TOW The In-Laws
Okay, here's part nineteen. Hope you enjoy it, I think its better than the last one, at least, I hope it is. As usual, I'm begging you for feedback firstname.lastname@example.org and as usual I'm reminding you that I don't own these characters. Oh, and I'm sorry if this one is a little like TOW The Gellers, but I just love Jack and Judy Geller! Final point, I promise: Monica is six months pregnant and Rachel is three months pregnant. Oh, (sorry) Chandler hasn't told his parents he is even dating Monica. Here's the fic (finally):
[SCENE: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica and Rachel are there. Ross comes in.]
ROSS: Okay Mon, you want the good news or the bad news?
ROSS: Okay, you know what? I think you need the bad news first.
CHAN: So what's the bad news?
ROSS: Mom and Dad called. They want you, and Chandler, and Chandler's parents to all go round there for dinner tomorrow night.
MNCA: [sarcastic] Oh what fun.
CHAN: DO we have to? I don't know which toyboy my Mom's with right now.
RACH: Hey, you guys, don’t get depressed just yet, Ross, didn't you say there was good news as well?
ROSS: Right, Rach and I are going to.
RACH: We are?
ROSS: We are.
RACH: Okay, we are.
MNCA: Oh great! So after Mom's finished completely dismantling what little self esteem I have, she can praise the God that is Ross.
ROSS: Look, if you wanna deal with them on your own…
MNCA: Please come.
ROSS: I thought so.
[SCENE: C&M's apartment. The next day. Morning. Chandler is flicking channels on the TV. We see a shot of the TV, and it is switched off at the socket. There is a knock on the door. He answers it. It is Nora Bing (she doesn't have any toyboy with her by the way)]
NORA: Hello sweetheart! How are you?
CHAN: Good, good.
NORA: I see you moved across the hall?
CHAN: Uh huh, I uh, like the view better over here.
[Monica comes out of the bedroom. She is holding a dress up over the bath robe she is wearing.]
MNCA: Chandler, does this make me look fat?
[Nora's eyes go wide.]
CHAN: No, not at all.
NORA: Monica? Well, Chandler, when were you going to tell me your friend's pregnant? Monica dear, who's the lucky guy?
[Chandler makes wild gestures at Monica to tell her not to say anything.]
MNCA: Uh, Richard? [Chandler gives her a dirty look, she shrugs]
NORA: Oh, that’s so great, your parents must be so proud.
MNCA: [sarcastic]uh huh. Right. Uh, have you ever actually met my parents?
NORA: Chandler, I just had a thought.
CHAN: [wary] Do I want to know what it is?
NORA: Silly! Why is Monica getting changed over here? [joking] Do you guys live together or something?
CHAN: [interrupting] No, not at all, where'd you get that idea?
CHAN: Monica lives across the hall, we swapped apartments.
NORA: Monica lives with Joey?
CHAN: [desperate] uh huh.
NORA: And Richard doesn't have a problem with that?
NORA: Well that’s great! Hey Chandler, where are you taking me for lunch?
CHAN: well, uh, actually, you know how Ross and I are best friends, and yet you've never actually met his parents? Well, we, that's Ross and I by the way, no one else at all, thought maybe we could go to lunch at the Geller's house. Is that a problem? It is? Oh what a shame. I'll just call Ross and cancel.
NORA: honey? I think that’s a great idea1
CHAN: [disappointed] you do?
NORA: Yes! Will Monica and Richard be there too?
CHAN: Uh… Monica?
MNCA: Well, I will be, but, uh, Richard had to, uh, stick some stuff in someone's eye.
MNCA: uh huh. I'm just gonna get dressed. [starts to go into the bedroom.]
CHAN: Monica, what are you doing? You live across the hall now, remember?
MNCA: Oh yeah. Bye Mrs Bing. Nice to have met you.
CHAN: I, uh, have to make sure she doesn’t get lost on her way over. [leaves. Nora looks confused.]
[SCENE: Joey’s apartment. He is there. Monica enters followed by chandler.]
JOEY: hey guys!
MNCA: Chandler, can I please ask a question?
CHAN: Sure, honey, go ahead.
MNCA: Why does your mom think I live here?
CHAN: Uh, because I live at our apartment.
MNCA: Yeah, OUR apartment! So how come I apparently live over here?
CHAN: Well, because my mom doesn’t know we’re living together.
MNCA: Does she even know we’re dating?
CHAN: Maybe on some level.
MNCA; But you haven’t actually told her?
CHAN: Not technically.
MNCA: chandler! When were you planning on telling her she’s gonna be a grandmother?
CHAN; Well, see, I figure she won’t like it coz it’ll make her feel really old.
MNCA: Chandler! We are going back over there and I am going to tell her that we are dating and that its your baby.
CHAN: Do you have to?
MNCA: Well, since all my clothes are over there, I do have to, unless you want me to go to lunch like this? [gestures to her bath robe]
CHAN: Well, I wouldn’t mind, but your parents probably would.
MNCA: Come on!
[Monica grabs chandler’s shirt and drags him out of Joey's apartment. Joey ahs been watching all this with a confused look on his face.]
JOEY: Am I on the Jerry Springer Show or something?
[SCENE: C&M's apartment. Nora is there. C&M enter.]
NORA: So did she get lost?
CHAN; Never mind. Actually, mom, she was because all her clothes are over here, so going to Joey's apartment was kinda a mistake.
NORA: Why are all her clothes here?
CHAN: I’m looking after them for her.
MNCA: chandler! Nora, I live here!
NORA; chandler! Is this true?
