“Hey Chandler, check
out my new card trick!” Phoebe said, playing with a deck of cards.
“Not now Phoebs” Chandler
sighed, staring out the window.
“Oh come on, you can’t
just wait around for something fun to happen! You have to CREATE the fun!”
Chandler eyed Phoebe
suspiciously, and even more when Rachel, Ross and Joey entered the living
room.
“Is there something
going on?” he asked.
“What’s going on?” Ross
asked.
“Never mind” Chandler
said, returning his gaze to the window. “Okay Phoebe, how does this sound
for fun? We all go out to that pub and have dinner.”
“Oh, oh, can I order
lobster?” Phoebe asked.
“Animal?” Chandler asked
back, seriously confused.
“Nobody said I was GONNA,
I was just wondering if I COULD.”
Chandler shrugged his
shoulders.
“Hey, when you go out…
Can I come?” Monica asked, almost nervously, coming down the stairs.
“Sure, of course!” Chandler
said, trying not to sound too anxious in case that would scare her off.
This was the first time she’d shown any interest in tagging along with
the others for something they’d planned.
“Hey, you know what
I think?” Rachel said, sitting down in an armchair. “I was thinking that
we could take it one step further and go out to a fancy restaurant. ‘Cause
then Phoebe can have her… lobster, if she decides to eat meat… And I could
get to dress up! I seriously want to dress up!“
Ross smiled and shook
his head. It was good to know one of them hadn’t changed.
“Okay” Chandler said.
“This Saturday, then?”
“Great.” Monica gave
him a small but warm smile, then returned upstairs again. Chandler analysed
the smile in his head. Was Monica coming around all of a sudden?
“Wow, when you say ‘dress
up’ you sure mean ‘dress up’!” Ross remarked as Rachel sat down at the
table. She had dressed up in a floor-length gown, and compared to Phoebe,
who was dressed quite casual, it looked really out of place.
“I like to dress up”
was Rachel’s remark.
Monica sat down next
to them, dressed in-between Phoebe and Rachel’s styles. She nervously smiled
at the three guys sitting opposite her, feeling a bit unsure and somewhat
awkward.
“Do they have the lobster?”
Phoebe asked, reaching for a menu.
“What IS it with you
and lobster?” Joey asked, handing Rachel and Monica a menu to share between
them. “Sorry girls” he said “but since you guys hadn’t arrived the waiter
thought there were just three of us.”
Ross nudged Chandler
under the table to get him to stop looking at Monica. Although Chandler
wasn’t really looking. He was staring.
“Sorry” he whispered
to Ross, then he smiled mischievously and whistled ‘Sex Bomb’. Neither
of the girls seemed to notice, but the guys shared an amused look.
“I think I want the
beef steak with the baked potato…” Monica said to Phoebe, pointing it out
in the menu.
“Cool, I’ll just go
with the vegetarian lasagne” Phoebe replied and handed the menu back to
Joey.
A waiter came and took
their orders. Chandler nervously watched Monica to see if she’d flirt with
him. She did not, she simply smiled when she told him her order, just like
the other two girls.
Dinner was a pleasant
occasion, it seemed as if all of the anger between them all was forgiven,
or at least laid aside for the evening. They chatted and laughed as they
ate.
It was only at one point,
right after they’d ordered in dessert, that the mood turned unpleasant.
Joey had gotten so relaxed
in the situation that he forgot what the situation truly was, and so he
started to talk about the time they’d gone out to dinner for Ross’s birthday
and ended up fighting over money. The others gladly remembered the occasion
and continued to talk about it, but Monica had no idea what they were talking
about.
Feeling useless, she
sank back in her seat, not bothering to keep a smile on her face. And she
felt like the others set her aside, chatting along about stuff they knew
she most likely didn’t remember, and she wondered if she’d done the right
thing to come with them this evening. She didn’t feel like she was part
of their group, they had so many secrets between each other, secrets that
she’d once known but not any longer, and nobody wanted to let her in.
Joey saw the look on
her face after a few minutes, and wanted to kick himself for not remembering
that she had amnesia.
“Mon, so sorry” he said,
getting the others to realize too, and give Monica apologetic looks.
“Yeah, well…” Monica
said, leaning back up to take a sip from her drink. “C’est la vie.”
The others sat quiet
for a few seconds. They felt ashamed.
