CP, (cfe) All look very shocked at Joey. Joey looks up at them innocently
not getting why they are all looking at him.

JOEY: What?
ROSS: [turning to Monica] How could that be... no he would never do that,
[he laughs as if she was joking everyone joins in the laughing, Mon looks
stone faced, she bursts out crying]
PHOE:    [hugging her] Oh my, it must be true.
RACH:     What gave it away?
ROSS:     Hey we don't know that he has done anything.
JOEY:    Did he think about the trail? (All look at him in disbelief) What?
MNCA:    It is everything... he is working so late all the time.
ROSS:    The WENUS broke, even you told us that.
MNCA:    [mad] Ok so how come he keeps raving about this new secretary he
has and he takes time off to eat with her but even when I go down there he
won't spend five minutes with me.
JOEY:     Maybe you are too clingy. [All look at him shocked] Well I don't
believe it, Chandler is crazy about you Monica and I think it is horrible
of you to think this way.
MNCA:    I am a horrible person, [she holds her head in her hands]
PHOE:    Look, you are not a horrible person Monica, but I do agree we
should give him the benefit of the doubt, and lets just see what presents
itself, ok. [All including Monica nod, they sit in silence in their own
worlds obviously shocked about what they know is a possibility]

[Opening Credits]

[Scene: Chandler's office. He's sitting by his desk, which is full of paper,
and also little stuffed animals and things like that. Chandler's leaned back
in his chair with a small notepad and a pencil in his hand]
CHAN: [thinking] Now, what else can I get Monica or say to Monica that will
work as an "I'm sorry" sign? [thinks] Okay, how come all I can think of is
sex related stuff? [annoyed] And how come my desk is too filled with crap
that I can't even put my feet up on it? [to one of the little stuffed
animals, soothing] When I said "crap", I didn't mean you.
[Sabrina, the secretary (played by Alyssa Milano (tell me if we should
change that or not)) enters with coffee. She looks at the desk]
SABRINA: How come your office looks like it belongs to Fox Mulder?
CHAN: Because Scully hasn't cleaned it.
SABRINA: Am I Scully?
CHAN: Being a shipper, I would have to say that Scully's name actually is
Geller.
SABRINA: [confused] O. Kay. [looks at the desk] Is there anywhere I could
place this coffee?
CHAN: How about pouring it all over the computer? That will give me some
time off work while the computer is being fixed.
SABRINA: No, I don't want to screw up this soon.
[She looks around for a place to put the cup, and finally removes a stuffed
animal from the printer and places the cup there]
SABRINA: You know boss, I must say. I like a man who doesn't consider
himself too macho to have stuffed animals in his office. even though these
are a bit too tiny.
CHAN: And I must say I like a woman who calls me both "boss" and "man" in
the same sentence.
[The phone rings outside. Sabrina doesn't react, she starts to remove a few
other stuffed animals, placing them on the floor]
CHAN: Sabrina?
SABRINA: [eager] Yes?
CHAN: The phone?
SABRINA: Right! [runs out to get it]
[Cut to: Monica and Chandler's. Monica hangs up the phone, annoyed]
MNCA: Chandler, you'd BETTER have a good excuse for not even taking my
calls!
[She glances over to a Magic 8-Ball and picks it up, shaking it]
MNCA: [to the ball] Does him not answering the phone have anything to do
with Suzy, or Sabine, or whatever the hell her name was?
[She turns the ball and reads it, displeased with the answer]
MNCA: [angry, to the ball] You thank your lucky star you're Chandler's
favourite toy!

[Cut to: Chandler and Monica's later. Monica is cleaning, she's got a dust wiper
in her hand, dusting the couch. She's humming to herself. She also dusts the
duck, who is on the couch. Phoebe and Rachel storm in, breath taken]
RACH: [breathing heavily] Phoebe! I mean, Monica! Monica, what are you gonna
do about this whole Chandler's cheating thing?
PHOE: [aggressive] Throw him out like yesterday's paper! Out the door, kick
his ass, teach him not to mess with a Geller!
MNCA: [confused] What, Chandler's cheating?
[Phoebe and Rachel share a confused look]
PHOE: [frightened] Oh no! It's already started! Oh, she's in denial, Rachel
quick, go find something hard we can hit her over the head with!
RACH: What for?
PHOE: How should I know, just FIND IT!
MNCA: Guys, calm down. Now what is all this about Chandler cheating?
RACH: You. said he was?
MNCA: [chuckles] Oh come on you guys. Can't you even give him the benefit of
a doubt?
RACH: What?
PHOE: Can't YOU even give him a new address; the couch?
MNCA: [laughing] Chandler wouldn't cheat on me!
PHOE: So how come you said he was?
RACH: It SUCKS when someone you're going out with cheats on you.
MNCA: I know, but Chandler's not cheating.
PHOE: [angry] Yes he is!
MNCA: [laughs] You guys, it's sweet of you to care, but really, he's not.
[to the duck, as if talking to a baby] Chandler wouldn't cheat on me, no he
wouldn't. Because Chandler is a sweetie, yes he is.
PHOE: [mocking tone] And Monica's such a gullible fool, yes she is.
MNCA: [shaking her head, chuckling] I was upset you guys, that's all. I'd
had almost no sleep, and he'd been working late with a new secretary--
RACH: [cutting in] Whoa, whoa, whoa, new secretary? How classic is that not?
Come on Mon, don't you EVER watch porn? [Okay, I don't watch porn myself,
but that seems like something that would happen often in porn films, right?]
[Phoebe and Monica just stare at Rachel off that comment]
RACH: [embarrassed] Uh, I mean, uh. or so I've HEARD.
MNCA: Look you guys, as I said I was upset and I was tired. Now, I trust
Chandler. And he's committed himself to me when he asked if he could move in
here, and Chandler's always been so afraid of commitment. That he made an
exception for me has to count for something, right?
RACH: Yeah, it counts for you making better food than Kathy or Janice.
MNCA: [warningly] Rachel.
PHOE: Come on Monica. Are you really sure you don't think he's cheating?
MNCA: Yes I'm sure. Now, unless you've got some sort of evidence, hard back
or not, I don't want either one of you saying such things about the man I
live with, is that understood?
RACH/PHOE: [like children after being lectured] Yes.
PHOE: So we need evidence, huh?
MNCA: Yes.
RACH: Then forget it, I don't care about your relationship that much.
[leaves]
PHOE: So Monica, who is this new secretary?
MNCA: Don't know. Her name's Sabina, or Sabine, or something like that.
PHOE: [gasp] Oh! There, there's your evidence!
MNCA: [seriously confused] Huh?
PHOE: [giving in] Yeah, okay. [goes to sit on the couch]
MNCA: [warningly] Ah!
PHOE: What?
MNCA: Don't sit there, I just cleaned it! Wait, here. [she runs the dust
wiper over Phoebe] There. NOW you can sit.
Joey and Rachel's Joey and Rachel and Phoebe are on the couch Ross is
leaning against the counter.
ROSS:    [to girls] And that is really what she said?
RACH:    I swear girl scouts honour.
PHOE:    I wasn't a girl scout but I was there and I heard it too and you
believe me don't you Ross? [R&J exchange a suspicious glance]
ROSS:    Well if it evidence she wants it is evidence she is gonna get.
JOEY:    [standing] Now hold on... [marching over to Ross] we don't know
what is going on here, Chandler is one of our best friends and he loves
Monica totally and completely he would never jeopardise that for a hot
fling.
ROSS:    So prove his innocence fine then I will.
PHOE:    Ok, I say we pair off, get out there and collect as much evidence
as we can and we will rendezvous here Tuesday morning at 0200 [she says it like
zero two hundred]
JOEY:    [confused] EH?
RACH:    Two in the morning.
JOEY:    Ohh... WHAT?
PHOE:    Synchronise watches [she looks at her watch] Good luck men I wish
you all the best in the field, [marching toward the door] Ross you're with
me, [she opens the door and Ross marches out, she turns back to J&R]
Dismissed [she salutes, as does Joey and she exits]
JOEY:    [excited] This is so cool.
RACH:    [sarcastically] The role of a lifetime hu Joe?
JOEY:    Totally... [marching toward door] Now lets go prove Chandler is
innocent.
RACH:    What? No he’s not it is written all over his face [Joey stops, and
looks at her] Plus aren't you more interested in Ross and Phoebe, I mean
Chandler and Monica have had there time in the spotlight.
JOEY:    And I guess it will be you next.
RACH:    [excited] you think, [they start to walk toward the door] We had
better figure out these cases soon, I need to spice up my life after this.
JOEY:    [seeing an opportunity] How you doin'? [Rach looks at him in
disbelief, and exits, he hurries after her] What? What I do?
Chandlers secretaries desk, it is empty, Monica turns the corner and sees
this she looks unsure at Chandlers office door, she hears him and a woman
(Sabrina) laughing from inside, Monica walks over to the door and reaches
for the handle but thinks the better of it and takes a seat. Sabrina exits
laughing putting on her cardigan.

