By: Sarah-Jean and Neesha

[Setting, Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler]

MNCA: I can’t believe he would do this. Joey I’d understand… But Chandler? [Starts crying. Rachel gives her a hug]

PHOE: Oh, I know Mon.

JOEY: Hey, I would *never* sleep with someone else if I was as serious as you and Chandler are!

RACH: You know, this reminds me of something!

[Shows clip from The One With The Morning After]

Opening Credits

[Setting, Monica and Rachel’s apartment. Everyone is there but Chandler. They’re all watching TV. Chandler walks in]

CHAN: Hey guys! [walks over to give Monica a kiss. Monica bursts into tears and heads into her room without a word] What’s up? She’s always like that when I enter the room lately. What did I do?

RACH: You should know! [Gets up and goes into Monica’s room. Phoebe follows after giving Chandler a look of disgust]

CHAN: Come on guys, what’d I do?

JOEY: You don’t think sleeping with that… that person counts?

CHAN: What are you talking about?

ROSS: What do you mean WHAT? The person you slept with. Gunther was telling us all about it. I can’t believe you would do that, and to MY sister.

CHAN: The only person I’ve slept with since I’ve been going out with Monica *is* Monica.

JOEY: Not according to Gunther!

CHAN: You believe Gunther over me? Some friends you are. Ross I’d never do anything to hurt you sister. I love Monica.

ROSS: Well, I’d like to bleive you and as the saying goes: Innocent until proven guilty. So in this case I’m giving you the benifit of the doubt. I wouldn’t think you’d do something like that, not after what it did to Rachel and me. But… Monica, well… good luck. Joey and I’ll convince Rachel and Phoebe. That should help a bit.

[Camera shows Joey. He has an "oh no! What have I done" look]

[Setting, Monica’s bedroom. She’s laying on the bed, her eyes are covered (can’t see) crying. Chandler walks in and sits down on the bed]

MNCA: If you are: a) Rachel, b) Phoebe, c) Ross or d) Joey please feel free to stay where you are. If you are e) *Chandler* [She sits up and screams]  GET OUT!!!

CHAN: If you are a) angry with me, b) ticked at me, c) pissed off at me or d) seething at me, please stop. If you are e) pretending to be mad, give me a big hug and kiss. [He holds out his arms, closes his eyes and puckers up. Monica glares at him and then flops down on the bed]

MNCA: If you are: a) wishful thinking, b) a terrible liar, c) a jerk or d) a big fat meanie, leave me alone. If you are e) Chandler and all of the above, go
hurt someone else. [Chandler is visibly upset. He slowly walks out of the
room and shuts the door quietly. Monica looks up. The door opens and Chandler slams it]

[Setting, Central Perk. Everyone but Chandler and Monica are there]

RACH: Oh my god. I feel so bad.

PHOE: Oh, I know.

ROSS: So you see. Chandler didn’t sleep with someone else. Now we have to convince Monica.

RACH: Oh my god. This is going to be hard.

[Once again the camera shows Joey with a "What have I done" look]

[Cut to later. Rachel and Ross are gone. Joey slides over to Phoebe]

JOEY: Uh, Pheebs? Can I talk to you about something?

PHOE: Sure thing. What about?

JOEY: Chandler, Monica and ……… Me!

PHOE: [gasping] You like *Monica?*

JOEY: No! Of course not. It’s about … the rumour going around!

PHOE: So why talk to me? I’m no love expert!

JOEY: Exactly. I can’t *trust* anyone in a serious relationship. Look at the messes they’re always getting into!

PHOE: Well, that’s me. Talk away!

JOEY: Okay, how can I say this? Um… the other night I *heard* Chandler and… Monica. I didn’t think he was *with* Monica.

PHOE: For heaven’s sake, why not?!!

JOEY: Cos Monica said she was going to do laundry.

PHOE: Hah! Haven’t you learned all their *excuses* by now?

[A look of understanding comes over Joey’s face]

JOEY: Ooops… Well what should I do? I feel like the guy who … uh …

PHOE: … witnessed a murder and apprehended the wrong suspect?

JOEY: Er, yeah.

PHOE: You should tell Chandler… and I guess I can talk to Monica about it.

JOEY: Oh, would you? Oh, how can I ever thank you, Pheebs?

PHOE: Think nothing of it. What are friends for?

JOEY: Mostly what *we’re* for, is cleaning up Ross, Rachel, Chandler and Monica’s messes.

[Setting, Joey and Chandlers apartment. Chandler’s sitting down, holding his head in his hands. Joey walks in, staring at Chandler]

CHAN: [Muttering] If you are a) bombastic, b) Irrational, c) invidious, d) venomous -

JOEY: Been reading the dictionary again, huh?

[Chandler sakes his head and holds up a book]

CHAN: Actually, a thesaurus. [He stands up and walks over to Joey, shaking his head] I have not idea what is wrong with Monica. Why doesn’t she believe me?

JOEY: Oh man. Listen, I have something to tell you. [Chandler looks up] I - I’m the one that started the rumor.