“Hey, Mon, why don’t
you try out your dancing skills?” Ross then said, forced cheerfully, in
an attempt to change the subject.
“What?” Monica said.
“Sure!” Ross insisted.
“Chandler, you can dance with her, right?”
“Thanks bro, but I don’t
need you to set me up, I can ask him myself!” Monica hissed, and then turned
to Chandler. “So, are we dancing or not?”
As soon as he heard the drums that began the song, Chandler recognized it. And he found it terribly ironic that he would be dancing with Monica to this very song. It was “Always”, by Bon Jovi.
This Romeo is bleeding.
But you can’t see his blood.
It’s nothing but some feelings.
That this old dog kicked up.
It’s been raining since you
left me.
Now I’m drowning in the flood.
You see, I’ve always been
a fighter.
But without you I give up.
Chandler carefully placed his hand on the small of her back. He couldn’t believe she was actually dancing close to him, and he couldn’t believe how great she looked. She was dressed in a white, floor-length sailor dress, where the small parts that should have been navy-blue were light pink instead. The back was low-cut with pink straps, like on a corset. He could feel her skin partly, when he placed his hand there.
Now I can’t sing a love
song.
Like the way it’s meant to
be.
Well I guess I’m not that
good anymore.
But baby that’s just me, and
I.
Will love you, baby.
Always, and I’ll be there.
Forever and a day.
Always.
I’ll be there ‘till
the stars don’t shine.
Till the heavens burst and
the words don’t rhyme.
I know when I die you’ll be
on my mind.
And I’ll love you, always.
Monica smiled slightly. This was going better than she’d expected.
Now the pictures that
you left behind.
Are just memories of a different
life.
Some that made us laugh, some
that made us cry.
One that made you have to
say goodbye.
Will I get to run my fingers
through your hair.
And touch your lips, to hold
you near.
When you say your prayers,
try to understand.
I’ve made mistakes, I’m just
a man.
Chandler moved his hand up and slowly stroke her dark, long hair that hung loose down her back, as usual.
When he holds you close,
when he pulls you near.
When he says the words you’ve
been needing to hear.
I’ll wish I was him, got these
words of mine.
To say to you ‘till the end
of time, and I.
Chandler slowly let his hand slide back down to the small of her back. He nervously waited for her negative reaction. There was none.
Will love you, baby.
Always, and I’ll be there.
Forever and a day.
Always.
Monica rested her head against his shoulder and nearly let out a small sigh.
If you told me to cry
for you, I could.
If you told me to die for
you, I would.
Take a look at my face.
There’s no price I won’t pay.
To say these words to you.
Phoebe watched them along with the others, from their table. And she got a strange feeling that she was seeing them TOGETHER again. And the thought hit her, like so many times before. ‘God what a great couple they make’.
Well there ain’t no luck.
In these rolling dice.
But baby if you give me just
one more try.
We could pack up our old dreams
and our old lives.
We’ll find a place where the
sun still shines, and I.
Chandler carefully laid his chin against her hair, catching a breath of it. He felt like he was on cloud nine, and the best part was that Monica seemed to think the same.
Will love you, baby.
Always, and I’ll be there.
Forever and a day.
Always.
Chandler caught another breath of her hair, and slowly stroke her back with his hand. He smiled content.
I’ll be there ‘till the
stars don’t shine.
‘Till the heavens burst and
the words don’t rhyme.
I know when I die you’ll be
on my mind.
And I’ll love you.
Always.
The song was over too
fast, it felt. Chandler could have gone on dancing for ages. But Monica
took his hand once the music had faded out, and led him back to the others.
“Where’s Ross?” she
asked when they sat down. Chandler smiled to himself. He hadn’t even noticed
Ross was gone.
“Oh he’s in the john”
Joey told her. “Dessert sure is taking long.”
“Oh look, there he comes!”
Rachel said, and then noticed that Ross wasn’t alone. “Who’s the woman?”
she asked, grumpy.
“Looks like we’re about
to find out” Chandler said.
Ross came up to them
together with a tall, blond woman who nobody recognised.
“Everybody, this is
Maxine” he said, introducing the woman. “And Max, that’s Joey, Chandler,
Phoebe, my sister Monica and Rachel.”
Everybody said hello
to Maxine, but Rachel then ignored her. She had no intention of chatting
along with Ross’s new found friend.
