The One With Just Two Scenes

[Opening Scene]
JOEY: [voice-over] Last season, on "Friends".
[These following lines are shown as clips from "The One in Cornwall"]
CHAN: So Phoebs, how does it feel to be officially on one of our trips to
PHOE: Great.
[New clip]
PIPPA: Have you ever committed. adultery?
[Clip of Chandler and Pippa kissing and Monica seeing it]
MNCA: I'm leaving. It's nice to know I've spent two years of my life on
something so valuable.
[Clip of Chandler and Monica walking in on Phoebe and Joey, having sex]
PHOE: We're not committed.
[New clip]
RACH: I won't eat here. [later] Hey Joey, I'm so starving I might actually
eat at the motel, can I make some popcorn?
JOEY: Sure.
[Clip of Rachel making the fire worse, followed by a clip of Chandler,
Phoebe and Ross outside with her]
RACH: Joey and Monica are still inside.

[Scene: Just seconds after they've been told. Chandler sobers up in a
CHAN: Monica? You mean MY Monica is in there?
PHOE: You don't HAVE a Monica. She dumped you, remember?
RACH: [interested] She dumped you, oh tell me all about it!
ROSS: Could we please not do that NOW? My SISTER'S in there! And so is Joey!
[Chandler and Ross run over to the house]
RACH: Phoebs, do you think I should call the fire department?
PHOE: What, you HAVEN'T?
RACH: Well you know how expensive cellular phone calls are!
[Phoebe snatches Rachel's phone. Chandler and Ross get as close to the house
as they can]
CHAN: Monica.