CHAN:    [from office] Don't be long, I still need you to do this with me.
SABR:    [Calling back into the office] What you don't want to do it alone
for a bit.
CHAN:    Please be kidding. [Sabrina laughs]
SABR:    I'll only be a minute. [She closes the door and turns to see Monica
looking at her sternly] Oh, I'm sorry ma’am, I didn't think Chandler had any
appointments today, I thought we had cancelled them all.
MNCA:    Why would you do that?
SABR:    We were busy.
MNCA:    So I see.
SABR:    So what can I help you with?
MNCA:    I want to discuss something with Chandler.
SABR:    Mr. Bing.
MNCA:    Whatever, look is he free.
SABR:    He is busy sorry, it is really not a good time right now, why don't
you come back later.
MNCA:    [in disbelief] Excuse me? Do you know who I am?
SABR:    [bitchy] Look, unless you are his wife take a hike and I know he is
not married, because I looked, I always do, that is my only limit, bitchy
wives and families area pain to deal with, takes the fun out of everything.
MNCA:    [shocked] Well check again because I am... [she is interrupted by
the intercom, Sabrina sits on the desk and leans back, and talks into the
intercom]
CHAN:    [through intercom] You have been more than a minute, what are you
doing out there?
SABR:    [looking hard at Monica] Tidying up a mess, I'll be 1 second, BOSS.
[off intercom, to Monica] As you can see he pretty much has his hands full
so why don't you try again later.
MNCA:    [in shock] BOSS?
SABR:    What can I say he likes it, it works for me, trust me I have had
worse, now is there anything else.
MNCA:    [turning to leave, utterly and completely shocked and confused] No,
no, I'll... I'll, well... mean, whatever. bye.[She exits]
SABR:    [to herself] What a bitch, I had better never see her again or
she'll sure regret it.
[Cut to: Central Park. Ross and Phoebe can be seen spying with binoculars at
Chandler, who's buying a hot dog. In the bushes next to Chandler, Rachel and
Joey's heads pop up]
RACH: [whispering] Oh, I KNEW it!
JOEY: [a la Homer Simpson] Mmmm. Hot-dogs. [off Rachel's look] Uh, I mean.
[in a surprised town, low] Hey look! That's Chandler!
RACH: Yeah, so? THERE [points] are ROSS and PHOEBE!
JOEY: [grasps] Oh man! I can't believe this! [upset] They're stealing our
stake out!
RACH: Joey!
JOEY: What, why are you so angry for?
RACH: We are not here to spy on Chandler! I don't care about Chandler! If he
cheats on Mon then she'll dump him and I can move back in!
JOEY: Phoebe lives in your old room.
RACH: From the looks of it she's gonna be moving in with Ross, and THEY are
what we're gonna spy on!
CHAN: [walking by, noticing them] Joey? Rachel? What are YOU doing here. on
the ground?
JOEY: Well, uh.
RACH: [lamely laughing] I dropped my glasses.
CHAN: You don't wear glasses.
RACH: Maybe that's 'cause I dropped them and haven't found them.
CHAN: Rachel get some professional help, and take Joey with you! Now, I have
to go, I should be at work, but you have to promise me you won't play hide
and seek out here anymore. Okay?
JOEY: [annoyed] Chandler, stop talking! Eat that hot-dog or let ME eat it.
CHAN: Bye guys. Give my love to Monica.
JOEY: [overly emotional] That's right! You LOVE Monica, we will give your
LOVE to Monica! [to Rachel, instructing] Chandler LOVES Monica.
RACH: And I love Brad Pitt, so what else is new? Chandler move, you're blocking
the. uh. sun!
[Chandler eyes them and leaves. Rachel and Joey rise from the bushes, and
reveal they've glued on branches and leafs to their clothes, as camouflage]
JOEY: Can we PLEASE stop following Phoebe and Ross when we're really
following Chandler? I think he might be on to us!
[We cut over to Phoebe and Ross, apparently about 30 seconds earlier]
ROSS: [looking through binoculars] Mrs. Smith, the suspect is. having a
conversation with a bush.
C&M's, Monica comes in looking mad and upset, she violently throws her purse
on the sofa and throws herself down after it. The duck waddles to her feet
and quacks she stares at it.
MNCA:    [mad] What do you want? [the duck quacks, Monica looks at the
answer phone and sees it is blinking, she hits play]
CHAN:    [through answer phone] Hey babe, its me, I am surprised  you aren't
there or that you haven't come to see me... [pause] I miss you [Mon smiles]
I wish I was with you, we have to change the answer phone to your voice I
miss the sound of it. I will try to call later, but don't call here I will
probably be busy... I love you, I will try to get home tonight at some point
and we can have some quality time ok... I'll talk you later, love you bye.
MNCA:    [to duck] Now see it is times like this I remember why I fell in
love with him... [she gets up and wanders to the kitchen] You know I was
thinking Chuck, girls like that secretary woman like to make up stories
about their fake conquests don't they... they like to feel they are in
charge of the office... And Chandler does love me, he told me himself... I
shouldn't jump to conclusions about him... the guys didn't believe it
either, and he did promise that he would come to my mums with me tomorrow...
[she goes to the window and sees Ross and Phoebe in army uniforms, Phoebe is
standing in front of Ross holding a crop and looking like an army general,
Mon looks confused] What are they doing? [Suddenly Rachel and Joey run in,
still covered in leaves and stuff]
RACH:    [pulling out binoculars and looking into Ross' apartment] Hey
Mon...
JOEY:    What do you see? Is he there?
MNCA:    Is who there?
RACH:    [to Joey] They are role playing look, he is the private and she is
the General... it is disgusting...
MNCA:    Who are we looking for?
JOEY:    Chand... [Rach covers his mouth]
RACH:    No one, we go the all the info we needed thanks for your help
ma'am, the authorities will be in touch [she drags Joey out, Mon looks
confused and turns back to the window and looks out closely, she stands back
shakes her head and goes into her bedroom, she picks up some clothes that
are on the floor, she puts them in a washing basket in the corner, she
checks the pockets of Chandlers pants [the ones he changed out of with his
shower] and pulls out a piece of paper, she puts the pants in the basket and
looks at the piece of paper, it says "Sabrina, home" and a telephone number
Monica looks shocked]
[Cut to: Joey’s. Joey and Rachel are in different clothes now. Joey is trying to pull the branches of his earlier clothes]
RACH: Joey! Stop that right this instant! We never know when we might need these camouflage clothes again!
JOEY: But Rach! I want salad! Where can I find salad? On my clothes!
[Monica storms in, angry. The duck follows in her trails]
MNCA: [angry] Phone number?
JOEY: [thinking it’s a game] Coffee table!
MNCA: What?
JOEY: What?
MNCA: [ignoring him] He’s got her PHONE number?
[The duck quacks. Monica realises it’s with her. She turns and stares]
MNCA: Who the hell said YOU could come listen?
[The duck turns and goes back to Monica’s and Chandler’s apartment. Monica opens the door to the apartment for it, then closes it once the duck is inside and goes back to Joey and Rachel]
JOEY: Look Mon, I don’t know what all this is you’re talking about, but if someone’s got a woman’s phone number then give it to Joey!
RACH: Or to the trash shoot.
MNCA: I can’t throw it AWAY!
RACH: Why not? I’m guessing Chandler is "he" and the secretary is "she". So throw it away. Oh! Or better yet! BURN it.
MNCA: I can’t burn it, are you out of your mind? [indicating the camouflage clothes they’re holding] What the hell am I talking about, of COURSE you’re out of your mind.
JOEY: Mon! Calm down! Stop yelling! Go make me a salad!
MNCA: I can’t throw this number away because he might need it for work.
RACH: Wait a minute though… If all he needs it for is work, then why are you getting angry over it?
MNCA: [whiny]  Because what if it’s not just for work?
JOEY: Oh! I just remembered something!
MNCA: Yeah, you’re right Joey…
JOEY: [confused] I am? What did I say?
MNCA: I should know better than to distrust Chandler.
JOEY: We met him in the park earlier.
MNCA: What? He was too busy to see me, but not too busy to go to the park?
JOEY: I don’t know.
RACH: Calm down Mon, he was buying a hot-dog.
MNCA: [slightly relaxed] Oh.
RACH: Yeah. OR he was just buying the hot-dog to have something to eat before he went home to that secretary of his to… [laughs suggestively] "make out a report". [off Monica’s terrified look] What? Look, when you live with Joey you get exposed to allot of porn. So what if I picked up one or two incidents?
JOEY: [to Rachel, annoyed] You be quiet! Or else you… can only use the bathroom for 30 minutes tomorrow morning.
MNCA: [pacing] I should trust him, I should trust him…
JOEY: Monica, let me tell you something. He told us when we met in the park to give you his love. [suggestively] Now, I could give you some of the PHYSICAL love if you wish… [off her look] but uh, [over emotional again] Chandler LOVES you!
MNCA: [smiles] Yeah, you’re right. He loves me. He just told me so. He called while I was out, and he left a really sweet message, you know? He was all "I love you, I miss you, I want to hear your voice"…
RACH: And that sounds to you like a faithful boyfriend?
MNCA/JOEY: [in unison] It doesn’t to you?
JOEY: If he didn’t call her because he felt all of those things Monica just mentioned, why did he then call her?
RACH: Guilt?
[There’s a long pause. Monica looks like she can’t decide what to do. Ross and Phoebe enter, laughing]
PHOE: [laughing] Oh Ross, you’re so funny!
MNCA: [upset, angry] What is wrong with the world? First my boyfriend is all weird, then Joey’s trying to eat his clothes, [Joey hides the clothes under the counter] then Rachel says Chandler IS cheating and now Ross is funny!
[She storms out. Ross and Phoebe share a confused look]
RACH: I think she’s right about the Ross being funny thing…
ROSS: Come on Pheebs, let’s go somewhere else. [they leave]
JOEY: Well, either Phoebe’s sleeping with him or she’s high on phoney gas.