CHAN: Oh my god. Why would you *do* that?

JOEY: I - I heard you and Mon the other day. I didn’t think it was her! It
s not my fault, she said she was doing her laundry!

CHAN: [suddenly happy] Hah! Oh, thank God! Now she *has* to believe me. All you have to do si tell her *when* this was supposed to have been going on and she’ll remember!

JOEY: Pheebs is over there right now, telling her the whole story. Everything should be all right.

[Setting, Monica’s bedroom]

MNCA: You expect me to believe *that* Phoebe? Come on! Even *Joey’s* not that stupid.

PHOE: He told me himself!

MNCA: If you’re going to lie to me, Phoebe, get out of my apartment. [She pushes her out of her room and then opens the door of her apartment. Joey and Chandler are standing there, about to come in.]

MNCA: Oh, no! Not more liars! [She shoves Phoebe out the door and closes and locks it before anyone can say/do anything.]

[Setting, in the hall]

JOEY: Just Great! Listen guys, I’m really sorry I started this whole thing.

[Phoebe rubs his back sympathetically]

PHOE: Don’t worry about it Joey. It was an honest mistake.

CHAN: [angrily] Yeah. We all know things like this are natural for you. [He goes into his apartment and slams the door. Joey looks very forlorn. Phoebe takes his hand and hugs him]

[Cut to later. Chan is back, banging on the door and calling to Monica. Rachel walks up.]

RACH: What’s up Pheebs?

PHOE: Monica won’t let anyone in.

RACH: What? [She starts banging on the door too] Monica, it’s me. Let me in!!!

MNCA: [V.O.] Go away!

RACH: [shouting] Never! This is my apartment too!

[Joey and Chandler come out of their apartment.]

CHAN: What’s going on?

RACH: You should know!

CHAN: Why does everyone keep saying that?

RACH: It’s your fault she won’t let me in! If you hadn’t slept with that girl -

CHAN: I *didn’t* sleep with a girl!!!

RACH: Oh . . . the quality . . .

CHAN: I slept with Mon-ic-a!

PHOE: Monica’s a girl . . . isn’t she?

JOEY: I thought you were forgiving me, buddy!

CHAN: No way! This is all your fault. Sometimes you’re so bird-brained I could scream!

PHOE: Don’t take it out on Joey. Mon said she was going to the laundromat!

CHAN: And he was stupid enough to believe it.

[PHOE lunges at Chandler]

RACH: It’s your fault!!!

CHAN: It’s Phoebe’s fault! She was the last one in there, upsetting Monica!

PHOE: You’re the one that started it by not forgiving Joey!
 
[They get into a big brawl. Moncia opens the door and stares at them and then closes the door. They look up and start banging on the door shouting let me in. Ross walks up]

ROSS: Hey guys, Monica not letting you in? [Everyone quiets down and nods] Why don’t you guys you Joey’s and Chandler’s key?

[They all rush for Joey and Chandlers door to get the key.]

[Setting, Monica’s bedroom. Monica has just entered closing the door.]

MNCA: Well, I held those idiots for a while anyway.

[Setting, Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are there cuddling on the couch. (ohhh, how cute!)]

ROSS: You know what honey?

RACH: No, what?

ROSS: Ever since Chandler and Monica have become mad at each other, I’ve really started to understand just how much couples need to be able to trust.

RACH: I know, and you know what? If we had understood that back before the whole Chloe/Mark inncident, it would never have happened.

ROSS: Yeah, but you know what they say: Learn from your mistakes.

RACH: Right!

[They kiss and you can hear a cup break in the bathroom and Gunther comes out holding his hand]

[Cut to later. Everyone but Monica is there, Phoebe is finishing up a song. She then goes and sits next to Joey.]

PHOE:…A strong heart. But when the fisherman baits the hook - the two lobsters drift apart. [everyone claps] thank you! [Goes and sits next to Joey. He looks depressed.]

JOEY: Great song Pheebs. Am I the fisherman?

PHOE: Well…

JOEY: I knew it. At least I was *smart* enough to figure out that one.

PHOE: Oh, come on. Don’t let Chandler get to you. He’s just upset. You’re not stupid at all. In fact…[silence]

JOEY: In fact what?

PHOE: Oh, it’s nothing.

[Joey’s face falls]

JOEY: I *am* nothing, arent’ I?

PHOE: No, of course not! What I was going to say was… you’re smart, funny… and you really know how to cheer a person up!

JOEY: Really! It seems like even when I try cheering people up, I drag them down.

PHOE: I say you forget about Monica and Chandler. Their problems are *not yours.*

JOEY: you know, you’re right. [He straightens up] Their problems are none of my business. [He jumps up] Why did I ever get involved? I have other things to do! [He pulls Phoebe up with him] Thanks for making me see the light, Pheebs! [He kisses Phoebe in that spur of the moment way that is sudden but passionate. Aaah! He then skips out of Central Perk. Phoebe falls back on the couch. She looks AMAZED. Everyone else is staring at her.]

