Well, here's our sixth. It's kind of a salut to Star Wars. By the way, any of you seen it? The new one? I just saw it and absolutly loved it. Again, email me at rt_and_mnm_coge@hotmail.com
The One With the Camp-Out

By: Neesha and Sarah-Jean

[Setting: Central Perk. Everyoneís there in the exact same position asthe
end of the previous episode.]

JOEY: Star Wars is so the movie of the centur. Weíve gotta see this.And if
people are already camping out, weíre not going to be able to gettickets.

ROSS: I think we should camp out. It would be so fun!

PHOE: And cold! Itís freezing out there.

MNCA: Oh come on, Pheebs! [She jumps up.] This is an adventure!

CHAN: (sarcastically) Yeah! Weíll hunt tigers and swing from vines. [He
demonstrates making a Tarzan call and pounding his chest. Everyonelooks at
him.] What?

JOEY: Okay, weíll take eight hour shifts. Does anyone have a tent or dowe
just want sleeping bags?

PHOE: Weíll just have sleeping bags, I think, Joey. As for the others .. .

ROSS: Weíll take a tent. I have one.

RACH: *What!* (quieter) I thought we were going to take this *slow* Ross!
[Ross shrugs apologetically.]

ROSS: I know. I never said anything about . . . that! I just donít wantto
be cold and wet! [He gestures at the rain outside.]

RACH: Ross, I donít know . . .[Mnca elbows Ross slyly.]

MNCA: Rach is right. Somethingís bound to happen with you around, youold
fox! [Rach and Ross glare at her.] What?

ROSS: itís a good thing youíre going with Chandler. That way no one hasto
deal with either of you jokers. [Phoe  points to Joey and mouthssomething
urgently to Ross.] Oh! Except Phoebe.

[Ross, Rach, Mnca, Chan get up to go to work.]RACH: Time for work.

JOEY: Weíll get some stuff together and go get in line. Rachel andRoss,
report to the movie theatre at four this afternoon.

[Setting: outisde a tent in front of the movie theatre. There arepeople
all around. Itís not raining anymore, but itís overcast. Joey and Phoeare
sitting in lawn chairs.]

JOEY: So what doo ou think about Ross and Rachel starting over?

PHOE: I think itís great!

JOEY: Me too. I mean, this is big! This is big, big! This is big, big,big!

PHOE: That sounds vaguely familiar. Where have I heard all those bigsbefore?

JOEY: Of course itís familiar! That fat guy from that old shoe"Petticoat
Junction" said it once.PHOE: I remember that show!

JOEY: (singing) Come ride a little train that is rolling down thetracks to
the junction. Forget about our cares, it is time to relax at thejunction.
Lots of curves, you bet! Eíen more when you get to the junction.Thereís a
little hotel called the Shady Rest at the junction. It is run by Kate,come
and be her guest at the junction. And thereís Uncle Joe - hey, thatísthat
fat guyís name!

PHOE: Goody. Now might I remind you that you are not a *fat* Joe, soyou
can stop quoting him.

JOEY: "Sit on it," Pheebs.

PHOE: Oh no! Not happy days!

JOEY: (singing) Sunday, Monday, happy days! Tuesday, Wdnesday, happydays!
Thursday, Friday, happy days! Saturday - what a day! Rockiní all weekwith
you . . .

PHOE: (screaming) Enough!!![Joey hands her a cookie.]

JOEY: (with Hungarian accent) "Here are you hots-cakes, dahling."

PHOE: "Oh, fer . . ." Oh man, itís contagious!

JOEY: (singing) Farm living is the life for me! Land stretching out sofar
and wide . . . keep Manhattan but gimme that countryside!!!

[Setting: Outside the movie theatre. There is a line of over a hundred.
Ross and Rach are walking along trying to find Phoe and Joey. Theyfinally
find them about 20-30 people back. Phoe and Joey are playing a cardgame. A
tent is set up behind them.]

ROSS: Hey guys. [He glances at the line.] Looks like you guys got herejust
in time.

PHOE: Thank God you guys are here. I never want to be stuck for eight
hourswith him -[She points at Joey]- again. [Ross and Rach just laugh.]

[Cut to later. Ross is sitting around, bored. Rachís looking at amagazine.]

ROSS: So Rach . . . [Rach looks up] are you hungry? I was thinking Icould
go get us something to eat.

RACH: Sure, whatever.[Ross sighs and leaves.]

