Who: Ross and Rachel storyline, other main characters include Chandler and Janice. A bit of Monica, Phoebe and Joey, who surprisingly have more lines than Ross, but play only small roles as antagonists in the plot.

When: This fanfic takes place after The One With the List.

Recap: Rachel is disgusted with Ross for making a comparison list between her and Julie, with few good points for Rachel. The only con against Julie: She's not Rachem.

"Geez, Chandler, you sit in front of a computer all day with a keyboard under your fingers!"

Chandler gave Ross a bored glare. "Your point being?"

"That you can't even type the word 'Rachel!' What is your problem?"

"Hey, this isn't my problem, Ross. It's yours." Chandler sipped his coffee and turned away from Ross, hoping to end the conversation.

"But it was your idea to make a list!" Ross protested.

"What are you talking about?" Chandler cried. "It was all Joey's idea!"

Ross swiveled his head and rested his gaze on Joey, sitting at the other end of the table.

"What?" Joey protested innocently. "It's not like it's that big a deal or anything. Just go out and find another woman!"

"This is Rachel, Joey, not just any woman," Ross explained, leaning back in his place and closing his eyes in defeat. "I've been in love with her since high school."

"Exactly," Joey sighed, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Get over it, man! You weren't meant to be with her. Maybe you weren't meant to be with anyone. The thing with Carol sure didn't work out. The Julie thing passed in a few weeks, and the Rachel thing ended after about five minutes. Do you really need a steady girl? Just go out and sleep with the first woman you see. It works for me every time!"

"Um, Joe, you've never been stuck on a woman before," Chandler reminded him.

"Yeah, well what about that one that I actually liked? She was just a bit wary about me, that was the problem. Her roommate
was more understanding."

"And so you ended up in bed with her." Chandler rolled her eyes.

"Yup," Joey replied proudly, stretching out his legs and crossing them on the coffee table.

"The first woman I see, huh?" Ross repeated, seriously contemplating the idea. "Well, it's worth a shot."

"What?!" Chandler sat straight up in shock and stared at Ross.

Ross glared back at Chandler. "Never you mind. I can do it."

"Yeah right." Chandler rolled his eyes. "Good luck with that."

"Betcha I can," Ross replied.

"OK, I'll betcha fifty bucks."

Ross paused.

"Do it!" Joey chided.

"All right!" Ross jumped up in determination. "The next woman that walks in here will have the chance to hook up with me.
And it doesn't have to be Carol, Julie, or even Rachel."

"Hey guys!"

Chandler and Joey exchanged looks. Chandler bit his lip to keep from laughing, and Joey snorted.

"What?" Monica asked as she confusedly watched Ross flop back into his seat shaking his head in frustration.

Phoebe glanced up as Ross swaggered into Central Perk later that day. "What's up with you, Mr. Hotshot?" she asked.

Ross looked superiorly over all his friends. (He was disappointed to see everyone there but Rachel. She must have gone home
because her shift was over for the day.) "Well," he explained, "Chandler and I made a bet this morning that I wouldn't be able
to find a girl to replace Rachel-"

"What?!" Monica cut in. "Ross, that is so disgusting. You don't own Rachel, and she's not something to be replaced."

"Shut up, Monica," Ross snapped.

Monica's eyes widened and she backed down.

"Anyway," Ross continued, "I did. Actually, she's the next woman I saw after Monica this morning. And Chandler, you owe
me fifty bucks, buddy."

Ross swiveled as the door to Central Perk opened and his new girlfriend walked in.

Every jaw dropped.

"Oh, hey Janice! Come here, do you remember everyone?"

Janice laughed. "Of course I do, you silly boy!"

Chandler leaned toward Joey and whispered, "Do I still have to pay Ross when he could only manage to pick up that?"

"I simply can't believe it," Rachel murmured sadly, twisting her hair in her fingers.

"But it's true," Monica confirmed.

"I saw it with my own eyes," Phoebe agreed. Then she added thoughtfully, "Although I definitely wish I hadn't!"

"Janice!" Joey cried. "Why did it have to be Janice?"

Chandler laughed and everyone stared at him.

"What are you laughing about?" Rachel demanded. "Didn't Joey just tell us you lost fifty dollars to Ross on that bet?"