“Anyway Max, I’ll see
you later!” Ross finally said, when the waiter came by with their dessert.
Maxine smiled ‘bye’ and then left. Ross sat down and gave his friends a
‘Isn’t she terrific?’ look.
“Come on, let’s dig
in, I’ve waited for this damn dessert for ages!” Joey whined and immediately
started to eat from his apple pie.
“By the way…” Chandler
said. “I’ve got to go back to work.”
“What?” Phoebe said.
“Yeah, Doug wants me
to come fix some report, and since I’m getting some extra paid vacation
I thought I might.”
“But… we’re all out
here.” Rachel said, confused.
“No, are you sure?”
Chandler sarcastically asked. “Seriously though, it won’t be that big a
deal, it’s just gonna take a couple of days and I can always ‘oscillate’.”
“Between Montauk and
Manhattan?” Rachel asked, not really understanding why he would want to
do that.
“No, I thought it would
be more fun with Leningrad and Paris.”
Rachel rolled her eyes,
but the others chuckled.
“For how long?” Monica
asked, suddenly taking interest in his being there or not.
“Uh, about… about a
week…” Chandler said. He barely ate his dessert, he was too busy being
thrilled over Monica’s attempt to make things better between them.
Ross soon took off with
Maxine, and Phoebe, Joey and Rachel walked home. Monica and Chandler had
planned on joining them, but when they exited the restaurant Monica softly
placed a hand on Chandler’s arm.
“Thank you for the dance…”
she said low, almost whispering.
Chandler looked at her,
trying to figure out what he should answer. ‘No problem’ somehow sounded
too casual.
He found himself looking
into her eyes, drowning in them. She didn’t look away, and she didn’t recoil
when he stroke her cheek, carefully. He decided to try his luck, and he
leaned in to softly kiss her.
Monica let him do it,
she had expected it. His kiss was warm and soft, and it felt oddly familiar.
Chandler noticed that she didn’t react badly to it, so he kissed her again,
this time carefully sticking his tongue in her mouth. And she let him.
They stood like that outside the restaurant, kissing, until they both had
to break the kiss to breathe.
Thirty minutes later
they entered Monica’s room, locked in a kiss.
It had taken them quite
a while to walk back, though very few words had been said between them.
Chandler had held his arm around her waist, and she hadn’t said or done
anything about it. He took that as an acceptance.
Then they had started
to kiss again once they got to the house. And they had walked up the stairs
kissing, and now entered her room kissing.
Monica broke the kiss
and closed the door. She smiled at Chandler, this was going just like she’d
expected.
Chandler smiled back
at her. He’d waited for this moment for a year, and he was finally with
her again, kissing her, touching her. He wondered what had made her accept
him again. But at the moment he really didn’t care, he could find out later.
Monica walked past him
and took her cardigan off and put it down on a chair. Then she turned to
Chandler and smiled.
“So do you like Bon
Jovi?” she asked, causing Chandler to start laughing. That wasn’t what
he’d expected her to say.
“You sure know how to
ask the right questions” he remarked.
Monica smiled and chuckled.
“Curious minds want
to know” she said. “So do you like them?”
“I guess…”
“’Cause I’ve noticed
that back in the City, there are three of Bon Jovi’s records in the apartment,
so I was just curious of weather they were yours or mine.”
“Yours, actually” Chandler
said, and then chuckled again. “But I bought you all three, before I moved
in you barely saw them, I borrowed them all the time.”
Monica smiled and shook
her head slightly. She slowly walked closer to Chandler.
“Anything else the curious
mind wants to know?” he softly asked, wrapping his arms around her waist,
thrilled to get to do that without her recoiling or shuddering.
“Well… no” Monica said.
They kissed again, this
time with a little more passion. Chandler wished he could kiss her hard
and long, but he didn’t want to scare her off.
They broke the kiss
and Monica stared at him. There was something about his kisses, they felt
so tender and familiar.
“Do I have something
on my teeth?” Chandler joked, off her stare.
“No” Monica whispered,
and they kissed again.
“My gosh Monica…” Chandler
whispered in her hair when the kiss ended. “I’ve waited so long for you…
I love you, I want you…”
Monica didn’t answer,
she just kissed him again.
“Oh, how long I’ve waited…”
he mumbled when the kiss was over. He kissed her on the forehead, then
the nose, then the lips. Monica lingered her arms around his neck and let
him kiss her again.