[Cut to later. Ross isnít back yet. Rach is done her magazine. Sheputst it
down and looks around.]

RACH: Ross? . . . Ross, where are you?

VOICE (behind her): Hi. [Rach turns to see two really hot guys sitting
behind her.]

(guy with the) VOICE: I noticed you were looking for someone. The guyyou
were with left abouot ten minutes ago.

RACH: Oh! So what are your names? Iím Rachel.

(guy with the) VOICE: Iím Greg and this is Dave.

DAVE: So who were the first two people that were here before you and .. .
Ross? Took their place.

RACH: Oh, that was Phoebe and Joey. At midnight Monica and Chandlerwill be
taking our places. Weíre rotating eight hour shifts.

GREG: Is Phoebe going out with that Joey person? Dave has a crush onher.

RACH: Sheís free.GREG: Monica?RACH: Sheís going with Chandler. Sorry!

GREG: How about you?RACH: Iím . . . free.GREG: Can I ask you out sometime?

RACH: Sure. See you guys later. [She heads back to the tent and goesinside.]

[Setting: in the tent. Rachís lying down asleep. (Itís about tenminutes
after the last one.) Ross comes in holding some takeout food.]

ROSS: Hey, Rach! [When Rach doesnít answer, Ross realises sheís fast
asleep. Ross sits down beside her and starts to eat.]

[Cut to later. Thereís no more food and Ross is sitting up throwing aball
and catching it. Rachís still asleep. Thereís a knock, or whatísconsidered
a knock on the tent door.]

ROSS: Come in! [The door opens and Greg crawls in.] Who are you?

GREG: Iím Greg. Me and my friend Dave are sitting behind you guys. Ijust
wanted to give this to Rachel. [He hands Ross a piece of paper.]

ROSS: What is it?

GREG: My phone number. Tell her to call me. [Greg leaves and Ross looksshocked.]

ROSS: (softly) Okay, Rach, I get it. You were flirting with Greg,werenít
you? [Rach wakes up.]

RACH: Oh, hey, Ross. Did you say something? Did I hear another voice?

[Ross looks at the paper in his hands and then tears it up.]

ROSS: Nope! Nope!

[Setting: Inside tent. Ross and Rach are sleeping. Chan comes infollowed
by Mnca. Mnca shakes them. When they donít wake up, Chan shines the
flashlight in their eyes. Their eyes open.]

ROSS: Oh, hi guys. Midnight already?

MNCA: Yup. Now get out!

RACH: Ooh. Any particular reason to get rid of us?

CHAN: No![Ross and Rach leave.]

RACH & ROSS: Bye!MNCA: See ya.

CHAN: Bye. Wow. Did you notice it?

MNCA: Yeah! I wonder what happened. Ross seemed so uncomfortable. Iwonder
what he did?

CHAN: What *he* did? Itís Rachel thatís the trouble maker.

MNCA: Rachel! Now why would you say that!

[Chan takes the flashlight and leaves, motioning for Mnca to follow.]

[Setting: Outside the tent. Chan shines his flashlight on two sleepingguys
(we know them as Greg and Dave) behind them.]

CHAN: See that?

MNCA: Ooh. How could I not?

CHAN: Well, thatís why. With Rach and Ross kind of on the outs rightnow,
she proboably wants to sample around.

MNCA: *Sample?*

CHAN: Yeah. Play the field, go fishing, catch a spoon. You get mydrift.

MNCA: I canít believe youíd say that! Rach isnít like that. [Mnca andChan
go back into the tent and continue to fight.]

[Setting: Inside the tent.]

CHAN: Iím just *agreeing* with you that something happened! And on this
one, whether I think Ross *or* Rachel did something, youíll get mad atme.
Ross is your brother, after all, and Rachel is your best friend. Rachelwas
just the easiest to think up an explanation for!

MNCA: Must you *always* agree with me?

CHAN: Iím not agreeing with you *now!*

MNCA: Yeah!


MNCA: Shut up! [She climbs into her sleeping bag.]

CHAN: Fine then! [He canít go five seconds without talking.] Hey, didyou
ever notice that "fine then" is a lot like "find them?" You just changethe
last letter of each. "E" goes to "d," "n" goes to "m." And they soundalike, too!

MNCA: Iím glad you can spell, Chandler. Shall I reward you with a biggoldstar?

