[SCENE: The guys apartment, just after TOW Everything Changes. Joey is sitting in one of the loungers watching baseball or basketball or some sport or other. Anyway, Chandler comes in, looking really, really depressed.]

JOEY: Dude! What’s the matter with you?

CHAN: Nnnnhhhhhhh

JOEY: Well, there’s no need to be rude! What, did Monica’s depression rub off on you or something? [When Joey mentions Monica’s name, Chandler visably tenses]

CHAN: No, I guess I’m just miserable because, um, because, um…

JOEY: what? Did someone die?

CHAN: Uh huh! My uh, Aunt Lizzie!

JOEY: Dude, you don’t have an Aunt Lizzie.

CHAN: Exactly! Because she died!

[Joey just looks confused, but as if he can tell something is up. Chandler walks into his bedroom.]

OPENING CREDITS

[SCENE: The girls apartment. Ross and Rachel are eating breakfast in the kitchen. Monica is in her bedroom.]

ROSS: so Rach, you wanna go to that new resteraunt on the corner tonight?

RACH: Sure! You treating?

ROSS: [grimacing] Sure.

[Monica comes out of her bedroom. Ross and Rachel are kissing. Rachel sees Monica.]

RACH: Ross, we shouldn’t do this here.

MNCA: Its okay, I don’t care.

[Monica sits on the couch looking very upset.]

ROSS: Mon, you okay?

MNCA: No!

RACH: Still hung up on the Richard thing, huh?

MNCA: No, its not Richard.

RACH: Wow, this is very interesting.

ROSS: Is it a guy?

MNCA: Its not Richard.

RACH: Mon, you know, the question was "Is it a guy?" And despite what you sometimes seem to think, Richard is not the only guy in the world.

MNCA: Shut up Rach.

ROSS: Yeah, you sound like Chandler. [When Ross mentions Chandler’s name, Monica tenses (like chandler did when Joey mentioned her name). But R&R don’t seem to notice.]

RACH: Mon, is it a guy, other than Richard?

MNCA: Maybe.

ROSS: Eww! You haven’t even gotten over Richard yet, and you’re already hung up about your problems with another guy?

RACH: Ross, you are crap at this. Why don’t you go across the hall and see the guys. You can have breakfast with them, and I’ll talk to Monica.

ROSS: Aww, the guys won’t have food!

MNCA: Just go!

[Ross leaves. Rachel gets up and goes to the couch to sit with monica.]

RACH: Okay, so whats up?

MNCA: You have to promise not to tell anyone.

RACH: (lying) of course.

MNCA: Rachel! I mean it! I will die of embarrasment if anyone finds out!

RACH: Oh My God! You have to tell me!

MNCA: You want me to die of embarrasment?

RACH: Well, no, but I want to know whatever it is that’s so bad you would die of embarrasment if anyone found out.

MNCA: Cut the crap Rach. Do you promise to keep it secret?

RACH: Yeah, yeah, I promise.

MNCA: Okay, its Chandler.

RACH: I thought he apologised to you?

MNCA: Yeah, he did. And now I need to apologise to him.

RACH: What for?

MNCA: I said something I shouldn’t have after I did something I shouldn’t have.

RACH: Okay, not making it any clearer.

MNCA: I said Richard.

RACH: You said Richard? How is that so bad? Wait, if that was the thing you shouldn’t have said, then what’s the thing you shouldn’t have done?

MNCA: promise not to tell?

RACH: This seems familiar. [Monica gives her a "look"] Aliright, alright, I promise.

MNCA: Chandler and I, kinda, sorta, did it.

RACH: Did what? [realising] Oh my God! You guys had sex?!

MNCA: [sarcastic] No, we flew a million miles to the sun and got fish and chips. Of course that’s what I mean! And for God’s sake, be quiet!

RACH: You and Chandler!?!?!?! Oh My God! I need to sit down.

MNCA: You are sitting down.

RACH: Oh yeah, well, then I need to lie down. [Rachel lies on the couch with her feet in Monica’s lap.]