Chandler could not believe
that it had been almost exactly a year since the last time he kissed her.
And he couldn’t believe how he’d managed not to go crazy during this year.
It felt so right to kiss her again, it was the only thing he ever wanted
to do. He had his arms around her back, and he slowly pulled her closer.
“Who would have thought?”
she mumbled.
Chandler didn’t ask
what she meant by that. He assumed it was the fact that they were in each
other’s arms again that she was talking about, and he silently agreed with
her. Who would have thought?
Once again they kissed.
Chandler wanted it to last forever, and at the same time he wondered how
long it would be before they took it to the next step. He wasn’t sure she
would be willing to sleep with him tonight, but he sure planned on finding
out. After all, their very first night together she had been willing to
go to bed with him.
Monica shook her head,
as if to clear it, and then broke from the embrace. She walked over to
the chair and folded her cardigan neatly, an act that caused Chandler to
smile, wide and lovingly.
“I love it when you
do that” he told her.
She glanced at him with
a slight smile on her lips, then she walked over and sat down by the foot
of the bed. She glanced over at the clock on the nightstand, then she started
to laugh, slightly.
“Why, what’s so funny?”
Chandler asked with a smile.
Monica didn’t answer,
she just shook her head and continued to laugh slightly.
“Another Bon Jovi thing?”
Chandler asked.
“No” she finally answered.
“Just that it actually did turn out that you’re just like all the rest.”
Chandler frowned. He
had no idea what she meant by that comment.
“Who would have thought
what, Mon?” he decided to ask her.
She stopped laughing
and looked straight at him.
“Who would have thought
that underneath your concerned act you were just after the same thing as
all the rest” she said sharply, now looking angry.
“Huh?” Chandler said.
“Like you don’t know
what I mean…” Monica said, rising.
“No, actually I don’t.
What are you talking about?”
“About YOU!” Monica
said, and it became clear to Chandler that she was annoyed over something.
“I’m talking about you, Mr. Loving-caring-boyfriend. You gave up the act
quite easily.”
“Care to enlighten me?”
Chandler asked, getting annoyed as well.
“You’ve said all this
time that you love me, and that you care about me. But when I put you to
the test, all you’re after is my body!” Monica yelled. “You are JUST like
all of the guys I’ve talked to these past weeks, only you’re not man enough
to admit that it’s your lust that controls you!”
“Excuse me?” Chandler
bawled.
“No I won’t excuse you!”
Monica stared at him,
standing right in front of him with her hands on her hips.
‘This is insanity’ Chandler
thought. ‘She’s standing here, yelling at me for something I can’t understand
the reason for, and all I can think of his how lovely she looks.’
“If you had cared about
me like you claim,” Monica continued, “you would have let it end with just
a kiss or two. You would have been willing to let it take time. But since
you clearly had your sights set on getting into bed with me tonight, I
think I can say that you don’t care like you pretend to!”
“I do care!” Chandler
yelled.
“Yes, but about the
wrong things!” Monica yelled back. Then she calmed her tone. “I saw you
as someone who would never try and take advantage of me… Someone who was
after something else than getting laid. But tonight you showed to me that
you were not.”
“So this wasn’t for
real?” Chandler said, sounding completely calm although he was not. “None
of this, the dancing, the kissing… none of it was for real?”
“You didn’t stand the
test” Monica coldly said.
“Go to hell!” Chandler
screamed, snapping. He could not believe what she was doing to him, couldn’t
believe that she had faked the entire evening.
“Oh I think I’m already
there” Monica replied.
Chandler wasn’t sure
if she meant being there with him, or just in general, but he didn’t care
to find out.
“My god, you’re just
pure evil, aren’t ya’?” he said, not really meaning it.
“And you’re pure sex-addict”
she calmly replied.
Chandler sniffed, and
looked at her. There was no trace of the old Monica in her now.
“You’ll never know how
much it sucks…” he said.
“How much WHAT sucks?”
Monica hissed. “You know, there’s always been something that has kept me
from seriously disliking you, I don’t know what it was, but I do know that
it’s gone now.”
“You wanna know what
it is that sucks?” Chandler asked.
“Let me know” she said,
although she obviously couldn’t care less.
“How hard it when someone
you hate looks so much like someone you love” he said, then he left, slamming
the door.