"I was just thinking," Chandler replied, "of what Ross is stuck with now." He laughed again, shaking his head.

"It serves him right," Rachel said darkly, "for leaving me for her."

"Um, Rach," Monica reminded Rachel gently, "you're the one that left him."

"Yeah, well he drove me away," said Rachel stubbornly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Hey guys!"

Everyone looked up to see Ross enter with Janice by his side. They gave a round of disinclined 'heys.'

"Where did you guys go on your date?" Monica asked, forging enthusiasm.

"To 'La Grande Chez de la Monnaie,' " Janice replied with an annoying giggle.

"Wow, that place is expensive," Phoebe put in.

"The best for the best!" Ross explained. "Hey, Rach, I was planning to take you there."

Rachel gaped at Ross, completely taken aback.

Janice threw her head back in another laugh. "Too late now, I guess!"

"Well, we'd better run," Ross said, faking a look at his watch. "We've, uh, got other plans."

Janice tittered.

"We wouldn't want to keep you waiting," Joey said disparagingly. "Get along now, you - lovebirds."

After Ross and Janice's departure, Chandler smirked. "Oh, poor Ross. I'm the only one here that actually knows what he's
faced up to at this moment."

"He was practically flaunting it in my face." Rachel sniffed. "I had forgiven him for what he did...I guess I just figured that at
some point he would come back to me and that would be it."

"I'm sorry, honey," Phoebe consoled.

"It's not your fault." Rachel said thoughtfully, letting her gaze rest on Chandler. "You're not the one that made a 'harmless' bet."

Chandler shrugged innocently. "Me?"

Rachel stood up abruptly. "Chandler, can I see you for a minute in my bedroom?"

"But it's not my fault!" Chandler protested.

"Just come!" Rachel insisted.

Reluctantly, Chandler followed her into her room.

"Can't we talk out there?" Chandler pleaded. "Where you can't hurt me?"

"Chandler, shh! I'm not going to hurt you!"

Chandler relaxed his shoulders. "OK. What's up then?"

"I was just thinking," Rachel began sweetly. "You know Janice. She's a nice girl."

"Yeah," Chandler snorted. "If you're a crazy man!"

"Nice enough," Rachel corrected herself. "Well anyway, I was thinking maybe you could help me."

Chandler looked suspiciously at his friend. "Is it anything that entails a lot of work or money?"

"Oh, no, of course not," Rachel said quickly.

"What then?"

"I want you to help me-" Rachel paused and took a deep breath. "-break up Ross and Janice."

"What!?" Chandler shouted, reaching for the door handle. "Nuh-uh, not happening!"

"C'mon, please, Chandler? It's not like it would be that difficult. All you have to do is make Janice aware of Ross's bad points
and ask her out on a date."

"No way!" Chandler howled. "You'll never make me!"

"I'll do your laundry for the rest of your life," Rachel offered quickly.

Chandler shook his head. "Could you be any ridiculous? I'm not stupid! I saw what happened to all your clothes after you tried laundry for the first time."

"Um..." Rachel grasped for loose-straws. "I'll get Gunther to give you free coffee for a month."

"He'll think you're coming on to him," Chandler reminded her.

"I'll...I'll do anything you want!" Rachel cried out desperately.

"Anything?" Chandler eyed her quizically, finally seeing the advantage in this.

"Anything," Rachel gasped. "Anything!"

"OK...you can go to the office in my place and do all my work but still hand me over the money."

"Chandler! I can't do that!" Rachel protested.

"Then no deal."

"Just name something else!" Rachel begged. "Something feasible."

Chandler contemplated the issue for a moment. "All right," he agreed. "Two things. The first thing is, you explain to Janice after
the one date why I won't be seeing her ever again."

"Done!" Rachel cried, hoping Chandler would forget about the second thing.

"Second," Chandler continued, "get me and Joey season tickets to the Rangers."

"How did Joey come into this?" Rachel demanded.

"You want Ross or not?"

"All right," she grumbled. "One more thing, Chandler, don't tell anyone about this. I feel so dirty, trying to break someone up
this way. But honestly..."

"Don't worry. I won't tell," Chandler promised.

"What's going on in there?" Monica asked Joey, who was standing next to Rachel's door with his ear pressed up against it.