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: The same. Chandler and Ross are trying to get closer, but they can't
because of the heat]
CHAN: I swear, I will never ever forgive myself.
ROSS: Neither will I. [pause] Why won't we be able to forgive ourselves?
CHAN: [sighs] I wasn't gonna tell you man, in case we worked it out by
tomorrow. Your sister dumped me, I kinda' kissed Pippa.
ROSS: Then you're right, you SHOULDN'T be able to forgive yourself.
CHAN: Right now she can hate me for as long as she wants, if only she gets
out of there.
PHOE: [comes over] I called the fire department, they're on their way over.
CHAN: Out HERE? The whole damn house will be burned down completely by the
time they get here!
[The fire department shows up with two trucks]
PHOE: Say that again?
[A fireman walks up to them. It's the chief, FRANK]
FRANK: I'm fire chief Bill Frank, we're responding to a call.
CHAN: [sarcasm] Well, let me show you to the fire, then.
ROSS: For a minute I actually thought you'd sobered up.
FRANK: This fire is getting out of hand, why didn't you call us immediately?
PHOE: We called as soon as we got here. It was our friend who. didn't. think
of calling.
CHAN: Excuse me, she didn't CALL?
FRANK: And who would that friend be?
RACH: [comes over] Sir, fire guy, could you please make sure that after
you've gotten my friends out, you get my suitcases?
CHAN: [to Frank] After that comment I don't think we need any further
RACH: [to Frank, extending hand] Hi, I'm Rachel. Green. You can just call me
FRANK: [firm] And you were the one who didn't alert us at once when the fire
RACH: Well, you know, the phone bills get so huge and all.
FRANK: Not calling us for that reason is about as smart as alerting us by
[Frank walks away and starts working on putting out the fire]
CHAN: Okay. Okay. Okay, so it's a little hot in there, it's a teeny bit
warm, they might still be okay.
RACH: Chandler, the FLAMES aren't the worst thing, it's the SMOKE that
usually kills people.
ROSS: She's right, even if the flames don't come up to the second floor they
still choke from the smoke.
CHAN: You know what? I should just go watch "Backdraft" and get even MORE
PHOE: Yeah, that's with Kurt Russell, right?
RACH: Yeah. And William Baldwin.
[Chandler rolls eyes and Ross looks angry]
ROSS: [angry] Two of our friends might be DEAD right now, and all you guys
can think about is, is MOVIE STARS?
PHOE: [insulted] Did not! It was CHANDLER!
[Chandler and Phoebe walk closer to the fire chief]
ROSS: Rachel, I CANNOT believe you would risk the lives of your friends just
to save some money!
RACH: It was more than just that. I was running out of batteries.
[Phoebe and Chandler approach chief Frank]
CHAN: Excuse me? Fire-chief guy? Hello?
FRANK: What, what is it?
CHAN: Yeah, we think that two people might be trapped, do you think there's
FRANK: [calling out] Thomson, get in your suit, we've got two possible
persons trapped! [to Chandler] NOW you tell me? What is that weird thing
with you Americans?
PHOE: So, what are the odds they might make it?
FRANK: Oh they pretty much suck.
[Phoebe takes Chandler by the arm and leads him away from the house]
CHAN: Phoebe, panic is hitting!
PHOE: No, you're not gonna panic, come on.
CHAN: I will panic, I promise. She's in there. She and my best bud. What do
I do if they don't make it?
PHOE: You figure out something nice to say at their funeral. [off Chandler's
look] What, I didn't know what else to tell you.
CHAN: Well you could have tried telling me they'll be fine.
PHOE: They'll be fine.
CHAN: You don't even believe it yourself, say it and MEAN it!
PHOE: [shakes him] They will not die, they are FINE!
CHAN: Don't shake a person going into chock.
[The camera cuts to Ross and Rachel]
ROSS: This is all your fault, I bet.
RACH: Yes, well EVERYTHING is my fault according to you. I am so SICK of
always being picked on!
ROSS: Well maybe if you quit BEING the one who messes up then we would stop.
picking on you.
RACH: [annoyed] Hey, it was not MY fault Joey recorded a two-hour long
message on his answering machine! And who fixed it?
RACH: Yeah, well _I_ TOLD her to! And you know what? It is not my fault the
own currency I made up wasn't a huge success.
ROSS: You made up a currency?
RACH: [quickly changing subject] And it's not my fault the earth is round!
[The camera goes back to Phoebe and Chandler]
PHOE: [slightly touched] It's NICE to see those two can find time to fight
even at moments like these.
[The camera goes back to Ross and Rachel]
ROSS: Come on Rach, even if you didn't start the fire then I WILL hold you
responsible because you didn't call the fire department.
[The camera goes back to Phoebe and Chandler. He's close to panic]
PHOE: Okay, put your head between your knees, that's it.
CHAN: [does as told] You know something Phoebs? She might have died without
me ever getting to tell her just how much I love her and how sorry I am.
PHOE: Well if that's how you feel then it's better if she's dead. [off his
look] What, don't get me wrong here, it's just that if she HAS died then she
probably KNOWS, 'cause that's one of the good things about being dead. If
she's not, then you're gonna have to try and win her back. And she won't be
easy to sooth, I tell you THAT. You hurt her, and--
CHAN: One more word from you and I'll throw myself in the flames.
ROSS: [comes over, dragging Rachel] Phoebs. Chandler. I guess you'd like to
know why Joey and Monica might not be with us anymore.
PHOE: Now, see THAT'S not true, Joey will always be around us and I'm sure
Mon will haunt Chandler.
CHAN: [sarcasm] Gee, thanks.
ROSS: Tell them, Rach.
RACH: I, I was making popcorn and. and that's how the fire started, I'm so
sorry Chandler.
CHAN: [calm] No, it's, it's okay. I mean, it wasn't your fault. I'm not mad
at you Rachel.
RACH: [relieved] Oh you're the best! I was SO sure you would hate me for
ever and ever. You know, I even tried to put the fire out by pouring some
water over it. It didn't help!
RACH: Tried to out the fire out. But the damn oil just kept burning.
CHAN: [composing anger] Rachel, I'm still not the least bit mad at you. I am
