Night had fallen a week after Chandler and Monica’s return. Their friends were still in Montauk, they were planning on returning after the weekend. Ross and Rachel both needed to get back to their jobs, and Phoebe and Joey were growing sick of staying out there. And they all wanted to meet Monica again, meet their friend Monica, and to see with their own eyes that she and Chandler were a couple again.
The past eight days had held some arguments between Chandler and Monica, but they had all been minor things and settled fast. And they hadn’t been yelling at each other anymore.
Monica was in Chandler’s arms now, dancing with him in the pale moonlight, which was the only source of light in the room. Her head was leaned against his chest, her left arm was slowly caressing his neck which it was lingered around. He was holding her right hand in his left, and his right arm was around her waist, pressing her close to him.
Not much was said between the two. There was no need to say anything. All they wanted was each other’s company, and they had it.
They were both surprised over the way their relationship looked now. In part it was much like it was before, they had re-established the contact they’d once had and many other things that had made this relationship different from the once they’d both had in the past. At the same time it was different now, they were different. Monica was not the same as she once was, Chandler wasn’t either. But after searching for a while they’d both discovered that what they’d loved the most about the other was still there.
Monica had suggested that they’d brought it out in each other these past few days, or that he’d at least brought it out in her. Chandler didn’t say yes or no to that, all he really cared about was that they were back in the place they were both meant to be.
They danced slowly together to the tunes of Tina Turner’s "I Don’t Want to Fight". That had been Monica’s suggestion.
"We could use a reminder…" she’d said, then smiled at him. "And besides, it reminds me a bit of our history as well. Our post-coma history, if you want to put it that way."
And now here they were, dancing in the moonlight, dancing a bit too slow for the rhythm of the song but they didn’t care.
There’s a pale moon in the sky
The kind you make your wishes on
Like the light in your eyes
The one I built my dreams upon
It’s not there any longer
Something happened somewhere and we both know what
But we ain’t getting stronger
We must stop pretending.
I can’t live this lie
I don’t care who’s wrong or right
I don’t really want to fight no more
Too much talking, babe
Let’s sleep on it tonight
I don’t really want to fight no more
‘Cause it’s time for letting go
I hear a whisper in the air
It simply doesn’t bother me
Can’t you see that I don’t care?
Or are you looking right through me?
It seems to be that lately
You look at me the wrong way and I start to cry
Could it be that maybe
This crazy situation is a reason why?
I don’t care who’s wrong or right
I don’t really want to fight no more
Too much talking babe
Let’s sleep on it tonight
I don’t really want to fight no more
Tired of all these games
Oh baby don’t you know
That I don’t want to hurt no more?
This time I’m walking, babe
Don’t care now who’s to blame
I don’t really want to fight no more
‘Cause it’s time for letting go
Hanging on to the past
It only stands in our way
We have to grow for love to last
But are we just through?
I don’t want to hurt no more
Oh baby don’t you know?
No I don’t want to hurt no more
Too much talking, babe
Don’t care now who’s to blame
I don’t really want to fight no more
Tired of all these games
I don’t care who’s wrong or right
I don’t really want to fight no more
This time I’m walking, babe
So let’s sleep on it tonight
I don’t really want to fight no more
‘Cause it’s time for letting go
No, I don’t want to hurt no more
Too much, hey baby
Don’t care now who’s to blame
I don’t really want to fight no more
‘Cause it’s time for letting go
"You smell so good…" Monica mumbled. "I like it the best when you’re not wearing any cologne."
"That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you about perfume for three years" Chandler smiled. He smiled wider when his eyes fell on the old sock bunny by the stereo, the one that Monica had given to him for a valentines present. He’d sprayed it with her perfume shortly after the accident and had it with him every night because it smelled like her.
"What was it like?" Monica asked softly from his chest, leaning her head back to look into his eyes.
"What was what like?" Chandler said, just as softly.
"Your birthday last year…" She gave him a kiss. "It’s only five minutes now ‘til your 32nd birthday and I started wondering over what your 31st was like."
"You wouldn’t want to know…" Chandler whispered.
"You don’t need to tell me, but I do want to know" she insisted. Then she returned her head to his chest, dreaming away to the next song playing.