CHAN: Whoa, you are either really ticked, or are getting earlymenopause.

MNCA: Not "menopause," "Chandler-pause" is more like it.

CHAN: I know you love me, but you donít have to be love*sick* for me.

MNCA: Iím not lovesick for you, Chandler. Iím just *plain* sick of you.Now
Iíd appreciate it if you kep quiet the rest of the night.

CHAN: Find them! . . . I mean, fine then!

[Cut to later, Chan is in his sleeping bag, sleeping (duh.) Mnca istrying
to shake him awake. Her voice is a whisper, and sheís shivering.]

MNCA: Chandler!

[He rolls over and sits up.]

CHAN (with his mouth closed because Mnca told him to keep quiet): Whatisit?

MNCA: Chandler, please. Iím running a fever and can barely speak.

[CHAN feels her forehead.]

CHAN: Holy cow! Youíre burning up! Wait here. Iíll find some ice tobring
your fever down. Meanwhile, get bundled up.

[Soon Chandler returns with ice in a zip-loc bag.]

MNCA: Whereíd you get it?

CHAN: From our neighbours. [He puts the bag up to her forehead.]

MNCA: Brr! Itís cold!

CHAN: Itíll make you feel better . . . Iím sorry I gave you
Chandler-itis.[He puts an arm around the shivering Mnca.]

MNCA: Thatís Chandler-pause. Chandler-itis is what I had when . . .oops, I
mean . . . [She covers her mouth realizing sheís said too much.]

CHAN: When did you have Chandler-itis? And what exactly is it?

MNCA: Well . . . I guess you could say itís the opposite ofChandler-pause.
And I had it . . . when I first met you, I guess.

[Show Chanís face. Heís trying to figure it out. Mnca falls asleep.]

[Cut to later. Mnca just woke up. Her sleeping bag is all wet. Chanwakes
up and sees it.]

CHAN: What happened?

MNCA: (cough, cough, cough) The ice melted (cough, cough) and the bag
popped. (cough, cough, cough)

CHAN: I donít think you should go to work today.

[Joey and Phoe come in.]

PHOE: Hi guys.


[Joey noticess the sleeping bag.]

JOEY: Oh. [He elbows Chan with a sly smile and winks at Mnca.]

MNCA: (hoarsely) I donít even want to know what you think, Joey.
[Mnca and Chan leave.]

[Cut to later. Joey is building a house of cards.]

PHOE: It looks like thatís about to fall.JOEY: "Never tell me the odds."

PHOE: Oh, now youíre quoting Star Wars.[The card house falls.]

JOEY: You donít even want to know.

PHOE: The man speaks English!

[Joey opens his backpack and dumps out a bunch of Star Wars figures. He
starts to play. Phoe watches for a minute.]

PHOE: Can I be Chewy?

[Cut to later. Joey and Phoe are really into it with the voices andeverything.]

JOEY: (with Yoda) May the force be with you.

PHOE: (with Luke) I canít do it, Yoda!

JOEY: Luke, you are a Jedi. You can do anything.

[Dave and Greg poke their heads in.]

GREG: Hey. Weíre your neighbours - Iím Greg and this is Dave.

[Phoe obviously likes Dave.]

PHOE: Hi, Iím Phoebe.JOEY: Joey.

DAVE: Can we play, too?

JOEY: Sure. Wanna be Akkbar?

[Cut to later. Rach and Ross come in.]

GREG: Hey, Rach.

RACH: What are you guys doing?

PHOE: Oh! Weíre playing Star Wars.

ROSS: Well your shift is over.

JOEY: Aw, do we have to leave?

RACH: Yes! And leave the toys!

[Joey and Phoe leave. Ross and Rach sit down in their places.]

ROSS: So what part are we at?

[Setting: Outside tent, Rach and Ross are in lawn chairs.]

DAVE: Hey, you guys! We were about to play a card game. Wanna play! Weneed
four players.

ROSS: I donít know . . .

RACH: Sure! We will. Iím sooooooo bored. [They move their lawn chairsover
to where Dave and Greg are sitting. Greg shuffles, then deaels.]

GREG: You guys know how to play poker.

RACH: Do I! I beat the pants off of Ross one time.

ROSS: That reminds me, donít ask Joey to play! He only plays strippoker.

GREG: I donít mind it myself.

RACH: Sorry, but we canít really play it here. I mean . . . [Shegestures
to the people surrounding them.]