RACH: What? What for?
CHAN: Do you KNOW what happens when you pour water all over an oil fire?
RACH: Well, it should put the fire out, but somehow it didn't.
CHAN: Now, oil has a higher density* than water, water doesn't put oil fires
out, it makes them WORSE!
[*or is it lower, when the other liquid floats on top? I can't remember.]
RACH: Hey, I couldn't know that!
CHAN: EVERYBODY knows that!
ROSS: He's right, you know.
RACH: Oh my god. Oh, will I go to jail for this?
CHAN: Right now I sure hope.
FRANK: [comes over] Excuse me, you said there were two people trapped
PHOE: Yes, that is correct.
FRANK: Well, we can't find any two people.
CHAN: What. what do you mean?
FRANK: I mean they're not in there.
RACH: [relieved] Wow, I don't have to go to jail!
ROSS: So, so you're saying my sister's all right?
PHOE: And so is Joey?
FRANK: I don't know your sister or any Joey.
ROSS: No, the people we thought were trapped inside.
FRANK: Oh, well from the looks of it I'd say they're just fine.
RACH: Excuse me, mister, but have you checked both floors?
RACH: [angry] Damn it, if they were on the FIRST floor they would have
gotten out! They went upstairs!
FRANK: Oh shit! [runs towards the house, calling out] Thomson! We need to
check the second floor!
CHAN: Does it GET more unreal that this?
RACH: Guys, guys what if they're not really in there?
CHAN: Then I guess a miracle has happened. I don't believe in miracles.
PHOE: I can't believe I had se-- [catches herself] I was with Joey for a
long time last night.
CHAN: I can't believe I got into so much trouble that I probably hurt not
only Mon, but Joey too.
ROSS: Exactly what is it that you have done that involves JOEY?
RACH: Yeah, I wanna know too.
ROSS: Spill it Bing.
PHOE: I wouldn't call him that if I were you.
CHAN: Could we PLEASE not focus on how I betrayed them right now? I think we
all have worse things to care about.
RACH: Okay. Well while you guys stand here panicking, I'm gonna avoid that
state of mind the safest way possible. [leaves]
PHOE: You know, I can't feel Joey's spirit around. Maybe he's not dead.
CHAN: If only one of them make it then I'll be ever so thankful. but did you
just imply that MONICA might be dead?
PHOE: I don't know, I can't feel HER spirit either. Maybe this means they're
still alive, they're not in there.
ROSS: Or MAYBE it means that you're not really a psychic.
PHOE: Don't you go on about that, science-Ross.
CHAN: Science-Ross. I must really be scared if I'm not joking about that.
FRANK: [comes over] Okay, we've got a guy upstairs, checking to see if there
are any survivors there. I don't think there are. So I guess you can say
he's checking to see if there are any dead there.
CHAN: Are you always this assuring?
PHOE: Chandler, do you think you can rise? I'm getting kinda' tired of
holding you around the back.
CHAN: Sorry. [rises] Oh gosh, how can I ever forgive myself?
ROSS: Take it easy man, it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault.
CHAN: Oh yeah? Well at least it's my fault if she dies unhappily. You didn't
see the look on her face earlier.
ROSS: I was just trying to look at this objectically. And by the way, if you
didn't have that pained, devastated look on your face I would have punched
you in the face.
PHOE: Does it make you feel any better that I already did?
ROSS: Yeah, actually.
CHAN: Guys, could we please focus here? And why are we talking about this?
ROSS: I don't know. But you know, I once heard at school that it's sort of a
denial thing. We don't want to admit our friends might be in there, so we
talk about other things.
PIPPA: [comes running up] Hey! Oh my gosh, what's going ON?
PHOE: [sarcasm] We're celebrating Guy Fawkes* day a bit early.
[*I think it's called/spelled that way]
CHAN: Oh gosh, not YOU.
PIPPA: Look, Chandler, I don't think it's very fare of you to brush me off
that easily.
CHAN: And how fare is it of you to come over here and start talking about
that when two of my best friends are trapped inside a burning building?
PIPPA: [not listening] I have never experienced love at first sight before.
except for maybe Charles Stanley, but that's not the point here. Chandler, I
knew from the first second that. [trails off, looks at Ross and Phoebe]
Maybe I should talk to you somewhere in private.
[Chandler sighs and follows her a bit]
CHAN: I'm not going any further than this, you know.
PIPPA: Fine.
CHAN: So say what you need to say and do it quick, you're keeping me from
PIPPA: Okay, fare deal. [beat] From the first time I saw you, I knew I loved
CHAN: Isn't that a song?
PIPPA: You know, if you want this to be quick then you should keep quiet
yourself. Look, call me selfish, but I know that I LOVE you. And I want you
to stay here and not go back to Philadelphia.
CHAN: It's New York.
PIPPA: It's irrelevant. Why can't you stay? I've been asking myself that
question and you know something? I think that it's all because of that other
CHAN: Funny, technically YOU'RE the other woman.
PIPPA: She resigned from her post as the girlfriend. In love and war, I
guess. but she's not with you any longer.
CHAN: So what if she isn't? That doesn't mean I don't love her. I do, I
totally love her even if she's mad right now. And I think that if she
listens to her heart we can be back together again by tomorrow morning. But.
well, I think she's dead.
PIPPA: Dead?
CHAN: She--
PIPPA: Not to sound cold or anything, but do you mind if I cheer a bit? I
don't think it's good that she DIED but now she's out of the picture.
CHAN: You don't need ME, you need a DOCTOR.
PIPPA: Look, I've never acted like this way before. Love drives you insane,
I guess.
CHAN: Stop saying that you love me. You don't even KNOW me.
PIPPA: So take me out to dinner. You'll find out allot about me.
CHAN: Look, I just. I just want my girlfriend back.
[He walks away from Pippa, over to Ross and Phoebe]
ROSS: So what did Joey's new victim want?
CHAN: She wants me to stay here with her.
PHOE: What, in Cornwall?
CHAN: I don't know really.
ROSS: Well, what do YOU want?
CHAN: [near tears] I want to see Monica and Joey!
MNCA: Hey, what the heck is going ON?