[Setting, Monica and Rachel’s apartment. Phoebe comes dancing in. She’s really happy and singing. No one else is there.]

Phoe: Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah. Someone’s in the kitchen I know. Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah, strummin’ on the old banjo!

[Monica comes out of her bedroom]

MNCA: [grumpily] I don’t wanna know *who* is with Dinah, because most likely it’s Chandler and he’d be doing more than just strumming on a banjo.

PHOE: Come on Mon. You know that Chandler would do no more than strum unless he was with you.

MNCA: That’s what I thought too. Well, he can take his banjo elsewhere! [She goes back into her bedroom and slams the door.]

PHOE: How ‘bout Alabama? [singing] Oh, Susanna, now don’t you cry for me. I’ll come to Alabama with a banjo on my knee. [She dances out the door]

[Setting: Mnca’s bedroom. Rach enters.]

RACH: How are you, hon?

MNCA: What do you think?

RACH: Come on, Mon. ou have to trust Chandler. He wouldn’t do anthing to hurt you! (quietly) He’s not like Ross.

MNCA: (sympathetically) Oh, Rach. I thought you were over that whole wedding thing. He didn’t mean to say Emily . . .

RACH: I know, I know. Just drop it. About you and Chandler, though, that story about what Joey heard is true! The time Gunther told me it happened *is* your usual laundry time.

MNCA: Fake or real?

RACH: Huh?

MNCA: I mean the laundry time where I do laundry or the laundry time where I do . . .

RACH: Chandler?

MNCA: Right.

RACH: That depends. What day do you do laundry and what day do you do Chandler?

MNCA: Well, let’s see. Tuesday is laundry day. Monday, Wednesday and Friday are fake laundry days.

RACH: What happened to Thursday?

MNCA: Thursday is dishes day. Polish the silver . . .

RACH: Wait a minute. What silver?

MNCA: Oh, didn’t I mention that part? I don’t do dishes on dishes day. I do . . .

RACH: Got it. See, Mon, from what you’ve just told me, you’ve got your whole week categorized by Chandler. If you don’t give him another chance, what will you do with youorself?

MNCA: I could do laundry . . .

RACH: But that’s no fun! Come on.

MNCA: You’re right . . . I guess.

RACH: Now I’ll send Chandler in. You guys work it out. Okay?

MNCA: (reluctantly) O-kay.

[Rach leaves. Chan comes in. He locks the door behind him.]

CHAN: So have you forgiven me yet?

MNCA: I suppose so.

CHAN: Don’t you have anything else to say?

MNCA: Like what?

CHAN: How about like . . . you’re sorry?

MNCA: Sorry? Sorry for what?

CHAN: Sorry for not trusting me!

MNCA: How about like . . . I have a lot of laundry to catch up on.

[Mnca and Rach’s apartment. Everyone’s sitting around nervously.]

ROSS: (worriedly) They’ve been in there for a long time.

PHOE: Oh my God! What if Monica smothered him?

ROSS: Oh, please! Why would Monica do that?

RACH: I don’t know, Ross. It’s awful quiet in there and Monica was still pretty angry when I left her . . .

ROSS: So you guys actually think Monica is in there *killing* Chandler? *Come on!*

JOEY: Ross, trust me. Sometimes Chandler can be the kind of guy you just want to . . . [he gestures with his hands] wring.

[Everone just stares at him.]

ROSS: Wring?

JOEY: Yeah. You know. Wring. [He gestures again.]

ROSS: Oh . . . oh. [Finally pretending to understand.] Oh! Oh, yeah! Wring. Of course.

PHOE: Joey is right. I’ve wanted to wring him before, but I’ve never actually wrung him.

ROSS: No way, Pheebs. Your original smothering story is way more believable than . . . wringing.

[Rach jumps up.]

RACH: Oh my God, you guys! Chandler will be dead soon if we don’t do something!

[Joey and Phoe follow Rach’s lead by running over to the door and trying to get in.]

PHOE: It’s locked!

JOEY: Stand back. We’ll have to break the door down. [Phoe and Rach stand aside. Joey positions himself, then rushes at the door. He is unsuccessful, and falls down on his knees.]

PHOE: Give me a bobby pin, Rachel.

RACH: Huh?

PHOE: Give me a bobby pin!!!

[Rach pulls one from her hair and hands it to Phoe. In a second Phoe has the lock picked.]

PHOE: Success!

[They open the door and gawk at what’s inside.]

[Setting: inside Mnca’s room. She and Chan are making out on the bed. Phoe, Joey and Rach are watching with wide eyes.]

PHOE: You were right, Ross. She’s smothering him.

Closing Credits

[Setting: Central Perk. Joey and Phoe are talking, they’re the only ones there.]

JOEY: About - what happened - before, Pheebs, ummmmm . . .

PHOE: Of course, of course, it was stupid. A stupid, stupid mistake. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I never should have-

JOEY: Yes, you should have. I was just going to say . . . it was nice.

[The camera shows Phoebe’s face. Her eyes are wide and she looks kind of ... ecstatic.]