoebe continued,
dragging Monica out of the
bedroom and helping her get out on the balcony.
"Yeah, she sure is different"
Joey said to the rest. "I guess there's
nothing left to do but to
wait and see if it's a change for the better or
for the worse."
"Better" Chandler immediately
said, in a sharp tone. "She's just as
wonderful as she used to be,
she's just going through a hard time and that's
made her a bit more serious.
That's all."
Joey looked at Ross and Rachel,
hoping one of them would disagree with
Chandler, because deep down
they knew he wasn't right. But Ross and Rachel
just turned their focus to
the TV, which Rachel had turned on.
"Yeah, the view is pretty."
Monica said out on the balcony. "It's SO
romantic to see all of the
buildings and no sky."
If Phoebe noticed the sarcasm
in Monica's voice, she didn't show it.
"Does it help you remember
anything?" she asked.
"That apartment right there."
Monica said, pointing to Ross's apartment.
"Who lives there? It's someone
we know, isn't it? Some. ugly guy."
"Ugly naked guy" Phoebe said.
"But he's moved out. Can you remember who
lives there now?"
"No" Monica said. She walked
up to the railing and leaned onto it.
"Monica? Do you want to go
back inside?" Phoebe asked.
Monica shook her head. She
felt truly miserable, and as long as she stayed
out here she didn't have to
please the people inside by trying to remember
things. She was so sick of
trying to bring her memory back, she barely even
cared if she would remember
or not.
"Okay." Phoebe said, after
a moment of silence. "So just say so when you
want to go back in."
Monica came very close to
saying 'never', but she thought the better of it.
There was no use in letting
them find out how she wanted to cry just at the
thought of having to live
here, and hang out with this crowd.She didn't feel
there was something wrong
with the people themselves, but it was like she
had to like and love them,
and she didn't want somebody telling her who to
like and not to like. So she
kept her distance to them.
The only one of the crowd
that were supposed to be her friends, that she
actually liked, was Joey.
But she had soon realized that she could never
have his friendship without
having to hang out with all the others as well.
Chandler was the one she felt
most uncomfortable around, still. Everyone
expected her to love him,
or to start to love him soon. But she didn't want
to do that. After nine months
he was still mostly a stranger to her, and she
wished she could see him as
seldom as possible.
Monica turned her head and
looked at Phoebe. After Joey, Phoebe was the one
she could stand the best.
There was something artless about her, sort of an
innocence that made her easier
to stand.
"Okay, let's go back inside"
Monica said, wanting to get the evening over
with so that they would all
leave and she could be alone.
The biggest shock for Monica
came that evening, after dinner and hanging
out. The group was getting
ready to leave, but Chandler made no move to go
anywhere. He just sat on the
couch and waved goodbye to the rest as they
left. Monica silently hoped
he was going to leave soon. She made a lame
excuse and went to the bathroom
to brush her teeth.
Twenty minutes later when
she was already laying in bed, Chandler came in
and lay down next to her.
She tried not to stare at him, wondering why he
had gotten into bed as well.
She gave him a nervous smile and reached over
to turn of the lights.
"I'm so glad to have you back,
hon" Chandler said, and leaned over to kiss
her on the cheek. Monica's
smile got even more nervous. "The place just
wasn't the same without you."
It slowly struck Monica that they lived
together.
"Goodnight" she said, forcing
her tone to sound cheerful, and then switched
her light off and laid down,
wondering what to do about the new problem that
had occurred.
Chandler turned his light
of as well and glanced over at her. She looked
almost like she had done the
last time she'd laid in this bed. But there was
something else than the physical
marks of the accident, there was a distant
look in her eyes that he'd
never seen before. He shook his head, shutting
out the thought of why it
was there, and enjoyed going to bed next to her
again. She was so beautiful,
even during these circumstances, and he
couldn't help but smiling
lovingly at her. She didn't notice.
After laying quiet for a few
minutes Chandler realized just how tired he
was. He had been sleeping
so bad ever since the accident, and it was like
her being in the same bed
as him calmed him and brought the need to sleep
on. Not thinking clearly he
rolled over and laid an arm around her. Monica
instantly froze and her new
attitude towards him came back to Chandler in
just a split second.
Even though he should have
known she wouldn't be as affectionate anymore,
her reaction hurt him deeply.
He felt heartbroken, and rolled back over to
his side of the bed, trying
to shut out the pain.