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: The same. Phoebe, Ross and Chandler turn to the sound of Monica's
voice. She and Joey come walking down a small hill]
JOEY: [terrified] Oh my god! My MANSION!
[They run up to the others, who pull them into a hug]
MNCA: Okay. Great. But how come you're hugging us and [scared] oh my gosh,
where is Rachel?
ROSS: She's over there, flirting with a fireman.
[They all break from the hug]
MNCA: Sounds just like Rachel.
JOEY: Monica, do you see this? My ranch!
MNCA: [cold] And I see Chandler brought company.
PIPPA: [comes over] So you're alive? That's fortunate!
MNCA: [cold] How nice of you to notice. Now leave.
PHOE: [sighs] FINALLY someone who also thinks she should take a hike.
PIPPA: I know when I'm not wanted. [to Chandler] I know you'll think about
my offer. [leaves]
CHAN: [nervous, to Monica] And YOU know I WON'T.
MNCA: So what if you do? I'm not with you any longer, I can't tell you what
to do and not to do.
RACH: [comes running over] Monica! [hugs Monica] Oh my gosh, I totally
thought you were dead! [less enthused] Hey Joe.
JOEY: Well, what STARTED this! [near tears] My big house is on fire!
ROSS: Rachel made popcorn.
MNCA: [breaking from the hug] You know what? Don't tell me anything more, I
don't want to know.
CHAN: Okay, you know what? Can I please have a word with you Mon?
MNCA: Not this century.
JOEY: You can't limit it to this decade?
RACH: Oh goody, we're gonna find out what's happened.
CHAN: Mon? [takes her by the arm and leads her away]
ROSS: Sorry Rach, this is a thing between the two of them.
RACH: Okay. I'll just sneak in to her apartment and read her diary.
[The camera cuts to Chandler and Monica, a bit away]
MNCA: Okay, so it took you what? Forty-five minutes? And then I was
CHAN: I didn't replace you. I LOVE you.
MNCA: Right. we LOVE each other but we can still make out with whomever we
want, sorry, I forgot, my bad.
CHAN: No sarcasm, please.
MNCA: Chandler we're through. Goodbye. [walks away]
FRANK: [comes up] Good news! We managed to get one of the bags out and I
think something made it!
[Chandler glares at him and walks away]