He stormed off to his
room, furious with her, and with himself. How could she lead him on like
that? And how could he have fallen for it? He should have known that such
a sudden change of heart wasn’t realistic. But he had wanted so badly to
believe she wanted him again.
He sighed and sat on
the windowpane, looking out the window. It had started to rain, he saw.
He flipped on the radio, the song that played went very well with his mood
at the moment.
I keep searching.
Deep within my soul.
For all the answers.
Don’t want to hurt no more.
I need peace, gotta feel at
ease.
Need to be.
Free from pain, going sane.
My heart aches, yeah.
Sometimes vocabulary
runs through my head.
The alphabet runs right from
A to Z.
Conversations, hesitations
in my mind.
You’ve got my conscience asking
questions that I can’t find.
I’m not crazy.
I’m sure I ain’t done nothing
wrong.
And now I’m just waiting.
‘Cause I heard that this feeling
won’t last that long.
Never ever have I ever
felt so low.
When you gonna take me out
of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt
so sad.
The way I’m feeling, yeah
you’ve got me feeling really bad.
Never ever have I had to find.
I’ve had to dig a way to find
my own peace of mind.
I’ve never ever had my conscience
to fight.
The way I’m feeling, yeah
it just don’t feel right.
Chandler stared out the window. No, it sure didn’t feel right, All Saints had a point there.
Phoebe came up the stairs
and heard dimmed sounds from Monica’s room. She wondered if everything
was okay, it sounded almost like crying.
“Monica?” she asked,
opening the door carefully.
As she entered the room
she saw Monica laying on her bed, crying. She was alone.
“Oh Monica…” Phoebe
said, closing the door behind her.
“How come everyone sees
it as their right to hate me?” Monica asked through the tears.
Phoebe got worried,
she didn’t know what to make of this scene. She hadn’t seen Monica cry
since the accident, it was as if she felt crying was for sissies. And now
she found her on her bed, desperately crying.
She went up to the bed,
and sat down next to Monica, carefully stroking her back.
“You want to tell me?”
she asked. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
Monica turned and realized
she was happy that Phoebe was there.
“How come everybody
hates me?” she asked, not even bothering to try and stop crying.
“Oh honey that’s not
true” Phoebe said.
“Yes it is” Monica said,
sitting up as well and moving back against the head of the bed.
“No, how could you ever
think that?”
“I know it’s true” Monica
said, wiping her nose.
Phoebe put her left
arm around Monica, and Monica leaned against Phoebe, continuing to cry.
“And for what reason?”
she asked. “How come it’s fully justified to hate me, huh? Nobody feels
bad about it, I’m the person you can just say whatever you feel like to,
yell however much you want to at, and not loose a minute of sleep over
it. Was it like that before too?”
“It’s not even like
that now” Phoebe said.
“Don’t bother, I know
what I know” Monica said.
“No, Mon” Phoebe said.
“But I just can’t!”
Monica said through the tears. “I can’t be hated. I don’t have the strength.
I can’t be hated for having changed, I can’t be hated for not remembering
who I was and everything else. I can’t be hated for acting the way I do,
because that’s who I feel that I am. Not even because I look so much like
someone you all knew and loved, can I take being hated.”
Phoebe let the monologue
sink in, and wondered to herself if Monica was right. If they actually
did hate her for all those things. But she wondered why Monica had broken
down over this all of a sudden.
“Mon, why do you think
that we hate you, that’s not true!” she said.
“Yes it is…” Monica
whispered. “Chandler just assured me that it was.”
Chandler. Phoebe felt
like she could kill Chandler. She couldn’t believe he would upset her like
this.
“Chandler is an ass”
she said, and stroked Monica’s hair.
“An ass I’m supposed
to love” Monica remarked. “How come none of you understand how hard it
is to have to love someone that you can’t remember anything about? How
come none of you understand that you just can’t love someone during those
circumstances?”
“Don’t judge us too
fast…” Phoebe whispered.
“You really are my friend,
aren’t you?” Monica then said, looking up at Phoebe. “None of the others
would have come in here to comfort me… You really used to be my best friend,
huh?”
“Yes” Phoebe said. “And
I can tell you that this is tearing us apart too… I want my best friend
back!”
“I think you might have
gotten her” Monica said, having ceased to cry. She smiled slightly. “Because
I really feel like I’ve found mine.”