Chandlers office, he is sitting, with his elbow on the desk holding his head
up with his hand, he is staring blankly at the computer screen, he sighs.
Sabrina enters slowly, and walks right up to the desk.
SBRA:   Hey Boss.
CHAN:   [uninterested] Hey
SBRA:   [sitting on the desk in front of him] You look blue, what's up?
CHAN:   I'm fine, it's nothing.
SBRA:   No it's not I can tell, you aren't yourself this afternoon.
CHAN:   Well. there is this thing.
SBRA:   Go on.
CHAN:   Well, I am with this girl.
SBRA:   [surprises] Oh.
CHAN:   [looking at her] You sound surprised.
SBRA:   Well I thought you were single. I don't know why.
CHAN:   Well I was, before I met her or I might as well have been. we are
really close.
SBRA:   That's nice. so what's the problem?
CHAN:   This. [gesturing to the computer]
SBRA:   I don't get it.
CHAN:   I have to with her to her parents this week.
SBRA:   Still not seeing the problem.
CHAN:   Well I don't know why we have to go. I never see her since this
piece of crap broke, and now I have to haggle for time away from the office
to go to her parents, where there will be loads of people.
SBRA:   [realisation] Ohh, right and if you are with loads of people, you
won't be getting lucky is that it?
CHAN:   Sorta. well yes actually that is exactly it. we never get time alone
these days and time alone tends to lead to alota luck. if you know what I
mean.
SBRA:   Is it good?
CHAN:   [surprised] What?
SBRA:   The sex.
CHAN:   I think have had enough of this conversation.
SBRA:   That bad huh?
CHAN:   Actually it is the opposite, it is incredible, I have never been with
anyone like her she is by far the best I have ever had [Sabrina smiles
suggestively, Chandler looks embarrassed]
SBRA:   Does she feel the same.
CHAN:   Yeah.
SBRA:   So go home early and get lucky before you go and get surrounded by
loads of people.
CHAN:   Can I get away?
SBRA:   Sure I will cover for ya' [Chandler jumps out of his chair and grabs
his jacket, he runs over to her and kisses her on the cheek]
CHAN:   You have no idea how much I owe you. [he runs toward the door]
SBRA:   Wait you are going now. I thought the party was next week, and you
won't be surrounded by loads of people if you go early tomorrow night.
CHAN:   We have very clingy friends [Sabrina looks confused] long story.
Besides Monica waits for no one. well except me. I hope.
SBRA:   Wow she must really be something.
CHAN:   [putting on his jacket] Look for yourself, [he nods toward a picture
on his desk, Sabrina looks at it]
SBRA:   [shocked] wait, this is your girlfriend.
CHAN:   Last time I checked. Bye. [he turns to leave]
SBRA:   WAIT! [Chan turns and looks at her] What about that update report
Doug wanted on his desk by midnight.
CHAN:   Lie. [he turns to leave]
SBRA:   You could lose your job. I could lose mine, [he turns back and looks
at her] so it boils down to one thing do you want to work tonight and see
you girlfriend in later in the week at her mothers. or go home get lucky and
not have a job in the morning. that would impress her family. it's up to
you.

[Cut to: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting close together, looking
in a note pad]
ROSS: [pointing something out] Now see, as someone who's cheated on four
women--
PHOE: Four?
ROSS: Yeah. Bonnie, Julie, Rachel, Carol.
PHOE: CAROL?
[With the magical timing of television, Rachel and Joey now enter, of course
un noticed]
ROSS: [talking about the incident from "TOW the Flashbacks"] You don't even
remember us making out in here?
[Joey and Rachel cover their mouths in shock. Joey tries to leave, but
Rachel stops him]
RACH: [hushed] Hey! As a professional stalker I must tell you, you do NOT
pass out on an opportunity like this!
JOEY: [ashamed] Okay. [goes up to the couch] Ross! Phoebe! Hi!
RACH: [following him] How is that not passing out?
JOEY: [realising] Damn it! [to R&P] Uh, never mind, you never saw me! [ducks
behind the couch]
ROSS: [suspicious] Wait a minute. You're out to steal our proof! You're just
trying to show more proof to Monica so she will like you more!
PHOE: What? How is she gonna like having it thrown in her face that her
boyfriend's a lowlife, rotten cheater?
ROSS: [defensive] Hey, he's not cheating on my sister!
PHOE: [annoyed] Well you should know I guess, since YOU cheat! [moves away
from him]
[Rachel and Joey share a surprised look, thinking Ross has cheated on
Phoebe. Phoebe and Ross see their reaction]
PHOE: What?
JOEY: Later!
[He runs out, Rachel follows him. Monica enters seconds later, holding a
cellular]
MNCA: [in her own thoughts] Joey, how come this cellular doesn't work?
PHOE: Mon, I'M the one with telepathical talents, it has to be ME to ask a
question to someone who's not here.
MNCA: [looks up] He's not here? Well darn it, I could use some technical
advice!
[Ross makes sort of a "I can help you" gesture. Monica sits on the couch
in-between them]
MNCA: Phoebe, how do you get this thing to work?
PHOE: You've got button-lock.
MNCA: I do? What the heck is THAT?
PHOE: Just press your pin code and it will do the trick.
[Monica does, then dials a number and waits]
ROSS: _I_ could have told you that.
MNCA: You couldn't even tell nana how to eject a tape from the VCR. [on
phone] Yes, hi? I'm calling for Chandler. [listens, rolls eyes] Fine, Mr.
BING. [listens] Well when will he be in touch? [listens, sighs, hangs up] I
hate that bitch!
PHOE: Who?
ROSS: Is it the new secretary?
MNCA: [annoyed] Yes, but I'm NOT annoyed!
PHOE: Ha! I knew it, in your face Ross!
[Monica has dialled again. Phoebe snatches the phone before Monica can say
anything]
PHOE: [on phone] Yes hello, this is Mr. Bing's psychic medium, I need to
speak with him this very second, it's urgent! [listens] Okay thanks! [hands
Monica the phone, to Monica] It was some guy who answered, he gave his
apologies and said the secretary was just called in to Mr. Bing's office so
she couldn't take the phone.
[Monica doesn't answer, she snatches the phone and Chandler picks up on the
other end. Camera on whomever's talking, and Sabrina is cleaning Chandler's
desk, so she can be seen in the background]
CHAN: [on phone] Is whomever this is aware that I don't have a psychic
medium?
MNCA: [rolls eyes, on phone] No, but you have a friend named Phoebe.
CHAN: [on phone, frowning] Hi.
MNCA: [on phone, nervous] You're not happy I called you?
CHAN: [on phone, sighs] No, yes, no, Mon I TOLD you _I_ would call YOU, I
don't have the time to stop right now!
[In the background Sabrina picks up a Magic 8-Ball and giggles]
MNCA: [on phone] Did you just giggle like a girl?
CHAN: [on phone, nervous] No.
SABRINA: [indicating 8-ball] Oh boss, so MANLY.
[Monica's eyes grow wide]
ROSS: What, what did he say, what did he say, [to Phoebe] oh give it up he's
not cheating.
CHAN: [on phone] Talk to you later Mon, I've got allot of work to do, bye.
MNCA: [on phone] Why did someone first giggle, then call you manly? _I_
don't even call you manly.
CHAN: [on phone, rolls eyes] I love you allot too. Seriously I do, but not
when you call me when I'm busy. Sorry babe, see ya' tonight, bye bye,
sayonara and a few other fancy stuff. Later.
[They hang up. Monica eyes the phone for a few seconds, then pockets it]
PHOE: He's cheating.
ROSS: He's not.
PHOE: [annoyed] He is too!
ROSS: [annoyed] He is not!
PHOE: [annoyed] What do YOU know, you've never had a hot secretary in your
life, of COURSE he's cheating!
ROSS: [annoyed] And what do YOU know, you've never been really in love!
PHOE: [annoyed] Maybe, but YOU have and you CHEATED each time!
[They continue to argue, Monica rises and leaves]
ROSS: [noticing she's gone] Hey where did she go?
PHOE: Don't know. [annoyed] Cheater!
ROSS: [annoyed] Am not!
PHOE: [annoyed] Are too!

Cut to Chandlers office, he is sitting at his desk on the phone, he looks stressed, Sabrina is sitting in the chair opposite him just watching him.

CHAN:    [On phone] I know you have worked hard with this so have I... what do you mean your marriage is suffering... no I'm not married... so you think I don't know how much women whine [he smiles nervously at Sabrina]... what do you mean she is sleeping with your bestfriend, do I sound like I care... I'm seeing someone and I know she wouldn't sleep with my bestfriend... what do you mean how do I know?... No he isn't gay... and neither is she... Fine go home divorce your wife but this company will not support you when she squeezes you for everything you have [he slams down the phone]

SBRA:    Ohh powerful I like a man who takes charge...

CHAN:    Do you have a boyfriend?

SBRA:    No why you wanna ask me out?

CHAN:    NOOO, I have a girlfriend remember...

SBRA:    [to herself]How could I forget?

CHAN:     [to Sabrina] I'm going home... [he grabs his jacket]

SBRA:    [standing, panicking] Why?

CHAN:    I am getting no where with this and I can't fix it tonight anymore than I could last night... maybe Monica will inspire me... [he turns to leave]

SBRA:    [desperation] You can't go... what about the report?

CHAN:    You write it, I will give you a raise, you will probably do it better than me ,considering we have made no progress it shouldn't be to hard to write anyway... in fact just give Doug this [Chan lifts a blank sheet of paper from the printer] that about sums it up [he leaves]

C&M's Monica is on the window seat, staring out at the world, she sighs and takes a large spoonful of ice cream from the carton on her knee. She closes her eyes and leans back, she suddenly feels someone kiss her softly she opens her eyes suddenly and sees Chandler.

CHAN:    [softly] Hey

MNCA:    [standing, mad, sarcastic] What are you doing here, it is six o'clock, don't you have places to be people to see? [she puts the ice cream back in the freezer and sits at the dinner table and lifts a book that is lying there]

CHAN:    I'm sorry... [he sits beside her] I've missed you, [he takes her hand and kisses it and slowly moves up her arm, she closes her eyes, savouring the experience but suddenly stands up]

MNCA:    Well it is nice to see you. [she sits on the couch and puts on the TV, he sits beside her, and kisses her neck, again she savours the experience, but quickly pushes him away] What are you doing?
CHAN:    What I always do, we like the kissy bit before the main event... or we used too.