[Cut to: the motel bar]
[Chandler, Joey and Ross are there. It's the next day]
JOEY: And to think we spend so much time fixing that place up! It's a great
disaster, that's what it is!
ROSS: We're just glad you're okay.
JOEY: Why wouldn't we be?
CHAN: [grumpy] I can't understand why you insisted on washing the clothes we
wore that night.
ROSS: Because they smelled like smoke.
CHAN: Exactly! Not as good as a cigarette, but it'll do for emergencies.
JOEY: Speaking of, have you patched things up with Monica yet?
CHAN: No, I--
[He stops talking as the girls enter. Monica and Phoebe have dressed up
slightly, in short dresses and nice earrings/necklaces. Rachel has dressed
up big time]
ROSS: Does Rachel know she's NOT Cinderella?
JOEY: She knows, she could never work like Cinderella. I think she's trying
to look like Sleeping Beauty.
[The camera cuts to the girls]
MNCA: You guys, this is just dinner, right? I don't want to risk running in
to you-know-who.
PHOE: Who? [realizes] Oh. Then you wouldn't wanna check by the bar.
MNCA: Rachel, you don't think you over-dressed?
RACH: What, so I like to look my best!
MNCA: Yes, but that's my FAVOURITE dress, I was gonna wear it when Chandler
and I went to London, you've GOT to be careful. I don't want ANY mustard or
vine spots on it, you got that?
RACH: Gees, relax. I'm not gonna eat and since I'm not eating I don't drink
[They sit at a table. Phoebe and Monica start looking through a menu. Rachel
stares at the menu, starving]