ROSS: Yeah? Well, we do have a tent.

RACH: Would it really be fair? I mean I get three guys and you onlyhave
me! [All the guys are practically drooling. Rach gets a look of
understanding.] Forget it . . . You guys will gang up on me.

GREG: Well, if youíre such a poker hot-shot, you should have noproblem.

ROSS: (nervously) Um, Iím not so sure . . . I mean, mabe . . . I mean,we
might beat her. Iíve never . . . uh, lost against her.

RACH: Yeah you have! Remember that time?

[Flashback to TOW the Poker. Shows Chan, Joey, Ross diving for Rossís
cards. The girls celebrate in the background.]

RACH: Oh, forget that. You *let* me win, didnít you?

ROSS: Well . . . yearh . . . I mean you were feeling so down . . .

RACH: I canít believe you let me win.

GREG and DAVE: Ooooh.

DAVE: Hereís your chance to get back at him.

[They go into the tent and start playing.]

[Cut to later. The guys are all in boxer shorts. Rach is only missingher
shoes and jacket.]

DAVE: Come on, Rachel. Itís freezing in here. Please have mercy! Ifanyone
has to lost more clothes, it should be Greg. Heís the one who wanted toplay!

GREG: Rachel should be the one to lose more clothes. Sheís harddly lostanything!

RACH: Thank you, thank you. Okay, Iíll have mercy. Ross, hand me your
cards, then you all get dressed.

ROSS: Why do you need my cards?

RACH: So I can be sure I won fairly!

ROSS: I canít believe you donít trust me, Rach.

RACH: How do you expect me to trusts you when on our wedding day yousaid
your ex-wifeís name, kissed her, and ended up sending me into a coma?[Dave
and Greg give Ross a weird look.]

DAVE: You were in a coma, Rachel?

ROSS: How many times do I have to say Iím sorry? I am, Rach, trulysorry.
[He throws his cards at Rachel, then quickly gets into his clothes. He
storms out.]

DAVE: Ummm . . . [He and Greg hurriedly get dressed.] We better go!

[Daveand Greg leave. Rach picks up the cards, starts to glance at them, then
looks away. She looks really tired and starts crying. She climbs intoher
sleeping bag and falls asleep.]

[Cut to later. Ross crawls into the tent. Rachís awake. Sheís staringat
the wall, tears running down her face.]

ROSS: Oh, Rach! I didnít mean to get so upset.

RACH: Itís not your fault, Ross. I shouldnít have . . . provoked you.

ROSS: *Provoked* me? What do ou mean by *provoked?*

RACH: I mean . . . getting under your skin. *Making* you feel bad.

ROSS: Donít worry about it. I forgive you like always. [He moves toward
Rach. He gives her a big hug and then brushes away the tears from herface.
Hen then frowns.]

ROSS: Rach, you look exhausted. You better get some sleep.

RACH: I *am* sort of tired. [Ross turns toward the door.] Ross, whereare
you going?

ROSS: Just shutting the door. [Ross turns back and goes over to Rach..
Theyboth climb into their sleepingbags. Rach moves her sleeping bag next to
Ross. She then curls up and goes to sleep with Rossí arms around her.]

[Cut to later. Chan and Mnca are in the tent.]

CHAN: Hey guys. Wake up! [Ross opens his eyes.]

ROSS: Ughh! Is it already mignight!

CHAN: Yep.[Ross reachevs over and nudges Rach awake. The two get up to leave.]

CHAN: Monica, did you notice something or was it only me?

MNCA: No, they definitely seemed closer.

CHAN: Are you sure you feel well enough for this? I can do it alone ifyou
need to go home.

MNCA: No, Iím (cough, cough) fine.

CHAN: Well you need some rest, so climb into that sleeping bag and getsomesleep.
[Mnca goes right to sleep. Chan gets a bottle out of his backpack.Shows
the bottle. It says "Cough Srup DM" or something to that effect. Chanreads
the directions on the cap.]

CHAN: Push-down-and-twist. Okay. I can do that. [He tries it. Itdoesnít
work. Finally he gets it. Now he reads the instructions on the back ofthe
bottle.] Children under twelve . . . two tablespoons. Hmm. 19969 . . .
sheís 30. [He counts on his fingers.] one, two, three, four, five [to
twelve.] yup, sheís over twelve. Now, I think two tablespoons is equalto
half a cup. [He takes a cup out of his backpack and fills it half full.
There isnít much left int he bottle. Mnca starts hacking. He looks ather
thoughtfully. Well, I donít want to waste it, and her cough soundspretty
bad. Besides, Monicaís way over twelve. [He dumps the rest of it intothe
cup, then shakes Mnca awake.] Here, sweetheart, drink up.