MNCA:    Sex, is that all I am to you?
CHAN:    [taken aback] What... no.

MNCA:    I don't sit at home waiting for you, you know, I have a job and a life besides you.

CHAN:    I know that but we don't see alot of each other these days, and I just thought...

MNCA: I don’t want this.

CHAN: [really surprised] WHAT?
MNCA: I don’t know where you are half the time Chandler.

CHAN: I am at work.

MNCA: Or in the park

CHAN: What? I wanna spend every second of my life with you Monica, I don’t want to be in that office any more than you want me to be… I thought you would be happy to see me… I dropped everything for this Monica, I could be fired and I don’t care, but I don’t wanna fall out with you there would be nothing left in my life if I lost you… and don’t let that happen over this… over work, please…

MNCA: [giving in] I’m sorry too, [he hugs her] this is just a lot of strain for us and we’re not used to being apart.

CHAN: You wanna go to dinner? [Mon smiles and nods] Great… Sabrina and I went to this great restaurant last night, you will love it [Monica sighs] What… what is it?
MNCA: I think I’ll take a rein check, I have a head ache I think I’ll get an early night.

CHAN: But you just said…

MNCA: I’m sorry… go back to work, don’t leave Sabine…

CHAN: Sabrina…

MNCA: Whatever don’t leave her all alone for too long, and the sooner you start the sooner the WENUS will be fixed and the sooner we can get back to normal. [she walks toward her bedroom]

CHAN: [slightly annoyed] Is that it?
MNCA: [she turns to him] What? [he walks over to her and kisses her very passionately, she pushes him away] Goodnight Chandler. [she exits]

[Cut to: About an hour after we last saw C&M. Chandler's on the couch,
reading some magazine. Monica exits from the bedroom]
MNCA: Let me guess. It's the "W.E.N.U.S. Weekly". [points to the magazine]
CHAN: Actually it's "Home and Garden", we didn't have anything else.
MNCA: [rolls eyes] Nice to see _I_ wear the skirt in this relationship.
CHAN: [suggestively] I like you better WITHOUT the skirt. if you know what I
mean.
MNCA: [annoyed] Chandler life is not just about sex! Get real!
CHAN: [offended] What, I can't make a single joke? What is the MATTER with
you all of a sudden?
MNCA: [sits on the window pane, grumpy] Nothing.
[Chandler eyes her. He then rises and goes over to her and puts an arm
around her. He kisses her lightly on the forehead, then the cheek then the
lips]
MNCA: Don't you have a report to finish?
CHAN: Excuse me?
MNCA: I thought the W.E.N.U.S. was in need of your help.
CHAN: [confused] I don't know if I've told you this, but the W.E.N.U.S. is
not an actual person.
MNCA: I'M a person.
CHAN: [confused] Who said you were not?
MNCA: Chandler, for once in our life can we have a little time and
consideration for ME? I mean, here you come just waltzing in, apparently
horny, and I'm supposed to be ready to jump into bed with you just because
you all of a sudden decided I was worth some of your stupid attention.
CHAN: What's going on?
MNCA: NOTHING'S going on!
CHAN: Oh yeah? Then how come all of a sudden you're showing more teeth than
CUJO?
MNCA: [angry, rises] Hey, I'll have you know mister that I am NOT some
little. TOY you can just use at your disposal!
CHAN: But I never said you were.
MNCA: Maybe not in so many words, but I'm expected to just sit here all
alone every night and wait and see if you decide you want to come home and get
it on in the bedroom. Sorry Chandler, I am not going to be a part of that
deal.
CHAN: [upset] Hey, I put my job on the line just to come see you! I'd
expected a nice, calm night together with my girlfriend! And since we
haven't slept together since Friday I thought it could be nice to do it
tonight! And what do I get? A cold, refusing girlfriend who thinks I'M the
bad guy. What's this all even about?
MNCA: [avoiding confrontation] Okay fine, if you want sex so much then we'll
have the sex.
CHAN: [crosses arms, grumpy] Not like that I won't.
MNCA: [sighs] I knew I should have stayed in the bedroom.
CHAN: But Monica. Can't we. Couldn't you at least sit and watch a movie with
me? I MISS you Mon. I just want to sit next to you, hold you, hang out with
you.
MNCA: [apparently not up for it] Sure, we can watch a film.
CHAN: [smiles] Terrific! [gets up and kisses her on the cheek] This is more
my Monster. [realises] Okay, that was supposed to be a cute nickname, I
guess it doesn't work with your name.
[He goes over to pick out a film. His Monster nickname has obviously freaked
Mon out, she looks terrified that it wasn't just thought as a nickname.
Chandler puts a video in the VCR and they sit next to each other. Monica
looks tense]
CHAN: [flipping with the remote] Hey Mon, the remote doesn't work.
MNCA: [sighs] Then let Joey fix it.
CHAN: [whiny] He's not at home, I met him and Rachel outside Central Perk,
they were acting weird I think they were going out somewhere, I think they might
have left. And they said something about me warning you for the threat of
Phoebe Geller, do you know what that's supposed to mean?
MNCA: Chandler? Earlier today Joey was busy eating his clothes. Do you
REALLY expect him to say anything SMART?
CHAN: No, you've got a point. But the remote doesn't work now either.
MNCA: [sighs] Fine, then go over to the TV and flip channels manually.
CHAN: What, like in the Stone Age?
[He keeps trying to flip it over several times, it doesn't work. Monica eyes
him, annoyed. Finally she picks up an orange from a bowl on the table and
throws it on the TV. When it hits the TV, it turns over to the right
channel]
CHAN: Cool trick.
[They watch for a few seconds. Chandler puts his arm around Monica and draws
her close. She doesn't know if she should feel uncomfortable or pleased. He
kisses the top of her head, then her neck, and he starts to caress her arm
with his right hand, continuing to kiss her neck. He then notices she's not
responding]
CHAN: [disappointed] You know what Mon? You go back into the bedroom. You
don't seem too into watching a movie tonight.
MNCA: Maybe I would be, if you'd picked something else than "The Red Shoe
Diaries".
CHAN: Fine. Just go, okay? I guess I could use a few hours to myself.
[Monica smiles a thank you, then goes back to the bedroom. Chandler sighs
annoyed and shuts the TV off]
CHAN: [to himself, upset] You know, you could at least expect her to feel a
little bit like seeing me! I mean, am I the only one who feels lonely when
we're not together? And who the hell wants to see David Duchovny get it on
with Mimmi Rogers alone? [thinks] On the other hand, do I want to see that
even if Monica's with me?
[He sighs and looks depressed. He glances over to the bedroom door and seems

to be thinking of something]
CHAN: [yelling to bedroom] Mon, I am going for a walk.

MNCA: [from bedroom] OK

CHAN: Don’t suppose you want to come?

MNCA: I am really tired, but you go… have fun.

CHAN: [putting on his jacket depressed] No I didn’t think so. [he exits]

Ross' Phoebe is in casual clothes sitting on the floor surrounded by paper,
Ross is on the sofa with notes and both are talking together at the same
time.

ROSS:    [mad] Phoebe shut up,
PHOE:    [mad] You shut up I am trying to tell you all this important stuff.
ROSS:    I am telling you my important stuff...
PHOE:    I have all this evidence [gesturing to the papers]
ROSS:    That isn't evidence this is [holding up his notes]
PHOE:    I am hungry we have to do this quickly so I can eat.
ROSS:    I am hungry too, I don't want to be here talking about notes when I
could be eating either but this is the future of my sister and best friend.
PHOE:    [gathering her notes] I ain't sitting here listening to you whine I
have to go sort out my evidence over food [she puts on her jacket]
ROSS:    [putting on his jacket] Me too. [they both try to exit and get
stuck in the door facing each other, struggling]
Further down the hall we see R&J, Joey is eating a sandwich, Rach has
binoculars.
RACH:    They are all over each other it is disgusting, she is so desperate,
look at her she can't keep her hands off him... are you seeing this Joey...
Joey [Joey is gobbling his sandwich ravenously, then he grabs hers and eats
it in the same way]
RACH:    Hey, that was my stake out food, what will I eat now.
JOEY:    [looking at her] I'm hungry Rach... Oh maybe I can go to Ross' for
food. [He tries to stand she pulls him down again]
RACH:    We are on a stakeout... now sit there and be quiet.
cut back to Ross and Pheebs in the doorway.
PHOE:    You go that way and I'll... [they go in opposite directions and get
out.]
ROSS:    Why don't we go eat together and get our notes in order together
for our 0200 meeting?
PHOE:    Sure... at least I won't have to pay [Ross looks annoyed, she
starts down the hall,] You know what Ross I hurt my hip, stuck in that
stupid doorway with you can I lean on you.
ROSS:    Sure, [Phoebe takes his arm and leans very close, putting all her
weight on him]
R&J in the hallway
RACH:    Joey hide they are coming this way [there is a mad dash Joey knocks
on someone's door and it turns out to be a pretty girl]
JOEY:    How you doin'? [the girl giggles and invites him in, he runs in,
Rach looks on disappointed]
RACH:    How can we listen in from inside an apartment? [She hides under the
stairs but peers round and hears all they are saying]
Phoe and Ross are walking down the hall, she is still leaning on him.
PHOE:    I don't think we have ever gone out to dinner... just us, it will
be nice... Romantic.
ROSS:    I know we spend most of our time together alone in my apartment,
with our minds only on one thing. (HofC and the evidence) [she giggles]
PHOE:    So when are we going to tell the guys [gesturing with the notes,
but Rach doesn't see]
ROSS:    We have to be sure before we start telling everyone everything, we
have to know how we want to do it and exactly what we think it might lead
too.
PHOE:    I know you are right but I don't know how long I can hold it in for
I mean this is so life changing for all of us.
ROSS:    I know but we can't rush this.. something's take time as little as
we want them too, they do.
PHOE:    So where do you wanna go?
ROSS:    Your favourite restaurant?
PHOE:    You know me too well, aren't I being spoiled.
ROSS:    Some people are worth it, you have worked hard this afternoon.
PHOE:    Me... it was you doing all the work. [They both laugh and go down
the stairs.]
Rach comes out of her hiding place.
RACH:    [mad] That is it, this is disgraceful how can Phoebe do this...
there are rules about this sorta thing between friends, not only is he my
ex-husband, he is Monica's brother... well I won't stand for it, Phoebe's
favourite restaurant, here we come [she bangs on the door of the girl who
Joey disappeared into] Tribbiani get your ass our here your wife and children are waiting to go to your girlfriends. [The door opens, Joey flies out and his jacket follows
him, the door is slammed, Joey is a mess, lipstick on his face and his hair
a mess]
JOEY:    [whiney] Rach, why d' you do that? I was really getting somewhere.
RACH:    [grabbing Joey's arm, dragging him behind her] We have work to do.