CHAN: Well, uh, yeah. It is.
NORA: What about Richard?
CHAN: he’s kinda out of the picture.
MNCA; Which is where he’s been for a long time.
NORA: but what about the baby?
MNCA: Its Chandler’s baby.
NORA: oh my God!
MNCA; And that’s the real reason my parents wanted to meet you.
NORA; oh my god!
CHAN: You sure you still wanna go to dinner with the Galleries?
NORA: Of course. In fact now that you kids are having a baby, I think its even more important.
CHAN: [sarcastic] oh great.
[SCENE: C&M's apartment. A little later. Monica is getting dressed in their bedroom. Chandler and Nora Bing are talking in the living room.]
CHAN: Mom, I'm sorry I didn’t tell you.
NORA: Its okay. So, is there anything else you haven't told me? Are you married? Are you a gay porn star? Are you really a woman?
CHAN: I'm not a gay porn star or a woman.
NORA: Oh my God! You're married!?
CHAN: well, halfway, we’re engaged.
NORA: So, when's the wedding?
CHAN: Oh, I don't know. How bout we have the actual ceremony, maybe some time next year, and then invite you and dad and all you boyfriends, to a fake ceremony in the year 3 billion?
NORA: Chandler! I just want to see by son get married.
CHAN: To prove I'm not gay?
NORA: No! I want you to be happy! [pause] Being married didn't stop your father.
[SCENE: the Geller's House. Living room. Later. Chandler, Monica, Ross, Rachel, Nora Bing, Jack Geller and Judy Geller are all there.]
JACK: So Chandler, is this your father or your mother?
CHAN: Its okay, I get that a lot. Its my Mom.
RACH: She writes the best books!
JUDY: Yes, I think I read one once. 'Heated Passion' or something like that.
NORA: That actually was one of my better ones.
JUDY: I hated it.
NORA: You should try 'Sex On The Beach'.
JUDY: no thank you.
CHAN: So, uh, can we go now? I mean, you guys [the Gellers] have met my mom, my mom's met you guys, we really have to be making a move, right honey?
JACK: I thought you were staying for lunch.
MNCA: We can't. We, uh, have to, uh… Chandler, what do we have to do again?
CHAN: Lamaze class!
MNCA: Yes! Uh huh! That!
RACH: I thought you said your class wasn't till eight?
CHAN: We wanna make sure we're not late.
ROSS: Its half eleven.
CHAN: You know what Monica's like.
NORA: Chandler honey, can I talk to you in private for a minute?
CHAN: Sure, Mom.
[Chandler and Nora go into the hallway.]
NORA: Please don't leave me with these people!
NORA: If you and Monica take off, I may have to kill them!
CHAN: You know, I don't think Monica would mind that. Ross would, coz then he wouldn't be a little prince anymore. But I love Monica more… I love Monica, I don't love Ross. So I think we're still gonna leave. Bye!
[SCENE: Living room. Same time. The Geller family (including Monica and Ross) and Rachel are they.]
JACK: Please don't leave. I don't want to be stuck with that Nora Bing for another second!
ROSS: Dad, whats wrong with her?
JUDY: Ross, have you ever read any of her books.
RACH: Please say no.
ROSS: Okay, so I've not read any of her books. But what she writes doesn't make her a bad preson.
MNCA: Your really have to read them to understand what we mean.
RACH: Yeah, but that doesn't mean we WANT you to read them.
JUDY: If you go, will you take her with you?
MNCA: Mom, I'm marrying Chandler, not his Mom.
[Chandler and Nora come back in.]
NORA: I;m sorry, I really have to leave.
JUDY: Okay, see you again, Misstress Bitch [I think this is one of the titles of Nora Bing's books]
CHAN: Mom, lets get outta here!
MNCA: Wait for me.
[Chandler, Monica and Nora leave.]
JACK: well at least we already know the Greens.
[SCENE: C&M's apartment. C&M come in. Nora is not with them.]
MNCA: I'm sorry you're Mom felt she had to go home so soon.
CHAN: I'm not! Mon, I don't care about my Mom, or your Mom, or anyone else's Mom. I care about you. And about me a little as well.
MNCA: I think that’s allowed.
MNCA: I'm sorry my Mom didn't like your Mom.
CHAN: Its okay, my Mom didn't like your Mom either.
CHAN: Can't live with them, find it very easy to live without them.
MNCA: I know what you mean. I think the same can be said for parents too.
CHAN: Definitely our parents!
MNCA: Um hm.
CHAN: I love you.
MNCA: I love you too, but I'm starving.
CHAN: The pregnancy thing?
MNCA: No, the not eating lunch when I had breakfast at a quarter to seven thing.
CHAN: Okay, you sit down, right there [guides her towards the couch.], and I'll cook.
MNCA: That would be fantstic sweetie, if you could cook.
CHAN: Hey, I can cook!
MNCA: Okay, I'm sorry I said you couldn't.
CHAN: So what do you want? Beans on toast or srambled egg?
[SCENE: Central Perk. Later. Everyone is there.]
ROSS: Mom and Dad really laid into me after you guys left.
CHAN: Sorry, but we had to get out of there.
RACH: I know! After an hour with your parents calling Chandler's Mom every name under the sun, and probably a few above the sun too, I felt like I could have quite happily killed them both.
MNCA: Yeah, that’s what every day was like for me when I was a kid.
PHOE: When I was a kid my best friend was a blob of bluetack called Bluey. And my Mom used to talk to the walls.
So how'd you like it? I hope its better than TOW The Scary Movie, but I know its still not my best work. I promise I will do better next time. LOL, Ezika.