MNCA: Do you mind?!

RACH: Sorry. [She sits up again.] Its just kinda hard to believe, I mean, you and Chandler. You and chandler!

MNCA: Stop saying it!

[SCENE: In the guys apartment. Ross and Joey are trying to make Chandler tell them why he is so upset, but he won’t. Partly because he is afraid Ross might kill him if he finds out.]

CHAN: It doesn’t matter.

ROSS: its Janice isn’t it.

JOEY: Dude, I wish I could say I’m sorry you broke up with her. (Pause). But I’m not!

CHAN: Thanks for the support guys. But could ya lay off for ten seconds?

JOEY: [quietly] one, two, three, four, five,

ROSS: [over the top of joey’s counting.] Chandler, we just want to help.

CHAN: Oh, well, there is something you could do that would help me a whole lot.

ROSS: Oh yeah, what?

CHAN: Take counting boy over there and get the hell outta here!

JOEY: ten! So is it Janice?

ROSS: joey! I think when he said ten seconds, he was being sarcastic.

CHAN: Thanks man.

ROSS: So, did ya break up with her?

CHAN: [realising they’re not gonna shut up until he tells them something] No. But I probably should.

JOEY: Thank you! I’ve only been trying to tell you that for the past [thinks] long time!

ROSS: Dude, I’m sorry. How come?

CHAN: I kinda slept with someone else.

JOEY: Go Chandler!

ROSS: Joey! You shouldn’t be encouraging him to cheat on his girlfriend.

JOEY: Why not?

CHAN: Can we focus on my problem for a minute, Joey, please don’t count sixty seconds, instead of focusing on Joey’s stupidity?

JOEY: Sure. Why would I count to sixty man?

CHAN: Don’t even bother.

ROSS: Yeah.

JOEY: So who was she?

ROSS: Yeah, do we know her?

[chandler gets a dreamy look on his face.]

CHAN: Oh, you know her.

ROSS: Cool, now all we have to do is name all the women we know!

JOEY: Well, that could take some time.

[SCENE: in the girls apartment. Rachel is on the phone to Phoebe. Monica is in the bathroom.]

RACH: [on phone] Yeah, and then they slept together! Can you believe that?

[the bathroom door opens and Monica comes out but Rachel doesn’t see her. We get a split screen so that we can see Phoebe in her apartment talking on the phone to Rachel. But remember, Monica can’t hear what Phoebe is saying.]

PHOE: [on phone]: Yeah, I dreamt about it!

RACH: Really?

PHOE: Yeah! Chandler and Monica got together, and You and Ross and Joey got together.

RACH: Wait a second. Me and Ross and Joey?

PHOE: Yeah, isn’t that weird? Oh my God!

RACH: What? What’s the matter?

[Split screen finishes]

MNCA: The matter is that you told Phoebe about me and Chandler when you swore you wouldn’t tell anyone!

[Rachel jumps in surprise]

RACH: Oh my God! Mon, you nearly gave me a heart attack!

PHOE: Were you listening at all?

RACH: Yeah, no, Monica heard me talking to you, and she was yelling at me, but I’m listening now. SO, what’s the matter?

MNCA: Put her on speaker phone.

RACH: Why?

MNCA: I want to hear about you and Ross and Joey.

[Rachel puts the phone onto speakerphone.]

PHOE: [on phone, we don’t see her] Well, since the first part of my dream came true, what if that’s like a sign that the second part is gonna come true as well? Oh my God, I hope the third part comes true as well!

MNCA: Why? What’s the third part?

PHOE: My mom comes back!

MNCA: Okay, that’s great Phoebs, but I need to yell at Rachel. Bye!

RACH; No! Phoebe don’t hang up! I need Whitnesses! Come over to our apartment! Now!

[monica hangs up the phone]

RACH: Mon, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know you told me not to tell anyone, but I just couldn’t keep it in! I mean this is big news!

MNCA: Its okay. I guess its my fault anyway.