"I can't hear much," Joey whispered. "Oh, I think I hear something. Yup! Rachel just said 'I feel so dirty.' "

Phoebe's mouth dropped open and Monica laughed.

"Looks like someone's faking the love for Ross..." Phoebe said.

"And someone's got the hots for Chandler!" Joey chuckled.

"It's so unlikely," Monica said reflectively.

"I never would have suspected it," Phoebe laughed, "had they not been so obvious!"

" 'Hey, Chandler!' " Joey mimicked Rachel. "Can I see you for a moment please? In my bedroom?"

Joey, Monica and Phoebe all fell into giggles.

"So...Janice." Chandler sat nervously next to Janice on the couch in Central Perk. Ross was getting coffee for he and Janice.
"How've you been?"

Janice gave a nervous giggle. "Fine...why?"

"Just wondering," Chandler replied, his nerves on an edge. "So, dating Ross, huh? Why?"

"Because I like him," Janice replied. "That's a concept you just can't comprehend, isn't it?" She snorted and threw her head
back in a guffaw of laughter.

"Uh huh...well gotta run!"

"It was the laugh that got me!" Chandler cried in explanation.

"Chandler! You promised!"

"I did not," he replied haughtily.

"Then I will not get those Rangers tickets for you and Joey," Rachel replied in an equality of haughtiness.

"Rach, I'm sorry I can't do it, but I just can't stand the woman! You must understand how I feel about her!"

"I do understand, Chandler, but things never work out for you!"

"Gee thanks," Chandler returned dryly.

"What I mean is, I think I have a shot at Ross. And I really, really like him. We know he likes me; he's been hung up on me
since ninth grade! That, opposed to you - you've dated Janice voluntarily before. Stress that word voluntarily! Can't you do it as a favor to a friend? You know I'd really appreciate it, honey."

"I don't know..." Chandler grumbled.

"Just do it!" Rachel shouted.

"Are they at it again?" Joey asked Monica, grabbing a beer from her fridge.

Monica giggled. "I certainly assume so!"

"What gets me is that they're so obvious!" Phoebe said, shaking her head. "We can hear them so clearly out there, and yet they still go on. Then later they act as if nothing's going on."

"It kind of upsets me that Rachel is putting on a show that she's still so in love with my brother, but then the next moment you
turn around and she's in bed with Chandler," Monica put in.

Joey nodded and patted Monica's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Ross doesn't seem to care."

"I don't think Ross knows," Monica replied dismally.

"Someone should tell him," Phoebe declared. "He has the right to know!"

"He does?" Joey inquired, popping open the beer.

"Well...I guess so..." Phoebe said slowly.

"I'm so mad at Rachel I could scream!" Monica declared. "And I thought I should be ticked at Ross. Well, he'll be sure to
hear from me first thing tomorrow morning."

"Please Chandler! Please!"

"I guess I can." Chandler shook his head and glared at the floor.

"Good." Rachel let herself relax a bit. "Now there's just the matter of going through with it."

"I'll do it tomorrow night," Chandler muttered. "I'm busy at work all day tomorrow."

"Thank you so much, Chandler. You don't know how much I appreciate this."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get it over with."

"Rachel!"

Rachel turned to see Janice standing behind her. She sighed to herself, but was mostly only upset because Janice had stolen her man from her.

"Just wait a sec, Janice. I've got to refill my coffee pot."

Rachel returned with a full pot of coffee and smiled artificially at Janice. "What can I get you? You take decaf, don't you?"

Janice smiled, flustered. "Actually, I'm not here for coffee."

"Waiting for Ross, are you? I think he's at work, though."

"He is." She nodded. "I'm here to see you."

"Me?"

"Yes. May I sit down?"

"Go ahead," Rachel replied. "It's a public place!"

Rachel resumed her coffee pouring.

"Um...may you sit down?" Janice asked.

"Oh!" Rachel smacked her head lightly and seated herself next to Janice. "Sure. Gunther won't be happy, but I have a bit of
time to spare, I s'pose. What's up, Janice?"

"I came to talk to you about Chandler."

A concerned look crossed Rachel. "Well what about him? You're dating Ross."