[Cut to: Later, at the bar]
[Chandler is staring his eyes out, watching the girls (or more correctly:
watching Monica). Joey and Ross are watching HIM]
JOEY: Dude, you've got to do something. You can't just. let it be.
CHAN: [eyes on Monica] Sure I can. Just listen to the Beatles.
ROSS: You don't think my sister is gonna notice that you're staring at her
like she was the last piece of wood in a ship wreck.
CHAN: Can't help it.
JOEY: Okay, here's what you do. You ask her to dance!
CHAN: Excuse me?
JOEY: Sure! Look, I'll ask somebody to dance too, so you won't feel as
CHAN: Joey, I am NOT asking her to dance with me!

[Cut to: The girls' table]
[Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler looks pretty nervous, Monica looks
CHAN: Uhm, uhm, Mon? Yeah, I was kinda' wondering if you'd like to dance
with me?
MNCA: I'd rather sell my apartment to Argentina!
CHAN: Fare enough. [starts to leave]

JOEY: [stops him] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on Monica. For old times sake?
MNCA: I don't want to.
JOEY: I was gonna ask Phoebe to dance.
MNCA: That's exactly the kind of old times sake I wish to avoid.
RACH: Okay, is that another thing I have missed?
JOEY: Mon, I will not get off your neck until your out there on the dance
MNCA: [sighs] Fine.
[She and Phoebe rise and walk towards the dance floor with the two guys]
RACH: [feeling left out] Yeah, that's okay, I'll just. I'll just stay here
and make up my own language so that I can talk to myself.
[Out on the dance floor, Westlife's "If I let you Go" starts to play. Phoebe
and Joey start to dance, Monica reluctantly puts her arms around Chandler
and they start to dance as well. They dance throughout the song. For those
of you who aren't familiar with the song, I'll write down the lyrics]
WL: [singing] Day after day, time pass away. And I just can't get you off my
Nobody knows, I hide it inside. I keep on searching, but I can't find.
The courage to show, to letting you know. I've never felt so much love
And once again I'm thinking about taking the easy way out.

