Monica's Collection of Thoughts
NOTE: This diary begins when TOW the Flashback took place.
September 22 1993
Phoebe moved out. Now I have absolutely no one. I live alone now, and I dont have a boyfriend, and Ill never get to have children. Its not fair. I did get Chandler to comfort me. Ive always liked him - a lot I think. Hes the mysterious type, and he makes me wonder. I like knowing the facts, though, and now Im not sure whats happening. Somehow I know it could never work out between us, though. Hes always been afraid of commitment, and I want a family ASAP. Hey, but its a comfort to know he cares about me! Another strange thing happened this morning - Chandlers new roommate, Joey, made a bit of a pass at me. To put it simply, he thought "lemonade" was morse code for giving away your flower. It was really embarassing because up until that moment I had a crush on him.
September 29 1993
October 6 1993
I just looked at my last entry and laughed with delight! Today I met the nicest man. His name is John, and he has the nicest eyes. He is the nicest person I've ever met. He's so nice. He wants me to run his restaurant. He's a chef too. I bet he makes the nicest food in the world. I bet his restaurant is so nice. Oh my God. I need to go into vocabulary rehab.
October 13 1993
John may be nice, but Chandler is such a jerk! I'm so mad at him. I've never been so angry in my life. Ever since that incident a few weeks ago where we, um, came close to becoming more than friends, he's been acting really weird. And when he told me today a bunch of junk about John, I flipped. He told me that John is married, that he owns a strip club, not a restaurant. He said that John wants me to strip at this strip club! Oh my God! I'm sooooo mad. I want to kill someone (namely Chandler.)
October 20 1993
I hate it when Chandler's right. I especially hate it this time since I was just downright awful to him when he told me about John. I took a taxi to the address John had given me for the restaurant, and ended up at a strip club. Coincidence? Address mistake? I don't even think I care if it was. I'm actually sort of relieved to be rid of John. Things were tense between us, conversation slow. No passion. I wonder if I'll ever have that.
October 27 1993
Sad how you can have something in your arms and not even realize you want it until you let it go. Since I broke up with John I've felt attracted to Chandler. I've been thinking about him a lot. I thought about my silly crush on him back in high school and college. I thought about how I became a chef because of him. I feel pathetic. He's gone now. He's never said a word about what happened between us. Why? Why? Why???
November 3 1993
I talked to Joey the other day. He's a really funny guy. He told me about how when he first moved in, he thought that Chandler was gay. I laughed so hard, almost forgetting that if he were gay I would be so distraught. Phoebe's been visiting a lot, so it's almost as if she still lives here, except that she's not in the next room at night. In fact, it seems like everyone's over here a lot lately. Whether I'm here or not, Joey, Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe all max out on my couch, eat from my refrigerator, use my bathroom! Strangely enough, I enjoy it. I enjoy being the hostess.
November 10 1993
Today no one came to my apartment! Oh my God! Today I was NOT a hostess! This totally sucks.
November 17 1993
Today was the strangest day I've ever lived. It was almost as if walking through a really weird dream. I saw Phoebe eat a CHEESEBURGER! Oh my God! I wonder what's wrong with her. Maybe it's that guy she's been hanging out with. She told me they're only friends, but I'm not sure. I wonder... Not only that, but Joey missed Baywatch! Now I'm pretty sure I've been sleeping all day! Ouch! Nope, I pinched myself. I'm awake. And Chandler stayed in and COOKED, for goodness sake. He made macaroni and cheese. I tasted it. It wasn't bad. He said I inspired him. Maybe there's still something there...
November 28 1993
What a strange Thanksgiving! Joey stuck his head up my turkey... the one that had to feed my parents friends at their Thanksgiving party. He was trying to scare Chandler. Before I left I made Chandler some macaroni and cheese. He said it was better than the macaroni and cheese he made a week ago. He was really depressed today! And why not? It's the anniversary of his parent's divorce, the day his toe got cut off. I wonder if he remembers the time he called me fat. Before today, that was MY worst Thanksgiving.