"I actually didn’t even realize it was my birthday until late in the evening" Chandler said, after some silence. "All in my head was you… I didn’t give much thought to my own life at the time."
"That’s too bad!" Monica softly said and tilted her head again to look at him.
"Joey told me happy birthday in the evening, that’s when I realized I was all of a sudden a year older… But it all seemed so trivial at the time. What did it matter if I was a year older, you know? And I just kept wondering if you’d ever be a year older than you were then."
Monica returned her head to his chest again, keeping her eyes on her hand that lay in his. She felt uncomfortable knowing that he’d cared for her so much and that he’d only thought of her. That gave her enormous power over him, a kind of power she didn’t want to have. A power that had nearly crushed him already.
"Gosh, it was all so terrible, Mon!" Chandler said, choking up at the memory.
Crying wasn’t as hard for him anymore. The night he and Monica talked everything through and decided that they had a love strong enough to deal with their situation, he had started to cry when they were in bed. Just laying next to her, being by her side for real this time, made his self control break. That night he cried out all of his hurt in her arms, and she had quietly cried too.
"It’s so good to see you cry…" she had whispered. "This whole time you’ve seemed either unnaturally happy, hiding by a façade, or way too depressed. Phoebe’s told me that they’ve all wanted you to cry, just to see you loosen your tough act and let some of the pain on. Now it’s so good to see you cry…"
He’d later fallen asleep in her arms, and for the first time since even before the accident he slept the whole night through, he slept for nearly eighteen hours. Monica had stayed in bed with him sleeping in her arms.
After that night he’d cried a few more times. Just looking at her could give him tears in his eyes, of joy and relief. This time though, they were of pain and sorrow.
"Monica you will never know…" he said, moving his right hand up behind her head and pressing her closer. "You just can’t imagine it! You have no idea how disgusting it is to be there, to be part of it, to see and hear how your girlfriend gets injured so badly that she might not make it through the night. That is all gone for you, you have no memory whatsoever of the accident. But I do, and so many nights I have seen it all again."
"That must be so hard" Monica whispered.
"Worse even." Chandler replied. "And then it was almost as if I’d become a little child, everyone treated me as if I was too little to comprehend or too little to be close to you. Joey got to follow you in the ambulance, for example. I wanted to, but I didn’t get to."
"Joey followed me?" Monica said, getting a new piece to her puzzle.
"Yeah… I only got to see you twice."
Monica didn’t know if she should smile or be scared.
"You… You saw me that night?"
"Yes."
Monica closed her eyes. She knew she wouldn’t want to see anyone she loved in that condition, and she wondered how Chandler had managed. And then she asked him.
"I don’t know really, I just didn’t think of it like that" Chandler said. "All I thought about was that this might be it. That my seconds with you might be numbered. And I wanted to see you any chance I got, no matter how bad you looked." He paused and bit his lower lip. "But that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to see… That might be a wrong expression, but nothing has… I mean… Monica it was so… so… so hard for me to see you like that, and so horrific to see it, that I’ve repressed it all. More or less. I don’t ever want to see you in that condition again. I remember…" He breathed in deep. "I remember that you looked up at me… and I think you wanted to reach out to me, you moved your hand as if you wanted to hold mine… But at the same time, I mean…" He started to sob, continuing to tell her. "You were in so much pain you didn’t even recognize me! Or maybe you did, but I doubt it. And I could see in your eyes that you just wanted to let go, to die."
"I stayed for you" Monica said.
Chandler looked down on her. It sounded a bit crazy since she probably had no way of controlling if she would die or not. But she said it in a way that made Chandler able to believe it.
Monica believed it herself. And it didn’t matter if the entire thing with George had been reality or just in her head. Either way she’d stayed for him, and she knew it. She smiled at him.
"It would have been easier for me just to let go. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to be here with you. Ironic, huh, considering how we turned out."
Chandler smiled slightly and used his right hand to wipe off the tears. Then he returned it to her waist.
"I cried twice that night" he told her. "And that was the last time before earlier this week that I cried. I just couldn’t cry, especially not at the hospital. I felt so ashamed the two times I lost control and cried anyway. I’ve often cried in my dreams, though. Not in my sleep, but I’ve had dreams where I’ve cried, sometimes you have been in them and you’ve cried also. But on that day of the accident I wasn’t allowed to cry. Nobody said so, but the first time I broke down they all reacted as if…" He drifted off, thinking back on things he’d tried his best to just forget.