MNCA: Gross! What is this? (cough, cough)

CHAN: Just drink it. Itíll make you better.

[Mnca takes another sip. She thinks about it for a minute, then glugsit
all down.]

MNCA: Is there any more?

[Cut to later. Itís dark. Chan is awaken suddenly by Mnca singing.]

MNCA: Donít cry for me, Argentina! La, la, la, la, la! La, la, la, la,la!

[Chanís eyes widen, but Mnca has stopped, so he goes back to sleep.]

[Cut to later. Itís getting light out. Joeoy has just come into thetent.
The noise wakes up Mnca. Sheís clearly drunk . . . on cough syrup.]

MNCA (to Joey): Oh, hi Chandler.

JOEY: Um, Iím not Chandler.

MNCA: Oh, you! Always the kidder. Of course youíre Chandler! Who elsewould
you be?

JOEY: Uh . . . Joey?

MNCA: No! Youíre not Joey! Donít be silly. [She gets up and goes overto
him. She puts her arms around his neck.] Thank you so much for takingcare
of me while Iíve been sick.[Joey is shocked, he pulls away.]

JOEY: I think youíre still sick.

[Mnca kisses him slowly . . . he canít get away!!!!!!!! Chan wakes upjust
in time to see the last of it. You can tell by his face that he knows sheís
not doing it on purpose . . . he knows that he gave her an overdose of
cough syrup.]

[Setting: Outside the tent. Everyoneís there (the movie theatre is just
opening and they all want to be there.) Phoe and Joey are on the ground
playing with Joeyís Star Wars figures. Ross and Chan are sitting on the
lawn chairs, Rach on Rossí lap, Mnca on Chanís lap.]

CHAN: Are you feeling okay this morning?

MNCA: I feel fine! I donít even remember being sick! I must have beendelirious.

CHAN: You said something about . . . Chandler-itis . . .?

MNCA: (quietly) Oh my God! (to Chandler) Donít remember. I was definitely

CHAN: Whatever you say. Do youremember kissing Joey? Or singing "Donít
cryfor mme Argentina?"

MNCA: No! Definitely not! Why would I do that?

JOEY: He gave you an overdose of cough syrup, thatís why!

MNCA: [looking at Chan angrily] You *what?* I canít believe youíd do
something so . . . [she spots Joey] Joey-ish!

JOEY: Thatís me!

CHAN: It was an accident! Really!

MNCA: What happened?!

CHAN: I thought two tablespoons was equal to half a cup. Isnít it?

MNCA: No!!!

CHAN: And you were coughing really badly . . .

JOEY: So he gave it all to you!!!

CHAN: Um . . . I think you got drunk on it. But about the Chandler-itis
part? Was that true?

MNCA: Puh! Not anymore![The camera passes to Ross and Rach.]

ROSS: You know what? [Rach shakes her head.] If it wasnít for Jooeywanting
to see this movie so much, we wouldnít be here.

RACH: Of course not. *I* would never camp out to see a movie voluntarily.

ROSS; No, I donít mean here literally. I mean in ouor relationship.

RACH: Oh! Yeah, Iím glad weíre here, too. [She leans back her head and
kisses Ross lightly on the lips. Dave and Greg walk up.]

DAVE: So have you two worked everything out?

ROSS: Yeah. We have decided to try again.

GREG: So Rach . . . you were in a coma?

RACH: Yep.

DAVE: What was it like? When were you in the coma?

RACH: Actually, I just got out of the coma a few days ago.
GREG: A few days ago!!!

DAVE: And what was it like?

RACH: I donít really remember. Ross can probably tell you more.

ROSS: I donít know what itís like to be in it, but I know the effectsit
has on the surrounding people.

[Camera shows Phoe and Joey sitting on the ground playing Star Wars.]

PHOE: (with Darth Vader) Luke, I am your father.

Closing Credits

[Setting: Everyoneís in a row: Joey, Phoe, Rach, Ross, Mnca, Chan.Theyíre
in the movie theatre watching the previews. Shows a bunch of previews.]

JOEY: Wow, this movie is better than I thought!