Monica didn't feel very relieved
when he rolled away from her. When he'd
touched her she'd felt nearly
accosted, and she had felt scared. Scared that
he would want something more
than just holding her when he went to sleep. It
took her over an hour to calm
down enough to go to sleep, and right before
she did, she noticed that
Chandler was still awake. She could tell by his
breath.
A few nights passed with Monica
feeling slightly scared and very
uncomfortable, and Chandler
feeling hurt and betrayed. Finally he decided
that her needs were much more
important to him than his own, so he told her
he would be sleeping in the
guest room. After all, once she'd woken up from
her coma, he'd spent almost
every night in that bed. He was more familiar
with it than with the one
in the bedroom, or at least it felt so.
"How can you still refuse to
see that she's not the same Monica we all used
to know?" Joey asked Chandler
over lunch, the day after Chandler started
sleeping in the guest room.
"She's the same" Chandler
said. "It's just the memory loss that has made her
unsure. She'll be her old
self again once it all comes back to her."
"No, maybe she won't be" Joey
insisted. "We don't know that, she might have
had a personality change,
this whole experience is enough to change her
forever."
"Look Joey, I'm telling you,
my girlfriend is FINE!" Chandler said.
"When you can't stand your
boyfriend touching you then you're not fine" Joey
remarked, seeing Chandler's
face getting paler at that comment.
"Well she doesn't remember
me really" Chandler said, searching for an
explanation. Anyone other
than the real one would do. "Would you be truly
comfortable in an environment
you can't recall, and with a person that you
don't remember completely?"
He heard as well as Joey that it was a thin
argument.
Joey put some extra ketchup
on his burger, willing to let the subject go. He
didn't want to push Chandler
anymore than he wanted to push Monica.
"You know what I really want,
Joe?" Chandler said, not finished with the
subject. "The thing that I
want most of all in the world. is to hear her say
she loves me."
Joey looked up at his friend.
Chandler was resting his chin in his hand,
staring out the window of
the diner.
"Nothing used to make me happier."
Chandler continued. "Whenever she called
me anything, weather it was
Chandler, honey or something else, I would feel
so lucky. But never as when
she said she loved me."
"I wish I could help you out
somehow" Joey said, really meaning it.
"God, it's just." Chandler
paused for a second. "It's just killing me to
know that I might never get
to hear it again."
"Don't loose faith so soon,
Chandler" Joey said. "She's going through a
rough time right now, and
how easy can it be to love someone when you don't
remember them? But it will
all come back, I know it will. When she
remembers, she will also remember
how much she loves you."
"But what if she never does
remember?" Chandler asked. "Or worst case
scenario." He looked at Joey
instead of out the window. "What if love is an
emotion that you can't just.
remember? That she will remember exactly
everything, but she won't
love me anymore. Good god Joey, what do I do
then?"
Joey didn't know what to say.
He wanted to tell his friend that it was all
going to work out, but he
knew that he might be wrong. He was hoping that he
wasn't.
The change in Monica's personality
became much clearer after coming home
from the hospital. She had
gone from being kind, polite and caring, to being
flirty, slightly selfish and
wild. The first big change that her friends
noticed, was that cleaning
was not something that interested her much. It
was mostly Chandler who did
the dishes and vacuumed, and he did it because
he wanted things to be easy
for her. But he started to wonder if she even
noticed all the things he
did for her. And he wondered if he'd noticed what
she did for HIM before the
accident. He slowly realized that he hadn't given
her nearly enough credit for
everything she did around their home.
But there was another thing
that he'd come to think of, something that
scared him a bit. It was as
if all of a sudden he and Monica had switched
roles. She was now the messy
one who lived for the day. He was the one who
followed after, cleaning up
her messes. Chandler wondered to himself if he
was loosing his
identity.
"Chandler!" Rachel yelled,
entering the apartment one day, while Chandler
was doing the dishes.
"Yeah?" Chandler said, not
bothering to look up.
"Tell your stupid girlfriend
to stop hitting on my boyfriend! She doesn't
>listen to me, so YOU
talk to her!"
Chandler nearly dropped the
plate in his hand.
"Excuse me, Monica is hitting
on your boyfriend?"
"Uh-hu!" Rachel cried out.
"But." Chandler just couldn't
believe it. He slowly put the plate down.
"There must be some kind of
misunderstanding. I mean. Monica would never do
such a thing. And she's got
ME."
"Oh you should have seen her!"
Rachel said. "She was pulling every flirting
trick in the book, but so
discreetly that Don barely understood that she had
him right where she wanted
him. Now you talk to her, I don't want my
boyfriend staring at some
other woman like that, especially not her!"