Monica smiled, lead his left hand to her mouth and kissed it. They were still dancing together.
"Do you want to continue dancing, or do you want to do something else?" she asked, not really knowing what ‘something else’ would be.
"Okay…" he whispered.
"Just let me…" she said, broke their dance and went over to the stereo. Chandler sat down on the couch while she changed the CD and played the song that she’d been hooked on for so long now.
She turned to him with a smile on her face and walked over to the couch. He grabbed her hands and carefully pulled her down to him, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. They continued to kiss, the kisses getting more and more intense. To the tunes of the first chorus Chandler leaned her back on the couch, still with his lips by hers. They kissed lovingly and caringly, each caught up in their own strong emotions for the other. Talking about the accident had created a need in them both to be at the other’s side for more than just a dance.
Monica felt the weight of Chandler’s body on top of hers when the second verse began, and she felt his tongue in her mouth. For more than a year they hadn’t kissed like this, their kisses this past year had always been so filled with desperation and passion. This time there was only a strong need for each other, and lots of love.
Chandler’s mouth only left Monica’s when he pulled her shirt over her head. Their eyes were closed, and they were both savouring the experience. It had been so long, too long, since they’d been together in this way. The desperation of needing each other’s company had finally been replaced with only desire and love. And the joy of being with each other as the couple they once were.
With the same song playing on loop in the background they made love on the couch as the clock passed midnight and the day before turned into a new day, Chandler’s birthday.
They rested together on the couch for a long time afterwards. Monica could feel her taste on Chandler’s lips when he kissed her, and her scent mixed with his on his skin when he snuggled close to her. It was a reminder of how loved she was, and of how much she loved him. They didn’t say anything at first, there was no need to.
"You’re sweaty" Monica finally said, with a giggle.
"Yeah, and you’re not" Chandler replied with thick sarcasm, as well as lots of love. They smiled and kissed, both very happy.
As the clock shifted to an hour past midnight they were dancing again, this time with no clothes on and with candlelight as well as the moonlight. The setting was no longer the living room, they had moved into the bedroom to get a more intimate atmosphere. The candles cast shadows on the wall that seemed to be dancing just as Chandler and Monica were.
"Oh I wish I didn’t have to go back to work on Monday…" Chandler mumbled.
"At least you have a job to go back to" Monica pointed out. "Some of us have to start looking for a job all over again."
"Allessandro won’t give you your job back?" Chandler asked, slightly surprised.
"Possibly. But I feel like I’ve been there for too long anyway. The job was great, but the people sure weren’t."
"Maybe you could come work for me" Chandler said with a smile. "I’ll be interviewing people all next week anyway."
Monica smiled. She couldn’t possibly picture herself working in front of a computer screen all day long. She was used to working with food, and going from a stove to a computer desk would be a huge leap for her.
"Have you fired anyone, or are you just hiring more people?" she asked, just to keep the conversation going. She loved hearing his voice when he spoke so softly to her.
"Both, sort of" he answered. "One guy retired early and another got fired. We caught him surfing the net for porn on work hours."
Monica kept inside a laughter. Chandler sounded so offended when he said it, as if downloading porn was the worst possible crime. And to Monica it was a disgusting thing to do, but she knew that he’d done the same thing at least once.
"Aren’t we being a bit condescending?" she asked with a smile. "Joey’s told me what you’ve got on your computer."
"Oh great, that she remembers" Chandler joked. Then he shrugged his shoulders. "And besides, I haven’t done that since just after I got a modem for my computer. And then I saw ‘Shocking Truth’, so now I keep my distance to it, believe me."
Monica smiled. She was glad he’d come to his senses about one thing at least. She kissed him on the cheek and blew into his ear, lovingly.
"Mon?" he said after some silence. "Where do you think we would be right now, if the accident hadn’t happened?"
"Don’t know, really…" she said. "Probably still together, but not appreciating each other as much as we do now."
"Yeah, that really makes you wonder if this whole thing has actually been worth it, since it’s brought us to a point where we don’t take each other for granted anymore, and value each other much more." Chandler said.