December 15 1993
Wow! It seems like I've had no time to write lately. I met a guy named Bobby today. He is difficult to describe...I guess I can only describe him as FUN! I have never had so much fun in my life. Well, not since that time when...I won't get into that. I don't have much time. Bobby asked me out for drinks at eight and I need to get dressed! I can't wait!...Oh my God. I feel like I'm almost cheating in a sense. I MUST remember! Chandler is NOT my boyfriend.
January 5 1994
All my friends love Bobby. Even Chandler. He doesn't seem the least bit jealous. But I'm not sure that's a good thing. Oh, man! Cheating again. Chandler is NOT my boyfriend. Chandler is NOT my boyfriend. Bobby IS my boyfriend! Well, my friends have nicknamed Bobby "Fun Bobby," because like I said before, that's the only way to describe him! Oh, and, uh...he's the best I've ever had. Not that I've had much since I gave my flower away...my old high school friend Rachel used to bug me about calling it that. I wonder where she is today. I saw her a few months ago. Chandler was hitting on her. The day after he was hitting on me. And now I don't even think he's remotely interested in me. Maybe he's just like Joey...what I would call a player. But why would he be? Why doesn't he want to be with me? Oh... I'm doing it again! Fun Bobby is my boyfriend now! And I have no reason to feel insecure. It makes me feel great that someone likes me and is attracted to me so much! Oh...now I'm just rambling. I think I'll wear my new red dress. There we go. Now THAT'S the kind of thing I should be writing.
January 12 1994
I broke up with Fun Bobby today. He's been absorbed in his family matters lately, and well, I just couldn't stand it anymore. He lost his fun twist. I was feeling kind of down and so I went to Chandler. He's always there for me. I wonder how he can't be dating anyone right now. He's so great, so special. So different than everyone else. For example, if you compare him to Joey, he's an angel with girls. That doesn't actually say much, considering how awful Joey is, picking up a girl one minute and dumping her not five hours later. Oh well, every man is different, I suppose. And one in particular...I don't want anyone to know that I broke up with Fun Bobby. Except Chandler. I don't know why, but somehow I think that will help me out in the longrun.
January 19 1994
I guess I thought I had a chance with Chandler. But I was wrong.
Febuary 9 1994
Hillary dumped Chandler. La la la la la!!! Hee hee hee. I'm so happy. She's just like Joey. Like I mentioned a few weeks ago, every man (or woman, I guess) is different. So now I actually have a chance with Chandler. I just wish he would notice me. I've been trying to get his attention for years, and I've achieved the status of "friend." But that's not good enough! I feel like Betty. And Chandler's Archie. Only a lot cooler than Archie. Archie can't see Betty as more than just a friend. But Betty definitely sees Archie as more than just a friend. A lot more than just a friend.
Febuary 14 1994
Febuary 23 1994
Febuary 23 1994
March 2 1994
March 9 1994
April 6 1994
April 27 1995
May 4 1995
May 11 1995
May 18 1995
September 21 1995
September 28 1995
October 5 1995
October 12 1995
October 19 1995
November 2 1995
November 9 1995
November 16 1995
December 14 1995
January 4 1996
January 18 1996
January 28 1996
January 28 1996
Febuary 1 1996
Febuary 8 1996
Febuary 15 1996
Febuary 22 1996
March 21 1996
March 28 1996
April 4 1996
April 25 1996
May 2 1996
May 9 1996
May 16 1996
September 19 1996
September 26 1996
October 3 1996
October 10 1996
October 17 1996
October 31 1996
November 7 1996
November 14 1996
November 21 1996
December 12 1996
January 9 1997
January 16 1997
January 30 1997
Febuary 6 1997
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March 6 1997
March 13 1997
March 27 1997
April 10 1997
April 17 1997
April 24 1997
May 1 1997
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September 25 1997
October 2 1997
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October 30 1997
November 6 1997
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December 11 1997
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January 8 1998
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January 29 1998
Febuary 5 1998
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March 19 1998
March 26 1998
April 2 1998
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April 30 1998
May 7 1998
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September 24 1998
October 1 1998
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October 15 1998
October 29 1998
November 5 1998
November 12 1998
November 19 1998
December 10 1998
December 17 1998
January 7 1999
January 21 1999
Febuary 4 1999
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March 18 1999
April 8 1999
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May 20 1999
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