RACH; Okay, that’s good for me, but why?

MNCA: Well, if I hadn’t’ve slept with Chandler, I wouldn’t have had anything to tell you, so you wouldn’t have blabbed to Phoebe, and I wouldn’t be mad at you.

RACH: I like the way you think Geller.

MNCA: Your still in trouble Green.

RACH: But I thought it was your fault!

MNCA: I’m depressed! Everythings my fault! And I take it all out on my friends!

[SCENE: Guys apartment. Chandler, Joey and Ross are there. Chandler looks very bored.]

ROSS: Is it Carol?

CHAN: Okay, number 1, I wouldn’t sleep with my best friend’s ex-wife, and number 2, Carols a lesbian! Face it man, you are desperate!

JOEY: Ooh! Ooh I know three more women! Is it Phoebs?

ROSS: Eww! Joey! Is it?

CHAN: No way man!

JOEY: Rachel?

ROSS: It better not be Rachel!

CHAN: No, its not! Guys just stop okay!

JOEY: Oh my God! Its Monica!

ROSS: [threateningly] Chandler!

CHAN: Okay, great seeing ya, bye bye then!

[Chandler runs out of the apartment.]

JOEY; looks like its Monica then.

ROSS: I am so going to kill him!

[SCENE: Girls apartment. Phoebe is watching calmly while Rachel and Monica chase each other around the apartment. Chandler enters, panicked. When he and Monica see each other they stop. Rachel doesn’t and runs straight into Monica.]

RACH: Why’d you stop. [sees chandler.] Oh.

CHAN: You know, I think I’ll just go to the coffee house.

MNCA: Its okay, you don’t have to go.

PHOE: R U guys gonna fight?

CHAN: I don’t think so, Mon?

MNCA: No.

[pause]

RACH: So, Chandler, why exactly are u here?

CHAN: I was kinda running away from Joey and Ross.

MNCA: Oh my God! Do they know?

CHAN: [reluctantly] yes.

MNCA: [angry] You told them!?

PHOE: You told us!

CHAN: [mimicing Monica] You told them?!

RACH: Why don’t you guys just talk? You know, to each other.

MNCA: Okay.

CHAN: Fine.

[Chandler sits down at the kitchen table. Monica goes over to him and sits down opposite him. Phoebe and Rachel sit on the couch and turn round to watch Chandler and Monica.]

CHAN: Can we have a little privacy here?

RACH: Oh, yeah.

PHOE: Sorry.

[They turn back around so they are facing the TV, which is switched off.]

MNCA: Go to Central Perk!

PHOE: But we wanna see you guys fight!

CHAN: Phoebe, we’re not gonna fight. But we do want to be alone. To talk.

RACH: [huffily] Oh fine. Come on Phoebe.

[Rachel and Phoebe leave, slamming the door behind them.]

MNCA: [quietly] So what do you want to talk about?

CHAN: I think you know.

MNCA: Yeah, I guess I do. Chandler, I’m sorry.

CHAN: Me too.

MNCA: So, um, what exactly were we thinking last night?

CHAN: I don’t know. But I do know that I would really, really like it to happen again.

MNCA: Me too.

CHAN: well, Phoebe and Rachel aren’t here.

MNCA: that’s stupid. I mean, Joey and Ross could walk in at any moment. Lets go for it.

[Chandler and Monica kiss passionately. Suddenly the door opens and Rachel, Phoebe, Joey and Ross all come in. Joey and the girls all go ‘aww’, ‘you guys’ etc. Ross looks mad. He goes over to Chandler and Monica and pulls them apart.]

ROSS: Don’t do that!

MNCA: Shut up Ross.

CHAN: Yeah, go away.

ROSS: That’s my sister!

CHAN: Yeah, and my girlfriend.

[Monica and Chandler smile at each other. They kiss tenderly then hug. Ross pushes the others out of the way and storms out. Rachel and Phoebe are crying and even Joey has a tear in his eye.]

THE END