"Um...no. I came to talk to you about, well, Chandler and you. I heard that you two had something going and-"

"Oh, Chandler talked to you already? I see. I'm sorry, Janice, it's just that I really, really like Ross and to put it simply, I want
him! Can you understand that?"

"What? You really, really like Ross?" Janice looked at her, confused. "Aren't you and Chandler, well, together?"

"No." Rachel looked at her quizically. "Why would you think that?"

"Because Monica told me," Janice explained. "Why? You aren't dating him?"

"No!!! Why would Monica tell you that?" Rachel was in complete shock.

"She told me and Ross that she, Joey, and Phoebe always hear you two in your bedroom...can I leave it at that?"

"Yes! What the hell! No, no, no! No! We were just in there planning, not, not the other thing!"

"Planning what then? At least tell me that...oh, and tell me this, also. If you're not dating Chandler, does that mean he's free to
date me?"

"First of all, yes, Chandler isn't dating anyone right now to my knowledge. Second of all, we were, well, Janice I'm really sorry. Please forgive me. And please forgive Chandler. But we were planning to break you and Ross up."

"You were?" Janice looked at Rachel with bewildered eyes.

"What else would we be doing? Never mind, we already covered that. But Janice, if you're not in love with Ross, and want to
date Chandler, please let him down gently. I don't want Ross to get hurt."

"Don't worry, he won't. We've already discussed it...we weren't dating either, silly girl!"

"Huh?"

"The day before yesterday I ran into Ross and he took me to lunch. We got to talking and he explained how he really wanted
you to forgive him for making that list. And how he really wanted to date you afterwards. He devised this plan for us to pretend to date to make you jealous. And I agreed because I thought I might make Chandler jealous...you know how I like Chandler!"
Janice chortled.

A big smile spread over Rachel's face. "You mean all this time it's just been one big misunderstanding? Ross and I both wanted the same thing? Oh, this is too good to be true! I don't believe it!"

"I know!" Janice cried. "And I can't believe that it was the same thing with Chandler and me! This is so perfect!" She jumped
up and raced for the door. "Good bye Rachel!"

"But...I bribed him..."

It was too late. Janice had disappeared. Rachel laughed. Poor Chandler.

"Oh well." She shook her head. She was too ecstatic to let anything ruin her mood.

Ross sighed as he entered his apartment that evening. He hung his coat in the closet and sighed again, this time much more
heavily. He had practically driven Rachel to Chandler by making her jealous. Or had he made her jealous with Janice in the first place? Maybe they had been up to their tricks for longer than he expected. What if...what if they had planned it so Chandler
would force Ross to make the list, then fake Rachel's anger at it? That would be just too much for him.

"At least I got fifty bucks out of the deal," Ross muttered, brightening a bit at that.

"What are you going to use the money on?"

"Oh, I don't know," Ross sighed. "Maybe a Rangers game, I suppose."

"If you see Chandler and Joey there, be sure to say 'hi.' "

"Rach?" Ross whirled around to see Rachel maxed out on his livingroom couch. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," Rachel replied, sitting up and slipping her arms around Ross's shoulders. "Yes, I've been waiting for you.
Not as long as you've been waiting for me, of course, but I have been waiting for you."

"I don't understand," Ross stammered.

"I had the same idea as you. I got Chandler to help me 'break up' you and Janice. I was so devastated when I found out you
were dating Janice. It had the exact effect you wanted. But instead it turned out to be one big misunderstanding."

"You mean you're not dating Chandler?"

"Right. Now shut up."

Ross sunk into a fervent kiss with Rachel and could not believe that not two minutes earlier he had thought he would never
have a chance with her.

"Boo!"

Chandler shrieked as a figure leaped out at him from behind his apartment door. He shrieked again when he saw who the figure was. "Janice!"

"It's me, darling. Rachel told me about your little plan to make me jealous, Chandler. Tsk tsk. You had the same idea as I did."

"No no no no no no n-no I didn't!"

"Don't play hard to get, Chandler. You know you want me. Now, I'm going to go slip into something a little more comfortable,
if you know what I mean. You get the wine."

Chandler's eyes widened in shock as Janice skipped toward the bathroom. His mouth opened and he screamed. "Rachel!!!
This wasn't worth the Rangers tickets! And you too, Ross!!! You owe me a hundred bucks, you charlatan!"