[Cut to: Outside a restaurant. Chandler, Joey and Rachel come walking up]
CHAN: Thanks for letting me tag along with you guys. Pretty weird that I
would run into you like that.
JOEY: You know what else is weird?
CHAN: What?
JOEY: That there are men out there that would cheat on women like Monica.
CHAN: Joey there is only ONE Monica in the world. mine.
JOEY: Actually, there are about 20 000 of them.
CHAN: You know what I mean.
RACH: [spots R&P] Oh! Oh gosh, there! [points, then off Chandler's confused
look] Uhm, the uhm. best table.
CHAN: Okay.
[We cut to inside. C, J and R can be see entering in the background. We're
at Ross and Phoebe's table. They're leaning close to each other, looking
through a bunch of Polaroid photos Phoebe's taken]
PHOE: Now, I like THIS one especially.
ROSS: [sighs] Pheebs, really, I DO like seeing photos from your trip to
Crete, but could we please focus on the Chandler issue?
PHOE: But you haven't seen my picture from Elafonissi yet!
ROSS: [sarcasm] Oh no! What a shame!
PHOE: Okay, here.
[She picks up a pair of nail scissors from her purse and cuts Chandler out
of one of the other pictures. She places him on the picture of Elafonissi
(that's a beach in Crete, btw)]
PHOE: There, two birds, one stone.
[Chandler and the other two spies come walking by on their way to the table]
CHAN: [seeing them] Pheebs? Ross?
ROSS: How come I'M always the one people say last?
CHAN: [stops] What, you guys are here too?
RACH: [feigned surprise] Oh look Joey! It's, it's Phoebe! And, and Ross!
JOEY: I know, that's why we're--
[Rachel covers his mouth and fake laughs to the rest, dismissing Joey's
words]
CHAN: [to R&P] How come you guys are here? What a coincidence!
ROSS: This is Phoebe's favourite restaurant.
CHAN: So?
JOEY: So why not go here, huh?
RACH: I need to go to the ladies room. [hurries off with Joey in tow] Joey,
you KNOW you can't go in there.
JOEY: Damn it! [goes to their table]
CHAN: [eyeing Ross and Phoebe] Seriously you guys. out eating dinner on a
romantic restaurant? [to Phoebe] What are you, wife number four? [goes over
to Joey]
ROSS: [relieved] Oh thank goodness, I thought he'd catch us!
PHOE: See? Now it was a GOOD thing I brought all of these pictures. What if
he'd seen the pictures we'd taken of him earlier today? And speaking of,
check out exhibit A.
[She hands Ross a photo of Chandler buying the hot dog]
ROSS: [not knowing what to say] Good work, Mrs. Smith?
PHOE: [proud] I know. And check this one out.
[She hands him another photo, of Chandler talking to a bush (well, actually
to J&R)]
ROSS: What's THIS gonna help?
PHOE: Well Mr. Smith, it's gonna help prove to Monica that he is mentally
unstable.
ROSS: That's so sweet. giving her something to cling to after he's shattered
her heart in a million pieces. [angry] I'm gonna KILL Chandler! [realizes]
But I don't think he's cheating.
[We cut to the others. Chandler's leaned back in his chair, checking
something in his wallet. Rachel comes back]
RACH: [hushed, to Joey] Hey! I was walking back from the ladies room and I
saw their reservation list!
JOEY: Don't worry Rach, they already let us in, we KNOW my name is there.
RACH: [still hushed] NO, no get this! Phoebe and Ross were listed as Mr. and
Mrs. Smith! (just in case you don't understand the joke, there is a TV
series about a spy couple that have the aliases Mr and Mrs Smith)
CHAN: What are you two whispering about?
JOEY: Uh. [defensive] Hey, don't get mad at ME, _I_ didn't cheat on Monica!
CHAN: What? You've never even been WITH Monica.
JOEY: Exactly, so how could I have cheated?

CHAN: What is going on with you guys recently, You and Rachel whispering, hiding in bushes, and eating clothes…

JOEY: Mon told you about that huh?

CHAN: Yeah… Phoebe and Ross alone together in a romantic restaurant, and spending all this time together.

RACH: [over excited] EXACTLY… now that is suspicious right? Would you tell Joey that please.

CHAN: [ignoring Rach] And Monica, wow I don’t even want to get started on her.

JOEY: [interested] What has she said?

CHAN: Nothing directly, but I can tell you there is something seriously wrong with her.

RACH: [looking at P&R’s table not really paying attention to the conversation] Yeah we could all tell you that it is all everyone has been talking about for days. [Chan looks shocked and worried]

CHAN: Well what? What is it?

RACH: [suddenly realising what she did] Umm, well… I…

JOEY: It really isn’t our place to say anything.

RACH: Yeah, right Joey … Sorry Chandler [she looks back to P&R’s table, they are gone] They are gone, they have snuck off together. [She goes to stand but Chandler grabs her arm] Sit down Miss Green, neither of you are going anywhere until you tell me exactly what is going on with Monica. [Rachel sits and looks at him, then her and Joey look at each other, Joey shrugs, Rach turns back to Chandler]

RACH: Ok, we’ll tell you everything, but just be ready to hear this, it won’t be easy to hear…

Cut to C&M's Mon is sitting on the sofa, in a lilac slip and a silk
bathrobe, which is open, she is sitting on the sofa curled up, looking
thoughtful. The room is dark, no lights are on. There is a loud and proud
knock on the door. Mon slowly gets up and closes her robe and opens the door,
to reveal Sabrina, she barges in.

SBRA: Hello, I’m not interrupting anything am I? [she starts to look around]

MNCA: What are you doing here?

SBRA: Well Chandler … I mean Mr, Bing , [to herself] I have to stop doing that in public, [Mon looks shocked]

MNCA: Excuse me?

SBRA: Mr. Bing lives here right?

MNCA: Yeah… so? (Sabrina doesn’t know this is Monica’s apartment)

SBRA: Well, I hadn’t seen him for a few hours and things are piling up at work, so I thought I would come and see if he is ok.

MNCA: Well he is fine, thank you for your concern, now if that is all, I am quite busy right now.

SBRA: Oh… you guys aren’t… [nodding toward the bedroom]

MNCA: [calmly] I don’t mean to be rude but [furious] what the hell has that got to with you?

SBRA: Geez Monica, would you like to jump out my throat now?
MNCA: [mad] don’t tempt me, lady and Monica is a little too familiar considering we bearly know each other.

SBRA: I’m sorry, I just though it would be important for us to get to know each other.

MNCA: And why is that?

SBRA: [smiling to herself] Well, Chandler and I work so well together that we will probably be together… in the workplace of course… for a long, long time. [Mon is horrified]

Cut back to the restaurant, C&J&R are sitting round the table. R&J look awkward, C is concerned.

RACH: Well you see there is this thing that… well…

JOEY: Monica sorta has this really tiny suspicion… that we don’t agree with of course. [him and Rach shake their heads in agreement]

CHAN: Would you just tell me… what does Mon suspect… is she ok? She isn’t pregnant is she?
RACH: No… no of course not… [to Joey] She’s not right.

JOEY: How should I know… you are her best friend.

CHAN: Tell me what you know… please.

RACH: [looking at him] Well… sweetie I don’t know that there is a good way to tell you this but… Monica thinks…

JOEY: Monica thinks you are…

CHAN: I am what? [Phoebe appears behind him]

PHOE: Gay…

CHAN: [turning to Phoebe, shocked] What?! No she doesn’t…

PHOE: Sure she does, that is why she is being so weird… I mean it makes sense all you wanna do is have sex with her it is like you are trying to prove something to her.

CHAN: I am calling her now… I don’t believe you. [he leaves the table, and exits, Ross appears behind Phoebe]

ROSS: [to Phoebe] Wow, you are incredible, [he kisses her on the cheek, Rach gasps] [to R&J] And you two… you have a lot of explaining to do.

Cut to M&C’s Sabrina is sitting at one end of the sofa and Monica at the other, they are faced away from each other.

MNCA: This is ridiculous why don’t you wait for him at the office he is more likely to be there than here these days.

SBRA: I’d rather wait if you don’t mind. [Suddenly Chandler bursts in]

CHAN: [out of breath] MON! [he notices her on the couch] Hey, I have something to ask you.

MNCA: [standing facing him, looking mad] Ditto.