"I don’t think we’d value each other any less" Monica objected. "And we surely would have been happier this year. Who knows, maybe we’d even be married? We would be parents, you know."
"Yeah…" Chandler said, kissing the top of her head. "Parents…"
"I wonder if it was a boy or a girl." Monica said.
"They didn’t tell me."
"You probably can’t tell so soon anyway" Monica said, and shrugged her shoulders. "But I just know I’ll be thinking of that the day I hold a newborn child in my arms."
"Try not to" Chandler said. "You can’t think like that. I guess we just weren’t meant to have children so soon. Maybe… Maybe this all happened because some higher power or something knew you were having a child, but also knew that we weren’t ready. That although we loved each other there had been no test on our relationship so we didn’t know if it would be able to ride out a storm or not." he pondered.
Monica shrugged her shoulders.
"Personally I’ve stopped believing that there was a purpose with the accident. But I think it’s probably had the affect on us to make us think things like that. It’s made us learn a whole lot."
"I guess some things would have been better if the accident hadn’t been" Chandler summed up. "But on the other hand we wouldn’t have all these valuable lesson in the baggage."
"True" Monica said, and yawned against his shoulder. She was tired, feeling completely satisfied, comfortable and relaxed.
"I love you, Bing" she whispered.
"Love ya’ too, Geller" he replied, then laughed. "Gosh it sounds as if I’m talking to Ross!"
Monica laughed as well and pulled him closer.
"Hey Mon, how much do you remember now?" he asked.
"I don’t know" she truthfully answered. "I don’t know how much it is I still haven’t remembered, so I guess I’ll never be able to give you any other answer to that… But I think I remember almost everything about us." She smiled. "The first time you brushed my hair was the day after we said our first ‘I love you’s."
"I didn’t even remember that!" Chandler confessed with a smile.
Monica smiled back at him, content with having a memory he didn’t. It made her feel less stupid, and more like his equal.
"I think it will all come back to me gradually" she said. "All the memories. In time I’ll probably remember as much as you guys."
"You will" Chandler said. "Even if it takes ages. Now we know you won’t be stuck with the amnesia for as long as you live, so there’s really nothing stopping you from remembering anything you want."
Monica nodded and closed her eyes. They were dancing to "Love is all Around" and she dreamed away to the lyrics.
Chandler said nothing either. His mind wasn’t caught up with the lyrics though. He was busy thanking his lucky star that he’d been able to see clearly earlier in the week. What if he’d told Monica that he hated her? The thought made him feel a knot in his chest, he knew for sure that he’d been wrong in ever thinking that he could hate her. And if he’d told her that he did, and then realized afterwards, it would all have been too late. She wouldn’t be dancing with him at this moment. He would probably be laying awake in the guest room bed, cursing his destiny.
‘There’s no fate but what we make for ourselves’ he thought, quoting a line form "T2: Judgement Day". It was a true statement, he’d learned that now. Luckily enough he’d been able to choose a great destiny for himself and for Monica. Now he just hoped that it would last, that once the new period of new-love was over they would still be together and as close as before.
At this moment he could even tell himself that the past year never occurred. That maybe it had all just been a bad dream, and that now he’d woken up from it. But he could see scars on Monica’s body from the accident, surgical scars mostly, that would always be there as a reminder for them both of what had happened.
He sighed and breathed in the scent of her hair. He’d always loved to see her wear it long, and right now it was down by her waist. He realized that it was something of a miracle that she’d gotten to keep it.
"You seem so deep in thought" Monica mumbled, and kissed his shoulder.
Chandler said nothing. He didn’t need to. That was one of the things they’d gotten back, the ability to say allot of things to each other without using words. Just a slight shift in the way he held his shoulders had told her that it was nothing serious, so she let it go until he felt he wanted to talk about it. If he ever did want to talk about it. It was all up to him.
"Are you tired?" she asked instead.
"A little. You?"
"Well I could use some sleep… But on the other hand I don’t want this to end… I want to dance with you like this for all time."
"That’s the same thing as I want…" he said. "Too bad we can’t have it that way."
"No…" Monica agreed. "That would be impossible."
"And besides," Chandler smiled, "if I could be doing just one thing for the rest of time, there’s something else I could consider doing".
Monica laughed and playfully hit him on the arm.