Chandler frowned, not knowing
what to do. But he decided that it must be
some sort of misunderstanding.
The next week Chandler kept
getting complains from every direction. All the
women he knew seemed to be
having problems with Monica coming on to their
boyfriends. Chandler once
again felt like he was loosing his identity. He
was now the one who had to
be responsible and take care of all the problems,
the only difference was that
Monica had always been able to turn to him, but
now he couldn't turn to her.
People treated him like they once treated
Monica, and they came to him
to complain about the other person in the
relationship. But the difference
was that Chandler hadn't been annoying
people by flirting around,
he'd been annoying them by JOKING around.
At the same time Chandler
was getting his heart broken. It was becoming
obvious to him now that Monica
didn't want anything to do with him anymore.
She barely even spoke to him
when they met in the apartment. And he also
noticed how uncomfortable
he made her. And he couldn't for his life figure
out why. All he'd ever done
was to love her unconditionally.
Chandler looked through the
mail, half-heartedly. Allot of doctor bills, it
seemed like Monica had to
go to a billion different doctors, including a
physical therapist. His eye
fell on a postcard from Rome. He turned it and
saw that it was actually for
Joey, from his sister Gina. Chandler threw it
on the table, absent minded.
Then he came across something that caught his
interest.
"Hey" Monica said, entering
the apartment.
"Hey Mon" Chandler said, looking
up. "You've got a letter. From your pen pal
in Seattle."
Monica frowned and took the
letter from Chandler. She opened the envelope
and saw that it was a two
page letter. She gave it a quick glance, then
threw it in the garbage.
"You're not even gonna READ
it?" Chandler was shocked. This was certainly
nothing the old Monica would
do.
"What's the point?" Monica
asked. "I don't remember this person."
"Yes, but reading the letter
could be good for you anyway. You know, to help
you remember."
"No," Monica angrily said,
"it's gonna help YOU to THINK I might remember."
She took of he coat and flung
it over a chair. "Oh man, what is it with
those physical therapists?"
she then asked, clearly annoyed.
Chandler didn't say a thing.
He was so surprised that she was actually
talking to him without having
to.
"That idiot Mendelsen is really
something, you know?" Monica continued,
speaking of her physical therapist.
"I mean, why does he ask me if this or
that hurts? What does he expect
when he leans his entire body weight on a
muscle that I damaged completely
about a year ago?"
"I don't know." Chandler said.
"Maybe he just wants to find out if it still
hurts."
"And maybe alligators are
flat 'cause they walked in the jungle while the
elephants were parachuting"
Monica hissed back. Then she went to the bedroom
and slammed the door shut.
Chandler shook his head. They
had got to do something about the problem
Monica.
"Excuse me?"
Ross glared at his friend
from across the table. Chandler's eyes didn't
budge one bit. Ross looked
at the rest of his friends, also with slightly
surprised looks on their faces
over Chandler's sudden suggestion.
"So, tell me, how is going
to Montauk going to help Monica?" Rachel asked.
"Change of environment, Rach"
Chandler told her. "Plus she might remember
something while out there.
We don't know. And besides, I think we all need
to get away for a while."
"Yeah, get away from HER"
Rachel mumbled, but not low enough for Chandler
not to hear.
"Hey!" he cried out, slamming
his fist to the table. "None of that, okay?
This is MONICA were talking
about, do you understand? I REFUSE to believe
that this weird way she's
been acting is something that will go on. She's
too good for ending up like
this. Now I will do whatever it takes to get my
old Monica back, and if you
aren't willing to do the same then you can just
rise and leave. In that case
you were never Monica's friend, the question is
if you were even mine." He
looked from one of his friends to the other. "Now
does anybody want to leave?"
"Well I WANT to" Rachel said,
leaning over the table. "But I'm not gonna.
I'm going to give you a few
days or weeks in Montauk, Chandler. Get her back
to her old self, or I will
give up on her. I can't take having a friend
who's a backstabber."
"With all due respect," Joey
said, rolling eyes and imitating Scully on 'The
X-files', "I don't think YOU
should be the one to worry about having a
backstabbing friend. That
would more be Monica's problem."
"Okay, that's ENOUGH" Phoebe
said, breaking the fight before it even
started. "We don't need this
right now. Okay? From now on, everybody stays
friends and works to help
Monica. Now Chandler, when do we leave?"
"I was thinking this Thursday"
Chandler told her.
The others looked at each
other. So it was decided. They were going to take
Monica out to Montauk. Nobody
wanted to admit it, but Chandler was the only
one who wasn't worried over
how that trip would go.