But if I let you go, I will never know.
What my life would be, holding you close to me.
Will I ever see, you smiling back at me?
How will I know, if I let you go.

Night after night, I hear myself say. Why can't this feeling just fade away?
There's no one like you, you speak to my heart. It's such a shame we're
worlds apart.
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to loose. But sooner or later I've got to
And once again I'm thinking about. Taking the easy way out.

But if I let you go, I will never know.
What my life would be, holding you close to me.
Will I ever see, you smiling back at me?
How will I know, if I let you go.
If I let you go.

Once again, I'm thinking about. Taking the easy way out.

But if I let you go, I will never know.
What my life would be, holding you close to me.
Will I ever see, you smiling back at me?
How will I know, if I let you go.
But if I let you go, I will never know.
Oh baby.
Will I ever see, you smiling back at me?
How will I know?
If I let you go.
[As the song ends, another ballade starts to play (Bryan Adams, Sting and
Rod Stewart with "All for Love"). They continue to dance]
CHAN: Monica?
MNCA: What?
CHAN: Can you forgive me? Please?
MNCA: No, I. I'm not so sure I can.
CHAN: What. what if I tell you just how scared I was when you were gone last
[The camera cuts to Ross by the bar. Rachel comes up to him]
RACH: Hey.
RACH: So. wanna dance?
ROSS: Felt left out too, huh?
RACH: A bit. [whiney] But mostly, I'm hoping it'll make me forget just how
hungry I am.
RACH: No, not HERE!
[Ross sighs, shakes his head and grabs Pippa's (who walks by) hand and
dances with her instead]
RACH: [to bartender] Wanna dance?
[Back at the dance floor, Joey and Phoebe are talking about their one night
together, after the camera's been on C&M dancing to the beginning of the
JOEY: Phoebs, I hope you don't take this the wrong way or anything.
PHOE: [terrified] Oh good god! You want us to try having a relationship!
JOEY: No, the. the opposite.
PHOE: [relieved] Oh. That's good. See, I don't think you and I would last
even a week.
JOEY: No I know, me neither. I was thinking about it though, since Chandler
and Monica could, but you know, there's a difference. I haven't. well, you
know. Chandler had a crush on Monica for years, long before they got
together in London. And well, I haven't exactly had a crush on you. Sorry.
PHOE: Why are you sorry, I haven't had a crush on you either.
JOEY: Wow. somehow I feel relieved.
[The camera cuts to Chandler and Monica]
CHAN: I actually thought you died last night.
MNCA: I went for a WALK.
CHAN: I didn't know that. And neither did Rachel, she thought you guys were
still on the second floor.
MNCA: Talk fast, as soon as this dance is over I am OUT of here.
CHAN: If you had died last night, then I. [pause] It's not easy to say this
to you after what happened earlier last night. But Monica, if you die, then.
then I can't live. And I don't care if you hate me or not, I couldn't
survive anyhow.
MNCA: Chandler. I do not hate you. I wish I could, but somehow I just can't.
I'm just totally pissed off.
CHAN: Just for the sake of. of. of something. how long does the pissed-off
phase last?
MNCA: I dunno. I'm somewhere between the rest of my life and the next twenty
CHAN: [sarcasm] Then let's put all our money on the rest of your life.
MNCA: [chuckles] Don't push your luck. and I must admit, you won me over
quite a bit just now.
CHAN: Good to know my ability to babble is good for SOMETHING.
MNCA: [firm] Don't make the mistake of thinking I have forgiven you. Don't
either make the mistake of thinking we're back together.
CHAN: So. so what are we?
MNCA: We're just what we started out to be. Friends.
CHAN: I was hoping you'd go for lovers.
MNCA: No such luck, and DON'T tempt it.
CHAN: [sighs] Fine, just give me a razor and I'll cut out my tongue.
MNCA: You mean the one you stuck down some other woman's mouth on our
CHAN: [sighs, to himself] Quiet mouth and I'll give you sugar.
[Ross dances by with Pippa and the camera follows him. Rachel is dancing
with an old man and they dance by Ross and Pippa]
RACH: [to Pippa] So, you wanna swap partners?
[Ross and Pippa ignore her and continue to dance]
RACH: [calling after them] I think he might be rich!
[The camera cuts to Chandler and Monica. They're slightly annoyed with each
other. Pippa and Ross dance by and Pippa looks lustfully at Chandler. He
grabs Monica's chin and kisses her just as the song reaches the line "let's
make it all" ("all for one and all for love". but the "all" is a veeeery
long tune. and I totally left out the instrumental verse) in the end of the
song. Phoebe and Joey dance by]
JOEY: So are they back together, or what?
PHOE: I think as long as that other woman's near they both claim they are.
Otherwise, no.
[As soon as Pippa and Ross are out of sight, Monica breaks from the kiss]
MNCA: What the hell was that?
CHAN: Call it cleansing. Now nobody can longer say that my tongue last
recited in Pippa Hamilton's mouth.
MNCA: Hamilton?
CHAN: Okay, so I know her last name, big deal!
MNCA: Okay, well get this. We're still not together.
CHAN: Okay. So, you wanna explain to me while we're still dancing even
though the song ended?
MNCA: Yeah. I'm waiting for Phoebs and Joey to dance by to I can swap
partners with Phoebs. And another song HAS started to play.
CHAN: I see.
[The camera cuts to Rachel, who just manages to swap partners with Ross, so
now they're dancing together. "Anyone", by Roxette, is playing. They dance
by Chandler and Monica and Monica grabs a hold of Rachel's arm]