"Hey, can we go down to Central Perk tomorrow?" she asked out of the blue. "Or, well, I mean today?"
"Sure" Chandler said, shrugging his shoulders.
"I haven’t been there in a while" Monica said. "To say the least. Gunther probably won’t recognize me." She chuckled at the last part. "But on the other hand how likely is it that he’d remember any of us except for Rachel, once we’re all back here?"
Chandler smiled, but didn’t comment. He was starting to get bored with dancing, but he didn’t want to tell her that. He didn’t mind dancing with her, in fact he loved doing it, but they had been dancing for more or less two hours straight. There had only been one interruption. He could feel his legs starting to ache a bit, and his feet felt tired. But he decided to keep on dancing for a few more songs, for Monica’s sake. And then he’d suggest that they’d go to sleep.
He heard Monica yawn again. He knew she wouldn’t disagree if he suggested that they’d get some sleep. Though still he felt that maybe they should dance for a little while longer. It felt as if there was something that was supposed to happen this night, only he couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe if he continued to dance it would come to him.
Monica gave him a loving kiss and told him that he looked cute, thinking so hard. He smiled and told her that he was trying to figure something out. She gave him another kiss and told him to let it go for now. Whatever it was he could as well deal with after sunrise. It was too late for anything other than dancing and going to bed now, anyway.
"You’re right" Chandler said, and let the thought go. It probably wasn’t anything anyway, he was probably just tired.
A new song started to play, and Chandler decided to wait until it was through and then go bed.
"I think I’m gonna start looking for jobs tomorrow" Monica said. "No use waiting for Monday."
"You know…" Chandler said. "I know of a job that might interest you."
"You do?"
"Yeah." He was quiet for a second.
"Well go on, tell me!" Monica urged.
"Well…" Chandler said.
"Chandler." Monica sighed. "Is it even something up my alley?"
"It’s like made for you" he softly said, staring into space.
"Yeah?" Monica said, interested. "Well what is it? Something at your office, or just in your company?"
"Well, it has some office stuff, and always in my company…" Chandler said with a smile. "But it’s actually a job opportunity in my life. As my wife." He felt extremely nervous, he didn’t dare to look at her. "Would you marry me, Monica? I mean, I know how things are, but it just… It seems so meant to be… And we shouldn’t be apart, we know that now. And besides, I love you much and I want to be married to you."
Monica was shocked. This was the last thing she’d ever expected from him.
"Well…" she said. She nervously smiled. "That depends…"
Chandler swallowed hard.
"What are the chances of getting promoted?" she asked.
Chandler looked at her for a second and then burst out laughing. He wasn’t sure if she’d taken the proposal seriously, and she wasn’t sure if he’d been serious when he asked.
"Well, Mon…" he said. "I think that there’s a great chance you’d get promoted to being the mother of my children."
"And then I get to be chained to the stove as well?" Monica joked. She kissed him long and hard. "Well whichever way it goes, I want to marry you too… I think it could be just what we need to keep it together… We know now that we would be able to make a marriage work. So yes, I will marry you!"
Chandler smiled down at her, causing Monica to start laughing.
"You look like you’re auditioning for a part in a toothpaste commercial" she said, and kissed him again.
He lifted her up in his arms and carried her over to the bed. He blew out the candles, set the stereo on loop and then they made love to the song that had played when he proposed, the song that had made him realize what the special thing that would happen that night was.
From this moment
Life has begun
From this moment
You are the one
Right beside you
Is where I belong
From this moment on
From this moment
I have been blessed
I live only
For your happiness
And for your love
I’d give my last breath
From this moment on
I give my hand to you with all my heart
I can’t wait to live my life with you
I can’t wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true
Because of you
From this moment
As long as I live
I will love you
I promise you this
There is nothing
I wouldn’t give
From this moment on
You’re the reason I believe in love
And you’re the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true
Because of you
From this moment
As long as I live
I will love you
I promise you this
There is nothing
I wouldn’t give
From this moment
I will love you
As long as I live
From this moment on
Later in the night, right before Chandler and Monica fell asleep, Chandler noticed for the first time that the necklace she’d been wearing, a gift from Richard, was no longer hanging around her neck. He kissed her neck softly, and they both knew at that moment that they had won.