CHAN: [still out of breath, and now confused] What? [Sabrina stands, remember the room was dark]

SBRA: Hey,

CHAN: What are you doing here? [worried] Is it the WENUS? [Mon slumps onto the couch]

SBRA: [seeing an opportunity] Yes! Yes it is! [worried] The W.E.N.U.S. is in
some serious need of. uh. attention.
MNCA: [low] Well that makes two of us.
CHAN: [not listening] Well. I. Need to talk to. [thinks the better of it]
Okay Sabrina, let's go then, but Monica, I want to speak to you when I get
home.
MNCA: Don't expect me to be waiting up.
CHAN: [sighs] Mon, I. Never mind.
[Sabrina smiles and hooks her arm with Chandler and starts walking for the
door]
MNCA: [deciding not to let it pass] Hey Bing, a few words.
CHAN: Honey I don't really have the--
MNCA: [grabbing him by the hair] MAKE time!
[She leads him to the guestroom, dragging him by the hair. Sabrina watches
in amazement. We cut to inside the guest room where Monica and Chandler
enter. Monica lets go of Chandler's hair, she is clearly annoyed]
CHAN: What the heck was THAT for?
MNCA: Chandler! What happened to "I prefer to be here with you than at the
office"?
CHAN: First of all, those were not my exact words. Second, is this your idea
of us spending time together? I'm TRYING Monica, but you don't want me to
spend time with you. Now I don't know why. Maybe you're just. unfazed, I
don't know! As you said earlier, we're not used to spending this much time
apart but keep in mind that it's tough for me too. And you know what, if I
have to choose between spending the night alone on the couch watching boring
films until I go to bed next to a sleeping girlfriend and being at work, I
choose to be at work.
MNCA: [composing sadness] Then go work. I mean, who am I compared to the
W.E.N.U.S. when it comes to spending the night in good company?
CHAN: Okay, I'm gonna go now, but that sentence confused me.
MNCA: Hey Chandler, just so you know. Get a new secretary, that one's a big
pain in the ass.
CHAN: That one's the best. Later Mon. [stops by the door] And hey. Don't
forget that no matter what's going on at the moment, I still love you. I
mean. you're Monica and that's all the reason I need to love you. Bye Mon.
[He leaves. Monica sighs and throws herself on the bed]
MNCA: I might as well get dressed and see what the others are up to.
[Cut to: Joey's. Joey and Ross enter]
ROSS: Could you please explain it though? I mean, why does Rachel all of a
sudden think I should go spend some quality time here with you? Pheebs and I
were in the middle of dinner, and we were discussing something IMPORTANT!
JOEY: Beats me, quality time sucks. [remembers Rachel's reason] Uh, I mean.
Well, we spend too little time together.
[They sit down in the kitchen]
JOEY: So. What's up with your life? Any new. uh. RELATIONSHIPS?
ROSS: Well, uhm. there was this girl at the bank that I thought was hot. but
I don't anymore. [recognise the line?]
JOEY: [bored] Nice. But you know, I think Rach might be right. I barely see
you anymore. I mean, you're spending so much time with [meaningly] Phoebe.
ROSS: [defensive (because of the house of cards failure)] No I'm not! I
don't spend any time at all with Phoebe! Considering how much time I spend
with. uh. Monica! I don't think you can say I spend much time with Phoebe.
No.
JOEY: Yeah, but when you tell that to Rachel try to sound more convincing.
ROSS: What's going on?
JOEY: [changing subject quick] So Chandler's cheating on Monica, huh?
ROSS: You know, I don't think he is.
JOEY: You don't? Well, you should know.
ROSS: I mean. Okay, I don't have any proof that he's NOT, but I seriously
believe that you're innocent before proven guilty in a court of law.
JOEY: Ross? These type of things aren't tested in courts.
ROSS: You get what I mean. And where did Chandler go, by the way?
JOEY: I don't know. Check his office.
ROSS: I will. [picks up phone, dials]

Chandlers office, it is dark, suddenly Chandler bursts in looking mad,
Sabrina hurries in behind him. He takes off his jacket and just drops it on
the floor, she picks it up, closes the door and hangs it on the back of the
door.
CHAN:    [turning to Sabrina, he is mad] Can you believe her?
SABR:    She was a little sharp with me too.
CHAN:    I'm sorry, she isn't normally like this I don't know what is wrong
with her. [He throws himself into his chair, he looks mad]
SABR:    You need to relax, there is nothing you can do, just let her get
whatever it is out of her system.
CHAN:    [calmed, smiles at her] Thanks... I guess all this is just putting
alot of pressure on her.
SABR:    [standing beside him] What about you?
CHAN:    [confused] What?
SABR:    You look tense, this is alot of pressure on you too.
CHAN:    I guess... [he is cut off by her slowly massaging his shoulders]
[uncomfortable] What are you doing?
SABR:    Relieving the tension... trust me... just relax. [He relaxes a
little and seems to be enjoying it, he closes his eyes] And after this I
will tidy the office it helps with the atmosphere. [the phone rings,
Chandler lifts it, we see Ross in Joey's apartment, Chandler hasn't spoken
yet but Ross can hear inside the office, we see everything from Ross' POV,
hearing C&S through the phone]
CHAN:    [through phone] No, no don't stop, I will get rid of whoever it is.
SABR:    [through the phone] We should get some work done... all the time we
spend in this office together and still we haven't fixed your WENUS.
CHAN:    Hey, my WENUS will be fine, you've never complained like this
before.
SABR:    Well I am in control of this situation, I have the vantage point.
CHAN:    Tell me about it...I am totally in your control... did you take
lessons or something?
SABR:    I am a natural.
CHAN:    You can say that again... you have such soft hands. [Ross looks
shocked]
SABR:    Well you are stronger than I thought, your muscles are so tight.
[Ross opens his mouth, shocked] Hey isn't that my job [meaning answering the
phone, but Ross doesn't know that]
CHAN:    What I can't do it? This is my office.
SABR:    You are the boss.
CHAN:    You can watch and give me any pointers I need.
SABR:    [Obedient] YES Boss. [We see them in the office, she is still
massaging him, Chan presses a button on the phone, Sabrina laughs]
CHAN:    What are you laughing at?
SABR:    You just hung up on them.
CHAN:    Well if it was that important they will call again... I am more
concerned with where your hands are. [Sabrina takes the phone from him and
puts it on the desk, not hung up][We see Ross in Joeys apartment again,
Chandler has not hung up on him]
SABR:    [through phone] No interupptions [meaning not hanging up the phone]
CHAN:    [through phone again] I could get into trouble for this.
SABR:    Live dangerously... anyway who would give you into trouble?
CHAN:    [as if it is obvious] My girlfriend.
SABR:    We are just two people helping each other out.
CHAN:    Well after this I will do whatever you want me too... I haven't
felt this good in a while. [Ross looks mad]
SABR:    What about your girlfriend?
CHAN:    [laughing] Monica? No... compared ot you there is no competition at
all, you are so much better than she is.
SABR:    Thank you... but comments like that will get you no further with
me.
CHAN:    We are pretty much as far as you can go. [Ross' eyes go wide, he is
realy mad by now, but very freaked]
SABR:    I guess we are, I have never done this with my boss before.
CHAN:    Well I have never done this with my secretary before.
SABR:    Monica will be pleased to know that.
CHAN:    Well I doubt very much this will come up in conversation, this is
hardly the sort of thing that you want your girlfriend is it?
SABR:    I guess not, but the secret is safe with me.
CHAN:    Yeah, but for your own sake, you don't want to be on the wrong side
of her.
ROSS:    [mad] Damn right! [Cut to office, Chandler and Sabrina look
confused]
CHAN:    What was that?
SABR:    The phone [we see Ross panic and hang up, and then back to the
office] Looks like you didn't hang it up after all. [She listens into it]
There is no one there [She hangs it up]
CHAN:    [panicking] Well who do you think it was?
SABR:    Just relax, who ever it was will call back it if is important
right?

We're back at Joey's. Ross looks shocked and slowly sets the phone down]
JOEY: What, what is it?
ROSS: Yeah, you know that thing I said about Chandler not cheating?
JOEY: Yeah?
ROSS: Well, it turns out I was wrong.