MNCA: Rach, switch with me.
[Rachel tries to protest, but Monica pulls her away from Ross and starts
dancing with him]
CHAN: [displeased, to Rachel] So. wanna dance?
RACH: Not at all.
[They start dancing anyway. Rachel looks hungry, Chandler looks
CHAN: Rach?
RACH: [grumpy] Yeah?
CHAN: Wanna make a pact?
CHAN: I say neither of us EVER discuss our failed relationships with a
member of that damn Geller-family with each other. Deal?
RACH: Deal. And you know what?
CHAN: What?
RACH: I promise you I'll agree to form any other kind of pact you want, as
long as you get some food in me.
CHAN: I understand your problem, I can barely hear the music, your stomach
growls too loudly.
RACH: I know. that old, possibly-rich guy I danced with just now, claimed it
growled so loudly it was disturbing his hearing machine.
[The camera cuts to Joey and Phoebe]
PHOE: See? I told you, now that Pippa is out of the way, Monica switches
dance partners so she won't have to dance with him. I'm telling ya', they
are DEFINABLY getting back together!
JOEY: I know, you said they had to get married and be filthy rich.
PHOE: Yeah, and I figured out a way for them to become filthy rich also.
JOEY: Really?
PHOE: Yeah. Monica will sue that Pippa-girl for. illegal. kissing, and
she'll get tons of money and then they'll marry.
JOEY: Well in that case, I hope for Monica's sake that they have a
prenuptial agreement.
[The camera cuts to Ross and Monica]
ROSS: So are you okay with Chandler?
MNCA: No. We're not really mad at each other, we're friends and all, but I
don't think we'll be going out anymore.
ROSS: [sarcasm] I see, so you decided to kiss it out?
MNCA: Damage control. I don't want Pippa to think she succeeded.
ROSS: You know Mon, if only you got to know her you might actually like her.
She's got a very high moral, just like you.
MNCA: I don't go around kissing other people's boyfriends.
ROSS: [looking for excuse] Nobody's perfect.
MNCA: Anyway, I think we've got the wrong chemistry or something. kinda'
like you and Rachel.
ROSS: Excuse me? Me and Rachel have fine chemistry.
MNCA: HAD. You can't get a single spark to fly between you these days.
ROSS: Yeah, well guess what missy? It'll be the same thing between you and
Chandler in a few years.
MNCA: Right. [sarcasm] We just need to have one of us ruin the other one's
wedding and then get married in an un-sober state of mind.
ROSS: Okay, I get it.
MNCA: But you go for that Pippa, though.
ROSS: Excuse me?
MNCA: I can tell you like her. All the warm words about her, the fact that
you DANCED with her.
ROSS: [sighs] I hate it when my love life is an open book.
MNCA: Take it easy, I think she likes you back.
[They're quiet for a while. The song reaches the line "it's over when it's
over. There's nothing anyone can really do about it" (or something like
that) from the chorus. Chandler and Monica catch each other's eye. The
camera focuses on Chandler and after a few seconds, Rachel's stomach growls]
CHAN: [annoyed] Oh would you just get something to eat!
[The camera cuts to Phoebe and Joey]
PHOE: Joey?
JOEY: Yeah.
PHOE: Should we not tell the others?
JOEY: About what?
PHOE: About how we kinda' had sex.
JOEY: No. Besides, the other England couple already knows.
PHOE: They'll keep it to themselves. Chandler HAS to if he wants them to
officially be the only England-duo.
JOEY: Kinda' ironic that they broke up in the same country as they got
PHOE: That's not ironic. Most couples do.
JOEY: Well, it's ironic since it's not their home country and they're not on
a one-week trip with a one-week fling.
PHOE: You mean like us?
JOEY: Exactly.
PHOE: [snaps fingers] That's it! I've got it! I SO know how to fix things up
between them!
JOEY: I'm all ears!
PHOE: We simply take them back here again, some time soon.
JOEY: I don't think that might work. but then again. okay!
[The song is about to end. Chandler and Monica have slowly drawn closer and
now they're dancing next to each other]
RACH: Well, well, well. Seems like we're bumping in to each other again. No
chance you want to swap back, Mon?
[Chandler and Rachel let go of each other. Monica and Ross move to trade
partners. Rachel steps up to dance with Ross]
PIPPA: [comes over] Hey, Ross? Would you like to dance with me?
MNCA: [smiles] Told you so, Ross.
[She lets go of Ross and he takes Pippa in his arms. Chandler puts his arms
around Monica, waiting for the next song to begin]
RACH: Just my luck. [calling out] Hey Joey, wanna dance?
[She heads off. Chandler and Monica look slightly uncomfortable, just
waiting for the next song to begin. Ross and Pippa are waiting also, a
little bit more eager. Then the song starts to play. It's Vengaboys' "Boom,
Boom, Boom, Boom". the first song that isn't a ballade that has been played.
The four of them share a look. Joey and Phoebe come dancing by, dancing
something that looks like a mixture between Charleston and Twist]

[Closing Credits]

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. soon to be just Monica's again. They all
enter. Joey and Monica throw themselves on the couch]
MNCA: Oh. too tired to even take off my shoes.
JOEY: Boy, you ARE tired.
[Phoebe moans and sits by the kitchen table. Chandler and Ross just throw
themselves on the floor. Rachel races to the kitchen cabinet]
[She starts eating Lucky Charms right out of the package]
CHAN: [to Rachel] Just so you know, I might not live here for much longer,
but you're still paying for anything you eat. [to the rest] She can't eat at
a motel restaurant, but she CAN eat cereal right out of the box.
The end!