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Joey and Ross storm in]
ROSS: Mon!
JOEY: Monica!
ROSS: Mon we need to talk to you!
JOEY: Monica!
[Monica exits the bedroom, dressed in jeans and a sweater. She looks
surprised to see them]
MNCA: Relax guys, what are you yelling about? I was just on my way to try
and find you guys.
ROSS: [comically choked up] Monica! Sit down, we need to talk to you!
JOEY: OR, you could just lay down on the floor, 'cause that's where you're
gonna end up anyway, after you've fainted.
MNCA: [sits on the couch] Has everyone I know gone crazy? What's up with YOU
guys all of a sudden?
ROSS: Okay. [sits, so does Joey] Okay. [comically choked up] Okay.
JOEY: Okay, I'LL do the talking. [turns to Monica] Chandler's cheating.
MNCA: [annoyed] No, not this AGAIN! Guys!
ROSS: [annoyed, to Joey] Way to go, I could have easened the blow!
JOEY: Quick and painful, Ross.
MNCA: Guys, I am SICK of this! It's all YOUR fault I've doubted Chandler so
much since this weekend. I mean, he told me he loved me just about. I don't
know. 45 minutes ago.
ROSS: Yeah, well I think he might be telling his secretary the same thing
right now.
MNCA: Sofia?
ROSS: SABRINA. I overheard them on the phone.
MNCA: Yeah, so? Listen to me guys, I know this word doesn't sound familiar
to you two, but Chandler is MONOGAMOUS. He wouldn't cheat on me anymore than
Joey would become a monk!
JOEY: Well then it looks like I'm entering a convent.
MNCA: Guys please, what IS this all about? Okay, I'm gonna prove to you that
my Chandler is MY Chandler. And that the only person he sleeps with is ME.
I'm giving him one of those bootie calls right now, and he'll be home soon
enough, trust me on that.
[She picks up the phone and dials. We only hear Chandler and Sabrina from
the phone, keep in mind that they're talking about massages and work, minds
out of the gutter please. (lol)]
CHAN: [moaning] Oh. Oh. Wow, that's SO good. Oh.
[Monica's eyes grow wide]
SBRA: I'm just gonna put the phone aside.
CHAN: Stop that, bring back your hands to where they were. oh. No, more to
the left. yes, RIGHT there!
[Ross and Joey share a "they're still at it?" look]
JOEY: Wow, kudos on Chandler's stamina.
[Monica kicks him under the table]
SBRA: You know boss.
CHAN: I LOVE it when you call me that.
SBRA: I went out with this guy once, and he actually taught me that men
really love this.
CHAN: Boy was he right. [moans louder] Wow, gosh, that's so GOOD! Man, my
girlfriend doesn't stand even half a chance against you!
[Monica covers her mouth with her free hand]
SBRA: Aren't you glad I came and picked you up?
CHAN: Yeah, tell me about it, this is so much better than anything I'd be
getting at home tonight! You know, they said that you were the best, and now
I sure know why!
SBRA: [jokingly] Yeah, the secretary bit is actually just a disguise. I use
it to get close to men, work up a tension and then they just let me do
whatever I want.
CHAN: How come anyone let you go, huh?
[Monica looks pained and as if she wants to cry. She hulks, and Ross tries
to snatch the phone but she shrugs him off. Now we cut to Chandler's office]
CHAN: Hang on, I want to do it for you now.
SBRA: Sure! Can't wait.
[He gets up and gestures for her to sit]
SBRA: Wow, I always wanted to be in this chair.
CHAN: [smiles] That, my friend, is the least treat I've got in stall for
you.
SBRA: Oh, wait, here, let me take my cardigan off it's just in the way.
[takes it off]
CHAN: I was wondering why you kept it on.
[He starts to massage her. She looks VERY pleased. We cut back to Monica and
the other two guys. Monica looks like she's gonna throw up any minute.
Chandler and Sabrina are once again only heard from the phone]
CHAN: See, this is something I never do for Monica. she can't do anything
for me back, so why bother doing it for her, you know?
SBRA: [moans] Good thing I'm not Monica.
CHAN: [chuckles] No, you're ten times better than her.
[Monica makes sort of an "aaah!" scream (sort of like she did in "TOW
Underdog Gets Away", when Ross tries to taste the food) and throws down the
phone, finally having heard enough. We cut back to Chandler's office, he and
Sabrina heard the scream]
CHAN: What was that?
SBRA: Oops. I did it again.
CHAN: Did what?
SBRA: Forgot to hang up. Never mind, it was probably just a disconnection
tone or something.
[Cut back to Monica's]
JOEY: [not knowing what else to say] So. How is he?
MNCA: I need to be sick! [runs to the bathroom]

Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is asleep on his barca, Ross is sitting on
the sofa, looking mad, he is rubbing his hands, as if itching to hit
someone.
ROSS:    [to himself] HOW?... how could I have doubted Monica's suspicions,
I should have seen it. [Rach and Phoe enter laughing]
RACH:    [laughing] I can't believe you thought I was with Joey.
PHOE:    Well it was an honest mistake. [They stop laughing when they see
Ross, who is standing looking at them solemnly]
PHOE:    [approaching Ross, she touches his arm, Rachel looks on
suspiciously] What is it Ross are you OK?
ROSS:    No, we have some news.
RACH:    [worried] What... what is it Ross?
ROSS:    Well Joey and I were... well we were trying to decide once and for
all whether or not Chandler was in fact... well you know...
PHOE:    [sitting on the sofa guiding Ross down with her] And?
JOEY:    [in his sleep] NO... NO Chandler don't... it's not right... you
love MONICA... no, don't.... please... what do you mean we are too late?
[Joey sits up quickly] Bad dream. [Phoebe and Rachel look at Ross}
PHOE:    No.
RACH:    It's not true.
ROSS:    It's true.
PHOE:    Oh my God.... how is Monica?
JOEY:    She doesn't believe it... she heard it with her own ears so she
knows its true but she still thinks she can get him back... it is there
anniversary tonight and they are going to her parents tomorrow, so she is
going to se if he...
ROSS:    If he still wants her.
PHOE:    I can't believe it... and after all this [she lifts up a bag
obviously filled with evidence, she dumps it on the floor, well we should go
see Mon I guess.
ROSS:    I would just leave her, let her have a few more hours to herself.
RACH:    Well this meeting was pointless, and we all stayed out our beds for
it, I will have huge bags under my eyes losing all this sleep, how will we
function. [Joey snores loudly, the others just look at him in disbelief]

[Cut to: Chandler’s office, the next day (well, sort of). Chandler’s at his desk]
CHAN: [sleepy, to himself] I wonder if Mon even noticed that I was home sleeping… she slept when I came home and slept when I left… And what’s with that pained look on her face? Okay, note to self, make sure that you get home in time to be awake enough to bother to ask her. [pause] Another note to self. Buy her a great anniversary gift. And don’t forget it this time, like you did when we went to Vegas. It sort of took the edge of it having to give it to her days later. [pause] Third note to self… quit talking out loud to yourself.
[Sabrina enters]
CHAN: Hey… Are you as bored as I am?
SBRA: Well I’d say… I mean seriously, even though last night wasn’t much work I was still pretty tired when I got home. And having to be back here by six doesn’t really help. And now that I’ve worked for about twelve hours I feel pretty beat.
CHAN: Yeah, tell me about it… I miss Mon… And our anniversary is coming up, two years, I’ve never had such a long relationship before.
SBRA: [bored] Yay.
CHAN: [smiles] Yeah, she’s really brightened up the past two years of my life… You know what? I actually think I might go home and spend the night in her company. Sort of… warm her up before tomorrow… show her that I care, that I love her.
[He rises and heads for the door. Sabrina starts to cry (imagine huge crocodile tears here (crocodile is cocodrillo in Italian… pretty useless information for ya’!))]
CHAN: [nervous] What, what, what is it? [walks over to her] Did someone spill outside the sink? No wait, that’s Monica who cries over stuff like that.
[Sabrina cries harder, annoyed that he’s talking about Monica]
CHAN: Come on Sabrina, what is it?
SBRA: [through tears] I just feel so stressed out and so lonely!
CHAN: [long pause] I can get it into my head that a woman with your looks plus your massage skills can be LONELY. I mean, I always thought loneliness was reserved for people like the kind I used to be, and… talk show guests.
SBRA: [through tears] I was on "Jenny Jones" last fall.
CHAN: Oh.
SBRA: Will I ever find a boyfriend? A REAL one, I mean, none of mine ever CARE about me. They care about me once I’m in their beds, other than that they treat me like… like… well, they treat me bad. One guy kept calling me Martha because he thought I reminded him of his mother.
CHAN: I’m guessing he’s been on "Jenny Jones" too. Look, come on Sabrina, don’t cry… crying women freak men out. Monica says you guys cry when you’re happy sometimes, but I don’t see you being all that happy right now.
SBRA: [annoyed of him mentioning Monica] No, I’m NOT happy!
CHAN: [sighs] Sabrina… [beat] Okay, here goes, this is the moment when I find out what I’ve learned from hanging out with women for all these years.
[He leads her to the other chair in the room and sits her down. Then he sits on his desk]
CHAN: [wise] We all have our times of ups and downs--
SBRA: [crying] If the women you hang out with talk like that then just spare me!
CHAN: Actually that’s what my DAD says… But come on Sabrina, it just takes a little time. But you’ll find someone.
SBRA: [through tears] Yeah right.
CHAN: I may not be a wise man, but I know one thing from experience. In the game of love--
SBRA: What did we just decide about talking like that?
CHAN: [ignoring her] In the game of love there are no losers. Only those who have to wait a little longer. And it’s always well worth the wait. When I first realised Monica loved me too--
SBRA: [cutting in, suddenly almost fine] Great,  [rises] but aren’t you hungry? I need to eat NOW! Crying makes me hungry.
CHAN: [sarcasm] Yeah… What, with all the calories you loose… [smiles] Come on, I can take you out, my treat, we do need to eat. [moves for the phone]
SBRA: [before he can call Monica and say he’ll be late] GREAT, now let’s get a move on boss, I’ve got reservations at Ernie’s in thirty minutes.
CHAN: [following her to the door] You’ve made reservations?
SBRA: My female intuition just works REALLY well. [drags him out]
[Cut to: C&M's. Mon is sitting by the dinner table, which is set with nice
china, etc, and lit up by candles. She's dressed up, and checks the time
several times, sighing. Rednex's "Wish you Were Here" plays in the
background. We see sort of a montage scene, not flashbacks or anything like that though. And we don't hear anyone speak, everything is done in pantomime]
 Monica sitting at the table, waiting for. guess whom?
 Chandler out on dinner with Sabrina.
 Ross and Phoebe arguing over evidence.
 Monica blowing out one of the candles.
 Joey eating salad.
 Monica looking on the clock, once again.
 Chandler out on the "date".
 A final clip of Mon.

[Cut to: Later that night. Mon's asleep on the couch, wearing sweats. An
empty pizza carton is on the coffee table. Chandler enters, whistling to
himself]
CHAN: [singing in his thoughts] Ba ba black sheep, have you any wool.
[He looks up and sees Monica. All his following lines are his thoughts
(unless something else is written). You imagine your own typical MP
reactions to his thoughts, you know, recoiling, facial expressions and stuff
like that]
CHAN: Whoa, wait a minute, how come Mon's not sleeping in the bedroom. Have
I thrown her out without even remembering? Although. It's HER bedroom
technically, so that doesn't make sense. never mind. Okay, but what IS all
this about, since when does Mon crash on the couch?
[He looks in the kitchen and sees the dishes etc from the dinner Monica had
made]
CHAN: But what the. Have I missed something here? Why did she cook dinner
and then just order in pizza? And why tonight?
[He goes over to the kitchen table to set his brief case down, and he
notices a wrinkled note. He picks it up and reads]
CHAN: [reading out loud (although in a low voice)] Happy anniversary, glad
to see it means that much to you. MG. [to himself] Anniversary? [(we can
make this any type of anniversary, maybe even their 2-year one) back on his
thoughts] But what the. Sabrina sent me a memo that it was TOMORROW! It's
not like Mon to mix dates up like this. What's today's date? [checks an
almanac on the wall] Oh my god! Oh god, Sabrina must have seen wrong or
something, our anniversary's TODAY! [checks is watch] Or, well, it WAS
YESTERDAY. My goodness, how on earth could I forget? [looks over at Monica]
Oh, she can never find out I was with Sabrina, it's not like Monica to get
jealous but on our ANNIVERSARY!
[He looks at her sweats and the pizza carton and looks pretty ashamed and
sad. He goes over to her and kneels by the couch]
CHAN: [whispering] Yeah, I don't want to talk so loud I wake you up, but I'm
sorry babe. I guess I should be the one to sleep out here, huh?
[He carefully lifts her up, trying not to wake her, and carries her off to
the bedroom]

The next morning, Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joeys bedroom, he is lying face down in bed snoring, Rachel suddenly bursts in and yells.
RACH:     [right in Joeys ear, in a masculine voice] Hey dude hot babe at
ten o'clock. [Joey sits bolt upright in bed, and looks dazed]
JOEY:    Who... where?
RACH:    [sitting on the bed as herself] I was thinking Joey, Ross taking
Phoebe to the party isn't that a little suspicious?
JOEY:    Are you still on this? They are friends so what... we never got
suspicious when Ross took you to parties at his parents house.
RACH:    Aha! Proving my point perfectly Tribbianni, Ross and I were
dating... I think it is our moral obligation to uncover the truth and too
stop them from making a huge mistake.
JOEY:    [confused] What mistake?
RACH:    Friends dating... it didn't work with me and Ross it isn't working
with Chandler and Monica... and I think there is enough sexual tension in
this group already don't you?
JOEY:    [lying back down in bed not caring] I don't know, I haven't given
it that much thought, [he closes his eyes, Rachel leans over and whispers in
his ear]
RACH:    You do realise that if they are together, or we allow them to get
together then you will be the only group member not to have slept with
another group member [his eyes pop open, she sits up and looks away slyly]
And what would that do for your reputation?
JOEY:    [sitting up in bed again, he is panicky] We have to do something...
this is a huge mistake... they will... they will just hurt each other we
have to save them from themselves.
RACH:    [jumping off the bed and spinning round looking him straight in the
eye] EXACTLY!
JOEY:    [innocently] What do we do?
RACH:    [looking straight into the camera, doing Joeys fish hook in the
eyebrow, sneaky look] Don't worry... I have a plan. [Joey suddenly jumps
into shot,]
JOEY:    Well don't just stand there, get moving... [he exits his room, she
looks disappointed and follows him out moaning] Haven't you heard of
dramatic tension? ... Aren't you supposed to be an actor? [she exits scene
fades out]

[Cut to: The same morning. The drapes aren't closed and we see that it's a
cloudy day. The sink is now clean, Chandler made the dishes and cleaned
before he went to bed (well, not literally). Monica exits the bedroom, in a
robe, holding a bag. Chandler's asleep in the couch, also holding something.
Monica glares at him and makes a face. She goes over to the kitchen and
takes something out of a cabinet and "accidentally" slams it shut real hard.
Chandler awakens with a start]
MNCA: [overly remorseful] Oh no, did I wake you now?
CHAN: Sort of. [yawns, remembers why he's on the couch] Uhm. uh. [rises]
Monica, you know, uh, last--
MNCA: [ignoring him] We're all out of Raisin Brans.
CHAN: Raisin Brans are gross.
MNCA: So what does his highness want to eat for breakfast?
CHAN: [walks over to her] Monica, I--
MNCA: [ignoring him] Oh, I know!
[She puts the bag down, then walks over to the fridge and takes something
out. She places it in the microwave]
CHAN: Look Monica, I am REALLY sorry, I never--
MNCA: [cutting him off] What are you holding?
CHAN: This? [looks down] You uh. were wearing it last night. What's in the
bag. honey?
MNCA: Just some things I'm giving to Rachel.
CHAN: [looks in the bag] You're giving Rachel sexy underwear?
MNCA: No, those I'm throwing away.
CHAN: Because?
MNCA: I have no use for them.
CHAN: I've never seen these before.
MNCA: I only wore them once, you were busy.
CHAN: [feeling bad] And this dress, I don't recognise it either, did you
wear that yesterday too?
MNCA: Yeah, it's new. Rachel's gonna get it.
CHAN: What for?
MNCA: I don't see the use of having fancy clothes when no one's around to
dress up for.
[Chandler opens his mouth to reply, but the microwave beeps. Monica walks
over to it and takes out the food she's heated. She sets it down on the
table]
MNCA: [cold] Breakfast, dear.
CHAN: [sits] Wow, this looks more like a four star meal.
MNCA: You didn't want it last night, but if I know you right you'd want it
today.
CHAN: Monica, please, just let me--
MNCA: [ignoring him] Oh, and also, there is one more thing.
[She walks to the bedroom. Chandler rises and follows her. She exits when
he's by the couch, and hands him a present]
MNCA: There you go, hope you had an anniversary worth remembering.
[He gives her a smile, takes the gift and sits. Monica heads for the
bathroom]
CHAN: You're. not gonna watch me open it?
MNCA: No, I'm gonna shower.
CHAN: But. I mean. Don't you want to see the look on my face when I see what
it is?
MNCA: Chandler I wanted to see the look on your face YESTERDAY. Today it
doesn't matter.
[She goes to the bathroom. Chandler sighs and opens the gift]
CHAN: Oh my gosh.
[He holds up an expensive watch and looks at it]
CHAN: Oh Monica, you shouldn't have. [glances to see if she heard him] This
is a Rolex, a really expensive one too! [takes a closer look] A graved one.
[reads what's graved] "To CB from a heart that's eternally yours. MG".
[Chandler sighs, feeling sad over what he's done, and leans back on the
couch]

[Closing Credits]

[Scene: Later on. Chandler and Monica are folding laundry in the living
room]
CHAN: Again, thank you so very much for the watch Monica. I loved it.
MNCA: I knew you would.
CHAN: Look, listen. I am so very sorry about last night, I mistook the
date--
MNCA: [cutting him off] Don't Chandler! It's no big deal! We don't have to
talk about it!
CHAN: You're. not gonna fight about this?
MNCA: [sad] What's the point, huh? Chandler I love you, and I don't want to
loose you, I'm not willing to let you go, even if you forgot our
anniversary.
[Chandler smiles big and goes over to her. He puts his arms around her and
kisses her cheek, lovingly. Monica pushes him away]
CHAN: Why did you do THAT, you just said everything was okay!
MNCA: No I didn't. And I am NOT your sex slave! You had a chance to get laid
last night, you've only got yourself to blame for not showing up and getting
some. What do you think I had the underwear for?
CHAN: Huh? I wasn't initiating sex Monica, can't I give my wonderful
girlfriend a hug and a kiss? You just said we were fine!
MNCA: No, I believe I said I'm not willing to let you go over this. That's
not the same thing as "I'm willing to forgive and forget this very instant
and start making out".
[Chandler looks dejected and sad. He goes back over to the couch. They each
pick up a sheet and start to fold them. Chandler does a poor job. The phone
rings]
MNCA: How come that stupid thing always rings when we've got our hands full,
huh?
CHAN: At least you're not forcing me to answer, like you always do when
we're having sex. [beat] Maybe it's Phoebe wondering if she can come back
home after staying with Ross tonight.
[By now the message on the answering machine has rolled, and the beep comes]
SBRA: [from machine] Chandler? Too bad you're not there, I wanted to thank
you. I guess I could to it over an answering machine, but I'll thank you
more. properly once we see each other in person. I just wanted to say thanks
for dinner last night, you were right, Allessandro's serve much better food
than Ernie's, good think you convinced me to go there instead. And the next
time dinner is on me, okay? But thanks for treating me last night. Thanks
for the wonderful company, I really had a wonderful night. Talk to you
later. Bye.
[Chandler looks up at Monica, who's now folded her sheet. She makes sort of
a crying sound, as if she's about to burst into tears, and throws the sheet
down on the recliner. She then storms to the bedroom]
CHAN: [following her, panicking] Monica no!
[She slams the door shut]
CHAN: [pleading] Monica!
[He reaches the door just as Ross and Phoebe enter]
ROSS: Hey, ready to hit the road?
PHOE: [calling out] Monica, we're here, time to go! I call shotgun!
ROSS: You're DRIVING.
PHOE: Oh.
[Monica opens the door, angry, and pushes Chandler aside. She walks right
past him, ignoring him completely]
PHOE: So, did you two have a great anniversary?
MNCA: Oh yeah. Chandler had the most WONDERFUL time!
ROSS: Great, now let's go.
MNCA: [as they all exit] I call shotgun.
ROSS: [whiny] Oh, MAN! Mon, you ALWAYS get to sit in front!

The end.